Comments (42)

1. Everyone knows that fighting on the ice rink is as entertaining, if not more so than the game itself. how about taking that hard hitting segment onto the grass field of the NFL. the only catch is that the helmets stay on. shirt pulling is still acceptable. the athletes are already well padded, and the inclusion of the helmet rule will just lead to more hilarity than concerns for player safety. the penalty can be 5 yards or one man down for a play.

   posted by Steven on 7-20-2009 at 11:28 am

2. Take every major league sport and apply the rules of Clavinball to it. If you don’t know the rules of Calvinball or even know what Calvinball is, that’s OK. You’re already ahead of the game.

   posted by Alicia on 7-20-2009 at 11:41 am

3. Soccer is Italy’s national sport, and the national sport of many other countries around the world. Nearly all of the biggest countries in the world participate (Including Iraq, Russia, Japan, USA, and Argentina), and I think if I could change anything in the International World of Calcio/Football/Soccer, I would change the players themselves. I would make it so that all of the teams were made up of the political leaders and highest staff from each country. They would go through rigorous training, insult calling 101, and hair style counseling… and many of the world’s political problems could be worked out on live television with Referees, Fans, Photographers, Merch… Everything!

   posted by Kate on 7-20-2009 at 11:42 am

4. Baseball should have tackling. Or large, ravenous bears rampaging across the field at intervals. Possibly lions.

   Anything that would make the pace of the game more tense, and yes, a little bloodthirstier, so that I don’t die of boredom waiting for football season to start.

   posted by Elizabeth W. on 7-20-2009 at 11:54 am

5. Has anyone seen the Pyramid game on the new American Gladiators show? My though – take two of these pyramids (complete with overmuscled Gladiators, of course) and stick them at either end of the basketball court. The nets are say, 7 or 8 feet from the top of the pyramid, and you have to fight off the Gladiators in order to score. No more of this 120-point game crap. Even Shaq would be lucky to get 5 baskets a game.

   posted by Bert on 7-20-2009 at 11:56 am

6. Soccer should have tackling!

   posted by Sara in AL on 7-20-2009 at 12:14 pm

7. My brother and I had this conversation about two years ago. In the NFL, the timeouts should be pooled. Instead of 3 per team, there should be 5 for both teams to use in a half. It would definitely change the mentality. Do you use them early so your opponent can’t? Should you try to hold on to them? What if the other team starts using them with about 10 minutes left in the half?

   Also, bring back punting on any down. The twist is that if you down the ball after you punt it, you get to keep the ball on that spot. Kind of like rugby.

   posted by Betsy on 7-20-2009 at 12:23 pm

8. In baseball: remove second base. Make anyone who can go beyond first on a hit FORCED to make it a triple. Runners from first will be required to go to third.

   posted by Michael Dillon on 7-20-2009 at 12:25 pm

9. Any baseball player who hits a foul ball has to retrieve it himself…from an aquarium full of sharks. Sharks with laser beams attached to their heads. This way the players will be less likely to hit foul balls and the game will move faster.

   posted by Jenn on 7-20-2009 at 12:38 pm

10. I keep waiting for jetpack technology to catch on and advance. Pick any sport, and it would be 100 times more fun to watch if the players all wore jetpacks.

    posted by BMC on 7-20-2009 at 12:46 pm

11. Well, I don’t know if it would make it anymore fun, more dangerous, or more exciting but I’ve always thought they mixed up football and baseball with regards to where the players sit when they are not on the field. I mean, come on, baseball players get to sit in covered dugouts during, what, major attacks of sunshine? While football players have to sit out in the rain, sleet, hail, etc. in January? And they sit/stand right next to the field where the chances of getting run over are pretty good?

    Never made sense to me.

    posted by KJ on 7-20-2009 at 12:47 pm

12. Football with the real mascots on the field. For example, if LSU were playing Bama, there would be a tiger and an elephant on the field for the players to avoid getting eaten or trampled.

    posted by Cheryl on 7-20-2009 at 12:47 pm

13. Cross country billiards!

    Hit the ball, chase after it, hit it again over all types of terrain.

    posted by Wayne on 7-20-2009 at 1:10 pm

14. Dodge Ball while skydiving. 10 players to a team, Jump at 15,00 feet, each player has two balls and your choice when to open the chute and when to throw the ball. Same rules apply, if you’re hit your out, if you catch it, they’re out.

    posted by Dave on 7-20-2009 at 1:14 pm

15. In baseball after a “base on balls” the batter gets to keep his bat and use it in an attempt to advance on the base bath. After each half inning players “left on base” remain at the base (still with their bats)and are replaced in the field by a player from the bench. This keeps on until a team has exhausted all bench players and the nine original fielders are restored to the field. Also a replaceable pinch hitter, one who would hit for someone without their be replaced defensively.

    posted by AF on 7-20-2009 at 1:14 pm

16. Football on a hockey schedule. None of this wimpy once a week crap. Hockey players get banged up worst than football players and they don’t take a week off between games.

