Wedding season is in full swing, so chances are you’ll be scouring a registry or two in search of the perfect gift over the course of the next few months. While most couples register for the fairly mundane “starting a home together” items like linens, dishes, and flatware, these certainly aren’t the only options available for brides and grooms. Many couples who have been living on their own for a while are pretty well stocked for housewares by the time the big day rolls around, so instead of hitting Bed Bath & Beyond with a scanning gun, they take a more offbeat approach to their gift requests. Here are a few options you might not have seen before:
Charitable Donations
Perhaps the most extreme version of “Please, don’t give me another spatula!” involves eschewing gifts altogether in favor of charitable donations. After all, if people are already prepared to open their wallets and fork out some dough in honor of your nuptials, why not put the cash where it can do some good? A number of groups, like the I Do Foundation and JustGive.org, allow couples to register for easy charitable donations through their websites. Wedding guests just have to provide their credit card number and the amount of their donation. Best of all for the givers, the donations are tax deductible; let’s see a china place setting that can do that.
If you need to bag some merchandise from your wedding but still want to be charitable, there’s a solution for that, too. A number of stores will take a percentage from each purchase made off of your registry and donate it to the charity of your choice.
Your House
There’s no sense in registering for a bunch of stuff to fill your house when you can’t afford a place to live. Since a wedding can cost as much as the down payment on nice new digs, why not just register for the house itself? Lots of couples are doing just that; they request donations to a house-down-payment fund in lieu of more traditional gifts. Sites like mydreamhomeregistry.com (“Because You Don’t Need Another Blender!”) allow friends and family to give gifts of money earmarked for a house down payment. When the couple finds a house they want to buy, the site transfers the cash from a savings account over to the home purchase.
What if you’ve already got a house you’d like to spruce up? The registries have thought of that, too. The same site lets people register for renovations and remodeling; couples can put up a plan of what they want to change in the house, then receive gifts to help cover the costs of paint, carpentry, etc.
Your Honeymoon
This option’s been around for a few years now, but it still seems like a terrific idea. After you’ve sunk all of your funds into a blowout wedding, it can be tough to scrape together enough cash to take a nice honeymoon. Luckily, the registry industry thought of this potential snag and now allows for well-wishers to contribute to part of couples’ honeymoons. Want to go snorkeling on your getaway? Terrific, your great aunt can foot the bill if she wants. There are dozens of websites devoted to honeymoon registries, so if you’ve got a hankering to do something special on your first trip as a married couple, you can probably find a way to get it financed. [Wedding cake topper image courtesy of Flickr user pauline@weddingtreasures.]
What about you, dear readers? What offbeat wedding gifts did you receive (or give)?
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My partner and I just gave our friend a Tea Bag Grabber, just because of the name.
posted by James on 6-15-2009 at 10:27 am
I’ve been looking for the proper term for the material… closest thing I’ve come to is “plastic mesh”.
That being said, for my bridal shower, one of the guests (who I later learned had head trauma) made a plastic mesh birdhouse, complete with a feathered cardinal inside on a perch.
posted by stephanie on 6-15-2009 at 10:28 am
We had friends who had just adopted a baby so they didn’t have much money but wanted to get us a gift. They gave us a dozen gourmet cookies from a local bakery & they were my favorite of our wedding gifts :)
posted by Eden on 6-15-2009 at 10:52 am
We asked people to write checks to my grad school loan leanding agency. Helped us pay down my grad school debt.
posted by Lindsey on 6-15-2009 at 11:08 am
The problem with non-traditional registries is that they turn off the kind of people most able to give a nice gift-the wealthier older members of the family. I worked at a Target store for years, and several times had little old ladies come to me for Club Wedd help and get upset to find that their family member had requested a cordless telephone, answering machine, and zoom 35mm camera that they’d actually use instead of china, crystal, and silver. A full set of china, crystal, and silver would probably cost as much as a car these days, and yet some people would be offended to buy a practical gift…
posted by Dave on 6-15-2009 at 11:12 am
I always give the groom some sort of combat/tactical knife with instructions on how, when, and where to use it. I give this with a note about protecting the one you treasure most.
posted by Matt Menefee on 6-15-2009 at 11:31 am
Friends of our did the charity registry thing. While we weren’t wild about that particular charity, we donated as a gift to our friends.
Now that charity solicits donations from us at least every quarter. It’s the gift that doesn’t stop giving back.
posted by Bryan on 6-15-2009 at 11:35 am
I am in my twenties, but I have to admit I am shocked when my contemporaries do something as audacious as asking guests to pay for their honeymoon, house, or – I am judging you, and I feel badly about it, but I am – their student loans.
