This just in: Scientists in Australia have discovered that, according to the headline, “DRINKING CAN BE DANGEROUS:”

People who drink alcohol are up to four times more likely than non-drinkers to be hurt from physical injuries such as a fall or punch, new research shows.

More obviousness: “Binge drinkers were more at risk of being injured than regular drinkers. And people who sustained serious injuries were more likely to have consumed beer and have been drinking in a licensed premises.”

Slightly less obvious: “Mixing drinks increased injury risk five-fold.”

The study did not weigh in on the validity of the “beer before liquor, never sicker” hypothesis.