mental_floss magazine
SUBSCRIBE >
GIFT SUBSCRIPTIONS >
DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTIONS >
subscriber services >
I don’t watch soap operas these days, but every now and then I hear about a particularly strange event in Salem or Port Charles. Amnesia, false marriages, faked deaths, mistaken identity – those things are so old hat. I’m talking really out-there plots, like the 10 below.
1. Luke and Laura save the world from being frozen. So, this evil Greek billionaire named Mikkos is looking for a diamond called The Ice Princess, and as luck would have it, so is Luke. It turns out that the only reason Mikkos wants the rock is to (insert Dr. Evil pinkie here) take over the world, and to show he means business, he uses a machine to make a blizzard randomly appear in Port Charles. If his demands aren’t met, Mikkos plans on plunging the entire world into an ice age. Luckily, Luke and Laura manage to turn off the machine and kill Mikkos. However, Mikkos’ widow – Elizabeth Taylor, of course – shows up at Luke and Laura’s wedding and places a curse on them for killing her husband. Those crazy kids!
2. Marlena is possessed by the Devil. I remember this one, because I was in junior high and had all summer to immerse myself in the Days of our Lives town of Salem. Sad, I know. Marlena has been through all kinds of turmoil, but this is my favorite. Her constant and unwanted suitor, Stefano DiMera, drugged Marlena night after night so he could do as he pleased with her. This apparently left her open to demon possession, and before long, Marlena was levitating and threatening to kill her friends and family. Luckily, John Black “remembered” that he had been ordained as a priest, performed an exorcism, and sent the Devil back to the netherworld. Whew.
3. It was all a dream… a dog’s dream. See, it’s not just American soaps that are ridiculous. In the Australian soap Neighbours (very popular in the U.K.), camera time was actually dedicated to a segment where Bouncer, a lovable labrador retriever, fell asleep and had a dream that he married the dog next door. So… yeah.
4. Time travel to 1888. In 1988, Clint from One Life to Live had an accident in the desert. When he woke up, he found himself in the old West town of Buchanan City. Viki (Erika Slezak) had to follow his time-traveling footsteps to get him to make the leap home again. And thank God she did – he was just about to marry one of his ancestors. Ew.
5. Timmy, the doll that came to life. It’s kind of hard to know where to start with Passions – the whole thing was a bit ridiculous – but Timmy the doll is a good start. Timmy, of course, is the companion of Tabitha the witch. He helped her sink the Titanic, among many other great disasters. One year, he wished upon a star to be a real boy, just like Pinocchio, but with somewhat different results. When his wish came true, Tabitha claimed the living doll was her nephew and the two of them continued to wreak havoc on the town of Harmony until one of their evil plots backfired, killing Timmy. Don’t worry – he was replaced by another doll named Cracked Connie and her boyfriend, Demented Cecil. Totally everyday stuff, you know?
6. Precious, the obsessive orangutan nurse. Let’s stay in the offbeat town of Harmony for a minute. This is a place where it’s perfectly acceptable to hire an orangutan when you can’t afford a human caregiver for your ailing mother. I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. Not only did Precious take care of the elderly, she also developed a crush on a human character named Luis. Alas, Luis didn’t return Precious’ love (I should hope not – bestiality is a line even Passions should probably avoid), and when Precious left town in 2005, she took a pictures of Luis with her and released it out the window of the train she was riding to prove that the Luis chapter of her life had closed. How dramatic! The Passions crew thought the performance was Emmy-worthy and tried to nominate the primate for an award; however, the Academy responded that the award was intended for humans only.
7. Killer clones. Reva on Guiding Light was cloned after her husband thought she died in a plane crash. It turned out that she hadn’t died, though, and when Reva tried to return to her life, her clone tried to kill her. Sigh. Don’t you hate when that happens?
8. A mystery island full of missing people presumed to be dead. We travel back to Salem for this crazy plot, which, of course, involves Marlena again. After Marlena is revealed to be the fearer Salem Stalker – a serial killer who had taken several victims – she “dies,” but actually finds herself on an island that looks exactly like Salem, populated with all of the supposed Salem Stalker victims. Turns out that Tony DiMera faked everyone’s deaths because he wanted to split up all of the great couples of Salem. That’s a pretty elaborate scheme just to break some people up!
