mental_floss magazine
SUBSCRIBE >
GIFT SUBSCRIPTIONS >
DIGITAL SUBSCRIPTIONS >
subscriber services >
According to psychologists, that depends on what kind of depression you’re talking about. They say that “normal” depression can strike anybody, especially those who are genetically pre-disposed to it, but existential depression — the kind usually reserved for French philosophers and mid-life crises — has been known to strike kids as well, especially gifted ones. That is to say, if Junior is worrying about the inevitability of death or struggling with meaninglessness in the world, chances are he’s above-average in the brains department. But where do these concerns come from? Dr. James Webb:
“Because gifted children are able to consider the possibilities of how things might be, they tend to be idealists. However, they are simultaneously able to see that the world is falling short of how it might be. They discover that others, particularly of their age, clearly do not share these concerns … and by as early as first grade can feel isolated from peers and family members. When their intensity is combined with multi-potentiality, these youngsters become particularly frustrated with the existential limitations of space and time. There are simply not enough hours in the day, and making choices among the possibilities seems indeed arbitrary; there is no ‘ultimately right’ choice.”
I myself went to a “gifted” school growing up, but didn’t spend an inordinate amount of time wrestling with questions of existential meaning. (My friends and I played a lot of Nintendo, if I remember correctly.) I’m wondering: how many of you flossers were reading Sartre by age 10 and glumly pondering the meaning of life?
Comments (49)
Comment
- Follow mental_floss
I can remember reading Sartre at 14 in English class, and saying something very true to existentialism to the teacher which in turn shocked the entire class as they were all the religious sort; I have never recieved weirded looks in my life!
posted by Greer on 5-16-2007 at 7:53 am
This is creepy.
I’m fourteen, and I’m not considered gifted, but I have though about the reasons for life, and most of the time, I find myself concluding that the whole world is essentially– Sadness.
It’s a long rant, but if anyone would like to hear it, I wouldn’t mind typing out.
I don’t think that “gifted” is the right term, more like… Deep thinkers?
posted by Wernie on 5-16-2007 at 8:28 am
I was labelled gifted when I was young. (My last IQ score was 159, FWIW.)I also come from a family disposed to depression and which was ‘economically disadvantaged.’ I preferred Hesse and Dostoevsky to Sartre, although I enjoyed him and Camus later in life.
I was thoroughly depressed by age nine. I credit the discovery of drugs and sex with keeping me from killing myself. Of course, that lifestyle also kept me from completing school. Can’t have everything, I guess.
A significant number of the troubled kids who became my peer group would, in one-on-one circumstances, reveal themselves to be sensitive thinkers. I believe most of us were attempting with substance abuse to block out something that weighed heavily on us. A portion of those were trying to kill the existential angst. Barbiturate induced catatonia or speed freak mania, or alcaholic stupor for that matter, all served to turn off the goddamn brain that wouldn’t give me a moment’s peace.
posted by Bassman on 5-16-2007 at 8:47 am
Part of giftedness is that one facet may develop faster than others. So the child may have more mature thought patterns but not have the emotional capability needed to deal with what they think. My gifted-person-depression didn’t hit until college, so I guess I’m a late bloomer in that area. But mine wasn’t because the world didn’t live up to my expectations: it was because *I* didn’t.
And Wernie, giftedness isn’t just whatever test your school administers. What you term deep thinking, particularly when it’s not what one would expect from a student of a particular age, is another part of giftedness.
posted by Jaclyn on 5-16-2007 at 9:18 am
I am a very religious person, but my faith is not blind. I believe on an emotional and a logical level.
I have studied and I understand existentialism. I have come to the conclusion that even if it were true, why would I want to believe it? The thought that nothing matters at all is too … well, depressing.
My faith is firm, but for the sake of argument: If I am right about God, then the way I live my life will pay dividends beyond my investment now. If I am wrong, then it doesn’t matter anyway.
Having said that, I love The Cure’s “Killing an Arab” (although I wish Robert Smith had gone with a different title). It is based on Camus’ exitential masterpiece “The Stranger”. While I disagree with the philosophy, it is great that a rock band has made a heady intellectual French book into a pop song. You don’t see that often.
posted by n2y2 on 5-16-2007 at 9:36 am
How strange . . . I’m a fifteen-year-old, High Honors student all higher-level classes (not to brag or anything . . .) and I cannot seem to shake off the feeling of imminent mortality.
It may simply be paranoia, or a result of all the violent incidents in the world and my own hometown. I feel sad, sometimes even depressed. Thank you for blogging this, though, now I know that I am not going insane.
Or perhaps, I am going insane, but now there are grounds for that conjecture. ARGH! Stop confusing yourself.
