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Yes, more everyday, practical advice from your friends at Mental_Floss. Actually, today’s lesson is excerpted from a wonderful little tome called The Action Heroine’s Handbook, an at-a-glance guide to everything from the finer points of outrunning a fireball to the best techniques for choking a man with your bare thighs. This one’s for your outdoorsy types.
1. Determine if you’re in Bigfoot territory.
If you’re off the beaten path, in a forested area in a climate that has heavy precipitation, you could be in the proverbial ballpark.
2. Use your senses.
Look: Bigfoots have distinctive five-toed footprints, up to 20 inches long and 7 inches wide.
Listen: Hear any cracking branches, heavy bipedal footfalls or unfamiliar grunts?
Smell: Bigfoots sometimes emit a sickening odor, described as a cross between a dead animal and a wet dog.
3. If you spot a Bigfoot, don’t make prolonged eye contact.
Most sightings have been at a comfortable distance beyond 50 feet. Looking down may be interpreted as a sign of submission; instead, keep him (or her) in your peripheral vision.
4. Fool the sasquatch into thinking you’re another creature of the forest.
Try mimicking the beast’s current behavior — kneel down, eat berries or vegetation — to signal that you’re not a threat.
5. Create a distraction.
Bigfoots are about as intelligent as the great apes in that they do not use fire or tools and are easily distracted. Try throwing a rock or a stick into the forest behind the beast. Do NOT throw anything AT the Bigfoot.
6. Hightail it.
Once you’re out of sight, you can be reasonably sure that you’re out of danger.
MY ORIGINAL NOTE TO YOU DID NOT GO THRU…NONTHELESS, IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN IN BETWEEN HOLIDAY, BEFORE XMAS, YOU MIGHT CONSIDER HANUKKAH, THE JEWISH FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS, FREEDOM TO ENTER THE TEMPLE AGAIN…
THIS, OBVIOUSLY IS NOT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY…BUT IMPORTANT…
I LIKE YOUR MENTAL_FLOSS…ROSALIE ROSEN
posted by ROSALIE ROSEN on 12-6-2006 at 10:09 pm
Just a thought - Don’t great apes uses tools? Twigs sheared down for digging around termite nests and so forth? Not that it matters much, because that’ll be the furthest thing from my mind if I’m trying to outwit The Bigfoot.
I’m still wondering about crushing windpipes with my thighs after that post by the by…
posted by LuluJ on 12-7-2006 at 6:59 am
Great apes use tools!
Come on here, people. Jane Goodall saw chimps termite fishing in 1960! Recent footage has shown gorillas using a large stick to test water depth in Congo-Brazzaville. There’s data on wild orangs using tools in Sumatra, and bonobos definitely show tool use in captivity. Hell, wild capuchins use tools, and they’re new world monkeys!
Of course, Bigfoot might not use tools, but don’t go lumping great apes in there with him. That’s all I’m sayin’.
posted by c on 12-7-2006 at 8:29 am
Many reports that I’ve read about claim that Bigfoot is a specialist at throwing rocks- big ones, and accurately.
One report was from a man who was fishing, and watched a relatively tame deer walk to the water not far from him. Suddenly a large rock nailed the deer in the ribs, killing it, and Bigfoot slung the carcass over his shoulder and calmly wandered back to the bush. Maybe they are way smarter than we think, and that may explain their ability to avoid detection.
posted by ardyjay on 11-26-2007 at 7:54 pm