There are a million great/horrible action movies out there, all of them chock-full of ridiculous one liners, most delivered either right before or right after the hero delivers a fatal blow. This is far from an all-inclusive list of even what’s available on YouTube, but nonetheless, here are some of my favorites, all dripping with 80s cheez. Warning: a few f-bombs are sprinkled throughout the following clips.
Steven Segal: “the Blood Bank”
A longtime favorite from Hard to Kill.
Batman and Robin
The Governator made a career out of cheesy one-liners in action movies. Here’s a sampling of all his ice-related puns in Joel Schumacher’s uniquely awful Batman and Robin, in which he plays Mr. Freeze.
Predator
Another Arnold classic.
Commando
More Arnold, for the sake of completeness.
Shoot ‘em Up
Shoot ‘em Up was made recently but has the DNA of an 80s action movie, and plenty of great one liners like this one:
Lethal Weapon: “diplomatic immunity”
Lest we forget Danny Glover.
Air Force One: “Get off my plane!”
If only our president came up with one-liners like these.
Troll 2
This isn’t an action movie one-liner per se, but it might be the best/worst moment in a movie, ever, period, so here it is.
This was originally posted last August. Your usual Friday night projectionist Miss Cellania is on vacation. She’ll be back next week.
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You need to add some Army of Darkness clips here. That movie is full of horrible one–liners.
posted by Monica on 8-3-2009 at 10:22 pm
One of my favorites in this genre is John Carpenter’s “They Live.” It’s chock full of brilliantly bad one-liners. You just can’t top Roddy Piper at the entrance of a bank, holding a shotgun, and announcing:
“I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum.”
posted by Sandy Wood on 8-3-2009 at 11:29 pm
I am, The Law!
You betrayed the law!
ahh, good ol’ Sylvester
posted by Steven on 8-4-2009 at 12:08 am
Let off some steam, Bennett.
posted by Joe Maz on 8-4-2009 at 12:15 am
Wesley Snipes
Let me give you some advice… always bet on black.
ahh the good ol days.
posted by Gabe on 8-4-2009 at 12:38 am
Look for the movie “Society” … The weirdest clip on youtube
“well son, you’re right. I’m a buthead!”
“now let’s get to the bottom of things!!”
“the rich have always sucked off people like you”
posted by Devin Greaney on 8-4-2009 at 2:47 am
dude, was there supposed to be a fly on that kids forehead?? Or was that just bad editting, like seeing the boom in frame?
Sadly, I’m not familiar w/ Troll 2, perhaps the fly was integral to the plot.
posted by Jonny on 8-4-2009 at 4:05 am
You should include clips from the Drawn Together episode where Wooldoor Sockback is fleeing from “the terminator”. I know this kind of thing has been parodied to death but they had some smart ones.
In one scene the Terminator From The Future reaches through the window of the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile and grabs the driver. Just before he breaks the driver’s neck the Terminator says, “I will relish this.”.
posted by Brandon Lewis on 8-4-2009 at 7:49 am
That hard to kill qoute is my all time favorite. I went around for a week saying. That movie also has some other great line. I think they let segal ad lib alot of his lines in this because some of the lines could only have been thought of by steven him self.
posted by morris on 8-4-2009 at 8:05 am
You forgot Ah-nold’s best “worst” line which was from the movie Eraser. When he killed the huge alligator he quipped, “You’re luggage.”
Not quite as quotable as, “Hasta la vista, baby.”
posted by Gordon Daily on 8-4-2009 at 8:13 am
Shark Attack 3. Worst line ever. check it on on you tube.
posted by Charles on 8-4-2009 at 8:56 am
Troll 2 is remarkably bad to the extent that it’s hilarious. There are so many lines of dialogue that are just bizarre and unintentionally funny.
posted by EV on 8-4-2009 at 9:06 am
I personally like a lot of the lines from Hackers, especially anything said by Eugene– “The Plague.”
posted by Brooke on 8-4-2009 at 11:00 am
“Get off my plane” wasn’t in the AF1 script. Harrison Ford came up with it as a kind of placeholder until someone came up with a better line. Everyone liked it so it stayed in the film.
posted by Stephanie on 8-4-2009 at 11:11 am
What about X-Men II?
“I’m the Juggernaut, b*tch!”
posted by jmanna on 8-4-2009 at 11:30 am
Okay, that’s it. I’m going to have to watch Bulletproof now.
posted by Johnny Cat on 8-4-2009 at 12:02 pm
I love the movie Hot Fuzz specifically because it makes fun of all these one liners.
Danny Butterman: Where’s the trolley boy?
Nicholas Angel: In the freezer.
Danny Butterman: Did you say “cool off?”
Nicholas Angel: No I didn’t say anything…
Danny Butterman: Shame.
Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said “play time’s over” and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.
Danny Butterman: You’re off the f***in’ chain!
posted by Hastings on 8-4-2009 at 12:07 pm
I can’t remember the name of the movie, but it was a horrible C action film, where a guy and a girl are fighting the main villain at the end. The villain somehow gets lifted off the ground by some hook catching on his eye socket. The girl says “I’ll keep an EYE out for you!” then the guy says “Yeah. SEE YA.”
If you look up “worst fight scene” on youtube you might find it
posted by Yams on 8-4-2009 at 1:15 pm
I’m actually friends with someone who was in “Troll 2″. One of my few claims to fame. :)
posted by AmandaStretch on 8-4-2009 at 2:41 pm
@sandy: i was thinking the same thing. how are you going to have an article about one-liners and not include the roddy roddy piper: “I have come to kick @$$ and chew bubble gum, and I’m all out of gum!!!”
recaptcha: you serbs (????)
posted by kevin on 8-4-2009 at 3:23 pm
What a tragedy. The Bulletproof video suffered a takedown.
posted by Johnny Cat on 8-6-2009 at 12:43 am
You need the context, but when Arnold kills his “wife” Sharon Stone in Total Recall: “Consider that a divorce”. Best. Line. Ever.
posted by Rick on 8-8-2009 at 12:19 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDxn0Xfqkgw&feature=related
posted by Rocky on 8-13-2010 at 10:46 pm
Glad to see “Stick around” finally get its due as a classic moment in cinema history
posted by Gabe on 8-14-2010 at 1:47 am
Demolition man with Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes, and Running Man with Arnold are treasure troves of one liners. Arnold: “Here is Sub-Zero, now just PLAIN zero!”
posted by Dale on 8-14-2010 at 10:21 am
Lake Placid (while not strictly speaking an action flik) is my favorite one-liner film *ever*.
Hector Cyr: Well, they conceal information like that in books.
Mrs. Bickerman: Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop ‘em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile
Hector Cyr: This could end up saving your life, which is meaningful to you, because the longer you live, the more sex you get to have with your sister!
Mrs. Bickerman: I’m rooting for the crocodile. I hope he swallows your friends whole. You might want to arrest me for that too. Is that a crime? To wish the chewing of law enforcement?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0139414/quotes
posted by e.b. on 8-14-2010 at 4:26 pm
Not really an action movie…well, depends on the kind of action you’re looking for a I guess. But Kyle McLachlan’s character in Striptease has a great one.
“You’ll jump to your conclusion”
Makes me laugh…every time.
posted by Valerie on 8-17-2010 at 12:55 pm
This one from X-Men always makes me laugh because it has the beginnings of a great one, and then…huh?
STORM: Do you know what happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.
posted by dagnabbit on 8-17-2010 at 5:32 pm