Great, now I talk to myself, too.
posted by Allison on 5-16-2007 at 9:42 am
I was never considered gifted, my IQ was never tested, in fact I remember a teacher in grade school told me I was not smart enough for the accelerated learning program, but I think it was because I made her uncomfortable by asking profound questions that other children my age never asked. They may have been too busy picking their nose!
I was alway outcast because of my manner of thought and speech, and they let me think I was stupid. That’s what you get for being a military kid in Cow Town USA where their foresight only stretches as far as next Friday’s football game. Thanks for this post, it was enlightening!
posted by Jess on 5-16-2007 at 10:13 am
I think, therefore I am depressed. It’s a phenomenon that seems far more widespread recently than in past years. I’ve observed it in my family and friends–commonly resulting in a seemingly self-destructive dance with mood altering substances. Some emerge from this trying time stronger, and some do not emerge.
I hope that a bit of exposure and warning of what lies ahead will help all negotiate this turbulent stage of life. To all those who are suffering through this, please remember that you are never alone, and never incosequential.
posted by Tom on 5-16-2007 at 10:21 am
I don’t think I am gifted (I never made it into the gifted program in primary school, but did make it into the Honors program in college). I have always struggled with a meaningless existance, with mortality, morality, not living up to my potential, not leaving a mark on this world-not leaving it a better world. I struggle with these thoughts and most people I talk to, don’t. They buy their clothes at Walmart and are okay with it. They attend church and don’t think about the history of religion. They just live without thinking… about what they are living for or through or with or something.
I have a headache now. However, I did take my daily dose of anti-depressants today.
posted by Amber on 5-16-2007 at 10:25 am
I was reading the theology of Martin Luther as early as 4th grade. There aren’t many grade schoolers that become obsessed with questions of morality and redemption. I did miserably in school anyway… Did I ever mention how much I detest the label “Gifted”?
posted by Zach on 5-16-2007 at 10:30 am
That was me. I spent most of my elementary years waiting for the Russians to drop a nuclear bomb on us. And I read way too much philosophy. It took a lot of living to shake that off and accept that there are some things you can do nothing about, so don’t waste time worrying about them.
posted by Miss Cellania on 5-16-2007 at 10:37 am
My experience in this area is both personal and parental. I have a highly intelligent son who began showing signs a self-destructive behavior in late elementary school. His bouts with alcohol and depression are legendary. A court-ordered rehab has assisted in helping him stop self-medicating, but the issues that bother him still exist. But- even at his lowest ebb- we still had/have wildly stimulating discussions of events and concepts. He is a wonderful person who will always deal with the demons which accompany deep thinkers. The need to find escape seems universal, as noted by several responders.
posted by Nancy on 5-16-2007 at 10:51 am
in middle school/high school i was in the advanced placement classes. i didn’t read russian literature or philosophy but i placed well in my AP courses and considered mortality and other “deep thoughts.” i’ve always had this completely irrational fear of airplanes so sometimes when drifting off to sleep i would contemplate death by air-crash. one night thinking this i must have had some kind of lucid dream as i was dreaming i was in a plane crash and it hit and everything went black. i recall thinking, “this is it huh? not very interesting, turns out religion was wrong.” i was filled with this immense sadness and emptiness and i suppose that jarred me awake. i’ve never really felt like i’ve had an existential crisis since that day.
i think this argument is more in line with what Jaclyn said in that more “adult” thought patterns develop sooner but aren’t developed enough to process what it actually means.
posted by Jared on 5-16-2007 at 11:27 am
When I entered elementary school in 1955 I was already reading and quite capable of simple math (add, subtract, multiply, divide). I was reading Mark Twain and Arthur Clark while my classmates were trying to work out, “Look Jane! See Spot run!”. I was labeled a troublemaker because I spent my time “daydreaming” – not paying attention to the teacher. I didn’t accede to the “authority” of the powers-that-be in the public schools which I must, by definition, be accepting and subservient to. I wasn’t actively causing trouble – I was just plain flat BORED! I questioned everything. McCarthy-era mind control was not for me – got me in a lot of trouble… still does. I was not truly challenged, intellectually, until I got into graduate school, and even then it was by the occasional professor who stepped outside the bounds of academia and gave me something to really chew on.
I’ve taken all sorts of IQ tests, scored from 135 to 160. Meaningless. I have a knack, born or learned – I won’t go into “nature vs. nurture – of spotting patterns. That’s all you need to score high on those tests. Not real intelligence, just how one spots the flow of thought of the tester and blacks in the right box with your #2 pencil.
