Ransom Riggs
8 Signs You Might Be Boring Someone
by Ransom Riggs - December 9, 2009 - 7:46 AM

bored

A recent Psychology Today article by Gretchen Rubin provides a list of clues that you might be boring someone during a conversation. I’ve certainly been trapped in conversations with people who didn’t understand how to pick up on subtle clues that their long narrative about a weird dream they had or a particularly awesome golf game they played were boring the heck out of me — and just the same, I’m sure I’ve been oblivious to those signs in others, as well. Have you been on the giving or receiving end of any of these signs?

1. Repeated, perfunctory responses.
A person who repeats, “Oh really? Wow. Oh really? Interesting.” isn’t particularly engaged.

2. Simple questions. People who are bored ask simple questions.
“When did you move?” “Where did you go?” People who are interested ask more complicated questions that show curiosity, not mere politeness.

3. Interruption. Although it sounds rude, interruption is actually a good sign, I think. It means a person is bursting to say something, and that shows interest. Similarly…

4. Request for clarification. A person who is sincerely interested in what you’re saying will ask you to elaborate or to explain. “What does that term mean?” “When exactly did that happen?” “Then what did he say?” are the kinds of questions that show that someone is trying closely to follow what you’re saying.

5. Imbalance of talking time. I suspect that many people fondly suppose that they usually do eighty percent of the talking because people find them fascinating. Sometimes, it’s true, a discussion involves a huge download of information desired by the listener; that’s a very satisfying kind of conversation. In general, though, people who are interested in a subject have things to say themselves; they want to add their own opinions, information, and experiences. If they aren’t doing that, they’re probably keeping quiet in the hopes that the conversation will end faster. Or maybe you just aren’t letting them get a word in — recently I was talking to someone who, though fascinating, didn’t want to let me contribute to the conversation. I enjoyed it, but not as much as if I’d been able to talk, too.

6. Abrupt changes in topic. If you’re talking to someone about, say, the life of Winston Churchill (I have a tendency to dwell at length on this particular subject), and all of a sudden the other person says, “So how are your kids?”, it’s a sign that he or she isn’t very interested or perhaps not listening at all. When someone makes this kind of switch, I have to fight the urge not to drag the topic back to what I want to talk about – but the fact that someone has introduced a completely different subject is a sure sign that the subject is not engaging.

7. Body position. People with a good connection generally turn to face each other. A person who is partially turned away isn’t fully embracing the conversation. Along the same lines, if you’re a speaker trying to figure out if an audience is interested in what you’re saying:

8. Audience posture. Back in 1885, Sir Francis Galton wrote a paper called “The Measurement of Fidget.” He determined that people slouch and lean when bored, so a speaker can measure the boredom of an audience by seeing how far from vertically upright they are. Also, attentive people fidget less; bored people fidget more. An audience that’s sitting still and upright is interested, while an audience that’s horizontal and squirmy is bored.

The article goes on to list a number of topics which are almost universally boring — so if you find yourself delving into one of these, be sure and gauge your listener for any of the above signs of disengagement!

1. A dream.
2. The recent changes in your child’s nap schedule.
3. The route you took to get here.
4. An excellent meal you once had at a restaurant.
5. The latest additions to your wine cellar.
6. An account your last golf game.
7. The plot of a movie, play, or movie—in particular, the funny parts.

What do you think? Are there any acutely boring topics of conversation they missed?

Learn more about Gretchen Rubin’s adventures learning to be happier on her blog, The Happiness Project.

