Comments (44)

1. I say let them learn and play. I think parents do more damage by keeping their kids in a bubble.

   posted by Chris on 1-25-2010 at 8:12 am

2. I think over-protecting children does far worse than a few bumps and scrapes.

   I’m actually pretty disgusted at the decline of kids I see playing in their yards or the neighborhood parks. My father always made us go out on “adventures”; take ridiculously long walks or bike rides, explore abandoned buildings, etc. And this was all around NYC in the 80′s, so added dangers were everywhere! lol

   But seriously, I think that those things not only promoted a healthier lifestyle in me and my brother, but a healthy curiosity as well. We also had to think on our feet a lot, and I feel these experiences also made us very outgoing people. It makes me sad to think of the kids nowadays that are holed up in their homes, spending hours in front of a computer or tv, disconnected from the world and living in a super-safe bubble. Kids need to go out and do stupid and/or slightly dangerous things! How else will they learn if not by experience?

   posted by Oshi on 1-25-2010 at 8:14 am

3. I think kids should go out and play. I used to go riding around the neighborhood on my bike for hours. I’d occasionally come home with a bloody knee from hitting a pothole or something, but you heal and move on.

   Kids would be healthier and happier if they could just go out and play. Decrease body weight and increase immunities.

   posted by Heather on 1-25-2010 at 8:27 am

4. over protecting the kids does not prepare them for the world outside their house. I work in education and am now watching in horror as an entire generation is ready to embark upon the world and thay have absolutely no street experience. They are so used to mommy and daddy shielding them that the first time that life hands them a big old dish of crap they are going to go into panci mode rather than have the ability to cope with it and handle it.
   Yes, i am sure you think your child is the most prescious and special child in the world. I think my daughter is too – but she knows that outside the walls of our house that the world sees her as just another face in the crowd.
   Kids need to have a chance to explore the world on their own. They need to learn how to fight their own battles and the way they learn about this is by experiencing life. Let your kids play. Unstructured, un -educational, out in the mud and getting dirty play.

   posted by jen on 1-25-2010 at 9:00 am

5. Experience produces good judgement. Experience comes from…the consequences of bad judgement. Guiding kids to deal with making their own decisions (good and bad) and living the consequences means that when bigger decisions are made, the reality of past decisions is in their mind.
   I would much rather have my child fall off a bike and skin their knee as a 10-year old then race through the neighborhood in a car and crash as a 16-year old. I would much rather have my child miss out on buying an awesome toy on sale because he mispent his allowance on candy than lose his first house because of credit card debt.

   posted by pablo panadero on 1-25-2010 at 9:00 am

6. I’m naturally a bit on the introverted side – and if I didn’t just run around and play when I was a kid (just checking in at lunch, and home for dinner) I’d probably be a total recluse. It also has made me much more solution oriented (I think) – and on a totally different note, I don’t have very many allergies because me and my friends spent so much time outside and got down in the dirt.

   posted by swss on 1-25-2010 at 9:20 am

7. I think the problem is most people who do shelter their kids, don’t realize it. No one likes to be told that they are too protective either so they probably are in denial that they treat their kids this way.

   I am 23 and I think my generation (Generation Y)has realized that kids have become too sheltered these days. I think we will start to buck the trend that Generation X has started.

   posted by KayTee on 1-25-2010 at 9:54 am

8. Kinda in the same vein as @KayTee – I’m 24 and there’s a definite difference b/t the few classes ahead of us and few behind us (most apparent when I was a freshman in college vs a senior — the quality of students were very different, but totally different rant there). Not having children, nor planning on having children in the near future, it’s easy for me to say “Hell yeah, let them go out, scrape their knees, learn lessons, solve their own problems, etc!”. To me, it seems that if the parents and school system do a good job of preparing the student to handle these problems (such as being told ‘don’t get in cars with strangers, look both ways before crossing the street’) and the child knows there are always safe people to talk to if the problems get too big to handle (‘soliciated to, somebody got hurt’), then everything should be okay. Besides, most of these kids have cell phones now anyway, so it’s not like they can go too far off w/o being easily reached.

   and yeah, maybe it’s bc I’ve moved into a different region, but I never see kids playing/walking the streets in my neighborhood vs when I was growing up and we roamed the neighborhood and eachother’s houses…not sure if it’s cultural, regional or really a generation gap.