Dunno about angst and existenitalism. Studied Kant and Sartre. Nietzche and Hegel. Socrates and Zeno and Epictecus and Marcus Aurelius. I *do* know about depression.
Generally, I was shunned by my classmates (when they weren’t beating me up because I played piano and they played baseball) – don’t recall any existential crisis there.
It was quite pleasing, in hindsight, to go to my 40 year High School reunion and find the BMOCs of the 60s selling used cars in Bumf**k, Arkansas and wearing cheap toupees. I could buy them all out of petty cash and not notice the drop in my bank balance. Still no existentialisim.
Depression: I could write an essay on that and not even scratch the surface. I have it, and as far as I can tell, always have. I self-medicate. I don’t blame any one source, school, peers, parents, government, whatever, but rather a genetic predisposistion and the cumulative effects of all the above with 18 months in SE Asia to add frosting on the cake.
My advice to young people struggling with these issues, (the advice worth exactly what it costs, i.e. nothing) is wisely summed up in the words of a Don Henley song, “Get Over It!” Find your passion! For me it was and always will be music. For you it might be engineering, or vitriculture, or fixing potholes, writing, performing, politics, plumbing, carpentry… gods, I don’t know. Whatever you feel passionate about, DO IT!
Plato and Kant and Hesse and all the others are dead and long gone. Read them if you wish. Make up your own mind.
J. E. “Doc” Stuart, BS, MS and a bunch of other meaningless alphabet soup.
posted by Doc Stuart on 5-16-2007 at 11:32 am
Lots of familiar experieces above.
I always related to adults better than kids my age. I thought about things they didn’t, and eventually learned to censor my thoughts to avoid funny looks. In a small school, playing dumb was the key to fitting in, and that certainly takes a toll on a mind.
Someone above mentioned ‘turning off the brain’ — I found that using booze was one of the ways I could cope. Not exactly a healthy choice, but I’m glad to still be here.
posted by EV on 5-16-2007 at 11:38 am
I was considered bright in school (A’s & B’s), but I don’t know if I was gifted. I do know, however, that in my junior and senior year of high school depression hit me hard and I was enamored with existentialism and like philosophies. I thought a lot about the nature of reality, space, and time and about the possibility that everything could be nothing.
posted by Christine on 5-16-2007 at 11:55 am
I’m a gifted student, now a high school senior and i’ve been in my school’s gifted program since first grade (the earliest entry). I wouldn’t say that i get any more depressed than other people, but i am definitely more cautious because i think of all the bad things that could possibly go wrong in a situation. i also think i don’t deal with failure as well as other people because i’m so used to success and achievement.
posted by leofishy on 5-16-2007 at 1:28 pm
I don’t consider myself to be “gifted” in any way, to tell you the truth, but I can say that I think in a much more mature, deep way than my peers. I am eighteen years old, and already have several careers laid out ahead of me including web developer, graphic designer, painter, model and fashion designer. I’ve graduated from highschool, but have remained an extra semester to gain better marks. Thinking in this way, having life plans, marks in the upper nineties (though I don’t need the marks), having a bright future… it doesn’t do away with thoughts of the helplessness. Looking down from a tall building, you can see the “bacteria” of the Earth, as my boyfriend and I called our species. The fact that humans invade, take over and pilage the planet shows us to be what we are. But who do we have control over? Only ourselves. We have no way of convincing others that, say, homosexuality is a sin (or is entirely moral), or that Christ lived (or never existed in the first place), besides to talk and show evidence. Try to be a regular Joe off the street, and tell a convicted serial killer that his actions are wrong, and convince him to never have a bad thought again. But there are so many people who wouldn’t listen even if you stood before them and shouted in their ear.
This is what makes a person depressed. By the age of 15 I noticed depression in myself. I can now say, without the diagnosis of a doctor, that I am, without doubt, deeply depressed. I have a wonderful boyfriend with a bright future who knows and loves me for who I am, I live in a upper-middle class home with both parents, a sibling and a dog, and as I said, have a bright future ahead. But it’s the existentialist thoughts about the meaning of life, and the fact that we can’t trust our neighbours or our politicians to look out for us, the fact that we’re consistently in danger because of other humans, etc. that puts my mind into its’ state. Nothing can cure it, because the human race is in a state of disrepair, and will only worsen with time.
Thinking about the hopelessness of the world is depressing by all means, but thinking about what we can do about it is what saves. I’m by no account religious. I agree with Christine in that the possibility that everything could be absolutely nothing, just objects without meaning, and that one day the earth will be empty again.
