Jason English
What’s the Strangest Thing You’ve Returned?
by Jason English - September 4, 2009 - 8:05 AM
bloghead_fridayhappyhour1.gif

Every Friday, I post a series of unrelated questions meant to spark conversation in the comments. Answer one, answer all, respond to someone else’s reply, whatever you want. It’s casual. On to this week’s topics of discussion…

grapes1. I recently found myself in a “Wow, am I really doing this?” moment at Stop & Shop, and not in a good or exciting way—I was returning grapes.

During my three-year stint as an A&P cashier (and Tuesday Night Front End Manager), I would have ridiculed anyone who returned produce moments after purchasing it. But these grapes were not sufficiently seedless. In fact, they were quite seedful, which ran counter to the packaging, on which the word “seedless” appeared in two languages. I received a full refund and was not asked to pay for the three grapes I’d already eaten. Big win for Team English.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever returned? (Or the weirdest reason you’ve given for returning something?)

2. What’s your last “Wow, am I really doing this?” moment?

neighbors

3. The quirky neighbor is a sitcom staple. Eddie Haskel, Skippy Handelman, Steve Urkel—it’s practically a requirement of the genre. If you could have one sitcom neighbor move into the house, apartment or dorm room next door, who would you pick (and why)?

4. And for our weekly end-of-the-decade question, what was the best band to form and break up since 2000? (Or if that’s too hard, the best band to break up since 2000.)

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

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Comments (75)

  1. What? They’ve actually had music since 2000?!

    posted by David Dixon on 9-4-2009 at 8:25 am

  2. 1. I’ve returned a tub of cottage cheese because it had soured. Not sure why it had as the date was good, but the whey had turned yellowish and clear. I can still gag thinking about how it tasted.

    2. Anyone who has ever had pets has had to perform what I call “an assist.” This is what you have to do when your pet eats yarn or rubber bands, and ends up with a hanger-on. The last time I did that, I did actually had the thought, “am I really doing this?”

    3. Not the goofy neighbor, but in a neighborly spirit, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings if Janet Wood from Three’s Company moved next door.

    posted by Dave on 9-4-2009 at 8:26 am

  3. 1. Hearing aids.

    2. Hang upside down from a bridge to get a shot of the supports for an inspection, cause the boat was out of order.

    3. Rose from Two and 1/2 Men

    4. Hansen

    posted by Andy on 9-4-2009 at 8:50 am

  4. 1. ????

    2. Since I became a mom, I have done and said many things I never thought I would have to.

    3. Harry Weston

    4. No idea. If it ain’t rock and roll, I can’t hear it.

    posted by Hyacinth on 9-4-2009 at 9:04 am

  5. 1. Movie tickets. The projector broke twice during a showing of ‘The Dark Knight’ and I asked for my money back.
    2. Yelling at my son to finish his homework. I was using the exact phrases my dad used to yell at me.
    3. How about the doctor from Golden Girls (Harry?), the guy who became the star of ‘Empty Nest.’
    4. To break up — Oasis!

    posted by Brad on 9-4-2009 at 9:10 am

  6. 1. A shirt with too much material
    2. Catching myself doing my mama’s mannerisms
    3. Barney from How I Met Your Mother. Enough said.
    4. Remember the New Radicals? I’m not entirely sure, but they were at the 2000 mark. One CD and poof! they were gone.

    posted by Kate on 9-4-2009 at 9:30 am

  7. 1). I don’t return things enough, unfortunately. Either I’m just too lazy or I figure it was my fault for not being careful enough in the first place.

    2). I caught myself having a debate with my 2-year old daughter the other day about whether or not her “jammies” were the same things as her “clothes.” Yep, I lost the argument.

    3). Skippy from Family Ties. He seems like a quiet enough, harmless kid.

    4). two favorites here: The Jayhawks are reforming with their original lineup, and The Badlees are releasing a new album in October!

    posted by Pete on 9-4-2009 at 9:33 am

  8. 1. I returned a pack of Twix before. I opened the pack and bit down before I noticed that it had aged to a point where the chocolate had an appearance like someone showered it with baby powder. They said I could trade it for another Twix. To me, that lacked common sense because they are all of the same age in that box, so I asked for my $1.29 back.

