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I am not a scientist or particularly handy. I get by with a little help from my in-laws.
When I asked my father-in-law about disposing of the enormous rock accumulating bacteria-laden water in my backyard, his eyes lit up. An engineer, he immediately drew up plans for destroying the boulder with a combination of extreme heat, extreme cold and a sledgehammer. This sounds fun and dangerous, and if we go this route I’ll certainly break out the camcorder.
But before we go and torch the place, I wanted to throw this out to our readers. How would you de-rock your yard? Ours is enclosed by a new fence, so driving in anything larger than a ride-on lawnmower is not possible. “Carrying it” is not an option, for lack-of-strength reasons. And I don’t have access to any crane-like machinery. Here’s another picture:
The garbage can lid provides size perspective while blocking Bailey’s access to the plague-filled liquid.
I’m looking forward to hearing your rock-removal schemes. Whether we go with the fire & ice method or a reader submission, I’ll post the potentially disastrous video highlights.
Comments (62)
Comment
Given the size of the stone, and the fact that from the picture i appears it is not a decorative “half” stone just lain there once upon a time, we have to assume a good portion of stone mass lies beneath the ground as well. As you cannot haul or drag it out of the ground - your best bet is going to be breaking it into smaller parts (making rubble if you will). That leaves you with a sledgehammer, pneumatic jackhammer or explosive solution. I doubt your neighbors will appreciate the pneumatic jackhammer, I doubt you will appreciate the TNT, so that leaves sledgehammer. I say go with your in-law’s plan.
posted by Ed on 7-24-2007 at 9:28 am
Explosives! Probably not feasible with the fence and your house being close by. Your father-in-law’s solution does sound rather fun. If you don’t go that route, try renting a jackhammer. Another possibility is to use a pulley system with a very strong tripod to put it on a cart. Though, I imagine that boulder weighs a good 600-700 pounds. Make sure you wear steel-toed boots.
You could always drill a hole in the middle so the nasty water could at least drain.
posted by Dusty on 7-24-2007 at 9:30 am
A roto-hammer coupled with a sledge hammer; a chisel might be handy too. A roto-hammer looks like a heavy-duty drill but it is half jack-hammer. They can be rented if you don’t what to purchase.
That combination worked for me. It takes a while but you won’t need to worry about exercise and your arms will look like Conan’s when you are finished.
OR… just make the hole bigger and call it a pond. The local mosquito abatement office will give you mosquito eating fish for free in many communities.
posted by n2y2 on 7-24-2007 at 9:33 am
Simple - come up with a story that the rock is actually the TOP of a huge mountain. If they don’t believe you - challenge them to PROVE YOU WRONG my removing the rock…
posted by RobertSeattle on 7-24-2007 at 9:41 am
You could always borrow my two border collies. They’re are 4-legged wrecking crews that can destroy anything.
If you don’t want to do that, you could always go down to the local equipment rental shop and get a jack hammer. You’d only need an hour or so… then you’d have smaller pieces that could slowly disappear a piece at a time in your trash pickup. A less recommended (and slower) method would be a sledge and rock chisel.
Or you could always do it the lazy way. One bag of cement (decorative if you wish) to fill in the hole. Then leave the rock (or bust it up later). At least it would keep Baily from drinking nasty water until you could figure out what you wanted to do…
posted by Jason! on 7-24-2007 at 9:43 am
If your only concern is the water collecting in the rock. Why not fill the bowl with cement so the water runs off.
posted by tman on 7-24-2007 at 9:44 am
What type of stone is the rock? Some types of stone can be corroded by acid. Just make a nice little puddle where your current puddle of bacteria lies and watch it eat down through the stone.
posted by Kevin on 7-24-2007 at 9:45 am
Wrap it in bacon.
posted by David on 7-24-2007 at 9:50 am
Fill the hole with soil and a few rock-friendly plants. That way, the plague-water doesn’t accumulate, the dog won’t go near it, and your friends and neighbours can exclaim on the loveliness of your unique flowerpot.
posted by Kate Bolin on 7-24-2007 at 10:00 am
I really like Robert’s idea of challenging someone else to do it. However, as it might take a while to find someone foolish enough to take on that task, I’d go with the in-law’s idea - I really want to see footage of that.
posted by Lindsay D on 7-24-2007 at 10:05 am
Three options I can think of:
Dig a deeper hole next to it and push it into it so it will be below grade, or
like Dusty’s idea, at least carve out a “trench” for the water to drain, or
along the lines of Jason’s idea, think about building UP: dump some topsoil on top of all or part of it and make a raised bed garden (including some rock garden type plants, of course).