In the end: depression is depression, just live life to the fullest, and when the end approahces, you’ll know you did your best.
posted by Heather on 5-16-2007 at 1:46 pm
As both a former “gifted” student and current “gifted” teacher, I can certainly relate to the feeling of not living up to personal expectations. I’ve been told by professionals that they think I’d benifit from antidepressants, but have always refused because I could always pull myself out of my funk and was always worried that the only thing that I could count on, my brain, would be worse off from taking the medications than from not, thus causing me to somehoe lose my greatest strength.
Sure, I questioned morailty and mortality, existance and purpose. Found Shakespeare interesting in elementary school. While peers were reading Beverly Cleary, I was reading Dante and Machivelli. It just took setting down and determining that no matter what I chose to do with my life that I wanted to make the world better so others wouldn’t have to go throug the same stuff I did that has kept me plugging along.
posted by Kyle on 5-16-2007 at 1:46 pm
I’ve been in th gifted programs since I can remeber. However, I wasn’t reading sartre in fourth grade. By about 2nd grade I kind of figured out my own version of Pascal’s wager so I was contempt untill about eigth drade. Since then I have read alot of philosophical works but I haven’t become depressed because that would imply that I have changed. I do though, think about mortality and the futility of my life but it shouldn’t be called depression, it should be called me.
Id like to hear that proof on life wernie.
posted by matt on 5-16-2007 at 4:32 pm
I’m fourteen, a straight-A student, and I for one wouldn’t consider myself depressed. Disappointed is a better word. There are all sorts of things that we could be doing right now, but we’re not. We don’t care about our world, we don’t care about other people, and we’re so arrogant, it’s not even funny. I like myself the way I am; I just don’t like other people the way they are.
(Which is not, of course, to say that everyone is stupid and ignorant or that everyone should change their lives, just that it seems to me that the people in charge of the world aren’t doing a very good job at all.)
And really, what’s the point in being gloomy and depressed? It’s not as if there’s all that much we can do about it. Unless someone comes along with a cure for death, all you can do is live your life while you have it. :)
posted by Pointy-Hatted Geek on 5-16-2007 at 6:18 pm
I’m 19 and I’ve always been depressed. Not with the intention of sounding narcissistic, but people have always told me I’m smart. Interestingly, it took my awhile to realize that although the world can be an uncomfortable place, it’s a relative thing. Having been through more than the average 19 year old (is that just the teenager mentality?), I’ve also come to realize that it’s all relative. I’m happy as long as I’m not in the position I once was. As long as I have something worse to compare bad things to, I know I’ll be alright. What I have to ask is, does that make me more, or less intelligent that the “life sucks, then you die” frame of thought?
posted by Will R on 5-16-2007 at 6:32 pm
I’m 15, gifted, and yes, suffering pretty severely from existential dread right now. It’s a hard thing to cope with because, like the article says, no one else my age really cares… and there’s zero sympathy from other teens because everyone assumes that smart kids have so easy: “Woe is me, I’m smart!”
I have to say, it’s VERY tempting to dabble in substance abuse and just make these thoughts disappear. I haven’t, but an old friend of mine, the most gifted guy I’ve ever met, ended up trying to drown his thoughts with LSD, weed, nicotine, alcohol… you name it, he’s probably downed it to try and numb himself. He’s a brilliant guy, but he just couldn’t take it.
posted by Kris on 5-16-2007 at 7:03 pm
Individuals with autism spectrum disorders are isolated from the rest of humanity, and that alone would tend to exacerbate depression.
If you use a muscle, it gets stronger. And because those with autism spectrum disorders are locked inside their own brains, to a greater or lesser degree, they tend to achieve more of their intellectual potential.
They don’t necessarily read Sartre. They write it.
posted by Paul Ding on 5-16-2007 at 7:20 pm
I distinctly remember accidently drinking a sip of beer when I was three and sitting down to contemplate my death because my mother had told me that beer could kill me. I pretty much accepted my fate, but later in life (Nine or ten) I could work myself into a panic attack over the futility of life and my imminent mortality.
Now? I discovered Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll, but also a passion and direction. We’re here, might as well do something.
posted by Ms. Kiki on 5-16-2007 at 10:18 pm
This is my age and IQ score.
These are the books I’ve read and the anecdotes that apply to them.