    2. My “am I really doing this” moment is actually positive! I was asked by my friends if I wanted to go to New York City for the day (note: they asked me the day before they were going). I agreed. The following morning, around 3a.m., we were on our way. I’m not always the spontanious type and I had never been to NYC before. That was a “am I really doing this” moment. Now, a week later, I do it again by myself to meet up with some people I met to hang out again! I had never been to NYC before, and out of nowhere, went twice within one week’s time.

    3. EEEEYYYYYYYY, who else but the Fonz?!

    4. You’re stretching this question, Jason. I’m agreeing with David Dixon on this one to an extent. There has been some good music, I just can’t think of any of the bands that have formed and broken up that quickly.

    posted by Steven on 9-4-2009 at 9:34 am

  9. 1. My mother used a car seat for both my brothers, 6 years total, and kept the receipt. She then returned it once they outgrew it and the store took it back! She also did the same with a set of couches that we had for 2 years that she got bored of….

    2. Attempting to pay for a summer abroad in Africa. I’m attending a primatology field school come next summer

    3.

    posted by Victoria on 9-4-2009 at 9:35 am

  10. 1. A bag of shredded cheese. Expiration date was fine, but you could see a big chunk of mold through the packaging. Luckily saw it when I got home so I never opened it. The highlight was the service lady saying as she looked it over “Well, we typically don’t take returns on . . . ew, god! That’s terrible!”
    2. Watched someone very close to me die, knowing it was going to happen (i.e. they were taken off of medical care @ hospital). Extremely surreal. Kept thinking ‘is this really happening?’
    3. Ned Flanders. He’s got a kegerator in his basement and a pool table. I could get lit and play 9 ball every sunday morning while they were at church.
    4. Audioslave. Not a rabid fan, but do dig Chris Cornell. And Tom Morello is an interesting player.

    posted by EV on 9-4-2009 at 9:41 am

  11. 1. I returned a pair of shorts I bought for my son after discovering one leg was 2 inches longer than the other.

    2. Pre-kids, I never thought having 15 minutes alone to clean a bathroom would thrill me–but it’s 15 minutes ALONE, and i get a CLEAN bathroom (for another 15 minutes, at least).

    3. Gordon from Sesame Street. He seems like a nice, clean, easy going guy. Really almost anyone from Sesame Street–the ultimate neighborhood.

    4.I am so behind in music–you’ll have to ask me in 2020 about bands who formed in 2000!

    posted by Kate on 9-4-2009 at 9:41 am

  12. 1. I don’t return much. I did work the return counter at a place rampant with theft and people would still the price tags and buy items at Goodwill and try to return them at our store. The smell would give it away….
    2. I guess my most recent would be going for my ultrasound to see my baby for the first time.
    3. Kate: Gordon from Sesame Street is a great fella. I got to meet him when I was a kid. It was awesome. However, I would choose Cleveland Brown from Family Guy.
    4. Barenaked Ladies got together in the 90′s but their break up still bugs me.

    posted by Jamie on 9-4-2009 at 9:55 am

  13. 1. I’ve only had to return wedding gifts 3 sets of silverware, 4 casserole dishes, 2 tea kettles, and 5 sets of glasses.

    2. walking down the aisle a little over a year after I declared I never wanted to get married.

    3. King Friday XIII from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood

    4. uhhh… I’m kind of excited about No Doubt getting back together. Other than that I can probably list a few bands I wish WOULD break-up.

    posted by Megan on 9-4-2009 at 10:12 am

  14. 1. Shortly after I moved into my first house in 2004 I bought $400 in items from Lowe’s to redo my entryway. I had the best of intention, but it never happened. When I moved to my new house this summer, I picked up those items and returned them to Lowe’s, no, I didn’t have my receipt, but I got store credit!

    2. I have had two serious car accidents this summer, neither my fault. They were seperated by 4 weeks. My new car was two weeks old when I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a cement truck coming at me full boar. Then I said, “Is this really happening?” (Actually what I said really isn’t appropriate for Mental_Floss.)

