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If Momma refuses to let you spend your allowance at the tattoo parlor, maybe you should drop some history, and let her know just how “useful” a tattoo can be.
Tattoos as Telegraphs
The Tattoo: secret messages
The Tattooed: slaves
The Reason: It beats paying for postage
According to Greek Historians, back in 312 BC, Greeks used to shave the hair off their slaves, tattoo a message into the back of their heads, and then wait for the locks to grow back. Once the message was all covered in hair, they’d pack the slave off, and send him running.
Tattoos for Mercy
The Tattoo: a crucifixion scene
The Tattooed: troublemakers in the British Navy
The Reason: To get out of being whipped
There’s a reason Eminem and Snoop both suited up for their court appearances. Similarly, British mischief-makers used to get “Jesus on the cross” inked onto their shoulders to make themselves seem like upstanding citizens. That way, if a religious captain was somehow moved by the WWJD message, he might drop the whip in favor of a lesser punishment.
Tattoos to Intimidate Boxers
The Tattoo: A tribal-looking thing
The Tattooed: Mike Tyson’s face
The Reason: To honor the Mayans?
Claiming he was into history, Iron Mike made the unfortunate mistake of telling reporters that his new face tattoo was a Mayan New Zealand symbol. The fact that Mayans aren’t really from New Zealand didn’t stop his enthusiasm. Of course, history is the least of Mike’s concerns. According to Sports Illustrated, the former heavyweight is currently trying to fight women in the ring.
Tattoos as Punishment
The Tattoo: a vagina on the forehead
The Tattooed: lusty Indian priests
The Reason: To make an example of ‘em.
If you thought laws were severe in Texas, any priest caught with his trousers down in ancient India got a “little girl” branded into his noggin.
Tattoos as Billboards
The Tattoo: GoldenPalace.Com, also on the forehead
The Tattooed: Karolyne Smith
The Reason: Cash money
In need of some quick cash, Karolyne Smith did the first thing any enterprising young American would do, and auctioned off her forehead on e-Bay. After 27,000 visits, online casino GoldenPalace.com outbid everyone with a cool $10,000 offer. Each letter on her forehead is an inch high, and the terms are that she has to leave it there permanently. Still, it beats having a vagina on there.
Comments (11)
Comment
I BELIEVE ONE OF THE MOST COMMON REASONS FOR GETTING TATOOED IS YOUR YOUNG AND DRUNK. THATS WHY I WAITED TILL I WAS 34 YEARS OLD AND DRUNK TO GET ONE! AND ITS NOT A GIRLFRIEND OR WIFES NAME, NOR IS IT ON MY FORHEAD!
ONE I’M PROUD TO WEAR IS “USMC SF”
SF DOESN’T MEAN SPECIAL FORCES.
posted by JOHN BROWN on 2-23-2007 at 11:05 am
Professional tattooing does not allow for any intoxication during the process. It makes anyone getting tattooed incabable of giving consent, making the application illegal. They also bleed excessively, squirm(ruining the tattoo) and are generally unpleasant to be around during a process that can take an hour or more.
During the world wars, the affluent would have their social security numebrs tattooed on them in case they died in an explosion.
Tribes in the pacific rim are tattooed with symbols of family status and personal achievement. sort of like a resume.
posted by Carla Hopkins on 2-24-2007 at 2:00 am
Hmmm…once I took a look at the full “majuscles” (thanks, A.J. Jacobs) in John Brown’s entry, I just knew he had to be a Marine.
I got a tattoo in Tokyo. I’m not especially supersitious, but there’s something reassuring to having an extra pair of eyes on my back.
Semper Fi, John.
posted by Leah Harris on 2-28-2007 at 1:26 pm
I believe the reason early sailors had for getting Jesus tatooed across the back was because the hardest Ensign in the world isn’t going to cut the image of the Lord with a whip.
posted by Nat on 3-2-2007 at 2:22 pm
Oops. Not “Ensign” but “Marine”.
posted by Nat on 3-2-2007 at 2:50 pm
I believe that use #1 (Greek slaves) is incorrect. As I recall, Greeks in Western Turkey were under the thumb of Persians expanding their empire Westward. This was the end of the 6th Century BC, before the Persian Wars.
A Greek sea captain, named Skulax (literally, “puppy”) tattoed a map onto his shaved head, let his hair grow back and sailed for free Greece to get help. Why he needed a map, I don’t know.
It’s in Herodotus somewhere…
posted by Ben on 6-21-2007 at 2:16 pm
I think Tyson was talking about Maoris, the indigenous Polynesian peoples of New Zealand, and to their language, not Mayans.
posted by Curtis on 6-22-2007 at 12:58 pm
Nah, Mike Tyson got “Maori” and “Mayan” mixed up. Can’t blame him, i’m sure by this point his brain has the consistency of a strawberry milkshake.
As for reasons to get tattooed, i have a bunch of ink. I was never once drunk. However, I was young(er). While being young i still never regret my decision. Some people call it a cultural thing, i call it an aesthetic thing. Aside from that it feels really good, the endorphins pumping, the sweat. It is better than sex and you don’t even have to be a masochist to enjoy it (i’m not).
posted by Jared Probst on 1-18-2008 at 12:54 pm
i got my tattoos for personal reasons. they are things that i’ve given a lot of thought or worked hard over and want to stay with me until my death. they are the few possessions that will be with me until i decay and return to the earth.
that, and i try to get one in each state that i’ve lived in or spent a lot of time in…kind of a permanant stamp…
posted by the creature on 1-18-2008 at 1:11 pm
I had the old staple of my blood group tattooed on my wrist. During the Falklands campaign, I took some nasty shrapnel and my dog tags were ripped off in the blast. At the field medical station, having lost a hell of a lot of blood, the medics were panicking about typing my blood for transfusion. I managed to hold up the inked arm and bingo! I’m here today to tell the story. Best 10 pounds I ever spent.
posted by Chris on 1-19-2008 at 8:47 am
Me and my husband both have several tattoos. My brother is an artist and did every one of mine. All of mine are dear to me..and so are his. my MIL is a minister..so she flipped out..but she’ll get over it lol Semper Fi John…Chris your a smart man..and as far as mom’s freaking out about tattoos go..my mom took me to get my first one when i turned 18…
posted by Megan on 6-21-2009 at 8:16 am