Here are the examples of my contempt for those unlike myself.
posted by Tim on 5-17-2007 at 2:02 am
Hee. Sorry Jaclyn. Down here, well… Things rely too much on results and acedemics– Please forgive my ignorance.
posted by Wernie on 5-17-2007 at 4:27 am
Okay, since I feel so comfortable with you guys, I’ll share. I was (am) an extremely gifted child, reading by 2, studying well above elementary school level by the age of 7. I can remember very clearly wondering if I was real, if I was part of someone’s dream, if there were other realms of conciousness and all that exixtentialist jazz. On the flip side, after being born two months early, I also had brain damage that caused learning disablities. I could not tell right from left for years, had trouble with reading clocks, and though I was great at mathematical concepts, simple computations baffled me. By the sixth grade, although I could discuss Tolstoy with college professors, I was flunking out of math. Talk about struggling between potential and limitations! Of course, the igno teachers accused me of just not applying myself, which made me try harder, fail harder, and just hatemyself. I was put on he wonder drug at the ime, Ritalin, which did not cure my math problems as expected, but began to make me underweight and irritable. I felt alienated socially. I cried daily, hourly, fo no real reason. I went between loving and hating myself with intensity. I had unreasonable expectations for relationships, starting with friendships, later with dating. By high school, I started physically harming myself and obsessing wih death. I finally got dignosed at the age of nineteen and was put on Prozac, which helped for a while. But by the time I was 23, I had been hospitalized three times and atempted suicide four. I developed physical problems as a reseult of emotional stress, including a devastating auto-immune disease. In the fifteen years since my diagnosis, I have had only two remissions. In spite of my intellect, I could not finish college, and I often have to leave jobs because of my illness. (not to mention, there’s still a nasty “crazy” stigma) I know there will be more breakdowwns to come; I hav to brace myself. My intelligence makes me keenly aware that I am never going to live up to my potential, and that further feeds my depression, which makes me sick physically as well. Its a vicious cycle. Yes, its true. I think less intelligent people have less tto be depressed about. My girlfriends think of nohing but toenail polish and American Idol. The intelligent are doomed and blessed at the same ime. What we truly need are more programs to recognise that not all mentally ill people are social “write-offs”
There’s my book. Thank you, Mental Floss for giving me a place to feel at home with other smart people. Reading the mag and blog helps stave off my blues.!
posted by Allison on 5-17-2007 at 10:19 am
I can’t say I’ve ever been in a “gifted” program, but I was always noted as extremely bright by my teachers and professors. I’ve been exempt from several exams in my distant and recent past. I’ve always been able to string together a sentence that either clearly stated what I wanted or at least got the point across. Words have always been my safe place, but I rarely spoke in classes. My grades were never high because I resented homework. I felt like school was pointless because I never really learned anything new, aside from dates and points in history, and how to over-complicate numbers. I hated being there because it didn’t allow me to be creative, and that’s how my mind works. I was given to day dreaming as far back as I can remember, and some days, all I could think about would be my own funeral, who would miss me, and how my time here meant nothing. I’m not going to be raising a family, I’m not going to be inventing anything to better the human race, and I’m certainly not going to find myself in an office, working away my days for the money I don’t want.
I’d like to say that those thoughts stopped when I reached the point where adolescents hit the “invincibility” point, but I never honestly had that. In my late teenage years, I was obsessed with my mortality nearly to the extent of wanting to take it, in some sort of free will exhibit.
Now in my early twenties, I feel an overwhelming emptiness. The theme of pointlessness has carried on to now, especially since I’ve not yet been able to share, and only felt once, the elusive beast of ‘love.’ The same feeling that I get from other people is still there, in that I rarely feel a real connection. I value every life I encounter, but I feel almost as though I’ve wasted my time when I’m placated, and they really just don’t understand. So, I find myself in love with the little things to keep going. I find myself thanking the day itself for showing me the sun at a certain angle, or the things I found on the ground that I collect under sentiment.
I would have to say that I’m with Allison, in that I think there ought to be schools that allow people with creative minds to not feel left out. People should feel better about being different, instead of people led to silence for it. Creativity isn’t something “extra,” I don’t think, and it shouldn’t only be allowed to come out at the full grasping of a concept.
posted by spencer on 5-17-2007 at 1:14 pm
It is interesting how everyone responded to this post. Existentialism is some force trying to prove itself in this world corrupted by religion. Just kidding…kind of.
posted by Ann on 5-17-2007 at 1:57 pm
Hi, new here. What a lovely thread. I never realized there were more people out there who had similar experiences! I started Montessori at 2 – it is a better way of learning for those of us (heck, all kids) who need flexibility, creativity, and to cultivate a love of learning. High IQ, high grades, but at the time i transfered to public school, my age dictated my grade – not my intelligence. Public school at 3rd grade was a shock. Uniformity, strict schedules, b.s., etc… Even in the gifted classes I was bored. Bored kids make trouble! High school was boring, college was a HUGE disappointment.