   posted by OkieMelissa on 1-25-2010 at 10:15 am

9. I’m 28 and even though my parents always had a pretty good idea of where I was, I was always being thrown outside to go play and ride my bike. Conversely, when I was babysitting for a friend this past summer (watching a 4year old and a 2 year old) I had a 2 page list of appropriate activities, how to prepare foods and an admonishment that it was going to be warm and I shouldn’t take them outside. Now, I’m not the kind of person to throw toddler aged kids in a room with easily swallowed toys and call it a day, but seriously?! Neither one has food allergies but I needed to know how to give them granola, fruit and mac n’ cheese? When I said we had played with Play-Doh my friend’s response was “I hope you watched them with that stuff!” I did, actually. But for goodness sakes, it’s Play-Doh, not yellow cake uranium….

   posted by Jen on 1-25-2010 at 10:32 am

10. It’s partially that we are so inundated with information. Any little acccident a kid is in goes around the world.
    People begin to think these terrible things are happening more than ever. But, we just didn’t used to hear about them in the pre-internet days.

    Combine the paranoia (upon which marketers often rely to sell certain products)with the epidemic of video gaming and it’s no wonder kids don’t go outside.

    The fact that my ex was allergic to the world kinda curtailed taking my daughter out into the world and I regret for more reasons than the above. I’d love to try again with a free-range kid much like I was allowed to be.

    We rode our bikes all over without helmets, played in the woods (tree filled lot) at the creek (drainage ditch) all day long. Go home for lunch and head out again ’til dark.

    We had a kids’ world in which adults alien. It was the way things should be. The latest generations are just the perfect passive, product dependent, outer directed, automatons that our future China inspired form of government will want.

    posted by BassMan on 1-25-2010 at 11:16 am

11. This is a tough one. Being 33, I can distinctly remember a childhood defined by entire afternoons spent running around the woods, an abandoned rock quarry or biking miles from home in a pre-cell phone world.

    As a parent, I’m focused on protecting my kids the old-fashioned way: teaching them to protect themselves and use good judgement.

    posted by EMStoveken on 1-25-2010 at 11:50 am

12. I think you need to take certain precautions (like using bike helmets and such) but you definitely don’t need to go over the top. As everyone else pointed out, kids need to learn from mistakes and some of those lessons won’t be learned unless the kids make some mistakes. That said, I’m kind of paranoid to let my future potential children play in my neighborhood…because I’ve seen the boy across the street and he seems like a really bad influence :). While I’d like to give my kids some freedom, I also don’t want them to set up their skateboard ramp in the middle of a busy street or pull up all my flowers :P

    posted by Fruppi on 1-25-2010 at 12:16 pm

13. Over-protecting kids doesn’t do anything, except turn them into worry-warts.

    posted by Sara in AL on 1-25-2010 at 12:38 pm

14. It’s not just overprotective parents, society has also imposed limits on the way kids play. What we termed exploring in our childhood may now be viewed as trespassing and could get a child in trouble.

    posted by SHarris on 1-25-2010 at 12:41 pm

15. Yes, I am saddened by the fact that children do not go out and explore the neighborhood. But just last week in our small town, three boys were out riding their bikes when a stranger attempted to grab one of them. Thank goodness he was not successful.

    posted by Janice on 1-25-2010 at 12:42 pm

16. I just want to point out that so far everyone has more or less said they preffer to let the kids play.

    This makes me smile, maybe there is hope left for humanity.

    posted by Brent on 1-25-2010 at 12:46 pm

17. It’s unfortunate that the ad before the comments is of The Lovely Bones….

    I, for one, believe that kids have to get some bruises and scrapes – and their feelings hurt – along the way to be a successful adult.

    posted by Sara's Whimsy on 1-25-2010 at 12:55 pm

18. Go out! Play! Get dirty! Make mistakes, and learn from them!!
    -Miss Frizzle, The Magic School Bus.

    posted by Jon on 1-25-2010 at 1:18 pm

19. Scars give you some good stories when you get old!

    posted by chrisr on 1-25-2010 at 1:19 pm

20. Have to read all 50 things to really decide how many of them are a good idea.

    Do a somersault? Of course, every kid does that.