Gifts for a wedding are a courtesy, not a right. Therefore, I find any instance of people just asking for money for themselves a little distasteful.
Yes, I am going to be flayed for this. Yes, I sound and am being judgemental. But, I am paying off student loans, going to graduate school, and saving for a wedding too. I am very traditional, but I don’t see anything wrong with giving to charity.
posted by Kippy on 6-15-2009 at 12:12 pm
My Aunt was working in Baghdad in 2003 during the fall of Saddam and she gave me some silver place settings from his palace that she purchased on the black market. They are from Tiffany and are embossed with his crest! Crazy gift and unique to be sure.
posted by Gefiltefish on 6-15-2009 at 12:29 pm
Kippy, I agree it’s in poor taste to ASK people to pay for your honeymoon or house, but I don’t see a problem with registries. We did a honeymoon registry, mostly because we figured if people expect us to register somewhere, might as well be someplace where we’d really use the stuff. Memories are more important to us anyway than a gravy boat. By no means to guests need to buy from the registry, or even buy a gift at all (most of our guests are traveling far, that’s enough for us), but if guests want guidance….well, why not? And you’re right, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with giving to charity. We did that in lieu of favors. However, I never would have heard the end of it from certain family members if we didn’t register for something nice.
posted by Kate on 6-15-2009 at 2:40 pm
Recently when needing to purchase a wedding gift I decided to look through our stuff and see if we still had any gifts left over from our wedding in 1980. I found a hand mixer and a set of metal mixing bowls. They had survived a dozen moves and were still working and being used nearly 30 years later. So now my standard wedding gift is a hand mixer and set of metal mixing bowls.
posted by Tex on 6-15-2009 at 2:40 pm
i’m with you kippy. i am much more inclined to help someone set up their home than to vacation on the beach. if i wanted to though, i would give cash and let them spend it as they see fit. some of those honeymoon registries take a fee for the service.
posted by tiffany on 6-15-2009 at 2:53 pm
I run an upscale wine and liquor store, and right now it’s very trendy to have a “stock the bar” request. Instead of registering for traditional wedding gifts, lots of couples are telling their friends and familys to get them wine and spirits. It’s hot to the point that I’m considering setting up an official registry system.
I think it’s popular because so many people are getting married (or re-married) later in life after they already have their own homes. They are consolidating two established adult households, so they already have two of most everything that would make the traditional wedding gift ideas. These grown up couples feel silly in this tough economy registering for frivolous things like kitchen gadgets and such when they already have a well-stocked house. But stocking the bar is a cool way to build up their bar for entertaining. Alcohol is something they can use up, instead of something that will likely sit on a shelf in the kitchen for years gathering dust. Plus, it allows for a wide range of fun choices in every guest’s price range. You can find fun wine and liquor and bar accessories for super-cheap if you’re on a tight budget, or you can go as luxurious as you’d like. It’s fun for everyone. And if you get duplicate gifts, oh well. Having two bottles of the same wine is a lot better than getting two toasters.
posted by Melissa on 6-15-2009 at 3:02 pm
Probably the neatest thing we got is from a friend of my in-laws who lives in Israel. She had an artist there make us a sign with a Hebrew blessing on it.
posted by Catherine on 6-15-2009 at 3:16 pm
I’m a big fan of tangible gifts. Even if they’re something consumable, like gourmet food or alcohol, I prefer to give something that’s a physical gift. It feels so impersonal to me to give gift cards or donations to a charity or money towards something. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned on that, but it feels too much like a financial transaction that way. I still want to give something the couple can unwrap.
posted by Melissa on 6-15-2009 at 3:31 pm
Tater Twister with a small piece of Christmas wrap still attached to it. We started passing it around the family as a gag wedding gift.
posted by bzzyb on 6-15-2009 at 3:32 pm
On the opposite end of the spectrum, we *did* register for nice china and glasses. (Well, the most reasonable of the “nice china” options — sheez, some of the choices are astronomically expensive!)
We’ve enjoyed having our friends and relatives to dinner over the course of the year we’ve been married and be able to pull out “special” china for them. To me, it’s an honor to be able to make a fuss over folks to thank them for the fuss they made over us a year ago!
posted by terri on 6-15-2009 at 3:38 pm
Kippy, I totally agree with you. To me it says nothing more than gimme gimme gimme.
