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Anyone can make a mediocre music video, but it takes a rare kind of, shall we say, anti-talent to make a truly awful one. Today, we celebrate those videos and the yawning black void of ideas from which they sprung, for there but for the grace of God, a smart guy once said, go we. Here, without further ado, are our top 6:
1: I Wanna Love You Tender by Finnish band Armi ja Danny
2: Dog Police by the band Dog Police, from their album “Dog Police”
3: Losing You by Jan Terri
Jan worked as a limo driver in Chicago and would give copies of the videos to her clients in an attempt to drum up interest in her fledgling singing career. These became cult favorites in advertising and marketing circles for Terri’s less-than-stellar singing ability and the videos’ amateur production quality. A copy of the video eventually made its way to rocker Marilyn Manson, who was intrigued. He had Terri perform at one of his parties, and was impressed enough with her sincerity to allow her to open for one of his concerts.
We really scrape the bottom of the barrel — after the jump.
4: The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins by Leonard Nimoy
A cut from Nimoy’s record “The Two Sides of Leonard Nimoy,” released in 1968. He was in the midst of shooting the second season of Star Trek when this video was made, which explains the Dr. Spock haircut. (Doesn’t quite explain the Vulcan/hobbit ears, however.)
5: Girl, You Know it’s True by Milli Vanilli
Considering how popular these guys were, and how much label backing they must’ve had when this video was made, it’s downright shocking how bad it is.
6: Let’s Get Physical by Olivia Newton-John
If the song is supposed to be sexy, this video is anything but.
Comments (18)
Comment
I could only take about 20 seconds of 2 of them…hideous is the best I can think of to describe the ones I saw
Dog Police by Dog Police on DogPolice of Dog Police seen only by Dog Police etc. etc.
posted by MOJORISIN on 2-5-2007 at 1:38 pm
What?!? No “Apache”?!?
posted by WitzEnd on 2-5-2007 at 3:46 pm
A dishonorable mention is “Dancin’ in the Street” by Mick Jagger and David Bowie.
I respect them both to death, but godDAMN was that a bad video.
posted by Jordan on 2-5-2007 at 5:47 pm
Does anyone know if Jan Terri is single and how I can get in contact with her?
posted by Bosch on 2-5-2007 at 5:53 pm
The last one - physical - was supposed to be bad….so does it still count?
posted by PaulH on 2-5-2007 at 9:03 pm
I don’t mean to be rude, but is Jan Terri wearing a false nose a la Nicole Kidman’s “The Hours” prosthetic, or is it just that her real nose doesn’t read well on film?
posted by LuluJane on 2-6-2007 at 2:37 am
Why is Leonard Nimoy singing about Bilbo Baggins? Is the other side of Leonard Nimoy a fan of “Lord of the Rings”?
posted by Laura on 2-7-2007 at 7:29 am
In Jan Terri’s video… I’m still trying to determine the symbolism of the wrecked car in the background at the lake… Brilliant. Maddeningly clever. Brava.
posted by Dsquared on 2-7-2007 at 8:50 am
Surprisingly, though, the Dog Police video won the “Best Amateur Video” contest on MTV the early 80s.
posted by Madpuppy on 2-7-2007 at 9:15 am
I don’t think the Dog Police one is that bad, the song is awful but the video is not that bad for an 80’s video, pretty standard low budget mtv era fodder.
posted by Dan on 2-7-2007 at 10:39 am
David Hasselhoff’s video for Hooked on a Feeling is pretty craptacular. It’s one of those that just make you sit there thinking “wtf?”
posted by Carrie on 2-7-2007 at 11:42 am
Don’t forget We Built this City by Starship!
posted by Freealonzo on 2-8-2007 at 7:42 am
ISN’T THIS USED FOR PUNISHMENT IN SOME 3RD WORLD COUNTRIES????
posted by JOHN BROWN on 2-8-2007 at 11:25 am
That’s a duet between solo artists Danny and Armi, actually. As for the quality of the video .. well, I think it was probably the first time anyone in the country had enough budget to actually produce a music video.
posted by Miko on 2-8-2007 at 11:39 am
Dr. Spock haircut? An emotionless alien who gives parenting advice?
posted by Ron on 2-16-2007 at 7:28 pm
The first video reminds me of the dance skits that Benny Hill used to take the piss of all the time!
posted by Leah on 3-17-2007 at 10:28 am
Holy Sh!T Dog Police. Wow. Bad. Very very bad
posted by tiki187 on 8-15-2007 at 1:36 pm
But the end of the “Physical” video is so sexy! You get a reward for making it through the tubby guys on stationary bikes!
posted by Pica on 10-31-2007 at 6:04 am