    3. Wilson Wilson from Home Improvement. I need a quirky wise neighbor to talk to sometimes.

    posted by Witty Nickname on 9-4-2009 at 10:21 am

  15. 2. Training for a trail running race in the Rockies following 5 years of plantor fasciitis (chronic foot inflammation) that stopped me doing pretty much any sport.

    posted by Matt on 9-4-2009 at 10:27 am

  16. 1. Someone else came through my wife’s line when she worked at K-Mart trying to return the “worst ice cream he had EVER tasted.” When he pulled it out…it was that dog treat ice cream, it was meant for dogs. She got the pleasure of explain that to a bewildered old man.

    2. Probably stepping of the bus at Basic Training.

    3. Wilson from Home Improvement

    4. I don’t know any bands that started after 2000, but I miss The White Stripes and BNL.

    posted by Justin Pawlaczyk on 9-4-2009 at 11:03 am

  17. In college I had to return a $275 “gently used” textbook that had the first and last page of every chapter torn out…yes, seriously.

    posted by Megan on 9-4-2009 at 11:10 am

  18. 1.) my ex and i used to argue ALL the time, and every time we got into it he would throw his cheap universal tv remote at the wall. every time it would break, and when the argument was over we would put it back into the package and go exchange it. sorry walmart!

    2.) probably last night, when i was attempting to take a good picture of me and my cat with my cell phone. i was in my apartment by myself, and i felt like the crazy cat lady.

    3.) ferguson from clarissa explains it all! awww, i love him!

    4.) o-town! haaa. :]

    posted by katie on 9-4-2009 at 11:14 am

  19. 1.) A Wii. I bought one for a friend’s birthday and found out the day before her party that she just received one. This was when they were flying off the shelves. The store clerk looked at me like I was nuts. The two people behind me who were also returning items were fighting over who could buy it.

    2.) Catching my son’s vomit in my hands. Motherhood does the darnedest things to the psyche.

    3.) Emmitt from “Queer As Folk”. He was so much fun, and, I imagine, an excellent shopping buddy.

    4.) Savage Garden. I really do miss them. Darren Hayes is a good artist, but Savage Garden was much, much better.

    posted by tambalina on 9-4-2009 at 11:18 am

  20. 1.The strangest thing was actually returned to me… I was working as a supermarket cashier at the time and an old woman was returning a loaf of bread that had a large air pocket that had baked into it. She complained that we sold it on purpose in order to dupe people out of money and that it didn’t taste right. I remember the baker coming over to inspect the item saying under her breath “Hmm, seems good enough for you to eat half of it”

    2. My last “Am I really doing this?” moment was when I married my husband. It was the second go round for both of us and we had planned and executed our own wedding. It was a small affair but when I saw my family and friends starting to show up, I had a moment of “Oh God I can’t believe this is happening! Am I really doing this???”

    3. I liked Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing from Friends to have as neighbors. They are so much like the boys I grew up with and I love banter.

    4. I don’t pay enough attention to the current music scene anymore. I would have to say Alice in Chains – but they formed in the 90′s, broke up in 2002 and then got back together in 2005 :)

    posted by Sarah on 9-4-2009 at 11:19 am

  21. @ Justin and Jamie

    BNL isn’t broken up, they’re just down a member and are still touring. I think they’re releasing a new cd in a few months or so. Their website is linked to my name. :<)

    posted by Chia on 9-4-2009 at 11:19 am

  22. 1. A pair of pants that said they were my size but when I went to get them shortened were two sizes too small. I had just gotten back from a hiking vacation and I was freaking out that I had put of weight.

    2. I was duct-taped to a wall for a scavenger hunt

    3. He’s not really the neighbor but Leonard from The Big Bang Theory. He’s very nerdy like myself but also kind of cute.

    4. Almost all of my favorite bands are still together but I’d have to say Oasis because whenever I hear “Champagne Supernova,” it’s stuck in my head for days because its so catchy.

    posted by Elizabeth on 9-4-2009 at 11:28 am

  23. 3) Cosmo Kramer

    posted by Paul on 9-4-2009 at 11:33 am

  24. 1. My radar detector had died, so I stopped off at Wal-Mart before heading out on a long trip and purchased a new one. After returning from my trip, I went back to Wal-Mart and returned the radar detector. Told them that the woman’s voice that told of the alert scared the sh*t out of me while I was driving. The guy laughed and readily returned my money.