We received a wedding invitation from a friend of my daughter’s from grade school. We haven’t seen her for 4 or 5 years. The registry slips were like confetti when I opened the envelope. Pretty sure we’re not going, probably won’t even send a card . . .
posted by Lyn on 6-15-2009 at 3:42 pm
I don’t get to register for wedding gifts just yet, although recently I seem to be running across many stories such as this (a hint from above?). I *have* given some thought to the concept of a registry, however.
The way I feel, there just really isn’t much that I lack, and what few things I *would* appreciate are esoteric at best. My kitchen looks like a commercial restaurant kitchen (in aluminum, stainless, chrome, glass, and white ceramic), so to buy kitchen items, I’d have to send people to the restaurant supply house (and I *know* they don’t have a registry).
Perhaps a reasonable compromise would be to come up with a few things for the traditionalists, add on an online registry (custom made, of course) for the esoteric items (including where to find them) so the progressives can give tangible gifts, and toss in a “dive trip fund” for the postmodern non-traditionalists (who, I would hope, include all the very rich relatives we never knew we had).
Would that seem like it might work? (Hehe, and of course, the correct answer is whatever she says, eh?)
posted by Another Nonymous on 6-15-2009 at 4:08 pm
Kippy et al.,
Basically, you are all wrong. As one commentor noted, wedding registries are guidance for gifts the bride and groom are requesting, not demanding. They are telling people not to buy things for them they already have or do not need, and instead, asking them, if they want to give a gift, then to contribute towards a larger gift. To take it any other way would be taking it out of context.
Moreover, if you truly feel that way about non-traditional registries, you must feel that way about traditional registries as well. The point of registries is to coordinate gift efforts so that the couple does not receive more than one of a type of gift, or something they already have and do not wish to replace. Suppose a couple has lived together for a few years and has already purchased all of the items one might traditionally find on a registry? Then why not opt for a larger gift. Also, the registry does not necessarily have to cover the total cost of the vacation, but merely to mitigate the costs of an expensive vacation.
I will say, from my own personal experience, that the total worth of all of the gifts for my wife and I, when we were married, was much more than the cost of our honeymoon. So a non-traditional registry may actually be doing guests a favor.
posted by Joel on 6-15-2009 at 4:23 pm
My fiance and I registered for a few of the normal things over at Target and Kohl’s, but we also added some fun items, like a Nintendo Wii and some new his-n-hers iPod Nanos. Also, we set up a registry at a local furniture store, where guests can contribute any dollar amount they wish to an online store account, and then we simply use that account like a gift certificate to that store and buy whatever furniture we want for our new house.
posted by Alana on 6-15-2009 at 4:37 pm
If I care enough about the couple to attend their wedding, then I want my gift to be something they want, need or would enjoy. A registry allows me to have that information instead of just guessing. And no, I shouldn’t KNOW what they need or want just because I’m friends/family etc.
I tend to be a fan of consumable gifts in general because it has been my experience that most people have what they want or need.
posted by Karen on 6-15-2009 at 5:49 pm
I think registering is more for the convenience of out-of-town or a bit out of touch relatives. Sometimes you genuinely care about someone, and definitely care enough to want to attend their wedding, but aren’t in constant enough contact to know exactly what their needs and tastes are. Like my niece, who lives out of state, is someone we only see a few times a year now, but my husband and I wouldn’t miss her wedding for the world. However, we’d like a little help knowing what her and her groom would want and need.
posted by Melissa on 6-15-2009 at 6:15 pm
Although I can see how asking for non-traditional wedding gifts can seem tacky, its also a sign of changing times. My fiance and I are getting married in a couple months and one of our registries was to pay off our mortgage (guests were also told they could give whatever gifts they deemed fit)
My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years, we pretty much have every appliance you could want, so what would the point be to having 3 toasters, 4 electric blenders, 12 sets of sheets etc…?
Back in the day most people didn’t move in together until after they were married…a lot has changed since then. If you already have a household set up I don’t see what so wrong in asking for something you can truely use.
posted by Laura on 6-15-2009 at 6:29 pm
I look at registries to see the couple’s taste in things (color, style, ect) and then buy something not on it. If I notice they’re into baking, I’ll get them something I enjoy myself that is practical but still in with their particular decor. I think it’s way more fun to give surprises if I’m going to go through the trouble of wrapping them all nice.
