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I really like the phrase “helicopter parents.” While it’s been around for a while, it’s new to me.
My first job after college involved answering the phone in my alma mater’s Office of Student Development.* During orientation, students and parents were given pens with my phone number beside the words “Need Help?” I did not realize this for months.
“We’re planning a trip over fall break,” a concerned parent told me early in my tenure. “Does my son have a lot of studying to do around then?” After politely explaining my limited psychic powers, she turned it up a notch. “Well, can’t you call his professors and find out?”
“Get out a pad and write this down,” an angry dad once ordered. “I’m giving you instructions for installing an air conditioner in my daughter’s window.”
One mother asked for her daughter’s mailing address. Armed with a phone book and aiming to please, I filled her in. “What are you doing?” she scolded. “How do you know I’m really her mother?” She had called to test me.
I can’t believe the term “helicopter parent” never came up. But now it’s everywhere. And not just on campus.
According to a recent survey of the young and employed, “25% said their parents were involved in their jobs ‘to the point that it was either annoying or embarrassing.’” The Times’ Lisa Belkin wrote about a mom who contacted the CEO of the PR firm that employs her daughter. She wanted his help planning her a surprise sushi lunch.
This area is rich with anecdotes. Since it’s Friday, I thought we could all share our own stories of getting buzzed by helicopter parents.
*This statement is not true. My first actual job after college was power washing, staining and painting decks. I spilled an inordinate amount of paint in my hair and was quite happy to accept a job behind a desk.
My husband and I run a bible study for students at the nearby college, so every Thursday evening, we have a group of students in our home. One evening we received a phone call from a parent who was looking for her daughter. She said that her daughter wasn’t answering her cell phone and she was worried. Turns out the daughter was sick of her mom calling and was only ignoring HER calls.
posted by Kathy on 2-23-2007 at 9:07 am
I’m getting married in a couple of months, and everything is all planned out. Today I received a package from my mother which included bridal magazines (snore), and 3 pairs of(brand new) white granny panties. I do not wear granny panties ever, under any circumstances, but I especially do not wear them when they come from my mother. When I called to “thank” her for them, she suggested that she could be on the lookout for “wedding night” attire too!
posted by Jen on 2-23-2007 at 10:58 am
When i was in high school we had to purchase decals in order to park in the parking lot, which did not have enough spaces to accompany all of the students. The selling of the decals began immediately after school and i was greeted by a long line of parents already waiting to buy them for their children. They sold out before I could get one, so I made a ::ahem:: generic version. I got caught and was suspended.
posted by Rebecca on 2-23-2007 at 11:31 am
I had my first run-in with my college roommate, but I saw it from the pov of what it does to the child. Instead of confronting me when she had an issue with me, my roommate would always approach with, “I talked to my mom and WE think…” If she wanted me to pick up my clothes off the floor she could have just asked, she didn’t need to call out to the ‘burbs to get mommy to back her up.
For the past few years I’ve worked in an office with a friend who caters to her children’s every whim. One day she was stressing that her 16 year old was finally becoming more independent because she called a bookstore all by herself to verify that they had something in stock before mom drove 1/2 an hour to go pick it up for her.
posted by Val on 2-23-2007 at 2:16 pm
A few weeks ago, there was a letter in the campus paper at my college from the mother of a student who had failed to keep track of whether she was meeting the graduation requirements and thus who would not be graduating this spring. As someone who has kept track of the graduation requirements, I was less than sympathetic, and at least somewhat horrified on this student’s behalf. Having your mother chastise the school does not increase your odds of the rules being bent for you.
(I think this last is what helicopter parents fail to understand - by being overinvolved, they’re hurting, not helping.)
posted by Abby on 2-23-2007 at 7:59 pm
When I am out with friends my mom calls at the very least every hour.
I was “missing” for 20-3o minutes after school. School was out early, 1:30, and I told her and my gram that my friend would take me home. It took about 20 to 30 minutes JUST to get out of the parking lot and then we had to stop at wall mart, practically next door, and I called using my friends phone (forgot mine), however my grandma was calling my mom or something and it didn’t go through so I thought oh well we’ll be home in 2minutes it’s O.K. No, it wasn’t. My mom was freaking out because my gram had called earlier to make sure what time I got out of school, that was around 2 so my mom called my school and my gram made her way through my cell phone, calling a bunch of #s (good thing it was a new phone and I didn’t have all the #s transfered!) and I walked in the house at about 2:14 and called my grams because she wasn’t home and so then I found out what happened, called my mom and she was mad, and slightly hysterical. Needless to say I will never forget my phone ever again, and I will call until I get through if it will take me longer to get home.
and I would have my OWN car to come home in if my mom wasn’t so afraid of me driving (never mind that she never knows who is driving me home, but put me behind the wheel and the entire world is out to get me) hahaha…and my mom is still my best friend?
posted by Ellen on 2-25-2007 at 6:45 pm
This sort of thing starts early. In high school I took a class that allowed us to work in local elementary schools a few days a week. The first year we worked with kindergarten classes. There were certainly cases of neglect, but the teachers actually had more trouble convincing parents that they did not need to walk their children to class, help them remove their coats, and put away their books for them. The kids generally seemed happier once we managed to get their parents off their backs. And they were only 5!
posted by Amber on 3-16-2007 at 10:34 am
As a former high school counselors’ office secretary, I can safely say that I talked to approximately 3 to 5 helicopter parents an hour. (Stats only low because they took SO LONG to get off the phone with.)
Gross, gross, gross. If you’re a helicopter parent, shame on you. Everyone around your child (and EVERYONE working at your child’s school) wishes they could punch you in the throat.
One of the worst was a “contract” one parent drew up for “warning signs” for her daughter, in which case the mother would need to be contacted (immediately) (four numbers and two emails listed). Warning signs included “daydreaming, sleeping, looking frustrated, overly happy, driven, or depressed” (and a truckload more I can’t remember).
“Driven”? Are you freaking kidding me? She made all the kid’s teachers, principals and counselors sign it. Yikes.
posted by Sarah on 1-21-2008 at 9:50 am
Sarah: o_0
I had a friend in high school whose mother CRIED on the last day of her senior year, when she knew she’d never get to make her child’s lunch again. (Note: my mother made our lunch all the way through kindergarten, after which she said if we wanted to take our lunch, we were old enough to make it ourselves).
In college, I saw more than my share of parents who were taking the school mattresses out of the dorm and replacing them with brand-new mattresses. Whatever happened to a foam egg crate thing under the sheets? Works just as well!
Stupid paranoid parents. Of course, we WERE the ones in the dorm laying giant dildos in the hall so their precious honeys would have something to trip over…
posted by Jen on 1-21-2008 at 7:34 pm