    Do I personally agree with licking a 9 volt battery or supergluing your fingers together? No, but I’m not about to sue anybody if my son does that. You learn from dumb mistakes but that doesn’t mean advocating doing it.

    posted by TheBear on 1-25-2010 at 1:27 pm

21. Kids need to get out and explore. However, this isn’t the same world today for me at 45 as it was when I was a kid. Too many bad people out there who hurt and abuse children, even to the point of snatching them off the street. Parents have to use some common sense to know what kind of environment they are turning the kids loose into first.

    I had many a scraped knee, and cuts and bruises from bike riding, tree climbing, and generally knocking about the town. We would just rub a little dirt into it and go on. Kids today need to experience a few of these bumps and bruises to know how to handle life in general.

    posted by Gordon Daily on 1-25-2010 at 1:28 pm

22. Are there really more child molesters, abusers, and kidnappers around these days, or is it just that we hear about more often? My mom once told me that when she was a little girl, a stranger sat next to her in a movie theatre and fondled her. This was NYC about 1942.

    There’s a fine line between common sense and overprotectiveness. I’ve tried to raise my 13-year-old daughter to be aware of her surroundings and to act with confidence. So far, so good.

    I’ve also never gone out of my way to overly entertain her. No Xbox, no Wii, not even a TV in her room. I’ve told her, “Rub some dirt on it–you’ll be fine” more times than I can count. I let her make mistakes, then ask her what she’s going to do about it.

    I give her a lot of leeway because she has proven herself trustworthy. I know her friends. I know her friends’ parents. I can’t be with her 24/7, so I have to trust that she will know how to handle herself in a problematic situation.

    I’m sure some parents would call me too laissez-faire (or even lazy). But, I prefer to think this kid I’m setting loose on the world is mature, responsible, and can make her own destiny when the time comes.

    Let’s hear it for common sense…

    posted by Liza on 1-25-2010 at 2:27 pm

23. Liza’s right! When we grew up there was still a child-molester in every town, we just didn’t have Amber Alerts and online sex-offender databases reminding us over and over about it. The odds of a child getting abducted today is still less than the odds of getting struck by lightning. Be careful and informed, but beyond that, let your kids live their lives.

    posted by Dave on 1-25-2010 at 4:21 pm

24. I say go out and play – I fell out of my fair share of trees and have the scares to proudly prove it :) I don’t have allergies and I believe it’s because I played in the dirty, played with animals, and got scraped up. As long as I was home before the street lights came on I was good to go.

    In the summer we were dumped off at the pool all day and loved it – we didn’t come home until the pool closed and with chlorine eyes as I like to call it.

    I hope to one day raise my kids that way.

    posted by Kristina on 1-25-2010 at 4:26 pm

25. I agree that kids should be kids, get dirty, play outside, etc. I’m not afraid of having my child get bruises or scrapes.

    What I am afraid of is the crazy people out there who might take her, or do something horrible to her. It makes it hard to just send her out to play without at least watching.

    I’m not worried about what she will do to herself – I’m worried about what someone else might do to her.

    posted by Tammy on 1-25-2010 at 4:30 pm

26. Heck yeah! Let kids do stupid stuff once in a while!

    I licked my first 9v battery at 3 (thanks dad), let my dog drag me around the yard at 4, and got my first BB gun at 7 (P.S. I’m a girl). Oh yeah, AND my dad used to sit me beside him and let me drive his truck when I was like 9 or so.

    I am a teacher now, and cringe at all the food allergies (does ANYONE remember so many food allergies when they were kids?!), and over protectiveness plaguing our children today.

    I say….Let them have pocketknives!!

    posted by KerriD on 1-25-2010 at 6:48 pm

27. Great discussion here. One of the things that we put in the book is a “why” section that gives a good reason why a given activity is worth doing. In the case of “Superglue Your Fingers Together” the reason given is that a temporary disability (and what you learn from coping with it) gives you a sense of what it might be like to live with a permanent disability.

