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I have no doubt that NASCAR-flavored bacon will be a big hit with red-state folks, but what about those of us in the blue states who love a good cheeseburger – and also were moved by the “little tortured baby cow” episode of South Park? What are ethically-minded carnivores supposed to eat? If scientists have their way, we’ll soon be chowing down on test-tube hamburgers. Researchers have already been able to grow mouse and frog meat from stem cells in Petri dishes – the latter aimed at the French, I guess – as well as non-descript mystery meat that could be used in burgers and spaghetti sauce. Within five years they hope to have cultured beef, pork, and chicken on the market (insert “tastes like chicken” joke here).
The idea of lab-grown meat isn’t actually all that new. Cold War-era Soviet scientists managed to create protein-producing bacteria. Alas, they were more nutritious than delicious; they smelled so bad no one would eat them. NASA kicked off its own project in 2001 with the kind of haute cuisine only a cat could love: goldfish. The agency was trying to figure out if astronauts could grow their own poisson on long journeys, but it eventually dropped the project, and since then funding for this kind of stuff has been a little scarce. Test-tube chicken takes killing animals and fouling the environment out of the equation, but it’s still icky, which means there’s not a huge market. (Mangesh, you’re a vegetarian – would you eat this?) One researcher was approached by a group that offered him a big chunk of funding, with a caveat: they didn’t want him to grow frog, or mouse, or even beef muscle. They wanted their lab-grown meat served with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Yep – meat from human stem cells. Bon appetit!
That’s pretty amazing! I’m actually kind of a lax vegetarian (I fall off the wagon a number of times each year), but I think I’d probably still choose a plate of NASCAR veggies over boneless chicken grown in a test tube.
Of course, what you’re disgusted by changes. I remember when my friend Tim Gantzhorn stood up in front of the class in first grade and told everyone that he had raw fish for dinner at a Japanese restaurant the night before, and the entire class vomited. And now everyone’s a fiend for sushi (even in Delaware!), and it’s downright commonplace.
posted by Mangesh on 3-31-2006 at 8:49 am
I wouldn’t want to have been the janitor in your first grade, mangesh. That’s a whole lotta cleaning up.
As for lab-grown meat, I’m thinking more along the lines of Sea Monkeys. Ahhh, life before the Internet. Brutally slow to the point where THAT was exciting.
posted by David on 3-31-2006 at 9:18 am
i don’t know about you guys, but that picture makes me hungry. i bet those scientists sneak in bites when the others turn around.
posted by Will on 3-31-2006 at 9:21 am
I do like almost every variety of edible crustaceans, but sea monkeys? Not so sure brine shrimp would be my ideal dinner. Although, and I can’t believe I’m bringing up this show twice in the same post, there’s a great South Park episode in which the boys pour sea monkeys in their teacher’s coffee. The next day, she dies. Coincidence? I think not. Actually, does anyone know if there’s any reason you couldn’t eat sea monkeys? I tried to find out via Google, but all I was able to scare up was sea-monkey trivia (they’re born with three eyes! they breathe through their legs! and so on).
posted by Mary on 3-31-2006 at 9:51 am
I breathe through my leg, Mary. You should try it. Frees up the nose to do other things, like running.
posted by David on 3-31-2006 at 10:13 am
Mangesh Hattikudur,
Sorry if I scarred you for seafood for a while there :-(
T
posted by Tim Gantzhorn on 2-19-2008 at 1:27 pm