[There's still time to get your caption in! We'll lock down the contest on Sunday.] Our latest brilliant cartoon is by regular _floss reader, the very gifted Art Fuentes. To repeat the rules, the idea here is quite simple: Your job is to come up with a gag. Make us smile, make us laugh, extra-points for those who are able to drop some interesting fact or trivia along the way. We’ll narrow down the entries to our favorites and then let YOU guys pick one winner. This time around, we’re giving away a brand new copy of the 2-disc set of the movie Valkyrie, starring Tom Cruise. One disc has a blu-ray version with more than 3 hours of behind the scenes footage. The other disc has a digital copy for portable media players, like the iPhone. So give the below Valkyrie a caption, and score your own Valkyrie. Enter as often as you’d like, so long as each caption is in a separate comment.
Lastly, if you’re good with the pen and think YOU’D like to contribute a cartoon of your own for a future caption contest, or want to pitch me an idea for one, please leave a comment and I’ll be in touch with you via e-mail.
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Comments (98)
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Allright hon, welcome to Valkerie training school. You have at least two weeks of lessons before the training pole comes out….
posted by Haveatomato on 8-13-2009 at 9:27 pm
This isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I heard about the “Ride of the Valkyries…”
posted by Noah on 8-13-2009 at 9:31 pm
Honey, I thought unicorn’s horns were supposed to be on their heads…well that’s one more myth busted.
posted by Brendan on 8-13-2009 at 9:41 pm
“They keep trying to make Opera appeal to younger audiences, but it’s not working out.”
posted by Michael Cook on 8-13-2009 at 9:46 pm
the origins of the phrase hung like a horse
posted by Steve Robillard on 8-13-2009 at 9:52 pm
“Yeah, everybody’s pretty mad that Valhalla is actually just a big carousel… well, they’re mad at first.”
posted by Sillstaw on 8-13-2009 at 9:57 pm
What, are you waiting for me to sing you off? Of course this is your ride to Valhalla.
posted by Jill on 8-13-2009 at 10:05 pm
“To answer your question: We don’t have many battles anymore, so get the rest of your weight jokes in now before you start to pack on a few.”
posted by Steven on 8-13-2009 at 10:19 pm
“I like your enthusiasm, but I’m not sure how Wagner will sound on a steam organ”
posted by Zach on 8-13-2009 at 10:22 pm
“You’ll also be playing Adriano… we had to fire our tenor because he played the ponies too much and was often late coming in!”
(FACT: In RIENZI, Richard Wagner’s third opera, Adriano [one of the character's lovers] was conceived as a TROUSER ROLE, and played by a woman)
posted by Amy on 8-13-2009 at 10:40 pm
CORRECTION TO ABOVE:
“You’ll also be playing Adriano… we had to fire our Tenor because he played – um, the ponies – too much…and was often late coming in!â€
(FACT: In RIENZI, Richard Wagner’s third opera, Adriano [one of the character's lovers] was conceived as a TROUSER ROLE, and played by a woman)
posted by Amy on 8-13-2009 at 10:49 pm
A SECOND (and final, I promise! ;)) CORRECTION:
“You’ll also be singing Adriano… we had to fire our Tenor because he played – um, the ponies – too much…and was often late coming in!â€
(FACT: In RIENZI, Richard Wagner’s third opera, Adriano [one of the character's lovers] was conceived as a TROUSER ROLE, and sung by a woman)
posted by Amy on 8-13-2009 at 10:55 pm
“It’s the recession, hon. You should see what happened to Thor’s goats.”
posted by Bob on 8-13-2009 at 11:46 pm
“Heaven has been different since Hooters took over. Wait until you see the pearly gates, honey…”
posted by Jon on 8-13-2009 at 11:55 pm
“Every singer has the occasion when he or she feels hoarse; however, we’ve found that including ‘Free, unlimited Carousel rides’ as part of the company’s Health Benefits package greatly cuts down on absences!”
posted by Amy on 8-13-2009 at 11:59 pm
This is why we use boats, our horses are on the short end of the stick.
posted by Katherine on 8-14-2009 at 12:02 am
It’s too bad that the only battle he’ll do is with a three-year-old armed with an ice cream cone.
posted by Katherine on 8-14-2009 at 12:10 am
Well, yeah, it is tacky, but if that’s how Brunhilda asked Thomas Kinkade to immortalize her dearly departed horse, then so be it.
posted by Eve on 8-14-2009 at 12:46 am
We’ve just received the exciting news that our company has been chosen to mount the World Premiere of EQUUS the Opera…
posted by Amy on 8-14-2009 at 1:05 am
I like Noah’s I vote for him.