    2. I work in a prison and never thought I would be a therapist to this population. Everyone who knows me thought I was making a huge mistake, as this does not really fit my personality. It’s not so bad. Glad I took the chance.

    I will second (or third) the votes for things we do as moms, too. Lots of things come with this job title that I never thought I would do.

    3. Ned Flanders.

    4. Stone Temple Pilots and their on/off relationship with singer Scott Weiland has been off-putting.

    posted by Lori on 9-4-2009 at 11:34 am

  25. 1. I don’t think I’ve ever returned anything unusual, but when I was in college I worked at a home improvement store. We sold kits that included all the wood and hardware you’d need to build a picnic table. There was a customer that purchased one of these kits, assembled it, PAINTED it, and then returned it because “it wasn’t what he expected to get”. He couldn’t tell that before he painted it?!?!

    posted by Melissa on 9-4-2009 at 11:47 am

  26. 1. A $250 Whiting and Davis purse that I bought for a wedding. I loved it, but realized it wasn’t practical. I bought it on a Friday, used it for the wedding and returned it on Monday.

    2. My fear of heights prevents me from riding on a ferris wheel (but I love Roller Coasters – go figure). My son & I were at an amusement park and he asked me to go on the Ferris Wheel with him. I went, but the whole time I was saying, “I can’t believe I’m doing this”.

    3. Kramer from Seinfeld…

    posted by Sue on 9-4-2009 at 11:47 am

  27. were you at shoprite? i bought grapes from there last week that said they were seedless and totally werent!

    posted by Kristen on 9-4-2009 at 11:57 am

  28. 1. My boyfriend, me, his friend, and his friend’s girlfriend decided that we wanted a campout but only his friend had a tent and we weren’t about to share one with another couple. So my boyfriend and I went to Wal-Mart bought a tent, used it for the night, and then returned it the next day. Wal-Mart happily took it back. I’m glad they didn’t look real close because we did things in that tent that should have made us keep it :)

    2. Every morning I get up and ask “Am I really doing this?” because I do not like my job and I am too overqualified to be getting Vice President’s coffee. But I should just be happy that I do have a job.

    3. I would have to go with Joey and Chandler as well. Who wouldn’t want to play an awesome game of “FireBall!”

    4. They aren’t breaking up per se but I’m sad that Nine Inch Nails won’t be touring anymore :(

    posted by Colene on 9-4-2009 at 12:02 pm

  29. 1. I once had to return a 2-litre waxed cardboard carton of milk to a 7-11 because there was a HUGE dead crane fly stuck to the inner (!) surface. Sadly, my (then) girlfriend and I had already consumed about a third of the milk.

    2. Since becoming a dad, there are probably too many things to list, although actually becoming a dad (watching my son being born) was probably a highlight. Watching my mother die a couple of months ago would be an answer to the question at the other end of the spectrum (in so many ways).

    3. Definitely the Flanderses. It would be too much fun asking them tough questions and watching them flander – er, flounder.

    4. I can’t keep track of who’s broken up or still together, so I’ll just say Dead Donkeys.

    posted by Jon. on 9-4-2009 at 12:16 pm

  30. 1. In 2002 I returned an opened Indiana Jones CD-Rom game to Best Buy when I realized I didn’t have a fast enough processor on my machine for it. The girl at the counter just stared at me, then told me I couldn’t return it because it was opened. This was NEWS TO ME, and I stormed out.

    4. This is so obvious~ At The Drive-In!

    posted by Johnny Cat on 9-4-2009 at 12:25 pm

  31. 1. The weirdest thing I’ve had to return would have to be a sinus rinse (unused, yes). I was happy to get my money back on that one!

    2. My latest “Wow, am I really doing this?” moment would have to be a toss-up between riding a roller coaster for the first time this summer (terrifying) or paying college tuition last week (equally horror-inducing). Both make you pause and review your life for a moment…

    3. I would love to have Bill Cosby as a neighbor. I grew up in the ’90s so I’m not as familiar with him as I could be, but I think he’s pretty cool.

    posted by Anna on 9-4-2009 at 12:36 pm

  32. 1. I had just finished grocery shopping on a 90+ day and my battery died. I had to go back and return the ice cream, hot dogs, and whatever other cold stuff I had got so I could find someone to jump my car and go get it fixed. Finally the 3rd person I asked helped, rude. I even had my own jumper cables.

