When I need a snack, I don’t turn to my refrigerator, or even the farmer’s market down the block — no, those are way too old-school for me. I need to combine snacking with internet geekery. Like all other things, I turn to the web for food advice.

When selecting a new food, McSweeney’s Reviews of New Food is a critical resource. The site features literary “reviews” of food that generally read as stern warnings or ecstatic rhapsodic waxings from foodies. Here’s an example:

Worldwide Sports Nutrition Rapid Recovery Grape Rejuvenation Post Workout Drink

Submitted by Sean Hannah

As a rule, the more syllables contained within a food item’s name, the less foodlike it will taste. For the Worldwide Sports Nutrition Rapid Recovery Grape Rejuvenation Post Workout Drink, this does not bode well.

Also comes in Fruit Punch.

For even pithier reviews, check out Panic’s New Product Reviews (in which foods are rated by a set of twins), or their USA vs. Japan Taste Battle. Serious snackaholics must consult taquitos.net, which currently features 3,469 snack reviews (including the products depicted in this post: Humpty Dumpty Sour Cream & Clam Ripple Chips and Cuttlefish Flavored Snack, both from their Worst Chips Ever list. Thank you, web-based e-snacking community.