posted by natalie on 6-15-2009 at 8:05 pm
We set up a traditional registry because my mother and mother-in-law continuously bugged us about it (for the “older, more traditional guests”). We ended up adding stuff that we didn’t necessarily need, but liked, in order to give options. None of those said older guests gave us anything on the registry and we ended up with about 6 pairs of crystal candlesticks that will never be used. On the other hand there are stacks of wedding gifts still in my mother’s basement because we don’t have a need for those more traditional gifts from our registry yet. I am very grateful for our guests’ generosity, but sometimes I feel like setting up a registry just to do it can be a waste of guests’ money. I can genuinely say that I would have been happy with a card giving their congratulations. I think that setting up the personal registries with fun, personal gifts is a great idea (like the person above who mentioned the wii and ipods).
posted by earwig on 6-15-2009 at 8:46 pm
Here’s an idea for those of you wanting to give consumable gifts. If the couple enjoy wine, get someone from the wine/liquor store to help you find a bottle of wine that would be best in a year, 5 years, 10 years, etc. Then tag each of these wines with the year they’re best for along with a note wishing the couple a happy 5 year anniversary, etc. Finally, put them all in a basket and shrink wrap.
I’ve done this a few times and the couples love it!
posted by Christi on 6-15-2009 at 11:52 pm
Asking for money is tacky. I feel like I’m paying an admission fee to go to the wedding. Once I went to a big wedding and the couple was asking for “donations” to pay off student loans. Why not just use the money you were going to spend on the wedding to pay your debts instead???
posted by meme on 6-16-2009 at 1:12 am
I love the thoughtful gifts I got for my wedding many years ago. Every time I use the pretty glass pitcher I think of my cousin. When I use the lovely serving dish, I think of a dear family friend. And etc, etc. The gifts remind me of special people whenever I use them/see them.
I have also been to weddings that suggest donations to charities instead of gifts. For them, I make a donation, but also include a small gift that fits the couple – maybe a picture frame, maybe a big, hurky flashlight.
I also think that even when a couple has a household and has been together a while, there still are gifts that are welcome. For example, who among us wouldn’t like to be able to replace old towels with new fluffy ones in modern colors? Same goes for sheets. Even dishtowels.
I wouldn’t like to donate to a mortgage or a honeymoon directly, but I might give a gift of a check to the couple. They can use it as they like. You may ask, what’s the difference? I don’t know, it just feels better to me.
posted by jean on 6-16-2009 at 3:56 am
I’m not married, but have done plenty of day-dreaming about ‘the big day.’ I have several friends who are artists and I always thought it would be really neat to ask them for a piece of their work instead of an addition to my kitchen appliance collection. Yes, gift/art is unpredictable, but it’s very sentimental and that makes me smile.
posted by Jen C. on 6-16-2009 at 10:08 am
I tend to do oddly traditional gifts – my mother hand-knits lace, so I tend to do either a knitted tablecloth/shawl, or something quilted by me, of significance to them. (OF course, for one of my best guy friends, they got the tablecloth together and I gave him a WoW gift card on the sly, too :)
posted by anaximander on 6-16-2009 at 11:11 am
You almost had me there Tex! I thought you were going to say you still had them unopened in the basement so you wrapped them up and gave them as gifts.
posted by crocostimpy on 6-16-2009 at 1:20 pm
I think non-traditional gifts are just fine. I recently was involved in a wedding where the bride had set up an account for their honeymoon on disney.com and asked everyone to donate a dinner, or massage, or even just a couple dollars towards one of the events they picked out. It turned out that most people donated money for the vacation than other gifts. I thought it was brilliant because then it’s one less expense for them. Not everyone can afford a nice expensive honeymoon, but everyone wants one.
:o)
posted by Lindsey on 6-16-2009 at 3:21 pm
I think just flat out asking for money is tacky. Just as including a registry in an invitation is tacky (registry info should never be given out directly from the couple). That said, when my husband and I got married last year, we took into account who our guests were and went with a traditional registry (but very small) to upgrade some of our old college stuff (towels, sheets, etc) and to get some things we didn’t have (wine glasses, matching plates). We made sure to have a wide variety of options with plenty of less expensive gifts for our younger friends. We also set up a honeymoon registry which was not so much a “give us money for a kick-a** honeymoon” as it was a “buy us a romantic dinner at this restaurant” or “pay for us to zipline through the rainforest canopy.” Both went over quite well so I think we gauged our guests well. :)
posted by Wendy on 6-16-2009 at 5:53 pm
Hey thanks for the honorable mention! If anybody has any questions about our site I’m happy to answer them. You can reach me through the 800# published on our site. We created the registry when we couldn’t find a gift registry we wanted to use!
posted by Brian on 6-24-2009 at 3:45 pm
My understanding is registries are requests and you are not obligated to purchase from the registry.
posted by Kevin on 7-2-2009 at 2:59 am