    2. I interned for an arena football team and we won the championship. Being in the locker room and having champagne poured over my head will always be my top am I doing this/surreal moment.

    3. seth and ryan from the oc

    4. LFO, haha no. I can’t think of any.

    posted by k on 9-4-2009 at 12:39 pm

  33. Is anyone else but me noticing the correlation between items returned and their origins of purchase? I’m seeing a strong trend of Walmart related paraphernalia contributing to this list.

    posted by Steven on 9-4-2009 at 1:01 pm

  34. 4. I really miss Desaparecidos. Read Music Speak Spanish was a really fantastic album.

    posted by James on 9-4-2009 at 1:02 pm

  35. 1. I returned an $0.89 funnel to Wal Mart. I bought it when I picked up oil for my truck but I found the one I had lost when I got home. My gf said I was nuts for returning something so cheap.

    2. Sitting in five hours of traffic to get to Atlantic City on a Saturday. Am I really doing this just to go play some penny slots?

    3. Glen Quagmire. hahaha

    4. Velvet Revolver…yeah, they’re not broken up but I wish Scott Weiland didn’t quit.

    posted by CJ on 9-4-2009 at 1:04 pm

  36. 1. Full livingroom set at Wal Mart…their 90 no questions asked policy is awesome. Three months in Colorado on summer $4000, living room set $0. Just kidding…but I know this guy who knows a guy who’s friend did that.

    2. I just got married…

    3. Eddie Haskel…he’s the perfect friend to get you into a lot of trouble.

    4.Audioslave

    posted by graham on 9-4-2009 at 2:09 pm

  37. 3) DALE GRIBBLE…

    posted by Anon Emous on 9-4-2009 at 2:15 pm

  38. 4. Moxy Fruvous was formed in 1989, and “took a break” in 2001 or so. I wish I had gotten into them when they were still together. They made some great music.

    posted by PunKid on 9-4-2009 at 2:23 pm

  39. @Susan, I am so with you on that! I absolutely love love love roller coasters but cannot tolerate ferris wheels, anything high in the air like that (I know, but I close my eyes on that first big hill on the coasters), or anything twirly… think tea cups. Barf!

    posted by Hyacinth on 9-4-2009 at 2:38 pm

  40. Kate-
    be careful what you wish for…Gordon on Sesame Street used to play a pimp on a soap opera!!

    posted by Lorbie on 9-4-2009 at 2:50 pm

  41. 1. My (now) husband and I returned my first engagement ring together. I really liked it but the store was giving us the run-around on resizing etc and he was getting so frustrated that they were making things difficult so we took them up on their “no questions asked” return policy. It’s probably not often that an engagement ring is returned by a couple who still plan on getting married! (my new one is much nicer and the other store will clean and resize for free anytime I want!)

    2. Making a laaarrrrge withdrawal (my life savings!) for our first house was a big “am I really doing this” moment…

    3. Definitely Joey & Chandler! They can eat from my fridge anytime…

    4. that’s a tough one…

    posted by ab on 9-4-2009 at 2:51 pm

  42. My boyfriend and I were making a very elaborate dinner. When all of our sides were finished we threw the fish on the grill. Immediately my boyfriend calls me over because a worm was squirming its way out of the fish. When we went to return it, the manager told me that worms like that are common and we were silly for returning it…never going there again!

    posted by Jenna on 9-4-2009 at 2:53 pm

  43. 1. My wife and I returned our formal silverware we registered for at Bed Bath and Beyond. We decided we could use the money to purchase a shade tent for ultimate tournaments that would get used much more often.

