Woman Reports Herself Driving Drunk

Mary Strey called police in Clark County, Wisconsin to report a drunk driver. What made this call so unusual was that she was reporting on herself! She told the dispatcher that someone was driving drunk on Granton Road. When asked if she was following that person, she admitted it was herself. Strey pulled over and waited for the responding officer, who gave her a Breathalyzer test which showed her blood alcohol level was .19. Strey is due in court over the matter in December. http://www.wtsp.com/news/watercooler/story.aspx?storyid=116662&catid=58

Fast Cat for the Fastest Man

Usain Bolt, who holds the world record for both the 100- and 200-meter sprint, adopted a cheetah named Lightning Bolt. But he isn’t going to make the cheetah into a house cat. Bolt paid $13,700 for adoption rights, and has pledged $3,000 a year for the cat’s upkeep at a wildlife center in Nairobi. The money helps to support the Kenyan Wildlife Services and their efforts to protect endangered species.

Father Reports Eagle Crime to Police

A sea eagle swooped down on the island of Väddö in Sweden and snatched a little girl’s pet rabbit on the night of October 24th. The girl was so inconsolable that her father phoned the local police department to report the crime.

The police however have decided not to launch a preliminary investigation as they were unable to find anything in the law books allowing for the indictment of large birds.

Calf Gets Prosthetic Legs

Nancy Dickenson of Ocate, New Mexico and her stepdaughter Martha found an 11-month-old calf on a neighbor’s ranch that was suffering from severe frostbite. The black angus heifer had lost the use of her back legs and hooves. What to do? Obviously, the answer is to give her prosthetic legs! Dickenson found the calf’s owner and bought her, then talked to veterinarians from Colorado State University, who agreed to help the calf they now called Meadow. Doctors and students at the veterinary school amputated Meadow’s back legs and fitted her with artificial limbs. Dickenson said her family will take on the costs, estimated to be thousands of dollars, because Meadow is now a pet. She is in no danger of becoming beef.

Man Shows Up at His Funeral

The family of 59-year-old Ademir Jorge Goncalves of Santo Antonio da Platina, Brazil identified his body after a fatal traffic accident. The funeral was held the next day, which is customary in Brazil. Imagine their shock when Goncalves himself appeared at the funeral service! Goncalves had spent the night drinking at a truck stop. A police spokesman said the body was disfigured and the family was upset, which may explain the misidentification. The victim has since been identified and the remains sent to the correct family.

Bird Drops Bread, LHC Shuts Down

You can’t make stuff like this up. A piece of a baguette dropped by a passing bird caused a shutdown at the CERN Large Hadron Collider. The bread fell on some exposed machinery, which led to overheating in parts of the accelerator. The temperature spike would have caused the LHC to automatically shut down if it had been in operation at the time. The collider is scheduled to be reactivated later this month. The bread incident won’t affect those plans.

Woman Robbed by Tinky Winky

A man dressed as a purple Teletubby pulled a gun on a woman on the streets of London, Ontario just after midnight on Halloween. He made off with an undisclosed amount of cash.

The woman wasn’t injured but her misfortune wasn’t hers alone. A second man dressed in costume was later stopped in the area by police and questioned — but police had the wrong teletubby.

“He was deemed not to be the teletubby we were looking for,” Const. Kevin Lui said. “Unfortunately, Halloween provides (robbers) more cover than any other night.”