posted by Betsy on 7-24-2007 at 10:09 am
I like the rock. I’d just make a way for the water to drain. :)
posted by Truovrld on 7-24-2007 at 10:17 am
I can’t recommend a specific method, but I can suggest a book I’ve been meaning to buy for a while:
Moving Heavy Things, by Jan Adkins
I would have provided the Amazon link if links were allowed. A quick search should turn it up for you if you’re interested.
posted by Simon on 7-24-2007 at 10:20 am
Make the hole bigger, put in more rocks around the rock and dig our a pond in front of it with a pump so you can have a water feature with waterfall. Or fill in the hole with concrete. Put in a few more rocks around it, surround it with sand and a few select plantings and call it a zen garden. Either choice would be a lot less work and much prettier than digging or blasting it out.
posted by Lori on 7-24-2007 at 10:40 am
It sounds like it’s not the rock per se that bothers you, but the little pond in it. Instead of trying to make the huge rock go away, why not just fill in the depression in the rock with a bunch of decorative pebbles, or sand and zen garden stones, or something? Or fill it in with some soil and add a low-maintenance plant of some kind?
posted by KC Saul on 7-24-2007 at 10:43 am
Why de-rock your yard? If you plant some butterfly bushes around the rock, they will be attracted to the standing water and help eliminate flying insects.
In order to circulate the stagnant water: on a garden crook, hang a nicely painted bottle on the hook with a small hole poked in the bottom to allow a slow but steady drip of water into the water. This will also attract birds.
USE THE ROCK!!!
posted by Linda on 7-24-2007 at 10:45 am
Dig a hell of a big hole under and around it roll it into the hole and bury the damn thing. Problem solved!!
posted by deriter on 7-24-2007 at 10:52 am
Rent a rock drill (they exist… it’s what miners user to drill holes for dynamite sticks. YOu don’t want one of those — too big! — but small models are available. Can’t find one at your local hardware store? Go Internet!), drill three or four holes as deep as you can, fill with water, wait until freezing weather… voila! (You won’t even have to plug up the holes)
posted by R. Darian on 7-24-2007 at 11:40 am
I have three ideas…
One - flip the rock over so that the divot where the water collects is on the side or the bottom.
Two - fill the hole with dirt and plant something viney, like sweet pea, in the hole.
Three - put an ad on Freecycle that says, “Free landscaping rock! You haul! Bring a friend.”
(Option two is my personal favorite, because it is least likely to result in a hernia or a broken foot).
posted by Amy on 7-24-2007 at 11:44 am
Go to a Home Depot and look for the spot where the Central American day workers congregate, yell that you need two, take them to your yard, give them two sledge hammers and a couple of sandwiches, pay them $50 each after they are done.
Alternatively, make the rock part of a zen garden. I like that idea better.
posted by jmchez on 7-24-2007 at 12:04 pm
The ideas for prettying up the rock sound cool. I never would have thought of it since my dogs tend to raze any beutification project I start in the backyard.
Would you have that same problem with Bailey, or is he non-destructive?
posted by Jason! on 7-24-2007 at 12:13 pm
I’d LOVE a rock like that! I like the idea of making it a bird or butterfly puddle, myself. For a butterfly puddle, you would fill it mostly with gravel, then leave a little water in it or let that little bit of water accumulate during rainstorms. Then plant the butterfly garden.
posted by lleachie on 7-24-2007 at 12:15 pm
I’m with the “leave it there” crowd.
In landscaping it’s called “hardscape.”
I was going to suggest drilling a channel through it. That was your father-in-law and you can still have some fun. Concrete would not look too good there unless you tried to texture it like the rock itself.
There’s also a good chance that there are more rocks just like it under and around it, unless it’s a meteorite. (Which you would of course want to keep)
Filling in the hole might be a pain. You’ll potentially end up with a depression that collects scummy water. Bailey will drink that.
Anyway I’d dig around it some to add some topographic interest, and start planting some cool plants. The fountain idea is good too, but you can do that later.
posted by mugley on 7-24-2007 at 12:18 pm
impact drill several holes, fill holes with water, get a bunch of dry ice… let the water in the holes freeze and thaw… it will start cracking more and more. eventually a hammer and chizzle will make it fall apart easily. (sorry about the spelling :/)
posted by Chuck on 7-24-2007 at 12:20 pm
What is the source of the water? Is it just accumulating due to runoff from the roof or other surface source? Is the water seeping into the rock from below?
Before you destroy the rock, consider 1) the source of the water, 2) The local utilities (water, sewer, electric, cable, telephone). Lastly 3) the manner of disposal of debris and what you will back-fill with.