    On the surface supergluing your fingers together seems like a dumb thing to do, but the experience lays the foundation for a deeper understanding of what it means to be different. Suddenly an everyday task like opening a jar of peanut butter becomes a puzzle that must be solved.

    posted by gever tulley on 1-25-2010 at 8:05 pm

28. I’m a teacher too, and I am also fascinated by the “allergies” and “disabilities”. I know of a few kids who just don’t like peanuts–they aren’t allergic to them! Because they didn’t like them, their parents decided they were allergic. WTF?
    And certainly there are real disabilities, but…oppositional defiance disorder? Explosive disorder (or whatever)? No. That’s called being an a**hole who needs a good a** kickin’.

    posted by HappyTeacher on 1-25-2010 at 9:15 pm

29. It is a little sad the lack of child involvement with this world. All the video games and hand held video games and computers and television locks the child inside the house. Willingly. They are not encouraged to explore and they choose not to explore. There are so over protective parents that need to learn how to relax. And there are children out there that need to learn how to scrape their knees. Children need to learn how to explore the neighborhood, stay up late outside, camp in the back yard by themselves with their friends, come home dirty from head to toe, fight imaginary creatures in their front yard, walk to the park and then walk home. Imagination is a lost art.

    And parents need to trust their kid to make the right decision. And the excuse that a parent doesn’t trust the world is just a fancy version of not trusting your kid. They will make the right choice. They will not talk to strangers. They will alert the proper authorities. They will run away from trouble. Give them the opportunity to be themselves. Or at least let them discover it themselves.

    posted by toosh on 1-25-2010 at 9:58 pm

30. It would be nice to be a free-range parent but the laws don’t really allow you to be anymore.

    Letting a child aged 10 walk to the store two blocks over alone could get you a knock on the door for endangering your child.

    It’s ridiculous.

    Not only should children be allowed to play outside and learn from real life challenges…the laws shouldn’t be as such to restrict it.

    My neighbor got a summons for leaving her 12 and 10 year old home alone for 1 hour when she went shopping.

    12 and 10.

    We created this mess, and now the laws won’t let us go back.

    posted by cmam on 1-25-2010 at 11:15 pm

31. My parents are very much a fan of “hands-off-unless-they’re-dying” parenting, so I’ve been led to believe that kids should be allowed to do certain “dangerous” things. I tend to agree though. What’s the point of a childhood without any scraped knees or bruises? Might as well live in a bubble. On the other hand, I’ve seen parents who let their kids climb landfills and break open thermometers…so I guess “negligible danger” is operationally defined.

    posted by Anna on 1-26-2010 at 1:38 am

32. This is widely practiced in New Zealand – many of my UK friends have noted that children have many more freedoms to play (and get hurt) here.

    posted by Logan on 1-26-2010 at 5:00 am

33. I’m 29, my brother is 21, and my sister is almost 15. We were raised both as city and farm kids. We rode bikes out of our parent’s sight. I went on many trips with school and was given responsbility to care for myself. I was let loose in theme parks and expected to check in at times, but not supervised the whole time by adults. We were all FINE!

    I would actually say my sister and I are better off than my brother. Sister and I were given more freedom, because I was a mature child and she grew up on the farm. My brother, being inbetween, spent his growing up in the city, where social norms dictated more involvement of parents in children’s activities. He still struggles, as do all his friends, with the ropes of adulthood. Coddling and overprotecting in the schools is just as bad as parental overprotection.

    I’m due to have my first child in June. I’m already getting funny looks for not babyproofing the house before the kid’s even born, for not buying a bottle steralizer, for planning to breastfeed, for not obsessing, for not being one that freaks out about every bump and bruise. Kids are rough and tumble. They’re supposed to be. Protect the from true danger, but if they bump into the coffee table? They’ll heal and they won’t wander into that coffee table again. Kids shouldn’t live in a bubble. Don’t release a 2 year old with fireworks, but I think they can manage a Big Wheel.

    posted by Jennifer H. on 1-26-2010 at 9:47 am

34. Of course I love this post. But I also love a note someone sent to my blog the other day saying that a lot of us parents get \could lead to\ confused with \WILL lead to.\ As in: playing tag COULD lead to injuries. Eating candy COULD lead to obesity. Playing outside COULD lead to any number of scary things. But that doesn’t mean it WILL. Our kids need to learn how to assess risk, yes — and so do we! Thanks for this.
    Yours, Lenore Skenazy, freerangekids.com

    posted by Lenore Skenazy on 1-26-2010 at 1:59 pm

35. Thank you, Lenore. I was hoping someone would mention your website. Free-Range Kids and Mental Floss are the two websites I have to visit every day.