    2. I went water-skiing / wake-boarding with my 60 year old dentist a couple weekends ago. It was awesome.

    3. I love the vote for Wilson Wilson. Could there be a better a better neighbor?

    4. Driveshaft – I can’t believe Charlie died.

    posted by Chris on 9-4-2009 at 3:31 pm

  44. 1. I don’t return stuff. Ever.
    2. Probably when I went skydiving. I went tandem so I was strapped to the front of some stranger, the door was flug open and the instructor is yelling at me (because you’re 10,000ft in the air with an open door on a plane) to get to the edge of the door. Cold wind whipping in my face (temp drops 3 degrees every 1,000ft you travel up–and this was July), tiny ant farm world below me, and I’m trusting my life to a big piece of fabric and some cord. Crazy awesome.
    3. Anyone from Friends.
    4. Cold broke up last year-ish, but they’re back together and I will be seeing them in a few weeks! Yay! Unfortunately, Evans Blue broke up and will never be the same again.

    posted by jamie on 9-4-2009 at 3:37 pm

  45. I returned cooked shrimp scampi…
    The shrimp had an odd taste and smell before I cooked it and after cooking it it still was gross…

    When I returned the hot meal oddly some of the employees were like, “That smells good can I eat it”…

    I think the ReCaptcha is trying to confess something:

    Touched clifden

    posted by Chrystani on 9-4-2009 at 4:00 pm

  46. 1. Beer, but not like the McKenzie brothers but because it had basically turned into vinegar. There is a party in your mouth you do not want after that first big pull.

    2. Kaoroke, sober.

    3. Rose from Two and a Half Men or Penny from The Big Bang Theory.

    4. TLC

    posted by Wrongo on 9-4-2009 at 4:12 pm

  47. 1. Returned to Petsmart a dog chew toy called a jolly ball that was supposed to be indestructible. It wasn’t. They were good enough to give us 1/2 price return which I thought was fair.

    3. Joey & Chandler

    posted by TC on 9-4-2009 at 4:43 pm

  48. 1. The Last Unicorn dvd…don’t ask
    2. Despite the stinky feet issue I would have to say Kimmy from Full House
    3.?

    posted by Brandy on 9-4-2009 at 6:17 pm

  49. 1. Deli Turkey. It was moldy.
    2. Today I found myself playing “guns” with a 7- and 5-year-old at an empty park that is situated on a rather busy street. So here I am holding two semi-giant nerf guns minus bullets chasing these kids around. trees and making shooting noises The trash-man gave me a thumbs up. I saluted him.
    3. First thought, “Kimmy Gibler.” But only if Danny was my dad yelling, “GIBLEEERRRR!!” Oh, and Uncle Jessie has to be in that situation somewhere.
    4. I couldn’t tell you…

    posted by MissAnna on 9-4-2009 at 6:53 pm

  50. 4. Wolfmother

    posted by AWH on 9-4-2009 at 7:17 pm

  51. 1. I once returned a single pair of panties from a pack of 3. My reason was the panties broke as I was putting them on for the first time, I felt bad because it took the guy a while to figure out how to refund just one pair.
    2. ?
    3. Wilson from Home Improvement
    4. Audioslave, I enjoyed their music.

    posted by bronte1818 on 9-4-2009 at 7:31 pm

  52. 3. Wilson Wilson…He’d be SUCH a cool neighbor, not that there’s anything wrong with my neigbors.

    posted by Sara in AL on 9-4-2009 at 8:27 pm

  53. 1. I don’t have a strange return story, but my father does: My Dad bought a cassette which was supposed to be an album by some female singer (I forget who it was), but then he played the cassette and it turned out to be an album by Bruce Hornsby. Both the cassette case and the cassette itself said otherwise. When he returned the cassette the music store employee noted that it was especially difficult to explain how the tape with Bruce Hornsby’s album wound up in the cassette of the other artist, because the female singer and Bruce Hornsby weren’t even on the same record label…

    2. Buying my first house with my husband. Even a couple of months later I still felt like the real owners were going to show up and kick us out.

    3. Jack McFarland from Will and Grace.

    4. Death From Above 1979; a great Canadian musical duo who did actually form and break-up since the year 2000.

    posted by Jester on 9-4-2009 at 8:38 pm

  54. I can’t believe how many people chose Kramer for #3. That guy would slide into my apartment exactly one time and I’d have about six locks installed.

    posted by Rich T on 9-4-2009 at 8:54 pm

  55. One Christmas I received a gorgeous, cuddly, way too expensive cashmere robe. On the outside it was wonderful and I was all ready to enjoy it. Then I put it on and it Scratched. oops – better to return than to leave it hanging in the closet.