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Comments (43)

  1. I wish I could leave a printout of this article on my co-worker’s desk….

    posted by BlueAloe on 12-9-2009 at 8:11 am

  2. you missed the whole health issue. Mostly, my recent surgery and all the intricate details about the recovery are interesting ONLY to me… I’ve been on the receiving end of this one a lot! Another one that gets painfully prolonged sometimes is the 5 minute description of every single photo from a vacation or in an album or on your hard drive… mama mia

    I try to keep a close eye on the other member(s) of the conversation- the biggest pointer for me has always been the abrupt subject change… time to move on!

    posted by ann on 12-9-2009 at 8:16 am

  3. People think Im rude sometimes but Im a special human being I guess. I think most try to be nice and listen to somebody ramble on, but I dont. If I think you’re boring I walk away…….sorry. The way I see it is, they learn their lesson and the next time they open their mouths to tell a story about their kids eating habits or what their cat did, they will re-evaluate whether or not its worthy of being heard.

    posted by Crow88 on 12-9-2009 at 8:54 am

  4. To tag onto Crow88′s post, I think “something cute your cat or dog did” should also be on the list of boring topics.

    posted by Aaron on 12-9-2009 at 9:08 am

  5. I can think of a few people in my life that should totally read this article. I do try to listen and be polite, but I do catch myself just nodding my head while I listening to a friend talk about some “funny” dream they had that night.

    Other topics that should be avoided:
    1. Any story involving people the auidence does not know.
    2. Repeat stories (I have heard a friends ideas on criminal law about 6 times this month…)
    3. Topics the speaker is TOO emotional towards (I don’t want to hear someone rant for half an hour).

    I know we all end up on a few topics that our audience finds dull. However, I do hope we can all try to recognize those times and work towards reducing them. I know we all like to share our fun vacation experiences or silly dreams, but we need to remember how we feel when we have to endure others tellings of the same things.

    posted by Mike on 12-9-2009 at 9:44 am

  6. I’m sure I’ve been on both sides! BTW, I had this strange dream last night…

    posted by Todd on 12-9-2009 at 10:04 am

  7. People who start talking about how special they are because they treat others rudely comes to mind.

    posted by toddes on 12-9-2009 at 11:02 am

  8. I’d add “extraneous details” to the list — like instead of “I went to subway and ran into my ex”, it turns into “I ran into subway to order a $5 sub and debated b/t veggie delight and ham for a good minute….I asked for mayo on both sides of bread, but the girl put TOO much on, so I had to…”.

    I’m zoned out already…

    posted by OkieMelissa on 12-9-2009 at 11:28 am

  9. Another clue is if you’re telling me your story while I’m near a computer, and I start using the computer. BIG hint, buddy.

    posted by Johnny Cat on 12-9-2009 at 11:33 am

  10. Maybe we should just not tell anyone anything lest we bore them. I think if you are a friend, you listen, even if boring.

    posted by Amber on 12-9-2009 at 11:44 am

  11. Just to add to what Amber said maybe the people talking dont have the social skill, mind set, or friends to know they are boring us. Maybe we should all take a second to listen to somebody who may not have anyone to talk to on the daily. What ever happened to just being cool or nice. Maybe the next list should be 8 ways to be a better listener. Just my opinion i may be wrong.

    posted by CJ on 12-9-2009 at 12:21 pm

  12. Hearing about someone’s trip to Europe. It bores me so much, it makes me hate Europe…and I’ve never even been.

    posted by Scott on 12-9-2009 at 12:29 pm

  13. Ugh my coworker CONSTANTLY talks about her child. Im young, single, and childless. I dont care AT ALL!!!

    Also, I dont want children and she is always saying, \Just wait until you have kids!\

    posted by Kait on 12-9-2009 at 1:03 pm

  14. @ toddes, get your panties out of a wad, you would be one of those people i would walk away from……already uninterested…..cant pick up on sarcasm either i guess

    posted by Crow88 on 12-9-2009 at 1:29 pm

  15. ditto on the extraneous details. you had fun with your social club at dinner last night. that’s nice
    no, really i dont need the seating chart and play by play of what everyone ordered

    recaptcha
    BLAMER DEPARTMENT

    haha

    posted by jlm on 12-9-2009 at 1:44 pm

  16. In fairness to the first two signs, I do that when I just have nothing to add to the conversation. If I say to someone, How’s X? And they start to describe X in detail (new job, move, life), if I have nothing comparable to say I will sometimes do the “Oh, nice! Interesting. That’s great.” etc. Doesn’t necessarily mean I’m bored-unless said person goes on for like 10 minutes-just means I don’t have anything to add to the conversation about your new home when I still live in an apartment.

