I know this has been floating around the Interweb for a few months, which means we’re a little late with it, but quit your whining and let the Complaints Choir of Helsinki show you how it’s done:
The Complaints Choir isn’t just funny — it’s a form of national catharsis:
Complaints are gathered from the opening of ARS 06 onwards in various ways. Anyone can register for the choir to perform a song compiled and composed on the basis of the complaints, a singing voice is not a prerequisite. Choir performances in Kiasma and elsewhere in town are taped and the video is added to the ARS exhibition.
The result, if you haven’t watched it yet, features such gripes as “we always lose to Sweden in hockey and Eurovision,” “our ancestors could have picked a sunnier place to be,” and my personal favorite, “old forests are cut down and turned into toilet paper, and still all the toilets are always out of paper.” Also, if you don’t have a lot of time (why is there never enough time?), fastforward to the bit about cell phones at the 2:10 mark. Or you can check out another Complaints Choir performance in Birmingham, England, although it’s just not as funny in English.
We’re thinking about starting a Complaints Choir franchise here at mental_floss. Want to contribute? Leave your grumbles legitimate suggestions for improvement in the comments…
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The office coffee pot is always empty. Even when I make coffee.
No, I don’t want to be saved. Ever. Stop getting me out of the shower and I’ll stop answering the door in a towel.
Women’s jeans have a fifteen-mile long zipper. It is not fifteen miles from my navel to my hips. And I am an Amazonian woman. It’s not even 10 miles.
The woman in the cube diagonal from me speaks louder than normal humans. On her cell phone. With an obnoxious ring tone.
Three-ring binders very rarely ever completely bind.
The envelopes that the health insurance company sends my statements in give me paper cuts.
It’s cheaper and faster to drive to Austin than to fly to Austin even at $4/gallon.
I never get to see more than half of my entire paycheck.
The only time my bosses pro-actively edit my artwork is in its final form.
When I say “no,” I mean “no.” I don’t mean “yes under certain conditions,” or “yes, if these elements are met.” If I mean those things, I’ll say those things.
I only get error 404s on the pages that I need to view. If it’s not important, I get straight there.
The IT department only helps me if it also helps my bosses.
“Oh, you have a degree in French. Can you speak it?”
People still mispell my name, even after I spell it for them. These are examples of how my name is NOT spelled:
Jena
Jina
Jeana
Jeanna
Jeena
Geena
Giena
Jenna
Genna
Not everyone in Kansas is a Bible-beater.
No, I cannot have it done in fifteen minutes. I don’t care what it is. You should have contacted me yesterday. Or eight months ago, when the project started.
“Exit Only” means this lane is only for the exit. That’s why it ends at the exit.
If you are the only cold person, please try wearing a sweater.
I don’t know about your Microsoft Office for Windows because I run a Mac. Yes, they’re different. Yes, they really are. Yes, I know I do the same things. Yes, I know I know how to do it. Yes, I know I’ve done it before. Yes, I can do it for you. But I won’t. Yes, they REALLY ARE different. Learn it instead of complaining to me. Did you check the help file?
“Minimum Speed Limit: 50″ means that you must go at least 50, not at maximum 50.
–
Thanks for the vent
posted by Gina on 11-7-2006 at 2:02 pm
The fountain of youth is probably easier to find then the right jeans size.
People complain about getting fat and when you turn around there’s a new McDonalds.
I don’t want free samples of perfume on paper, I want it IN the bottle.
Why do people want desighner bags? All it is, is a boring bag with someone elses intials on it.
If you say “LOL” in public I’m gonna clock you.
No one ever ask me how my day went.
Whenever it rains I can’t find my umbrella. When I finally do find it, it stops raining.
I never remeber where I parked the car.
Don’t give me your food when your done eating, I’m not a garbage disposal.
Whenever I’m done buying a winter wardrobe, it’s pratically spring.
Guys I like never like me, but guys I can’t stand like me.
And why do I always break a nail when I need to open CD’s?
Wow, I feel really better!!!
posted by Rachel on 11-7-2006 at 9:02 pm
I’m pretty happy, I guess. I don’t have much to complain about.
People have some irresistible urge to pat me on the head. Don’t pat me on the head. Yes, I’m short, but don’t do it.
It takes me months to find a decent pair of shoes because they don’t make children’s shoes for adults.
Why do you want the bass in your car so loud you can be heard half a mile away?
The guys who are extremely annoying or are extremely creepy are always attracted to me.
I am the dump friend. Everyone comes and dumps their problems on me, and I never get to dump in return.
That’s all.
posted by Janel on 11-8-2006 at 10:18 am
Why are the arms on ladies’ sweaters so long, even in the petite section?
Why do drivers wait until the last 10 feet to merge into the right-hand turn lane?
Why do drivers in the middle lane insist on turning left, even though it clearly says “straight only”?
Why does my cell phone company charge me minutes for checking voice mail?
Why does the movie theater with five screens only have one women’s toilet?
Why do people keep calling me “Sweetie”? I’m 38 years old with a graduate degree, and I’m not all that sweet. Just cut it out, OK?
Why can’t I ever find a place to park on my block? How many fire hydrants does one block need, anyway?
Who taught those grocery store cashiers how to bag groceries? Even though I eat the chocolate chip cookies with my milk, I don’t want them in the same little plastic bag.
The less material used to make the bra, the more expensive it is — why is that?
My petite clothes use less material than regular size, but I have to pay more — why is that?
posted by Melissa on 11-11-2006 at 10:05 am