I’ve never been seriously depressed, but i have been plagued my whole life with an occassional feeling of disappointment. Disappointed in people, all the ‘big events’ in life, relationships, society, the world, politics, you name it! Kind of like “this isn’t what i signed up for!”. I do not watch TV, I don’t go out to bars, I don’t have a thousand meaningless friends, I am as I have always been – accepted, but not similar to the majority.
At the ripe old age of 26, I have started accepting myself as myself. There certainly is nothing “wrong with me”, as it is easy to believe while young. I’ve also started to release myself from the rat-race mentality. I have a good job, make good money, blah blah blah. It’s not what MAKES me, nor what makes me happy. Finding that, finding your passion, finding your peace is all you need.
Thank you all for posting, it sure made my day!
posted by rose on 5-17-2007 at 4:52 pm
I have been considered “gifted” in my past, with teachers, parents, friends etc… I am 18 years old and I have had a few great carrer paths planned out for me, I was 6 when I knew what I wanted to do with my future, I still stick by that plan and havent deviated since. I recieved poor grades in High School…mostly due to math and sheer boredom.
I was committed to a Psychiatric institution by my parents in 4th grade and was heavily medicated from 2nd grade all the way to 7 grade (when I started refusing the medications). In 1st grade I was taken to see a psycologist, psychiatrist and Psychopharmocologist. I was diagnosed with chronic depression.I had always banged my head against the wall and hit myself, even when I was in pre-school. In high school I started practicing self-mutilation in more severe forms. I have had a very troubled past, I have demons I am still fighting with physically and mentally. I have been told I have an “Addictive personality” which means that I am more prone to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, pain, tobacco, suger..anything.
I currently dont smoke, dont drink, dont do drugs (Perscription or otherwise)and I plan on doing this for the rest of my life. In High School I was called “stupid” and “an idiot” for not engaging in these obviously dangerous activites that “Everyone else” participated in. I was shunned and chastised by a large part of the student population. I also have avery large anger problem coupled with deeper issues that I wont get into here.
I have been told that I am a talented writer (I am a published poet in a book that has been distributed all over the world) a talented artist and an overall smart person.
I believe that todays society is essentially having a mid-life crisi at earlier and earlier ages (The norm seeming to be High School ages) because these children are having to face their own mortality because of the society that shoves death down our throats. You see violence and death regurlarly on Television and every other media form.
I guess thats enough for my rambilngs.
posted by Shane on 6-11-2007 at 1:58 am
“I was (am) an extremely gifted child, reading by 2, studying well above elementary school level by the age of 7. I can remember very clearly wondering if I was real, if I was part of someone’s dream, if there were other realms of conciousness and all that exixtentialist jazz.”
Same.
Then I gave up and devoted my time to raising hell.
posted by Alice on 7-31-2007 at 11:22 am
Growing up I had been an above average student that coasted through school right through my undergraduate degree. I participated in several accelerated programs and honors classes. Puberty hit me like a ton of bricks. I spent a lot of time struggling with identity, and contemplating existential lines of reasoning. I did not then, nor do I now, consider myself terribly gifted, but the quote by James Webb resonates deeply with me. I was definitely an idealist and hated the idea of making arbitrary choices between imperfect compromises. Though I had tried, I had found it hard to communicate these thoughts with peers or adults. Looking back I had chalked up my past feelings to something that all teenagers go through, grappling with the apparent futility of life. I find it interesting that this suggests that those feelings aren’t universal, but I’m comforted that I was not alone in my experience.
posted by hijinx on 8-1-2007 at 1:57 pm
I think we have to make a bit of a delineation between “gifted” and “narcisstic” — as a child, drama and a sense of sadness (and even despair) that everyone doesn’t think the same way you do and so much seems meaningless is a sign of depth of thought. At a certain point in life, however, if one has not moved past being controlled by such thoughts — assuming no clinical level depression — it can be a red flag for immaturity, self-involvement, and lack of respect for the everyday struggles of the average human.
Just sayin’ (and from my own experience with myself, really)
posted by liz on 11-8-2007 at 2:42 pm
I am almost 70 years old. When I was in school there was no “gifted” classification. I could read at age 3 but that didn’t mean a thing back then. I too had “deep” thoughts about life and morality and mortality, but never allowed that to depress me. I just decided to live and find out if what I thought was true or not. I have found that going outside myself and helping others in any way I could meant more than “what am I getting out of life?” Because what I got from that was the satisfaction of knowing that in my own small way, I was contributing to the betterment of my world, that part of the larger world, where I could have an effect. I am not sure if things were better, back then, than they are now. After all the Holocaust was happening when I was young. We just didn’t have the media then that let us know what was happening in the world at large. Try doing one small thing a day for someone else without expecting even a thank you. Hold a door for some one with a load of mail or packages. Pick up something some one has dropped and restore it to them. Any little action that benefits another and not yourself. And for goodness’ sake people, read what you have written before you post and use spell check. It makes it much easier to read your post and makes you look more “gifted” or “smart”.
