If you recall my post on Incredibly Specific Dating Sites (Darwin Dating is still the scariest!), I like to write about the subject. In my opinion, the problem with Internet dating is not meeting people; it’s knowing when to stop meeting people. I should know, because for all intents and purposes, I met my fiancé online. And while sure, some part of finding your other half is simply perseverance and ultimate good fortune, another, perhaps larger part, is knowing the best game plan. Just like in hockey, the way a coach has to know when to pull his goalie, so must those who subscribe to online dating services know when to pull their profiles.
With more than 40 million people using online dating sites now, the very idea of meeting your partner via the Internet is no longer taboo. And it’s awesome that so many people are doing it. But the more people using the services, the more tempting it is to keep your profile up even after you’ve met someone you like. Why? Because someone better could always come down the pike, right? And besides, what if it doesn’t work out with the new person you like? Why miss out on the next person, or the next, or the next…
Why indeed. My theory is this: you need to give the person you like a fair shot, without distraction. And if you keep your profile up, you’re not doing that… you’re still playing the field, as it were. Of course, this is just my opinion. You may have another, and if you do, by all means, that’s what the comments are for! Meantime, here are some factoids that aren’t opinion.
Online Dating Magazine estimates that there are more than 120,000 marriages a year that occur as a result of online dating. (Online Dating Magazine – 2007)
-U.S. Online Dating Market to Reach $932 Million in 2011 (JupiterResearch)
- 31% of adults in America say they know someone who has used an online dating service. (Source: Pew Internet & American Life Project Report: Online Dating, March 2006)
- In 2003 it was estimated that three million people paid for an online dating service listing. (Source: Jupiter Research)
- In the first half of 2003, consumers spent over $214 million for online dating services. This number is 76 percent higher than the same time last year. (Source: Online Publishers Association)
- On average, those paying for online dating services spend a total of $239 per year. (Source: Jupiter Research)
- It is estimated that the financial growth of online dating will reach $642 million in 2008. (Source: Jupiter Research)
- As of February 2005, 33% fewer consumers are browsing online personals today than one year ago, causing the industry growth to slow considerably. (Source: Jupiter Research)
- Consumers spent $214.3 million on personals and dating content during the first half of 2003, up 76 percent from the same period in 2002. (Source: Online Publishers Association).
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online dating hint: when a girl says she’s “fit”- she needs to lose 30lbs
If she says she is “fullfigured” she needs to lose 80lbs.
If she says she if a “Big Beautiful woman” bring a defibrillator to the date
1 more thing- she’s not trying to look “retro” in that hot picture of hers. it was taken 30 years ago
posted by cajun bob on 3-11-2010 at 8:46 am
Marrying my fiance tomorrow–we met online a couple of years ago. :-D We both had OkCupid, and while I kept my profile up, I never checked my messages (I mostly kept it to do the silly quizzes, haha). I did eventually delete it.
You’re right, though. Keeping active with your profile is like scoping out people at the bar even though you already have a significant other.
posted by nutmeag on 3-11-2010 at 9:08 am
I’ve recently got out of online dating because for someone like myself, it just doesn’t work for me. I call online dating “checklist dating”. By that, it seems that people go through a bunch of superficial attributes and completely ignore anyone that is outside of those attributes. And I am comfortable in saying that I don’t have many checklist attributes that makes me highly desirable to date. My strengths come through in my personality and getting to know me. I’m also big on personal interaction which gives you that “spark” that everyone talks about and you don’t get that from a bunch of words online.
posted by JM on 3-11-2010 at 9:15 am
OK, so what is the value of data that is: 8, 5 , 2, 7, 4 and 3 years old? We are not trying to establish trends for a statistical survey.
Let’s be realistic, does anyone currently NOT know someone who is or has used an online dating site.
I’m disappointed in the superficiality of this article. As a long-time subscriber to the print mag and reader of the blog, I expect much more substantial reporting. I could have gathered this meaningless collection of “factiods” with a single Google search.
posted by Ben on 3-11-2010 at 9:21 am
I met my husband online! We “met” online and got married two months later…my profile came down right after our first date. =)
But before that…my experience was always that the profiles came down when the relationship became exclusive (and there was a discussion about it). I never would have thought to take my profile down just because I “liked” someone.
posted by Jen on 3-11-2010 at 10:09 am
I met my husband on OK Cupid almost 3 years ago. We both still have our profiles up, mainly because we haven’t bothered to delete them yet (and sometimes I still like to do the quizzes). But we’ve changed our relationship status to “married” on both pages, and state that we’re only interested in meeting friends and nothing else. So no, neither of us feel the need to “keep shopping” or whatever, especially since our success story is posted on the site. :)
posted by Krie on 3-11-2010 at 10:20 am
I both enjoy and dislike online dating. I would definitely prefer the *spark* from meeting someone’s eyes from across the room and the delicious flirtation to follow. However they can so easily hide thier dealbreakers this way. When I get a message through a site that is little more than a lame text message, or thier site states that they’re looking for someone to help them better serve The Lord, then my hopes don’t get up. And so many dates DO fizzle (in real life or online) it feels like a better strategy to keep the options open until a real connection is made. That’s just my opinion.
posted by karen on 3-11-2010 at 10:30 am
Online dating seems scary to me. The eHarmony commercials really creep me out. If two people are “compatible” it seems like they will have nothing new to learn from the other. Isn’t a relationship supposed to be full of mini adventures by learning about the things the other person likes?