    “Am I really doing this?” ~ watching the birth of two grandsons. Wow! Very different than giving birth myself.

    posted by Susan Mix on 9-4-2009 at 9:46 pm

  56. 1. I have a tie: I returned a frozen pizza that had no sauce on it. Just cheese and chicken. Customer service fully supported me. I also returned a package of Depends that I had bought for a white elephant gift, but did not go to the party.

    2. The first time I got a tattoo. I was only 18, which was technically illegal.

    3. Millie from Freaks and Geeks. She would keep me grounded.

    4. The Jonas Brothers (just wait for it)

    BTW, Barenaked Ladies are playing in my hometown this weekend, so they’re definately together (but as stated previously, a member short.

    Also, the prevalence of Wal-Mart on this list does not necessarily reflect poor quality, but an EXTREMELY liberal return policy. I worked customer service in college, and management would take back anything if the customer got angry enough – even if they knew it had been used and abused. I did get to draw the line at dry, mixed up Play-Doh though.

    posted by Jill on 9-4-2009 at 9:55 pm

  57. 1. I returned some ice cream because it was B and J’s and it was gritty! What an abomination.
    2. Swimming in the ocean, at night, in my clothes. Booze cruises are wrong, ya’ll.
    3. Mr Feeney. He could give me good advice!
    4. I’m a total cheeseball for this, and it really doesn’t count, but *NSYNC. If they reunite, I will be there with my teenage girl self.

    posted by Wendy on 9-4-2009 at 10:08 pm

  58. @jester: I once bought a Carpenters 2 cd set where the first one was fine but the second one had some rock group. Being the odd 17 year old I was, I promptly got a refund. The print and everything is fine, but I wonder who the other group was now.

    posted by Wendy on 9-4-2009 at 10:42 pm

  59. 1. My fiancee recently purchased on-line what were supposed to be octopus shaped earrings for her daughter’s birthday. When they arrived, they didn’t look anything like an octopus. When she went on line to return them, the artist who made them was very upset, saying that no one had ever returned her work before. She sent them back anyway. Then the artist emailed and apologized saying that she had sent cuddle fish by mistake. My opinion? They looked like ticks about to explode.

    2. Jumping off the 10 meter platform at our local pool when I was 16 just to impress a girl.

    3. Arnold Ziffle of course, that pig was amazing

    4. Huh?

    posted by Tex on 9-4-2009 at 11:10 pm

  60. 1. A moldy cheeseburger from a vending machine. Unfortunately I didn’t notice it was moldy until after the first bite…
    2. Jumping off the boat and swimming in the Amazon River.
    3. Not really a neighbor, but Sam Axe from Burn Notice.
    4. Gotta be Audioslave. But I’m still missing Oingo Boingo from the 80′s and 90′s!

    posted by Bill Mc. on 9-4-2009 at 11:45 pm

  61. 1. I had to return an open can of lump crabmeat once. I was planning on making crab cakes, but I opened the can, and peeee-yyeeeww! Not good; the store gave me a full refund.

    2. Finding out I was pregnant after my husband I decided we were done with kids (we have 2 already), and a week before a scheduled IUD placement. That was a shocker! The idea is still growing on me- literally.

    3. I’d have to agree with anyone from “Friends.” They’ve always got your back, and Monica would always have something delicious on the stove or in the fridge.

    posted by Tamsyn on 9-5-2009 at 7:14 am

  62. @Punkid
    When I was in grade five oh…nine years ago our teacher once played Moxy Fruvous’s Green Eggs and Ham for us. We begged him to play it for us Every Day, we even voted against the hockey song to do Green Eggs and Ham for the Christmas AND spring concerts.

    @tambelina
    I once caught my nieces vomit in my hands and immediately dropped it. Too gross for me!

