Colin Perkins
If You Only Knew Then What You Know Now…
by Colin Perkins - July 6, 2010 - 2:00 PM

As the old adage says: youth is wasted on the young.

NPR recently shared the tale of a 22-year old blogger named Cassie Boorn, who posed an interesting question to the women of the world via her blog. The NPR story explains the intriguing premise:

Say you’re in your 30s or 40s and you could write a letter to your 20-year-old self. What would you say?

So far, she’s received some extremely varied and wise thoughts. Among them:

  • “Speaking of money, way to not have a credit card yet, that is a good move. Although, seriously: you have no concept of managing money in any kind of real way. That’s going to suck in a few years when you do get a credit card, and aren’t as good as you should be about paying off the balance.”
  • “You look like a damn model. Enjoy that concave stomach and stop being self-conscious about your body.”
  • “As for prince charming, thanks for believing that he exists. When you meet him, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t appear to be much more than a friend at first.”
  • “You didn’t develop your character because you did everything right.  As that rickety old woman told once you, flowers grow in the valley, not the mountaintop. And you have to walk through the valley to get back up there.”

So, the question is: what would you say? Give us a few of your own pearls of wisdom before you send your full letter to her blog.

« Previous Post   -   Next Post »
Click here to get a Risk-Free issue of mental_floss magazine
Comments (49)

  1. My letter would say something along the lines of:
    You *can* lose all that weight, you *will* lose it, and you *will* keep it off…..but that being said, losing weight will not make all of your problems go away. Your life will not be an idealistic dream world once you are thin. People who accepted you as fat will turn away from you when you are no longer fat. You will still be insecure and you will still have problems in other aspects of your life, regardless of how much you weigh. Don’t think of your life as “when I am thin everything will be perfect”, but rather work on making your life what you want it to be while at the same time working to look how you want to look. Oh, and shopping for clothes that fit sucks no matter how fat or thin that you are.

    Disclaimer: I was fat my whole life until I worked hard in my early 30′s and lost 135 pounds over the course of 2 years. I have kept it off for 4 years now. My life isn’t perfect like I thought that it would be, but I’m working on it.

    posted by Tyg on 7-6-2010 at 2:21 pm

  2. 1. Stop the recreational smoking. Before you realize it, it won’t be recreational and you’ll be too much of a wuss to try quitting. So just stop now.
    2. In 30 years you’ll WISH you were as “fat” as you are now. Don’t worry about LOSING weight right now: just maintain where you are. When you’re tired of this weight, work to SLOWLY lose it.
    3. People think more highly of you than you think of yourself. Listen to them.

    posted by Rachel on 7-6-2010 at 2:52 pm

  3. 4. By the time you’re 50, you’ll have been to Europe 16 times. High school dreams fulfilled! And, on your latest trip (for your 50th birthday) you got to say an extra week, with friends, because of a volcano on Iceland. Soooo cool!

    posted by Rachel on 7-6-2010 at 2:53 pm

  4. Dear Helenann,
    1)You look fine just the way you are, and when you’re 40, you’ll be fatter than now, but look better because you realize beauty ain’t about catching a man.
    2)Don’t hold onto people so tightly. There is nobody you can’t live without.
    3)Let. It. Go.
    4) Keep tabs on the man from Spokane who assaulted you. Make sure he isn’t allowed to lie to the military and enlist. Make sure he doesn’t hurt his children the way he has.
    5) Grandma and Grandpa will be gone by 1999. Hold onto every conversation and spend more time being with them.
    6) Don’t change whom you married and divorce, as he gave you the two best gifts in the world: a schnauzer and the world’s best and brightest young lady. :)
    7) Love God, honor God, and laugh with Him.

    posted by Helenann on 7-6-2010 at 3:03 pm

  5. I’m 25 and still figuring out this adulthood thing. I wish my future self would send me a letter!!

    posted by KerriD on 7-6-2010 at 3:30 pm

  6. Quit being so mean.

    posted by Heather on 7-6-2010 at 3:34 pm

  7. Dear 20 year old me,

    Stop being so mean to everyone.

    posted by Heather on 7-6-2010 at 3:34 pm

  8. DON’T SLEEP WITH HIM!
    Sure , he’s funny and sexy. But he’s a Sadistic bastard that will screw up your relationship barometer for YEARS. Which will lead you rebounding into a marriage with guy that wasn’t right for you but you thought it was ok because he didn’t make you feel like shit on a daily basis.

    posted by Bell Pepper on 7-6-2010 at 3:42 pm

  9. But it all ended up ok so who knows?

    posted by Bell Pepper on 7-6-2010 at 3:45 pm

  10. Dear Kate at 20,

    Keep your damned mouth shut. Just because something is funny to you in your head doesn’t mean everyone else will think its funny. I know you’re smart. I know you have a lot of wonderful, intelligent things to say. Say those things instead of the bull-crap that you think everyone will laugh at.

    posted by Kate in Italy on 7-6-2010 at 3:46 pm

  11. Oh, man, this is tough – because of all the crap that’s happened to me in the past decade and a half, I know that I wouldn’t be where I am now, if it hadn’t happened. That being said, I’m not sure if I could have made it through if I had known it was coming.