posted by samsmom on 11-8-2007 at 3:19 pm
I am glad to know that I am not the only teenager who reads mental_floss. I am in gifted classes, but I do not like philosophy, I’m more of a science person.
posted by 2bookworm on 11-8-2007 at 5:54 pm
This is amazing and hits staggeringly close to home. Thank you to the posters and mental_floss.
posted by TMo on 11-9-2007 at 2:26 pm
You’re so right. I guess I’m “gifted” – although I do think giftedness is relative. Anyway, I have had depressing thoughts about my existence and the existence of the world for a long long time – I’m now a third year micrbiology university student, and these things continue to bother me. And yes, it continues to be very depressing – especially when I realize that most of my friends just don’t care and are more willing to accept what they’re told in their churches and on TV rather than think about it themselves. It’s really depressing; but I figure the world is a depressing place for those who think about it.
posted by Skrabbler2 on 2-14-2008 at 11:06 pm
I was considered “gifted” growing up, and I think I’ve been in existential crisis since the 1st grade. I’m 36 now. Yikes!
I think I’ve survived by embracing “resigned stoicism”, and turning off my TV.
posted by Brigid on 6-9-2008 at 7:47 am
A lot of these responses, though interesting, kind of strike me as the angst-ridden experiences of most bright adolescents. Tons of kids go through the phase of “I’m smarter than everyone around me, I know more about life than they could possibly understand, oh woe, woe, etc…” It seems to me (and I’m no neuroscientist) that as your brain grows and you gain the ability to think about existential concepts like your own death you will think about it. Does that really make you all that exceptional? Or does it just make you a human being?
(Granted, some of the posters here obviously have had really serious problems with depression way beyond run-of-the-mill angst, and I hope in your cases you will be okay.)
posted by annie on 6-9-2008 at 10:27 am
LIZ and ANNIE: I´m with you. Your assesments are (in my humble opinion) completely dead-on.
I think the truly gifted are those who see the world as it is and realize that they have to make the best choice possible for themselves and for their environment. You cannot choose “all the options.” You have to stop, think, decide and act. Yes, you will be frustrated and disappointed but at least you will be moving forward. Find your own meaning of life. What does it mean for you? What do you want to achieve?
In other words, you cannot use your gift as an excuse. If school is boring because they dont challenge you enough, then challenge yourself. Learn a new language or instrument.
last of all, let me just say that I understand the need to wallow in disappointment from time to time (in the world, in yourself…) but only you can pick yourself up, shake it off and LIVE YOUR LIFE.
posted by GTT on 6-9-2008 at 12:01 pm
I have heard too many people say that all of the smartest people they know are depressed. The whole “ignorance is bliss” cliche has been around for so long that people seem to believe it must be fact. Maybe some smart people know that everything is not perfect, but decide to dwell on other interests instead of this problem.
posted by Kiki on 6-9-2008 at 3:02 pm
I am a genius, and yes, I used to be concerned about the inevitability of death as young as 5 yo.
I still am. And it does interfere with my daily productivity.
However, this is not a world of genius, it is a world of results and perseverance. Buddha and Jesus wrestled with their own intellects in order to achieve more, and they too were unusually afraid of death.
Far too many depressed genius with no achievements have passed through this world, and many average persons have made our lifes better by not troubling themselves over such inevitable things. So much for a genius, that was a run-on sentence.
Cheers.
posted by Bernard on 6-9-2008 at 3:38 pm
I am not a genius, but I have been considered gifted since I was a small child. (I learned to read at the age of 3 and amazed my parents by reading the newspaper comics upside down because I didn’t want to wait for my dad to finish them when I was 5.) I never had to study in grade school and made straight As. However… I don’t think the same way as it seems everyone else does, usually, and have often felt isolated because of it. I struggled with some mild depression and wondering if anything I did was ever going to matter when I was in high school (late bloomer, I guess), though I was very aware of mortality for as long as I can remember. I never tried substance abuse, and have never been tempted to, but I can see how turning one’s brain off that way could be appealing. I’m in grad school for engineering now, and I will say that I have had a great time in college, finding other smart people that think like I do and who can keep up with me (if they’re not smarter than I am, which a good number of them are! Hooray!). It’s helped cut down a *lot* on that isolated feeling, and I have not struggled with that depression since my senior year of HS. It’s been absolutely lovely finding some good friends and having people I could identify with!
posted by Windy on 6-10-2008 at 2:31 pm
Somewhere between 8th and 9th grade I started having panic attacks about death. I would sleep for about 15 hours a day to keep myself from thinking about it.
posted by Miyoka on 9-17-2008 at 8:51 pm
Hey everyone, i have been reading this blog and decided to post my own personal information for anyone to gain personal insite themselves.
