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Miss Cellania
Those crazy candidates!
by Miss Cellania - March 6, 2007 - 7:18 AM

Still a year and a half til the US presidential election, and the internet is already littered with campaign sites. Besides the declared major party candidates, there are unofficial websites for candidates who aren’t running but may conceivably change their minds, like Al Gore, and Condoleezza Rice. There are also campaigns to draft candidates who don’t want the job, fringe candidates who haven’t got a chance, and fictional characters who are running for president. There are even two guys on my blogroll who have announced their candidacy!

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Florida humorist Dave Barry runs for president in every election, despite never actually getting on a ballot in any state. 2008 will be no exception. His campaign website hasn’t been updated for the 2008 campaign yet, but its just a matter of time, as he has now his first endorsement. Already, bumper stickers are available. Notice the bumper sticker does not specify which election, so its recyclable.

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When the Christopher Walken for President 2008 website went up last year, a lot of people thought it was real. It looks real. You can even buy a t-shirt. The press release explained that “there would be relatively minimal publicity at this early stage,” due to Walken’s contracted film production schedule. In a world where Arnold Schwarzeneggar is a governor, Ronald Reagan became president, and Al Franken is running for senate, Christopher Walken would be a believable candidate you could get behind. Alas, Walken himself has no plans to run, and had nothing to do with the website.

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Bill Gates has billions of dollars, a foundation formed to save the world, and a corporation full of geeks to invent toys he can play with. Why would he want to be president? He doesn’t. The site Bill Gates for President admits that Gates isn’t interested in getting involved in politics, but also states that “this website will probably never change Bill’s mind, but we feel we have the right to try.”

More potential candidates, pseudo-candidates, and fictional candidates after the jump.

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Jeff Bridges for President is an online petition to draft the Big Lebowski actor into the election. Bridges played a US president in the 2000 movie The Contender. Although the petition has been online since 2005, there are only 86 signatures so far.

 

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In his book Dude, Where’s My Country? Michael Moore described the perfect presidential candidate: Oprah Winfrey. He has a draft petition site where you can add your name. The Oprah Winfrey for President movement is made up of fans who think she’d be a great choice. They’ve even got a theme song! The problem is that Oprah doesn’t want to have anything to do with them.

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The Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert campaign website features a petition drive, but neither candidate appears to need an arm-twist to get them to run. Their slogan: Trust and Truthiness.

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Cthulhu is a monster from H.P. Lovecraft’s book The Call of Cthulhu, described as “humanity’s most basic nightmare”. This fictional character has a presidential campaign at The Home Page for Evil. Campaign slogan: Why vote for a lesser evil?

 

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Another science fiction candidate is General Zod. Zod, best known as Superman’s nemesis, has a platform that includes the end to the war in Iraq, universal healthcare, and corporate reform. He also pledges to disband Congress and the Supreme Court because they are so meddlesome. All he asks for is your tribute, your lives, and your vote. I-Mockery has a Help Zod page and a merchandise page.

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Ackbar, a rebel alliance leader in Star Wars, was endorsed early by the Llama Butchers. If support builds, we may see a website soon.

There are surely more candidates out there, and more to come before November, 2008. If you are over 35 years old and a natural-born US citizen, you can run for president. Winning, on the other hand, is very difficult.

Comments (10)
  1. And don’t forget The West Wing’s Jed Bartlett… You can find campaign stickers at caffepress and a few other sites…

  2. Now all we need is a Flying Spaghetti Monster for President website, and we can declare the Internet officially dead…

  3. Democrats and Republicans have proven to make *lousy* presidents.

    I am running as a whig, and firmly embrace the guiding whig principles: progress, cleanliness and dying in office.

    You would have to admit that if Bush and Cheney, had died in office, they probably would have a much higher approval ratings than they currently have. I have pledged to die in office.

    Furthermore, I am unaware of ANY other candidate who has pledged to bathe at least weekly.

    Readers can click on my name to find my official campaign site.

  4. The Movie “Man of the Year” says it all. Robin williams for president. Either that or Lewis Black in my opinion.

  5. Don’t forget the Invisible Pink Unicorn. It will be the running mate with the Flying Spaghetti Monster

  6. Ron is the only presidential candidate you’ll ever need. He’s from New Jersey, he drives a Camaro, and he has a mustache that would make Stalin weep.

    ron4president.com

  7. Psh.

    You guys. For all intents and purposes, David Palmer is my president.

    You’re in good hands.

  8. I manage Ron’s campaign website and he is the shizznit! If you go there and read about him and his policies, you would vote for him…and then tell your friends to vote for him…and they’d tell their friends to vote for him. Etc.

  9. Frank Zappa for president!

    www.flickr.com/photos/bluebreeze/101532200/

  10. MacGuyver for President!

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