    posted by Dave on 7-20-2009 at 1:16 pm

17. Give every player on the pitch a cricket bat (not just the batsmen)… watch the hilarity ensue as anything not hit to the boundary (4), or out (6) becomes a gauntlet style free for all…. or at least apply australian rules to all games….

    posted by Karthik on 7-20-2009 at 1:19 pm

18. What would happen if the world’s most popular sport replaced it’s ball with the United States’ most popular sport with the same name? I can assure you, the sport of football/futbol/soccer would be much more entertaining when the world’s best are attempting to dribble a pigskin that has a slightly unpredictable bounce pattern.

    posted by Steven on 7-20-2009 at 1:27 pm

19. Easy: abolish the offside rule in soccer/football, get the scoring up and Americans will fall in love with the game.

    I like the other suggestions for baseball, a game I love already. But I think two things would be fun: let the outfield grass grow 6-12 inches high, and loose snakes into it before each game. That way it’ll be just like when I was a kid. Tentative fielders make for exciting inside-the-park homers.

    posted by George on 7-20-2009 at 1:42 pm

20. As you are well aware, the Winter Olympics never have as high a viewership as the summer games, partly because the sports are things that nobody cares about. The standard response seem to be combining different sports…biathalon, etc.

    So, I present…Figure Fencing, a combination of figure skating and fencing. Instead of the fencers being confined to a narrow strip, they can use the entire rink. And while a touch from a simple lunge would still be worth one point, you can increase the value by getting a touch as you come out of an axel, salchow, or camel.

    posted by Isstvan on 7-20-2009 at 1:54 pm

21. Extreme Synchronized Swimming.

    Two teams battle it out with specific fight routines involving kicking, scratching and attacks from underneath – all choreographed, all synchronized.

    Water will spray and nose plugs will fly…

    posted by Jenny on 7-20-2009 at 2:23 pm

22. Since everyone else is going to the extreme, I shall as well: Extreme Skeet Curling.

    Each team has has one extra player, the “Gunner,” who tries to shoot rubber bullets at the opposing team’s curling stone (or rock, if you prefer) to throw them out. However, hitting any opposing players or their equipment results in disqualification – and hilarity.

    I just want to see how the curlers faces look with shotgun booms to distract them!

    posted by Josh on 7-20-2009 at 2:57 pm

23. Make golf into a game of speed. Put simply, you can take as many strokes as you want, but the player who finishes 18 holes in the least amount of time is the winner.

    posted by Paul on 7-20-2009 at 3:25 pm

24. BaseBall is boring. Let’s make it more fun and fair.

    When I am up to bat, at any given time, I am outnumbered. If I am the lead off hitter, it is 9 vs 1. Let’s make this more fair. 1st and 3rd base coach should become blockers. They can’t touch the ball, but can block for me. Give me two outfielders who also can block. Keep your eye on the ball and one on the blocker, because he might separate you from the ball you think you have just caught. Tagging a base is no longer acceptable after pee-wee. It becomes tackling. What kind of man just touches a bag and claims to have accomplished something. Be athletic.

    No more three strikes or four balls. You get 3 pitches, period. if you want to hit it, you will. The same rules for the catchers still apply, so if he misses the ball, run for it.

    Make these ball players earn their big bucks. I bet attendance will be way up.

    posted by JasK on 7-20-2009 at 3:29 pm

25. I’ll keep it simple. Ice hockey, all its normal rules and regulations, with one difference. Instead pucks, the refs drop bouncy, neon colored SuperBalls.

    (At least I think that’s what they’re still called. I decided against googling “SuperBalls” at work.)

    posted by Katie on 7-20-2009 at 3:31 pm

26. Simple way of making the sport of baseball more exciting to watch:

    Give all the basemen heavy padding.

    When the batter hits, instead of ditching the bat he keeps it and uses it to defend himself from being tagged while he runs the bases.

    posted by Rob on 7-20-2009 at 4:08 pm

27. To make cricket more interesting to worldwide viewers, we can play Russian cricket. The ball and the bat have small explosive charges embedded in them. When the play gets boring, the crowd and yell and make enough noise which would trigger the explosives as the bat meets the ball.

    posted by Bharat on 7-20-2009 at 4:48 pm

28. Soccer fields should be equipped with obstacles, including (but not limited to)-

    Hurdles
    Human sized tunnels (both winding and straight).
    Ditches and low level pools of water.
    Varying levels of small hills.
    Swinging bumpers.

    We once played a game in a park full of picnic tables and benches. This was a bit dangerous, but it was a blast running and jumping over and on the obstacles while still trying to play the game.

    posted by Mike on 7-20-2009 at 5:01 pm

29. I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to come up with ways to make things more ridiculous, so here’s a few ideas:

    1. Bobsled Skeet: instead of four people just seeing how fast they can finish the course, the second person in the car has a shotgun, with which s/he attempts to hit clay pigeons fired into the air at several points along the track. Not a good sport for up-close spectators.