    I guess the best thing I could say to my younger self would be: When you’re in grad school that second time, just take some time off and then finish the dissertation, so you can at least have that expensive piece of paper, even if you’re not going to ever put it to use, career-wise…

    posted by FutureGirl on 7-6-2010 at 3:46 pm

  12. You’re going to outlive a lot of your friends. Enjoy them all while they’re still around.

    Oh, and Tom never left Stanford.

    posted by Michael on 7-6-2010 at 3:54 pm

  13. Have more fun. Take more risks. Sure, the preparing for the future is fine, but don’t let investing in your future cause you to let your youth go to waste. You’ve got plenty of future, but only a few short years of being young.

    posted by Melissa on 7-6-2010 at 3:57 pm

  14. Dear Corinne at 20,

    1. Do not drop out of college just because a boy tells you he wants to spend more time with you. You may think you have all the time in the world to finish, but you truly don’t.

    2. Find time every single day to write, because if you don’t make it a priority, other things will take its place.

    3. He’s going to beg you to take him back. You don’t have to take him back just because you have 14 years of history together. And if you sleep with him, your birth control is going to fail. Just remember you don’t have to marry the jerk…you’ll save yourself a lot of heartache and a ton of money if you don’t, and your son won’t even know the difference!

    posted by Corinne on 7-6-2010 at 4:05 pm

  15. Dear Beth at 19;

    That wedding you’re planning for two months before your 20th birthday? Don’t do it. Run the other way, just as your instincts told you months ago. It will not provide you with the safe place you’ve been seeking since you were an abused kid, and it will only cause a world of hurt to other people you love, as well. Be okay with not knowing what you want to be when you grow up; you won’t know at 40, either. Travel, because when you’re in another country, you’re a different person than you are at home, and that person is much more carefree and not a total stress-case. Get to know her, because I think you’ll like her. Those R.W. Brody jeans that you love that you think are size HUGE aren’t. One day, you’ll be lucky if the entire circumference of them gets around one thigh! And know that people aren’t staring at you because you’re ugly; you’re unusual looking and carry yourself well from the years of dance — it draws their attention, so enjoy it. Lastly, learn to love yourself, no matter what it takes to get there. Don’t expect someone else to love and respect you if you don’t love and respect yourself.

    And stop being so hard on yourself!

    Love,

    Beth at 41

    posted by Beth on 7-6-2010 at 4:20 pm

  16. Genetics WILL kick in; you won’t always weigh 98 pounds. Get over it and stop remembering when!

    posted by Fran on 7-6-2010 at 4:35 pm

  17. You don’t have to settle. No, seriously. You don’t. But you’re going to, and the experience will teach you that you’re better than that, and that you’ll be okay.

    You will travel more than you ever dreamed you would, and you will still want to travel more.

    You will have those special romantic moments you dreamed about…two of them on moonlit beaches. One of them in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Live for the unexpected and always appreciate those moments.

    posted by Tarn on 7-6-2010 at 4:45 pm

  18. this is really depressing. im 24 and basically the gist seems to be that 40 yr old me will be really upset that she married a jerk and gained a bunch of weight… crap. so i’m staying single and hitting the gym! :)

    posted by tiffany on 7-6-2010 at 5:04 pm

  19. Dear 22 year old heather, the last time you talk to mom it will end in a bad fight. It’s ok to cry at the funeral. Leave your boyfriend he’s already cheating. Go back to school. You will find confidence you didn’t think was possible. Walk the dog more.

    posted by Heather on 7-6-2010 at 5:09 pm

  20. Be patient with Dad, he’s worth it.

    posted by PartiallyDeflected on 7-6-2010 at 5:09 pm

  21. I guess I would tell myself to not get fat like everyone on the mental floss page apparently. Also I would tell myself fuck it, although I still think that way so it would be pointless.

    posted by Jim on 7-6-2010 at 5:19 pm

  22. Amy,

    - Don’t buy stuff with your student loans, it really isnt worth it.

    - Get a job, don’t pay rent with your trust fund. Believe me, you have the time to work 30hrs a week and finish school. Lots of people make it happen.

    - Don’t worry that you have no idea what you want to be when you grow up.

    - Go to class, trust me, it will make a world of difference.

