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Today’s “Late Movies” is a bit like David’s “Tuesday Turnip” column — I searched YouTube for the phrase “worst ever” just to see what I’d find, and man did I find some awesomely horrible videos. They’re schadenfreudtastic! And if there are any “worsts” I forgot, let me know in the comments!
Worst song ever
These high schoolers from Midland, Texas are called “Final Placement,” and the video for their song “Shine” has been embraced by the internet for its pure awfulness. Even more fun, since this went viral, members of the band have been trying to blame one another for the song. Sounds like they’re ready for a Behind the Music!
“Shine” by Final Placement from sharity world on Vimeo.
Worst fight scene ever
It’s like they meant to shoot it in slow-motion but didn’t have enough film, so they just told Shatner and the lizard guy to move real slow.
Worst boxer ever
“The Shadow” claims to be the creator of a technique called “Illusive Fighting,” which seems to consist of little more than running away from his opponent. As one commenter wrote, “his technique would work better in an open field … the only problem is the ropes.”
The worst kung fu movie auditions … EVER!
Worst comedian ever
A three-minute fat joke that doesn’t have a punchline! Whew.
Worst group of singers ever
These are the Dutch Idols — the winners of the Dutch spinoff of American Idol. They’re not so good.
Worst solo singer ever
The original audio here has been floating around for years and has no video attached to it — this video is a fan’s lipsynched interpretation.
Worst CGI ever
Yeah, it’s just a local commercial — but even for local commercial CGI, this is bad.
Worst movie trailer ever
Speaking of terrible CGI, BIRDEMIC could be the new THE ROOM. See if you agree!
Other worst comedian ever
Worst Gary Busey movie ever
Check it out, Butt-horn!
Worst cat massage video ever
I mean best. I mean — who’s to decide?
Worst line reading ever
From the inimitable Troll 2.
Worst kid’s show ever
It’s gotta be Colby’s Place, starring a big, talking, roller skating computer that memorizes Bible verses.
[Sale ends March 3, 2010, at 11:59pm]
Comments (16)
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i cant watch any of these. i’ll feel too embarrassed for the people in them.
posted by nicole on 3-1-2010 at 10:39 pm
You better give props to EverythingIsTerrible.com who help put cat massage lady and Colby on the map!!
posted by Marty on 3-1-2010 at 11:19 pm
Too bad that Alaskan guy on youtube who sings about Sarah Palin just has clip shows, otherwise he could be on here.
posted by Joe on 3-1-2010 at 11:33 pm
I was under the impression that the Dutch Idol one is actually just people who auditioned…not even close to the winners.
Thanks so much for gathering all these together in one place. I can’t imagine the pain you endured.
posted by KC on 3-1-2010 at 11:44 pm
Apparently, Gary Busey is also acting-lesson-proof.
posted by Joe Maz on 3-2-2010 at 12:20 am
Hehe… I actually watched Colby some when I was growing up. As bad as it may seem now, back in 1991 as a small child it seemed pretty entertaining. Of course I didn’t recognize the 80s for the horror they were at that point.
posted by Josiah on 3-2-2010 at 3:13 am
why isn’t tommy wiseau’s ‘the room’ on this list?
posted by catherine on 3-2-2010 at 3:33 am
The ‘singers’ in the stadium are actually the worst of that season of Dutch Idols put together, so everybody could have a final good laugh over these poor guys. I guess they wanted their 1 minute of fame so badly they agreed on singing in the stadium, but only to be ridiculed by the whole country. Not that any winner of the Dutch Idols has ever been very succesful… ;)
posted by B on 3-2-2010 at 5:11 am
I did an entire post about “the room” last week, so I feel like that territory’s been covered pretty well …
posted by Ransom Riggs on 3-2-2010 at 10:09 am
“Your worst nightmare, butt-horn” may be the greatest line in any movie EVER.
I can’t wait to find a way to fit it into a conversation.
ReCaptcha: cut encore
Somehow, that seems appropriate.
posted by 8rustystaples on 3-2-2010 at 10:16 am
the music video sucked, but the song wouldn’t be so bad if the kids could sing.
posted by the creature on 3-2-2010 at 11:56 am
I feel sorry for the cat in the massage video! He does not look like a happy cat.
posted by Deejeer on 3-2-2010 at 1:17 pm
Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds had better special effects than Birdemic. Even though Birdemic was amazingly awful, I don’t think anything could be worse than The Room. The guy’s accent, his hair, the nonsensical throwing of a football, all wonderfully awful.
Also, Colby’s Place confuses me. “I know you’re all wondering what I’m doing in this phone booth.” Wait, how did he get in there? And where did the phone booth come from? And the last time I checked, computers don’t have eyelashes.
posted by Dana on 3-2-2010 at 4:42 pm
I’ve never been so frightened by computer in my life.
“But the Lord already thinks you’re cool!”
BLASPHEMY!
posted by sb22 on 3-2-2010 at 8:03 pm
Though I have seen it at least 3 dozen times, that “worst kung fu movie auditions” montage still makes the coffee come out of my nose. My office-mates must think I’m a lunatic…
[ReCAPTCHA: the drama]
posted by Paul on 3-3-2010 at 7:51 pm
@KC: I’m Dutch and you are absolutely right.
They are definitely not the winners!
They are the worst singers of the show and they decided to form a parody band. We all laugh at them. The real winners CAN sing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uqq8QZCdp2Y&feature=related
Our 2008 winner. I liked Lisa Lois from the X Factor (2009 winner) better though.
posted by Lynn on 3-20-2010 at 9:54 am