For the last five days I have been at a media retreat on Cape Cod learning about Very Important Things, such as the number of stars in the universe (about 100 billion… times 100 billion, which is roughly equal to the number of grains of sand on all the world’s beaches). I also learned two other valuable pieces of info: (1) what a “bug play” is, and (2) and the difference between “hut” and “hike.” Like a Kennedy starring in a beer commercial, this week, on the lush lawn of a Massachusetts country club, I played some serious co-ed two-hand touch football.

The game, I was surprised to learn, was developed by the Navy — you’d think those guys would have been tough enough for tackling? — in the ’40s. There are several other differences from real football, most of them there because real football is too hard. Amateurs are generally terrible at kicking the ball, so there’s no kicking; amateurs are also generally terrible at blocking, so the quarterback can’t be sacked for the first five seconds of any play. (If you really want to impress people or sound pretentious, refer to this as a “steamboat count.”) Flag football also cuts out the tackles, but it’s more of a serious sport; there’s even an annual “World Cup” of flag football featuring teams from at least seven countries. Oh, and about those Kennedys: Seeing as how JFK was in debilitating pain for a good bit of his adult life, some historians think that for him, the family touch games were largely photo ops. Jackie wasn’t a fan either; the first time she tried to play, she broke her ankle.