I hate the word “gifted” as many of you have also stated.
I grew up always at the bottom of the class, never a high achiever or anything, i was even once asked to take a test because the teacher thought i needed to drop into a “special” class.
I ended up having an I.Q. of just below or above genuis.
As a kid i have always felt as a puppet to other kids for them to redicule, judge, or make fun of for their own personal benefits.
But the problem is, i’m no typical nerd. I don’t wear glasses, dress in plaid and am a social outcast.
I’ve always grown up with older friends, i’m 1 of 3 younger sisters and a 1st grader i have always hung out with those 2-5 years older than myself.
I am farely good looking, not to toot my own horn, but i base this on the looks of women who are interested in myself. I always get the best looking girls in my school or social settings, but i don’t even want them. I don’t want the women the friends or experiences.
I remember as a kid watching the Bulls play on television (i’m 18 now) and i remember asking my dad about what happens if i go to hell. I don’t think i’ve ever been in as much physical pain to cry as much as i did that night.
Later in middle school i remember nights trying staying up all night trying to get in touch with religious forums and chats. Trying to get my questions answered and all i did was raise more questions. I ended up believing in god for a couple of more years until I finally figured out the only reason i ever believed, or was so scared in believing, was the scare tactic of hell which you are instilled with by the same people who call themselves saviors.
Then my 7th grade summer i tried marijuana recreationally with my friend who was in high school. I didn’t touch the stuff outside of summer until 2 years after and than for the last 2 years of my life i’ve been pretty addicted to around 6 times a day of recreationally self medicating.
Now i’m in high school and i feel as if people are so dumb in every which way, shape and form, that i feel as if i can’t even coexist with them sometimes.
People my age are so much about images and appearances and it is nothing more than deciet. Is this all humanity has to offer?
posted by E.T. on 4-5-2009 at 10:35 pm
Hey everyone, i have been reading this blog and decided to post my own personal information for anyone to gain personal insite themselves.
I hate the word “gifted” as many of you have also stated.
I grew up always at the bottom of the class, never a high achiever or anything, i was even once asked to take a test because the teacher thought i needed to drop into a “special” class.
I ended up having an I.Q. of just below or above genuis.
As a kid i have always felt as a puppet to other kids for them to redicule, judge, or make fun of for their own personal benefits.
But the problem is, i’m no typical nerd. I don’t wear glasses, dress in plaid and am a social outcast.
I’ve always grown up with older friends, i’m 1 of 3 younger sisters and a 1st grader i have always hung out with those 2-5 years older than myself.
I am farely good looking, not to toot my own horn, but i base this on the looks of women who are interested in myself. I always get the best looking girls in my school or social settings, but i don’t even want them. I don’t want the women the friends or experiences.
I remember as a kid watching the Bulls play on television (i’m 18 now) and i remember asking my dad about what happens if i go to hell. I don’t think i’ve ever been in as much physical pain to cry as much as i did that night.
Later in middle school i remember nights trying staying up all night trying to get in touch with religious forums and chats. Trying to get my questions answered and all i did was raise more questions. I ended up believing in god for a couple of more years until I finally figured out the only reason i ever believed, or was so scared in believing, was the scare tactic of hell which you are instilled with by the same people who call themselves saviors.
Then my 7th grade summer i tried marijuana recreationally with my friend who was in high school. I didn’t touch the stuff outside of summer until 2 years after and than for the last 2 years of my life i’ve been pretty addicted to around 6 times a day of recreationally self medicating.
Now i’m in high school and i feel as if people are so dumb in every which way, shape and form, that i feel as if i can’t even coexist with them sometimes.
People my age are so much about images and appearances and it is nothing more than deciet. Is this all humanity has to offer?
Now i find myself pondering questions like, 2012, mayans,nostradamus, aliens, other life forms other than god?
i remember when i liked politics back in middle school, sure is hard to enjoy.
posted by ET on 4-5-2009 at 10:50 pm
If the problem is death, then use your genius intellect to cure it (or die trying). Science may be able to solve it, it is sure worth a try (there is nothing to lose). If there is no meaning to life, then we should figure out how to physically make the brain happier (through neuroscience and related technologies).
http://www.maxmore.com/becoming.htm
Not sci-fi any more.
posted by abc1234 on 7-2-2009 at 11:05 pm