If you’re reading mental_floss at work, you’re probably already looking for ways to decrease your productivity. Author Rick Davis is one of the world’s leading experts on office time-wastage — even going so far as to found the Institute for Totally Useless Skills — and his treatise on useless office skills represents the pinnacle of his ongoing research. If you want to get started right away, here are a few examples. Time’s a-wastin’!

The Endless Fax
1. Make two copies of a heartfelt message
2. Tape them together. Feed them to your fax machine
and start sending.
3. When the other end comes out, tape it to the second sheet to form a loop.
4. Go on a nice, long vacation.

Telephone Songs
For those of you who’d rather be rocking out than dialing your office phone all day, you can play music on your phone by pressing the buttons on the top (1,2,3) and along the side (6,9,#). But don’t play the 4,5,7,8,*, or 0. They sound even worse than the others.
Happy Birthday
112163
112196
11#9632
969363

Auld Lang Syne
11113212
321139#
#9331212
321##91

Frere Jacques
12311231
369369
9#9631,9#9631
191,191

Credit card buzzing
Take 2 credit cards and hold them back to back so the bumpy numbers are on the outside. Hold the cards extremely loosely at the edge of the short sides. Now blow air in between the cards. The sound you will hear will precisely express your feelings about the interest you are paying. For more time-wasting shenanigans, check out Rick Davis on Amazon.