    Love,
    Amy.

    posted by Amy on 7-6-2010 at 5:46 pm

  23. do sweat the petty things but always pet the sweaty things

    posted by Jeremiah on 7-6-2010 at 5:49 pm

  24. dont worry about being an awkward person, its what makes you, you

    posted by Jack on 7-6-2010 at 5:50 pm

  25. Dear EarlierPotatoes

    Don’t eat the deli ham.
    You’ll know the one.

    posted by Bakedpotatoes on 7-6-2010 at 5:50 pm

  26. So to sum it up, don’t think you’re fat, and don’t get with that guy no matter how cute and dashing he is. lol.

    posted by xanderjones on 7-6-2010 at 5:57 pm

  27. The doctor you started seeing when you were 14 is wrong, your going to live a lot longer than he thinks.

    Your still going (kinda strong) at 50, disabled but not dead.

    So slow down, smell the roses.

    posted by Jan D on 7-6-2010 at 6:00 pm

  28. 1. Don’t count on your future to “fall into place”–work on it! Ask questions! Explore new things! Try to at least look into those things you’ve wanted to do your whole life; the party will be waiting for you. Or there will be another one.

    2. Please just don’t even start smoking. Just don’t even start.

    3. Don’t follow your friends, follow your heart. Yes, it might be lonely that first year on your own in that city where you don’t know a soul, but it will get better!

    4. Don’t worry about being fat!!!!

    5. Move to Maryland and work before going to law school–establishing in-state status will save you almost $30K!

    posted by amanda on 7-6-2010 at 6:06 pm

  29. I’d assure my self that all my decisions are going to turn out ok. that I should keep doing whatever that I’m doing but, I could recommend my self to be a little more confident, that I should really should quit on smoking right now, and that I should not worry a lot about my weight, by my 30′s it will be ok. (but that anyway I should eat less fries)

    posted by Anabella on 7-6-2010 at 6:19 pm

  30. Don’t be afraid to go your own way. Don’t take the more acceptable routes in life, just because you don;t want to disappoint your family and for god’s sake.. BE YOURSELF! You’re a great person even if you can’t see it.

    posted by Mindy on 7-6-2010 at 7:50 pm

  31. Dear 20-year-old Jennie,
    Boys are stupid. You are way smarter than they are. Quit trying so hard to make them like you. Have more self confidence and they’ll come to you. The right one will come along when you least expect it. By the way, your body rocks! And stop cutting your own hair. It looks terrible.
    Love, 46-year-old Jennie

    posted by JennieO on 7-6-2010 at 8:53 pm

  32. Stick with it…things do not happen as fast as you want.
    Your so not in the right collage program!
    Yes, he is “The One”
    Do not try to put the past behind you, but use it as tool, not a crutch.
    You may never have to be in highschool again, but unfortunitly you will have to deal with the same mentality. Just let it slide and rise above it.
    People will always disapoint you, just let it go.
    Hey, you are pretty, just wish you realised it!
    It’s ok to not want to be a mom. You”ll waste a lot of time and money trying for something you do not even really want and it won’t happen anyways!

    posted by liz on 7-6-2010 at 9:19 pm

  33. Dear 20-something Sue:

    Move out on your own before you’re 24, otherwise you will regret wasted years. Don’t be afraid to be a little outrageous now and then, or by the time you have the nerve, you’ll be an age where you will look foolish rather than avant-garde.

    For the love of all that’s holy, don’t move to Philadelphia. Don’t pay someone else’s way for them for more than a soda and burger.

    I know you have no interest or knowledge in the stock market, but run, don’t walk, to the nearest stockbroker and buy Microsoft, as much as you can afford. Trust me on this.

    posted by Sue on 7-6-2010 at 9:44 pm

  34. Don’t marry that one! Don’t marry that one, either! Just sleep with them, OK? That’s so much easier to walk away from.

    posted by Miss Cellania on 7-6-2010 at 10:50 pm

  35. Be in the NOW–savour the present because soon all those moments will be but memories, so make them good.

    Write. Don’t worry about finding your voice. There’s nothing to find. Just speak your truth.

    Believe Richard when he tells you how much he loves you. Experience and celebrate that love. Don’t question or waste it. He is your great love.

    posted by Anitra on 7-6-2010 at 11:14 pm

  36. “Stop dwelling on the past so far,because if you do things keep getting crappier. Remember what the D.A.R.E program taught you. No?. Then remember the egg and the frying pan commercial b/c it wasn’t lying. Give up the cigarettes now. Basically,suck it up and get over yourself,you not the only one suffering. And for God’s sake pay your bills on time.”