9. Gorilla Kidnapping. Apparently the appearance of apes and gorillas on soap operas is more common than you might think. On the now-defunct Ryan’s Hope, Delia Reid Coleridge was once kidnapped by a horny gorilla. Man, if I had a nickel for every time that happened to me…
10. Death by Bear. Animal guest appearances aren’t just limited to primates. On The Bold and the Beautiful, Pamela was just about to shoot her rival, Donna, in a remote cabin the the woods. Donna is all set to escape when she notices a bear lurking outside and decides her chances are better with Pamela. Pamela knocks Donna out, and when Donna comes to, she’s covered in honey and tied to a chair: Pamela has decided to entice the bear into eating her. Unfortunately, the plan didn’t work and the carnivorous Winnie-the-Pooh didn’t get his snack.
I’m definitely aware that these are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the insanity on soap operas. What’s the weirdest plotline you can remember? I’m also partial to the time Stefano held Marlena captive in a cage in the sewers of Paris, but I figured two Marlena moments were enough. Leave a comment and let us know your favorites!
Comments (53)
Comment
- Follow mental_floss
You used the one that I always think of when it comes to weird plots! The posession of Marlena. That is what stopped me from watching Days of Our Lives…I really used to love that show.
I know there have to be some more General Hospital plots in there somewhere – especially when it comes to Jason. :)
posted by Molly on 11-4-2009 at 3:26 pm
I am pretty sure the only thing i find coll about the soaps is how they were dubbed “Soap operas”. I think it is because they were first paid for by soap ad’s. neat, huh
posted by megan on 11-4-2009 at 3:30 pm
Didn’t Erica Kane have a daughter stashed away in the bottom of a well at one time? I can’t remember the details, but that one was crazy enough for me to stop watching.
posted by Kelly on 11-4-2009 at 3:39 pm
If only the writers of these shows would replace all of the hoary cliches and insipid romances with this kind of full blown lunacy, I might have a reason to check out soap operas.
posted by EMStoveken on 11-4-2009 at 3:43 pm
Passions-When Sheridan was buried alive in a casket with one tank of oxygen (enough for so many hours). They dragged that storyline out for MONTHS. I’m saddened to admit that THIS is when I gave up on watching all soaps. This. And not the Marlena possession, or the Luke and Laura ice machine, or the hundreds of other ridiculous plots. I clearly needed help during the 80s and 90s.
posted by Fran on 11-4-2009 at 3:56 pm
Didn’t that kid from Passions actually die in real life?
posted by Jesse on 11-4-2009 at 3:58 pm
I have never been a soap opera fan so this is all new to me. I can’t stop laughing! These were real? OMG this is tooo funny.
posted by JaneM on 11-4-2009 at 3:59 pm
Wasn’t there a General Hospital plot that involved an alien a la John Carpenter’s “Starman”? I looked it up on the interwebs and the alien was named Casey.
posted by Thom Zahler on 11-4-2009 at 4:28 pm
I also had a field day with DOOL’s Marlena demonic possession back in middle school! Gawd it was awful, and it gave me terrible nighmares (anything involving demonic possession gives me nightmares, actually). That was when I stopped taping it every day. Sad, but true. My mom was pretty relieved, though!
posted by Megan on 11-4-2009 at 4:48 pm
I think you glossed over too much of the clone story! I was a faithful Guiding Light watcher during that storyline. First, they clone Reva and obviously you can just hatch a full grown human (duh!) so they gave baby clone Reva aging syrup. Then she was brought in to replace the real Reva. When real Reva showed up she found her clone who tried to kill her. But cloned Reva couldn’t do it. She bacame cousin Dolly for a while, but then she just couldn’t accept that Josh (Reva’s husband and the one who allowed her cloning) only loved the real Reva and not cloned Reva. So cloned Reva/cousin Dolly drank the remaining aging syrup and she died of old age the next day!