I don’t have one.
posted by hidden sunshine on 8-14-2009 at 1:37 am
“Someone needs to tell Micheal Jackson he can’t just build an amusement park wherever he wants!”
posted by Eric on 8-14-2009 at 1:37 am
The ride’s over when I start singing.
posted by Joe Maz on 8-14-2009 at 2:26 am
“And this is the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ Valkyrie steed…”
posted by Carrie Belle on 8-14-2009 at 2:47 am
We got a great deal on ten of these! Apparently, the new Miley Cyrus ride at Disney World is going in a new direction.
posted by Samantha on 8-14-2009 at 3:19 am
Could you please tell Procurement Section to STOP outsourcing our requests to China…we cannot get even REAL horses these days..
posted by FigN on 8-14-2009 at 3:33 am
Alright, Mr. Schwartz, would you say the acid’s kicked in yet?
posted by Kevin on 8-14-2009 at 3:36 am
I don’t know what to do with this Maggie, St. Peter told me to watch the gates and a horse killed with a stick shows up. Should I let him in or out?
posted by Miss Nae on 8-14-2009 at 4:08 am
If they had just dropped a quarter in the slot, everybody would be happy and I wouldn’t have to write this.
posted by nt4thbook on 8-14-2009 at 6:06 am
“You think this is bad? The boys have to re-enact the conquering of Newfoundland on paddleboats!”
posted by Steven on 8-14-2009 at 8:25 am
“The only ‘warriors’ we ever get now are hockey players, so Odin had Asgard cut costs dramatically. Just feel lucky you don’t ever have to see Folkvangr, because Freyja is not happy.”
posted by Steven on 8-14-2009 at 8:37 am
It’s actually her Christmas present. Vahalla la la, la la la la
posted by Mike D on 8-14-2009 at 9:04 am
“You know the rules. Student drivers have to ride with a parent or guardian.”
posted by Paul on 8-14-2009 at 9:09 am
Odin was tired of all the fat lady jokes and he heard that pole dancing is a great workout so welcome to Valhalla
posted by Tony on 8-14-2009 at 9:23 am
Careful, this horse will spin you right round, like a record baby, right round, right round.
posted by jason on 8-14-2009 at 9:28 am
You should see how big the fondue pot is.
posted by Doug on 8-14-2009 at 9:32 am
“And when you are looking for a husband, try to find one with a more threatening carving on the prow of his ship. My husband ended up as an ice-cream delivery man. The kids just loved him!”
posted by Brian on 8-14-2009 at 9:34 am
…David.
“Enter as often as you’d like, so long as each caption is in a separate e-mail.”
You state in the post that you want us to send these in emails? If that is the case, then what is the email address we send to?
recaptcha: September atheist (non-religious history month)
posted by Steven on 8-14-2009 at 9:38 am
Ha! They’re sure to stop their stupid blonde jokes when my horse wins the chariot race!
posted by Sel on 8-14-2009 at 9:53 am
It’s a prop from the opening to our upcoming ANTI-Wagner season… ROGERS and HAMMERSTEIN’s Carousel!
posted by Amy on 8-14-2009 at 9:55 am
a dozen stallions are impaled and you want to do what? Well, I’m glad you care russell, but it will take more than emotion to dislodge this situation.
posted by solipsismal displacement on 8-14-2009 at 10:06 am
“The recession is hitting everyone hard, even Valhalla. Yes, this is your ride.”
posted by Sara in AL on 8-14-2009 at 10:31 am
Oh no dearie. Flying horses would be much too dangerous.
posted by Todd S on 8-14-2009 at 10:44 am
“Latest RIAA settlement. The Olympians got the Pegasus.”