    2. Floor Joust: you’ve seen the “Floor Exercises” during the gymnastics portion of the Summer Olympics. This variation features two gymnasts from competing teams on the mat at the same time, starting at opposite corners and performing flips, rolls and spins with the intent of meeting in the middle and knocking the stuffing out of each other. Points are awarded for difficulty, style and knockouts.

    3. Trampoline Archery: pretty much exactly what it sounds like. What’s more fun than shooting arrows at a target? Do it while bouncing ten feet into the air! Extra points for flips!

    4. Blindfolded Trampoline Lawn Darts: This is more of an invented game. It exists at a nexus of several incredibly bad ideas.

    posted by clint on 7-20-2009 at 5:18 pm

30. 1. Make the baskets in basketball around 8 inches off the ground. No crouching allowed.

    2. Three second limit in between pitches in baseball.

    posted by Brian on 7-20-2009 at 5:29 pm

31. Extreme Knitting.

    Eye gouges are permitted…yarn can be used as a garotte… Stitch counters become projectile missiles… and the winner is the person with the best looking (and least bloody) scarf at the end.

    Deadly Granny’s Packing number 9 needles!!!

    Also coming to ESPN next season…Extreme crossword puzzles…watch out for those papercuts!

    posted by Zack R on 7-20-2009 at 5:47 pm

32. Baseball:

    I have one word. Snipers. It would certainly keep those outfielders alert.

    Also, landmines under the bases. They are manually activated by the defensive coach. Only one can be active at a time, and it may only be active for 3 seconds. It would add strategy, and make stealing home a much more exciting proposition.

    posted by Michael on 7-20-2009 at 6:22 pm

33. I have always thought that baseball would be more fun with one simple rule change – the batter gets to keep his bat when he is on base (or rounding the bases). All the infielders would have to wear armor. Also, when we were in high school we made up a “commando” version of just about every sport you could think of – - our favorite was commando basketball, which was full-contact and allowed tackling, blocking, punching, etc. Was really a ton of fun, but usually meant floorburns galore….

    posted by Andrew on 7-20-2009 at 6:38 pm

34. BLINDFOLD DODGEBALL…

    Imagine the thrills (not to mention the spike in Doctors’ visits) if no one can see from which direction the ball is thrown/at whom it is being thrown…

    posted by Amy on 7-20-2009 at 8:48 pm

35. Hockey still hands out penalties for fighting, but if there’s a clear winner of the fight, their team gets a point as if they had scored a goal. That should liven things up a bit. :)

    posted by M on 7-20-2009 at 9:12 pm

36. Steeple chase from track and field should add in an additional score, with points discounting seconds from the finish time, based on how many live piranhas one can catch while running though the (well stocked) water pits. S/he with the most still flapping fish in hand at the finish wins.

    posted by Carley on 7-20-2009 at 10:47 pm

37. (I probably should’ve used a valid e-mail on that entry, huh?)

    posted by M on 7-21-2009 at 1:15 am

38. Baseball: reach a base, do a shot!

    posted by Genaro on 7-21-2009 at 1:52 am

39. Croquette will be played with the same balls and wickets, but Jaialai scoops will be used to advance the ball. The second twist is the wickets will be defended by your opponent who will have a chance to goal tend. While playing goalie the participant will only wear athletic shorts, a t-shirt, a goalie mask and a cup. If a goalie goes an entire season, which lasts 27 months with games played every other day, they will earn the a place in the \Things That Will Survive a Nuclear Holocaust\ List right in between roaches and Twinkies.

    posted by POC on 7-21-2009 at 1:56 am

40. How about tying raw meat to each runner in the Olympics and loosing wild dogs or jaguars after each runner? Make actual lane dividers 6 feet high to try to prevent creatures, 2-legged and 4 legged, from jumping lanes. How about making all races into mazes, with each runner traveling the same distance, but in a different path? I could see that being really exciting. Plus the photo finishes would be that much better. Or we could make American Gladiators into an olympic specialty. Or how about Unbeatable Bansuke, or Ninja Warrior? Make that Olympics, and people would tune in. I saw US olympians the Hamm brothers try and fail at that a couple of years ago. How about making free running an olympic sport? Those individuals, and teams, do some crazy thangs!

    posted by RIchard Y on 7-21-2009 at 3:18 am

41. Okay, one more: Luge Without the Luge.

    posted by clint on 7-21-2009 at 4:03 pm

42. (mea culpa to any fans….) I’m NOT a fan of car racing. I can’t imagine watching cars go around 500 times. So, I was playing Nintendo 64 MarioKart on the Wii with my kids and couldn’t help comment. “Wouldn’t car racing be SO much more exciting played like this with turtle shells, speed boosts and invincibility?

    Another option would be car racing a la Star Wars: Episode I. A whole new level of difficulty with Sand People taking pot-shots…..

    ~Bethy

    posted by Bethy on 7-21-2009 at 5:16 pm

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