Also – interesting tidbit: the girl who played teenaged clone Reva ended up playing Michelle Bauer less than a year later on GL!
posted by Mavis on 11-4-2009 at 4:53 pm
When I was a kid my mother watched General Hospital. I remember Dr. Hardy fell in love with his nurse (which was a bit scandalous at the time) and later married her. There was also a teenager who GOT PREGNANT! Oh the horror! Then I had to go to first grade.
The next time I watched General Hospital was when I was a day switcher at a local TV station. A girl was brutally raped and then against all logic FELL IN LOVE with her rapist -and later married him! It was easy to see the plot was being driven by opinion polls or something. That was Luke and Laura, I think.
posted by Miss Cellania on 11-4-2009 at 4:57 pm
it was awesome when the portal to hell opened up on \passions\, and they had to stop the house from getting swallowed by the hole to hell…
posted by jen on 11-4-2009 at 4:57 pm
YES Jesse!
The actor who played Timmy did die in real life. When he started on “Passions” he was a 17 year old. He had a form of dwarfism though, causing him to be only 3′2”. His name was Josh Ryans and he died in 2002 at the age of 20 due to complications of a heart surgury. Oddly enough, he died the day his death episode aired. Spooky!
Passions was the only soap opera I ever watched. I could watch every summer break and still somehow knwo what was going on.
posted by KayTee on 11-4-2009 at 5:03 pm
My friends and I watched the Marlena saga in closed captioning… We enjoyed seeing the “Demonic Marlena Voice” description. We were strange kids.
posted by Andy on 11-4-2009 at 5:04 pm
How about when Vivian Alamain buried Carly alive?! I was only in Jr. High when this storyline was happening it was SO scary to watch!
posted by Kim on 11-4-2009 at 5:19 pm
Sure, soap operas are known for their crazy, inane story arcs, but they can also tell some really great stories too — or they did once upon a time, anyway. Like, for example, when I was a teen, on General Hospital, Robin Scorpio, a teenager, had unprotected sex with her boyfriend, and contracted HIV. Her boyfriend Stone (okay, so the name is soapish) ended up dying of AIDs, but Robin lives on to this day, grown up, with a family, and she hasn’t been magically cured either. It’s that kind of long-term story-telling that you can’t do anywhere else.
But all anyone outside the genre knows is that Luke and Laura saved the world from a weather machine and that Marlena was possessed by the devil.
Sometimes it’s hard being a soap fan.
posted by Leigh on 11-4-2009 at 6:00 pm
Man, “Passions” was hilarious. You could probably do an entire Quick 10 on the best moments of that show. I recall one time, they seemed to be gunning for ratings with a flood ravaging the show. At one point, a woman walks out of a magically-protected house, and sees water coming towards her… so she looks shocked and throws her arms in front of her face. That was classic. (There was also someone who was floating around by grabbing onto a coffin that happened by. I don’t recall if the coffin was plot-relevant, or if it was just there.)
posted by Sillstaw on 11-4-2009 at 6:07 pm
How about the Days storyline where Adrea Dimera was transformed into Tony Dimera that was weird.
posted by Kari on 11-4-2009 at 6:23 pm
now i really, really, really want to watch these shows.
posted by jewlie on 11-4-2009 at 6:25 pm
Gawd, I feel so OLD… I remember that #1 was what sucked me temporarily – at age 11! – into General Hospital (and a thing for Anthony ‘Luke’ Geary).
posted by Amy on 11-4-2009 at 6:29 pm
@ Miss Cellania -
Yeah, you’re right about that not so ‘Meet Cute’ involving Luke and Laura.
posted by Anon Emous on 11-4-2009 at 6:34 pm
Stacy, i love your posts but for some reason this is one of my favs..thanks for not disappointing me and putting some of my fav Passions and Days plot lines.
Sad to admit but i totally was into Passions when it first aired while i was in high school. Haven’t watched it for years but i would love to know what craziness is going on and what story lines are still being dragged out.
posted by Izzi on 11-4-2009 at 7:00 pm
You know, there’s a story that DOOL did way before the Marlena story that is very similar to #1 involving Luke and Laura.