posted by Jimmie on 8-14-2009 at 10:48 am
“I thought I told them to remove the spear before delivering the fresh meat”.
posted by Matt on 8-14-2009 at 11:15 am
This isn’t exactly the horse that I would use for the chariot.
posted by Monica on 8-14-2009 at 11:33 am
I’m sorry, I’m going to have to give you a ticket. This is a “No Horse Impalement Zone.”
posted by Jared on 8-14-2009 at 11:41 am
“Odin’s allergic to horses, and Thor keeps eating all the goats. It takes a toll on your self-esteem, but the food here’s great…”
posted by Pat on 8-14-2009 at 11:55 am
I love the smell of cotton candy in the morning.
posted by RAD on 8-14-2009 at 11:58 am
A Norse and a horse, of course, of course.
posted by Southpaw Jones on 8-14-2009 at 11:59 am
“Do you think these giant hat wings make me look fat?”
posted by Mike on 8-14-2009 at 12:09 pm
“Yeah, Alexander said Bucephalus bucked him for the last time.”
posted by JT on 8-14-2009 at 1:32 pm
This is the only pole we had, you’ll just have to work it into your “routine”. Once the “Hills of Valhalla” starts to turn a profit we can get one of those regular dancing poles.
posted by Chris on 8-14-2009 at 2:05 pm
“Before you ride the majestic wings of Pegasus you must first master the right turn only abilities of Pogosus”
posted by JetaN on 8-14-2009 at 2:08 pm
This is “Val the Impaled”. He has the pole position this year in the Valhalla Derby.
posted by Owen on 8-14-2009 at 2:18 pm
This is what happens when Loki screws around with carnival folk.
posted by Homer89 on 8-14-2009 at 2:33 pm
Watch the funnel cakes…they’ll go straight to your wings. Trust me.
posted by Kirch on 8-14-2009 at 2:50 pm
I don’t know, Doc; Sleipnir’s prosthesis doesn’t seem to be working out so well.
posted by Kirch on 8-14-2009 at 2:58 pm
“If you think riding this thing is embarassing, try waking up with a mead hangover and trying to piece together the night before. I guarantee this won’t be the only pole you’ll hold onto in Valhalla, sweetheart.”
posted by JRC on 8-14-2009 at 3:01 pm
“Must be 6 inches to ride…”
posted by Tony on 8-14-2009 at 3:14 pm
Arts funding is so dried up these days, the only work we can find is playing extras in the “Ride of the Valkyries” at Disney World.
posted by Scott on 8-14-2009 at 3:20 pm
I dont care if you are taller than Tom Cruise, you’re not big enough for tis ride.
posted by Michael Mikos on 8-14-2009 at 3:27 pm
Altitude: 30,000 ft… check
Merry-Go-Round horse… check
Scanty-clad, slightly confused, virgin mistress… check
Lubricant… check
posted by Travis on 8-14-2009 at 4:05 pm
If anyone asks, tell them “a wizard did it”.
posted by Crazy Dave on 8-14-2009 at 4:12 pm
You should’a seen where they sent the chap riding her…
At a carnival, in public; seriously people, waxing your own pole is one thing.
posted by Travis on 8-14-2009 at 4:13 pm
Does this incongruous Vallhallan carousel ride make my butt look big?
posted by Sean on 8-14-2009 at 5:03 pm
The props manager’s response to another season of bad opera was “Go to hell, Wagner.”
posted by rj on 8-14-2009 at 5:16 pm
you’re not going to get much for this even under the cash for clunkers scheme!
posted by Andy on 8-14-2009 at 6:59 pm
“I said ‘Old Norse’ not ‘Poled Horse.’”
posted by Liz on 8-14-2009 at 8:39 pm
So Thor says, “Gimme a pony, woman.” Yeah. I’ve got his pony right here.
posted by Nick on 8-14-2009 at 9:32 pm
Crazy? Definitely. Over? Not until I sing, they say.
posted by Linda on 8-15-2009 at 1:02 am
“Thank you for coming; we’ll be in touch. Next horse, please!”