posted by K on 3-11-2010 at 10:31 am
I’ve met the good, the bad and the ugly through website dating. But, in this day and age, it is not easy meeting people because we are so busy with work, life, etc. If you find someone compatible it doesn’t mean you instantly know everything about them, that takes time.
posted by Anne on 3-11-2010 at 11:14 am
I tried eharmony for three months- met some interesting people, but no love connection. One guy I’m still pretty good friends with. We just didn’t feel a spark for each other, but we talk a lot nowadays. I stopped when they matched me with an ex boyfriend (met at a party) who I ended up having to get a restraining order against. If they thought we were compatible then I didn’t want to meet anyone else.
posted by Caitlin on 3-11-2010 at 11:20 am
I am in a relationship but still have my OKC profile up. Haven’t logged in a month, though… mostly I just really enjoy taking the quizzes, and to be fair I have met a lot of really cool, 100% platonic friends on there.
Cajun: You should add a rule to that list. As a female I can attest that taking pics from the Myspace angle (you know, arm extended over your head) makes you look about thirty pounds thinner. Or more. It’s a very flattering angle.
I don’t get why you’d lie about your weight on there. People are going to find out if you go out together…? Ridiculous. I just put it out there: hey guys, I’m pretty fat.
posted by Nicole on 3-11-2010 at 11:26 am
I did the eharmony thing in 2003 for about a year – I would say 90% of people I got matched with were already seeing someone else (if they bothered to respond at all) but still had their profile up and showing as single and looking. In the whole time my profile was up I had 3 actual dates. A number of guys I chatted with for awhile but nothing ever clicked. I deleted my profile and eventually found my husband thru a friend.
posted by beth on 3-11-2010 at 12:27 pm
Actually, the problem with online dating is meeting the right people.
Online dating sites base most of their matching and recommendations on searchable attributes like age, height, weight, religion, etc.
This is a good way to narrow down the selection, but succesful relationships are based on experiential experiences like compatibility or sense of humor.
We recently launched http://www.weopia.com, a virtual dating site that allows online daters to get to know each other better, in less time, so that online daters can find more compatible matches to meet in person.
Using virtual dating with Weopia double your online dating success. In a study from a well known university it states that people who go on virtual dates first tend to like each other more when they meet and are two times more likely to have a second date.
It also states that virtual dating increases social presence in online interaction, providing users better simulating first dates in the real world.
Weopia is an experiential virtual dating tool that works with any dating site.
posted by Mark on 3-11-2010 at 12:30 pm
I have considered internet dating for the sheer fact that I am too busy to meet people the conventional way! But I figure, if I’m too busy to get out there and met someone, I’m probably too busy to go on a date with them once I meet them.
But single isn’t so bad.
posted by Heather on 3-11-2010 at 12:37 pm
I find it so fulfilling that the first comment on this story is some bone-headed opinion from someone who calls himself “Cajun Bob.” Why is it that EVERY single story about online dating has to have some reference to “fat chicks” in it? Hey Bob, I’d like to see your profile. I just bet you have that important combination of money, looks, and personality, dontcha? I met my husband online and, guess what? I actually had quite a few dates with all kinds of men who didn’t seem to mind my looks, despite the fact that I don’t (along with 80% of the American female population) look like someone Bob and his buddies would prefer. Go back to the trailer park, Bob.
posted by slcstace on 3-11-2010 at 12:43 pm
I met my husband online without a dating service, it just kind of ‘happened’. We will be married for two years in May, and the funny thing is that I didn’t even use the computer that often. It was kind of bizarre. But now I live in Italy and I’m tri-lingual as a result! WEIRD right?
posted by Kate on 3-11-2010 at 1:04 pm
I was skeptical about the whole online dating thing, until I decided to give it a shot. I saw an amazing profile of a woman online once at americansingles.com (not even sure if the site still exists or not). when i saw her profile i said to myself “If I can only meet one girl on here, this is the one I want to meet.” We’ll be married for 5 years in August and have a beautiful little 2 1/2 year old girl. Best decision I ever made.
posted by Pete on 3-11-2010 at 1:29 pm
Online dating hints:
When a guy says he’s in school, he’s living with his parents and will ask them to drive him to your dates.
When a guy says he just wants to have fun, it means he’s okay with sleeping around but will get possessive and flip-out when you don’t return his texts straight away.
When a guy says he likes to take care of himself, he will be wearing so much cologne that you won’t be able to breathe.
And one more thing – that topless picture of him standing on a mountain with a dog? It was taken in university. He refuses to do anything adventurous now because he may miss his favourite TV show.
posted by Cajun Jen on 3-11-2010 at 4:01 pm
And yet there is a match.com ad on this page.
Two, actually.
posted by Linda on 3-11-2010 at 4:24 pm
120,000 marriages a year from on-line dating, but how many DIVORCES a year due to on-line dating where a married person finds “someone better” on the internet?
posted by Gordon Daily on 3-12-2010 at 8:38 am
I met a man online and began dating him. We were together for a few months but after our first date I deleted my online profile. It didn’t seem fair to him to continue to entertain the idea of other men. It didn’t work out romantically between us but we stayed friends. Down the road i discovered that he had kept his profile active and was actively speaking to other women. No wonder it didn’t work between us! I felt betrayed and hurt. He never gave me a chance! If you’re going to invest your time with someone delete your account. Fire it back up again if things don’t work out, but don’t ruin a chance for something great with online profiles that won’t work out.
posted by Gretta on 10-31-2011 at 2:11 am