    posted by Barbara on 1-26-2010 at 2:21 pm

36. Thanks Gever,

    When you put it that way maybe there is a point to supergluing your fingers together. Actually I superglued my fingers to my child’s toy a few weeks ago when attempting to fix it, so I know what it feels like :)

    Maybe you could share with us one or two others that are in your book?

    posted by TheBear on 1-26-2010 at 4:18 pm

37. Absolutely let them play. There seems to be this odd misconception in modern times that a parent’s primary job is to keep their child safe. It is not. It is to raise their child into a healthy, functioning adult. It should be a high priority, of course, to keep one’s kids reasonably safe, however, the idea that a person can be protected from all potential risk is ludicrous. How sad it would be to have an adult on your hands who is healthy and safe but has no idea how to interact with the world or what their place is in it, having never been allowed to bump into it once in a while.

    posted by Jacquelyn on 1-26-2010 at 7:10 pm

38. Some food for thought about the culture of overprotectiveness:
    http://www.damninteresting.com/the-balance-of-risk

    As for my own experience, I grew up playing with my friends (boys and girls) in backyards and in the street whenever we could; my sister, 7 years younger than me, had planned and scheduled “playdates” with her friends (all girls). I think she missed out on a lot of random silly fun, like making a snow fort with an ice slide.

    posted by Alison on 1-30-2010 at 2:03 pm

39. I agree children nowadays are over protected, but it’s difficult to say whose fault it is. I don’t know if worried mothers started it, or the government. Certain things my parents allowed me to do when I was younger, or what I did anyway, is now considered neglect. I’m only 21 and I see a drastic difference between my generation and children nowadays. And also between my generation and those before me. I’ve heard many stories. But really, how far can it go before it turns back around? Or before we’re all literally living in bubbles?
    *the last post got screwed up.

    posted by Crystal on 1-30-2010 at 4:01 pm

40. I have 3 girls ages 8,7,6. We homeschool so they are done by lunch everyday. We are also freerangers so that means they have every single afternoon to go out and have fun. There are other families like our in our neighborhood so there are lots of kids at the playground and out roaming the streets during schooltime. I’m kind of surprised no one has ever reported the kids to the police or school for truancy!

    posted by TimCthefilmguy on 1-30-2010 at 8:52 pm

41. As I was reading all the comments, I couldn’t help but think that this is where the beauty of summer camp lies- really letting kids out there away from parents. Sure when I was home, I’d leave the house to get out, but it was suburbia- leaving just meant going to watch tv at a neighbors house, or at best, riding bikes to other neighborhoods, with more housed just like mine. But through summer camps, I got to spend entire summers tv-less, learn what it’s like to tip a canoe, how to spot a tick and use tweezers to pull it out. And perhaps the most important lesson: I could function pretty darn well without my parents.

    posted by Cortney on 1-31-2010 at 10:22 am

42. let them live and learn within reason. you obviously do not want your child playing on the train tracks when there is a train coming or something stupid like that but they should be able to get out and learn and do. Also keeping them overprotected will possible teach them to be couch potatos leading to possible weight issues.

    posted by Jennfier on 2-1-2010 at 4:32 pm

43. Jennifer, you bring up a good point. As a nation the US(at least) is terrified of offending parents – to the point that The Powers That Be are willing to blame almost anyone and anything else for whatever ails your child. Allergies? No, it’s not you keeping possible allergens away, it’s OBVIOUSLY inherent from birth! (Yes, I know some are. But not all.) Obesity? It’s OBVIOUSLY soda and candy! Quick fact: Did you know that Tootsie Rolls were marketed to kids with the not-quite-slogan of “One Tootsie Roll gives you the energy to bicycle three miles!” What happened to that? Argh helicopter parenting D:<

    posted by Ashley on 2-1-2010 at 10:15 pm

44. i think as a parent it should be your job to protect your kids. i was raised in a house with alot of structure. violent tv movies bad food or toy guns were not allowed. we went out and played but in the world today we need to keep our kids supervised and educated about the ramifications of their actions

    posted by jess on 4-20-2011 at 3:23 am

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