posted by Bill on 8-15-2009 at 1:33 am
“The recession’s hit Valhalla especially hard this year. First it was the cheap generic mead. Now it seems like we could only afford the Trojan Mini. I call shotgun!”
posted by brian on 8-15-2009 at 6:34 am
You might want try this side-saddle at first
posted by kurt kuczynski on 8-15-2009 at 8:26 am
Religion is a cut throat business, you have to stay young to stay competitive.
posted by barbara on 8-15-2009 at 8:56 am
I’m tellin’ ya, “Merry-Go-Round of the Valkeries” is going to be the most popular ride at Wagner-land. Even more popular that the “Here Comes the Bride Log Flume”!
posted by Chuck on 8-15-2009 at 9:32 am
Ok Sweetie, we have 1500 prostate exams to perform today. Swing that spear around and get started!!
posted by scott on 8-15-2009 at 11:18 am
“Well, there’s a major fight brewing at Freyja’s Fun Factory and we’ve been looking for a chance to use up this inventory.”
posted by Claire Liau on 8-15-2009 at 12:22 pm
“Don’t you feel lucky to be cast in a David Lynch film?”
posted by David on 8-15-2009 at 1:55 pm
“I don’t care what the straw poles and gallop poles say, I’m not consulting with the Equine’s Behind pole. In fact, next time, I’m going to Korea myself!… Come Chelsea.”
posted by John Wiggins on 8-15-2009 at 4:04 pm
I dunno Miley, your last pole dance generated enough attention, doncha think?
posted by rogueclassicist on 8-15-2009 at 4:05 pm
“I’m sorry ma’am, but you still need to wear a seat belt.”
posted by Stevox on 8-15-2009 at 4:59 pm
If I can teach a horse to pole dance, I sure as hell can teach you!
posted by ALAMODE on 8-15-2009 at 5:59 pm
He Looks goof, but I’m still not getting that “smell of napalm in the morning.”
posted by Denise Osso on 8-15-2009 at 7:53 pm
I told you to find one of the greats that died in battle, not one that fell off the merry-go-round.
posted by Monica on 8-16-2009 at 12:37 am
Oh, this… it’s to ensure our Tenors hit their High C’s when they descend from the clouds!
posted by Amy on 8-16-2009 at 1:19 am
It was left here anonymously by some smarta** when one of the singers made the comment that we aren’t a bunch of stiffs… that we also enjoy horsing around!
posted by Amy on 8-16-2009 at 9:44 am
Sorry, but this strip club has a “No Horses” policy…
posted by Jason on 8-16-2009 at 1:07 pm
“Yeah it hurts at first, but you get used to it”.
posted by Robert Holdridge on 8-16-2009 at 4:53 pm
“And when you complete your training, you’ll be able to skewer a horse on a blunted pole like so.”
reacptcha: penanced in
posted by Frank on 8-16-2009 at 7:50 pm
“Could you give me a hand getting this over to the rotisserie?”
posted by David on 8-16-2009 at 8:40 pm
I doubt Robert Duval would have used the tune if he knew about this.
posted by Dave on 8-16-2009 at 9:20 pm
“Welcome to the rider’s ed class. When all the clouds have passed and you feel that it is safe, signal and pull out into the breeze slowly.”
posted by Lars on 8-17-2009 at 12:32 am
Surely you must be joking I can’t ride that.
I’m not joking but Loki did design it.
And don’t call me Shirley.
posted by Tony on 8-17-2009 at 12:35 pm
Sorry dearie!
You’re a few decades too late for the Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd picture.
posted by Y on 8-17-2009 at 3:28 pm
“…and since you’ll be undercover, we’ll issue you the ‘Little Girl’ disguise, so the pigtails stay and the spear’s gotta go.”
posted by Brett on 8-17-2009 at 4:25 pm
OK, but does he neigh in German?
posted by Denise Osso on 8-17-2009 at 7:54 pm
How do you say “Giddyap” in German?
posted by Denise Osso on 8-17-2009 at 7:54 pm
Fate, shmate. I juist want a good ride, if you know what I mean.
posted by Denise Osso on 8-17-2009 at 7:55 pm