You could set a form around the rock, and pour some cement to fill in the hole while also adding a base for a birdbath or other ornamental fixutre.
posted by Thaylok on 7-24-2007 at 12:27 pm
Dig a large-ish hole near it. Use the excavated material to bury the rock. Tell everyone that the rock was stolen, and bask in the sympathy…Once discovered, suggest building a pond, since you’ve already got the hole started.
Actually, I agree with those who suggest just draining pit. Rent a saw with a diamond blade to cut a V-shaped trench from the pit to the side of the rock. Alternately, you could drill through the rock from within the pit and let the plague-laden waters filter into the ground beneath the rock.
If removal of the rock is a given, there is material that, placed in a series of drilled holes and initiated, will expand and split the rock. The action is similar to water freezing, but more reliable (and not constrained to bitter winters), and is less dangerous for the house/fence/neighbors.
posted by DaveR on 7-24-2007 at 12:37 pm
I am surprised no one has mentioned “Non-explosive demolition agents” (sometimes “soundless
chemical demolition agents”). They are the quick version of drilling a hole and letting ice-expansion break the rock, except using chemicals instead.
posted by MikeD on 7-24-2007 at 1:08 pm
I’m with Lori et al.
Arrange some way for there to be a constant slow trickle of water through the depression to keep the skeeters from breeding, (there are countless gadgets out there to either recirculate the water or arrange for a constant slow flow thru it; you can even incorporate low-voltage lighting with the pump for a lovely night vision - check Home Depot or Lowes), fill the depression mostly with heavy gravel and white sand, plant a couple bonsai and a basalt rock or two, and viola! you have a zen garden. They’re useful for destressing.
If you really REALLY hate the rock rent the aforementioned miner’s drill and find someone skilled in demolition (too much dynamite is a LOT worse than too little), have them show you where to drill it, 4 holes should be enough, plant the explosives, (a 1/4 stick per hole should be enough), pour concrete into the holes, wait a couple days for it to set, then shoot it. Sound shouldn’t be much louder than a leaf blower. THEN go to the corner and hire the guys with shovels and crowbars to haul it off.
I used to do explosive demolition in mining; I know whereof I speak.
If it were me, I’d keep it. Great conversation piece.
BTW: there’s a rock atop Sri Lanka’s highest peak that claims to have the impession of Buddha’s foot in it. You sure this isn’t a similar sacred object? :-)
Doc
posted by Doc on 7-24-2007 at 1:11 pm
Why not fill it with some flowers? You will at least know they are getting water. Even better. Plant a small young tree like a blue spruce so when it gets bigger it will just break it up for you. Or go with your inlaws idea. I don’t think there’s anything to hurt at this point, your options are open.
posted by Darcy on 7-24-2007 at 1:34 pm
Find a home for the dog and bond with your new pet rock.
posted by DW on 7-24-2007 at 1:52 pm
I like the cold heat method. Build a wood camp fire right on top of the rock. Let that build and get hot for a couple hours or so till the whole rock is hot. Have a keg bucket of water filled with ice ready and waiting. Put out the fire with the keg bucket of almost freezing water. Hopefully it will crack. Your in laws have some good ideas I think.
posted by david on 7-24-2007 at 2:30 pm
May i recomend a site for you. if it works for stonhenge then maybe for you. Its of Wally Wallington at a dot com site called
theforgottentechnology
Good luck
posted by Steven Wenk on 7-24-2007 at 3:19 pm
I also like the cold/heat method. But unlike David’s reply I think you need a more extreme temp change. Try this, pour liquid nitrogen all over the rock and get it good and ‘cold’, then pour lots of liquid oxygen on it…. okay here’s the tricky part….. ignite the liquid oxygen.
No need to call 911, they will see the mushroom cloud.
Good luck
posted by Paul on 7-24-2007 at 3:37 pm
If you truly are concerned about whatever grows in that pool, drop a cap-full of bleach into the water to kill it. Drain the water, and fill the hole with either cement or potting soil. I agree with Linda in number 16. Use the rock.
posted by GW on 7-24-2007 at 3:45 pm
This might be a map rock.
Don’t do anything to it till someone with
treasure hunting/rock”sign” reading ability has taken a good look.
If it is a map rock and you move it just slightly then all the markings will be off.
try posting a pic here.
forum.treasurenet.com/
posted by dan on 7-24-2007 at 3:52 pm
a winch mounted to the right vehicle should drag it out (maybe block & tackle) but still it would still be in your yard. I’d learn to love it.
posted by trucan on 7-24-2007 at 4:06 pm
Mighty fine rock you’ve got there. I have a bigger one on the corner of my lot, and cars are not tempted to cut the corner since I put it there.
You should turn this into a monument. That’s what rocks do best. First, lever it up on one side to a near vertical position. You may have to stabilize with a little sakrete. Then get an artist with a sandblaster to compose a pastoral scene or emblazon the family name or crest upon it.