    So yeah,I would be fussing my 20 yr old self and knowing me I still wouldn’t listen. Where are the men in this thread? Seems they don’t regret as much as women.

    posted by lisaj6112 on 7-6-2010 at 11:53 pm

  37. To the 20 year old boy i once was:

    Have sex with as many girls as possible. I remember that you always respected them, and were very sensitive, so MAKE LOVE to them when they want you to. When you’re 40 the opportunities become few & far between, so if you like them, and they like you, GO FOR IT. I see that you turned down many lovely and willing girls. These are the experiences that will create the memories that will be all you have in your old age. Build those sexual memories, with respect, and you’ll avoid the regret of NOT going for it. Trust me. Make it safe, make it mutual, make it respectful, then GO FOR IT!!! You’ll thank me when you’re 40.

    posted by Brier on 7-7-2010 at 12:26 am

  38. As best as I can tell, you have three choices for relationships:

    1. Do the right thing. Support her decisions and grow together. (When she goes away to school, she’ll leave you heartbroken because you can’t be there for her all the time.)
    2. Raise your emotional shields and never let anyone get emotionally close to you (and be very very lonely).
    3. Throw everything away to be with the one you love (and end up struggling to pay the bills with no real prospects on a future).

    I’ll leave off #4 since telling myself to wait 15 years to vent on a public website on something called the “internet” might actually be more embarassing…

    posted by Matt on 7-7-2010 at 2:04 am

  39. 1. Go ahead and date that cute but stupid born-again guy; you’ll find out more how you feel about religion. But definitely don’t keep dating after that huge fight about Halloween. Just let things end there.

    2. Get to know your dad and uncle better. They won’t be around much longer.

    3. Don’t go see your mom when she’s “dying” in 2002. She doesn’t, and you’ll lose your job.

    posted by Logan on 7-7-2010 at 4:48 am

  40. 1. Who cares what I say? Life is about the memories we make, good and bad. Learn from them, enjoy them, move on. You turn out just fine.

    posted by Steven on 7-7-2010 at 9:04 am

  41. Just one word: “Plastics”
    No wait, make that “Apple”

    posted by Dave on 7-7-2010 at 9:53 am

  42. I am not quite yet 30 but i do have some things that i would tell my younger self:
    1-change your major from biology to business, dad was right
    2-stop thinking you are not beautiful, you are
    3-please get into an exersice routine after dance,and keep it up, you will not regret it
    4-do not intergrate your finances with anyone, not even your husband
    5-dont regret any dicision you made, it makes you a pretty well rounded person that you would not be otherwise
    6-put down the smokes and walk away forever, you may love it but i promise when you do quit, you will be so happy to be able to breath again…;-)

    posted by Jennifer on 7-7-2010 at 10:06 am

  43. Im only 24 but i wish my 25 year old self could write me a letter and tell me what to do now. I wish I didnt question every decision.

    posted by Me on 7-7-2010 at 10:32 am

  44. Well, I’m only 25, but I would say:

    1. Do NOT mold yourself based on who you are friends with. Your thoughts, opinions, and desires are just as worthwhile, and you don’t have to “go with the flow” and be so laid back all the time.

    2. Trust your gut at.all.times. Even when those around you are screaming that you’re wrong.

    3. Lift your head out of those books once and a while, and not just for a few drinks with friends. Get an internship, volunteer, SOMETHING. You’ll find the time.

    4. You are *not* defined by your grades. There’s more to you than your brains and your ability to do citations correctly without looking them up.

    Come to think of it, that’s pretty good advice for my 25 year old self, too…..

    posted by Kate on 7-7-2010 at 1:50 pm

  45. Remember how you worked your butt off to finish college a semester early? Don’t leave. I don’t care if you got promoted to manager. Don’t leave early. You will miss so much with your friends and spend a fortune in gas going back to visit every weekend. And you were already thinking of being a teacher – spend that extra semester getting some of those endorsement credits your spending your grad school money on now.

    posted by Hastings on 7-7-2010 at 2:16 pm

  46. **you’re spending not “your spending.” Ugh, 20 year old me? Remember to spell check your blogs

    posted by Hastings on 7-7-2010 at 2:18 pm

  47. I would say
    Take more chances, have more adventures, don’t take everything so seriously. Also, have a little patience and try to get that degree without so many student loans. Plus, learn to cook some basic dishes. Your health is important.

    posted by Bunny on 7-7-2010 at 3:47 pm

  48. Relax. The Right Guy For You is out there. I’d tell you who, but you’d never believe it.

    posted by Marty on 7-7-2010 at 5:45 pm

  49. Believe in yourself. Trust what your gut says. Don’t believe half of what people tell you. People your own age have not experienced the wisdom of living. Forgive forgive forgive!!

    posted by Carol on 7-27-2010 at 8:43 pm

Comment

commenting policy