    1. It’s not so much a refund as an exchange, but my best friend’s birthday came around and my friends and I agreed that part of her gift would be a $30 gift card. I had gotten a $40 gift card to the same place for my birthday and I was so low on funds I asked them to split the card in two.
    2. My most recent “Am I Really Doing This?” moment was when I started my streetcar tours. I can’t afford a city tour, so I decided to ride every streetcar in my city to see it. I think I’m liking it more than any bus or boat tour!

    posted by Kat on 9-5-2009 at 12:46 pm

  63. My friend just bought a tub of ice cream at a convenience store, got home and found it had been opened and partially eaten… and he DIDN’T return it.

    not quite what you were asking for but…

    posted by ann on 9-5-2009 at 1:00 pm

  64. 1. My first job was at a grocery store and I worked at the customer service booth handling returns, money orders, and the like. Early one Sunday morning a sheepish-looking teenager came in and returned an unopened box of Trojan condoms. He had the receipt and everything, so I gave him his money back (condoms are expensive!). I probably scarred him for life because I couldn’t help saying, “Last night didn’t go as planned?” and he looked utterly mortified as he nodded. If he’s out there, sorry for saying that, I couldn’t resist.

    posted by Mandy on 9-5-2009 at 3:59 pm

  65. 1. Onion Dip. I forget what brand it was, but it was DISGUSTING. I was so mad about how incredibly disgusting it was that I returned it.

    2. Diving off a cliff in Jamaica, the one at Rick’s Cafe. While most people jump, I dove. I thought I was crazy while I was doing it, but everyone there thought I was so cool. :)

    3. I have no idea.

    4. Rose Nyland.

    posted by Lisa on 9-5-2009 at 9:29 pm

  66. 3. I’d like to be the girls who live beneath Michael, Michael, and David in Stella. Or have Liz’s doctor neighbor in 30 Rock.

    posted by Erika on 9-6-2009 at 4:38 am

  67. 3. Wilson from Home Improvement! He always gave great advice

    posted by Hannah on 9-6-2009 at 10:29 am

  68. 1. I returned a snow shovel that broke almost in half after attempting to shovel one scoop of snow!

    2. When I moved into my first home. I rented the house the first month since my closing kept getting delayed so that first month of living there was very surreal!

    3. Boner from Growing Pains!

    4. Audioslave! (Also, I didn’t know Oasis broke up. . .but those brothers are crazy so I don’t doubt it!)

    posted by Mavis on 9-6-2009 at 11:54 am

  69. 1. A bottle of moisturizer. A friend recommended it to me. After I bought it, I realized that I couldn’t justify spending $40 on moisturizer.

    posted by Becki on 9-6-2009 at 12:36 pm

  70. 1. I once returned about 400 pounds of hardwood flooring to Lowe’s because I had picked up the wrong color. They were very good about it and unloaded it for me.

    2. My moment was 2 weeks ago when I became a full-time college student starting my freshman year at age 38.

    3. Wilson Wilson. I just loved him.

    4. They haven’t broken up, per se, but Jim Lindberg of Pennywise is leaving the band. I don’t think it’ll be the same without him.

    posted by grouchonacouch on 9-6-2009 at 1:03 pm

  71. I returned a honeydew melon. When I cut into it, it reeked of onion…I bundled it up, put it in several plastic bags and went back to the store. They wanted to check it and make sure- I told them that they could do anything after I left the store, but if they opened the bag, I would be quite ill all over their floor. They had the nerve to offer an exchange, so I said that I would open it in the middle of the produce department and offer samples- money returned! Unfortunately, my house stunk for days.

    posted by michelle on 9-6-2009 at 10:32 pm

  72. 3. Definitely Kramer

    4. RIP The Format 2001-2008

    posted by Rachel on 9-7-2009 at 1:11 am

  73. 4. Rachel, I agree. I love the Format.

    posted by Kay on 9-7-2009 at 1:29 am

  74. 2. Like EV, sitting with my dad for four days in hospice watching him die. Very, very surreal.
    4. Liz Lemon!!!!!!

    posted by Nosky on 9-7-2009 at 8:09 am

  75. I’d like to clarify my original post about BNL breaking up….to me BNL is a five piece band that includes Steven Page….anything after that is CRAP. Total and utter crap. I feel bad insulting the four remaining band members, but no one can replace Steven’s voice/talent and ROUND OUT the band like he did. BNL no longer exists in my world…

    - Signed a die-hard FIVE PIECE BNL fan who owns every (five piece) CD, wishes I had a copy of the Yellow Tape, and has seen them 20+ times.

    P.S. So Gordon played a pimp on a soap…should we be afraid of James Gandolfini since he was a mafia Don on TV too?

    posted by Jamie on 9-8-2009 at 11:03 am

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