    posted by Kate on 12-9-2009 at 1:50 pm

  17. I hate when people tell me their dreams. Send that to me in an email so I can delete it. – Jim Gaffigan

    posted by wizard on 12-9-2009 at 1:52 pm

  18. You forgot to mention name dropping. I guess it’s cool that you know people who are famous and much more interesting, but I don’t read People Magazine and could care less. I would rather hear about your poor heath, your kids, your dreams, even a long sandwich order…just please don’t name drop (you know who you are)!

    posted by derby on 12-9-2009 at 1:59 pm

  19. Lol panties out of a wad. Crow you’re just trying to illicit an emotional response by lowering yourself to the lowest common denominator. plus you just totally contradicted yourself, you said if someone says something boring you walk away. in this case not only did you not walk away, you came back to try to instigate some sort of negative feelings. now i see where toddes is coming from.

    posted by xanderjones on 12-9-2009 at 2:29 pm

  20. LOL

    posted by xanderjones on 12-9-2009 at 2:30 pm

  21. I hate it when the person your \talking to\ won’t pick up that you are totally not interested and refuse to notice that you keep changing the subject. Just a few months ago this trucker guy sat down next to me for a 3 hour plane ride where he did nothing but show me pics of dif. trucks the whole ride. I’m a 13 yr. old girl! how could he think i would like that?!
    “and this truck was 90 feet long! pretty cool huh?”
    um, noooooo. i hate trucks, its 4:00 am, please just let me sleep.

    posted by Eva on 12-9-2009 at 3:15 pm

  22. Two things:
    1) We ALL need to be better at picking up social cues as to when something’s ‘boring’ us-or-we don’t have time to listen.
    2)We ALL need to be better at just sitting and listening to others instead of dismissing them so quickly. If someone is talking about something I’m not interested in, I guarantee I fight to pay attention (and don’t always succeed.) But, God knows I talk about stuff that bores/irritates people as well. It’s hubris to think only I have releavant things to say and do and brag about.

    posted by Helenann on 12-9-2009 at 3:24 pm

  23. good point- we do need to sometimes listen just for friendship’s sake.

    posted by ann on 12-9-2009 at 3:49 pm

  24. CJ, will you be my friend? :-)

    I can’t stand to hear someone’s dream but I’ll listen because they’re going to get a silly story about my dogs in return.

    posted by TC on 12-9-2009 at 4:09 pm

  25. @ xanderjones, and i have every right to respond, i didnt ask for anyone’s opinions, so i cant rebut? okay whatever

    posted by Crow88 on 12-9-2009 at 4:09 pm

  26. @Crow88- just out of curiosity, the people you walk away from as they are speaking, do ever approach you again for conversation?

    posted by kp on 12-9-2009 at 5:28 pm

  27. This so happened to me yesterday. The co-worker I was talking to kept going on and on and on and I couldn’t get away. I was actually falling asleep listening to this guy and he didn’t notice!!!!

    It wasn’t until another co-worker showed up that I could get away.

    posted by Beth on 12-9-2009 at 8:09 pm

  28. This post reminds me of Del Griffith.

    Maybe that is more annoying than boring,but one can lead to the other.

    posted by Heather on 12-9-2009 at 8:33 pm

  29. I think it is sad that they actually had to research this. Just about anyone should already know all this unless you have really bad social skills.

    posted by Fernando on 12-10-2009 at 12:19 am

  30. it’s hard not to tune out when people

    -talk about the time(s) they were drunk
    -talk about the way they tried to get with this guy/girl last night
    -talk about work when i can’t picture exactly what they do at work
    -talk about people i don’t know
    -talk too much small talk
    -brag about people they know
    -brag about themselves! my goodness!