Stephano had this crystal that needed to be kept cold, and it would change colors – from blue all the way through the spectrum to red – as it got warmer. If it turned red, then it would explode.
I remember that the british guy who ended up being the dad on The Nanny played the character who hunted down Stephano and retrieved the stone.
posted by Chance on 11-4-2009 at 7:12 pm
Wow, I didn’t realize soaps were so paranormal. The only soap time I had was in Jr. High. A friend looooved DOOL and had her mom tape it for her daily; so when I’d go home from school with her, we had to watch it. This was during the Marlena in the sewers saga.
posted by nutmeag on 11-4-2009 at 8:27 pm
And wasn’t there a plot on “Passions” where an intersexed character actually gave birth to a birth to a baby that was fathered by the mother’s own father?
posted by Rob on 11-4-2009 at 8:56 pm
Rob–Yes. Passions was the best show ever. i scheduled my classes around it so that i could come home and watch it. my absolute favorite moment ever was when they were all at a party (which of course took place over a course of weeks)and Luis looked over to Miguel (Jesse Metcalf pre Desperate Housewives) and says “it feels like we’ve been at this party for weeks”. Lawd i loved that show.
posted by cj on 11-4-2009 at 11:02 pm
Oh my god i remember the Marlena one, but at that time, i was like 4-6 and i was freaking scared out of my mind. My mom would watch it and I’d catch glimpses of her and run out of the room immediately. I couldn’t bring myself to watch Days of Our Lives for a while after that because I was afraid of seeing exorcist Marlena.
ReCaptcha: George fibs
bad George!!
posted by Barbara on 11-4-2009 at 11:08 pm
As a die hard DOOL fan, I have to add a couple more from lovely Salem:
1) When Stefano was controlling Vivian through a filling in her tooth (my favorite)
2) Gina, Gina, Hope, Gina, Hope, Hope, Gina!
3) Two Words: Swamp Girl.
posted by Summer on 11-5-2009 at 12:50 am
i’m partial to Princess Gina. My #1 favorite DOOL storyline.
posted by chad on 11-5-2009 at 2:49 am
The bizarre Soap moment this list brought to mind for me is the death of the ex-nun Mary on Santa Barbara. She was having an argument with her rapist husband Mark on the roof of a hotel and she was killed when a giant letter C fell on her.
posted by Nancy Grew on 11-5-2009 at 7:00 am
Of course, it must be said that for plots involving the supernatural – vampires, werewolves, ghosts, witches, a phoenix, and more – as well as time travel and alternate realities, we can look back to Dark Shadows (1966-71).
More recently, vampires, angels, and werewolves were all major elements of Port Charles in its later years.
posted by Kevin on 11-5-2009 at 8:07 am
How about on OLTL when a group of people lived inside Lantana Mountain. Viki found her long lost daughter, who she had during one of her split personality episodes as a teenager. When they got inside the mountain there was a huge screen with Viki’s father as some kind of Big Brother ghost from the past.
posted by DAM on 11-5-2009 at 9:04 am
I remember the Days plot when Marlena was possessed.
Passions, on a whole, was a rediculous show. I remember when the demons came up. This is what happens when you have a lunch hour and only basic cable.
posted by CH on 11-5-2009 at 9:16 am
Okay, Days did this storyline in which Vivian Alamain hated Carly. Therefore, she buried her alive with a little tv so she could see the entire happenings of Salem. It was nearly the best story until the devil thing. So great, so funny.
posted by diane on 11-5-2009 at 9:47 am
I remember watching the Marlena demon on Days. My sister and I were addicted to that soap growing up. Ahh.. You should do a post on the great “love stories” that got dragged on and on in the soap opera world. I loved the whole billie/bo/hope triangle.
posted by Kathleen on 11-5-2009 at 9:56 am
On The Guiding Light there was a whole storyline devoted to Nola believing that Gunnar was a vampire.
posted by Sandy on 11-5-2009 at 9:57 am
What I know about soap operas:
If I have a day to watch one, I can safely not watch the show again for at least a month and the plot will not have progressed too much from where I left it. It seems that they spend weeks having the same argument.
posted by the creature on 11-5-2009 at 11:39 am
Oh yeah, almost forgot. Has anyone here watched the bonus soaps on the HOUSE DVDs? They are supposed to be episodes from the good doctor’s fave show. Hilarious.
posted by the creature on 11-5-2009 at 11:50 am
I admit I got hooked on GH in middle school thanks to my mom. And Passions in high school. Because it was HYSTERICAL. I think I was only able to tolerate it for a year, but seriously. Angels, devils and demon dolls – what more do you want?
When my mom was in college, she was discussing a plot line to a soap on the phone. After she hung up, her roommate told her she couldn’t believe the bizarre life her friends led. :-p
posted by Hastings on 11-5-2009 at 12:26 pm
@ Leigh – you forgot to mention that Stone was played by pre-pop star Ricky Martin.
You could easily do a top ten list on people who got their start on soap operas!
posted by Hastings on 11-5-2009 at 12:28 pm
Actually, Ricky Martin played a character named Miguel Morez in the mid ’90’s. The character of Stone was played by Michael Sutton.
posted by Robyn on 11-5-2009 at 1:09 pm
As someone else posted, I am another one who stopped watching Days when Marlena got possessed. I get that soaps are far removed from reality, but that was just too out there.
posted by Susan on 11-5-2009 at 3:50 pm
In 1981 on Ryan’s Hope there was a whole story line about the cursed Egyptian shrine of priestess Merit Kara, and the various characters that got possessed by her.
posted by JohnHo on 11-5-2009 at 4:02 pm
What about Casey the alien on GH OR the lost city on OLTL…?
posted by M on 11-5-2009 at 4:02 pm
What about Casey the alien on GH or the lost underground city on OLTL?
posted by M on 11-5-2009 at 4:03 pm
No mention of Dark Shadows and its own vampire story and its visits back in time?
That soap in itself was bizarre for its time.
oh btw
(I used to run home after school to make sure I wouldn’t miss it!!)
posted by Deb on 11-5-2009 at 4:06 pm
I’m so glad someone finally mentioned Carly being buried alive on DOOL! That’s what got me hooked on that show until, like everyone else, the Marlena possession. Hilarious!
posted by Lindsey on 11-5-2009 at 6:00 pm
I am glad to see some Marlena crazienss. She is the person I’m named for a soap opera character, even worse it’s my dad that watched them and chose the name. I have a sister named for Monica on General Hospital.
posted by Marlena on 11-5-2009 at 8:09 pm
Favorite possessed Marlena quote:
[from hospital bed]: “I must wear my sunglasses or else they will know that I’m possessed.”
posted by ZMS on 11-5-2009 at 9:40 pm
What really baffles me is that none of these plots seem weird for soap-operas… they seem perfectly normal story lines for this type of theater. It’s just that the dumber the plots are, the more likely they end up being in the show. I mean seriously? a woman falls in love with her rapist and marries him? or a man has a mentally handicapped brother he didn’t know about? or that one woman seems to marry and divorce every male that comes onto the show (sometimes twice?!)How about split personalities, getting thrown into the bottom of a well or a woman dressing as an imposter… crazy
posted by Sarah on 11-6-2009 at 10:44 am
I remember posesed Marlena, too! I was in middle school, either that or just about to start high school.
posted by Sara in AL on 11-7-2009 at 8:18 pm
My favorite Vivian Alamain quote (Aunt VIV!), “If I’m going to be bad, I’m going to do it with penache.” Only Louise Sorel could deliver that line and not sound ridiculous.
And, talk about feeling old…I was in college when the Marlena possession was going on!
posted by Helenann on 11-9-2009 at 4:05 pm
A little correction to Fact #8. It was not Tony DiMera that was resposible for the fake Salem, it was his evil lookalike cousin, Andre. Even though Andre died in quicksand in the 1980s and in a fire (or possibly cancer)in the 1990s he was still impersonating Tony, who had been shipped off to a deserted island by Stefano about 20 years earlier.
posted by MaskedSanity on 11-11-2009 at 11:54 am