    posted by raspy on 12-10-2009 at 1:41 am

  31. Love that Mental Floss is becoming more popular, but a bit sad the angry, argumentative commenters have found the website. :-P

    As for boring conversations…life would be fun if we could all act like Lucy Liu on “Ally McBeal” and just say “Bored now!” and walk away.

    posted by Logan on 12-10-2009 at 4:31 am

  32. @kp………..yeah, sometimes. well because she has to, we’re married LOL!!!!!

    it mainly happens at work, i have some co-workers that will sit there and try to talk to me for 15 minutes about their cat or something, and it gets to a point where i just say, “ok great!” and walk away. i got work to do and i dont care about your cat……so to me its easier to walk away. hey, if thats rude then fine, but its rude to interrupt me at my work for 15 minutes to talk about a cat……the only thing im saying is, is that if you have a person that bugs you, be honest with them….everyone tries to be PC all the time, Im just not that way.

    posted by Crow88 on 12-10-2009 at 8:57 am

  33. I’m with Logan. I feel like Mental Floss boards are becoming a place were we pick on each other, and the writters.

    It makes me sad. Mental Floss is my happy place, stop ruining it for me.

    posted by Tiffany on 12-10-2009 at 1:28 pm

  34. That should say “Where” not “were” thought I should spell check myself before one of the “cool” kids did… :)

    posted by Tiffany on 12-10-2009 at 1:32 pm

  35. hey Crow88: keep up your ‘special’ behavior and eventually you won’t have to walk away from anybody; why would anyone even want to be around you?

    posted by gobnait on 12-10-2009 at 1:33 pm

  36. @ TC
    Anytime my friend…they call me the modern day Zarathustra!

    posted by cj on 12-10-2009 at 11:55 pm

  37. I agree with Crow88 100% that it is rude of people to blather on about utter rubbish, but on the flipside you could show some respect and tact about how you tell people to piss off. It gets you much further in life. ;o)

    posted by Adam on 12-11-2009 at 7:48 am

  38. My biggest conversation pet peeve is when people interrupt their own conversation trying to remember when something happened… “I told so and so last Tuesday…was it Tuesday, no it was Wednesday, anyway…oh no I remember now it was Monday or either Tuesday because I wasn’t here on Wedn…zzzzzzzzzz”

    posted by Fran on 12-11-2009 at 3:17 pm

  39. Not to be openly critical, this is a great read…but #6 of boring topics is missing an “of.”

    posted by Matt on 12-12-2009 at 12:19 pm

  40. @ gobnait……well, that’s fine if you dont want to be around me, but after working with people for a living for over a decade, you realize if you dont act tactful in certain situations, you get ran over constantly. I’m sorry, but when I’m trying to meet a deadline, I dont want to hear about your cat over and over again. If that makes me unpopular, I could care less. I have my wife and children and family, thats all I need, I dont need to be the “everyone likes me” guy at work. Im there to work, not to socialize.

    posted by Crow88 on 12-16-2009 at 10:50 am

  41. yeah, and it takes a “special” individual to tell somebody to piss off when you dont want to talk to them. take the word “special” however you want to take it. meaning…….piss off if you dont like it.

    posted by Crow88 on 12-16-2009 at 10:52 am

  42. I don’t pretend never to have been bored by a conversation, but I don’t believe your list is always accurate. Sometimes my friends have some awesome dreams that really are interesting or funny to listen to. And I have had some great conversations analyzing movie plots and film genre. So I guess it’s really “to each his own.”

    And some people have really cute kids–and I don’t mind hearing about them.

    posted by Heather on 3-18-2010 at 4:21 pm

  43. Any unsolicited, benign information about pets or children is boring to people who do not have them.

    Universally!

    posted by Lisa on 5-26-2010 at 7:06 pm

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