Of course if you’re the unassuming type and just want it gone, lever it up onto a series of round wooden fenceposts or landscaping timbers and roll it to the boulevard, where you can advertize an ancient druid sacrificial altar for sale for $1250. Then relax, someone will steal it. Put a pond in the resulting hole and you can sell the video to HGTV.
posted by Tom on 7-24-2007 at 4:12 pm
I’m with the “leave it there” crowd. Too many cool possibilities for putting the uniqueness of this stone to use. If you really must get rid of it, the Freecycle idea might be your ticket.
How far does it extend above the soil surface? From the photos, it almost looks like it was placed there by a previous owner.
posted by Dave on 7-24-2007 at 4:44 pm
You must hire the giant Finn. He’ll make quick work of yon rock.
posted by Karan on 7-24-2007 at 6:52 pm
Jason, if you want the rock gone then get rid of it. (my wife says you should plant something in it, vinca vine would work, but she’s wrong).
I just read this bit o’ wisdom online: buy a wrecked car hood from a junkyard. Drill a couple holes in the hood to hold a chain. After a good rain, when the ground is soft, loosen the rock from the earth. Flip it over onto the hood which is now a rock sled. Use a combination of chains, ropes, sinews, cars, tractors, in-laws, and canines to get the rock out of your yard.
After that, you’re on your own. I’d probably figure out a way to put in front of my neighbor’s garage. But that’s just me.
posted by Jason Rehmus on 7-24-2007 at 7:11 pm
I’m just wondering; What if you move the rock only to discover that it was there to plug-up an old well, then you’ll have to deal with a dangerous hole.
posted by Tdave on 7-24-2007 at 9:50 pm
You should leave it. I’d plant around it and watch the wildlife. It’s a unique looking rock.
posted by AimeeD on 7-24-2007 at 9:57 pm
My mom thinks you should hire that giant Finn but I think that the rock might be an intentional rock with an ancient purpose. If theres a college near you, see if you can get an archeolagist to look at it and then plant butterfly bushes around it like somebody before suggested. Butterflies are cool.
posted by Rejjie on 7-24-2007 at 10:46 pm
Get rid of as much water as you can, then make a mixture with stones and cement. Use the mixture to fill the hole. Then no more disgusting water :-)
posted by Ben on 7-25-2007 at 3:15 am
Bury it. Start digging around and under until the the rock sinks below the surface of the dirt. Cover it up and you’re done.
posted by spinky on 7-25-2007 at 6:27 am
Since my liquid nitrogen/liquid oxygen idea didn’t go far, my second idea although safer (i.e. boring) it has the added bonus of making you wealthy.
It’s a simple three step process.
1. Find some way to superimpose the image of Elvis and/or Jesus onto the rock.
B. Get word out and start charging admission into your backyard.
III. Sell it on Ebay.
posted by Paul on 7-25-2007 at 6:55 am
The solution is obvious.
Move the fence to the other side of the rock!
posted by Mike on 7-25-2007 at 7:23 am
Call you local cemetary headstone carver and they can either cut it up or carve some neat decorative design on it that would allow the water to escape. They use sandblasting to do it and it can be very decorative. You could get all kinds of things carved into the stone.
posted by Dan on 7-25-2007 at 8:58 am
Call your local cemetary headstone dealer. They can either cut the stone into pieces or using sandblasting they can carve a design on the rock that would allow the water to escape and make the rock somewhat more decorative.
posted by Dan on 7-25-2007 at 9:01 am
I love rock.
I love …lamp.
“Ed, are you just looking at things around the room and saying you love them?”
I love …chair.
Seriously, that is a cool rock you got there. I wouldn’t get rid of it.
posted by Ed Hands on 7-25-2007 at 10:41 am
It’s awfully close to the house. You wouldn’t want to upset your foundation. Maybe you could make it into a fountain or something and let future generations worry about the problem with their levitation and flying cars.
posted by Jon on 7-25-2007 at 10:49 am
I’d go with the Simpson’s approach: chain it to something and someone is bound to steal it.
But what might actually happen is that they will steal what ever you chain the rock to, thinking the rock is just there to keep the other thing from being stolen.
posted by HolyJuan on 7-25-2007 at 11:51 am
Jason, you could TOTALLY drill a small draining conduit trough the side of the cavity, buy an apropriately sized cooking grill to fit overtop of it and turn that thing into the awesomest habachi grill ever.
posted by Frank S. Besner on 7-25-2007 at 12:24 pm
Call up Chuck Norris and have him give the rock a dirty look. It’ll run away.
posted by Lorenzo on 7-25-2007 at 8:05 pm
A new option:
Dig all around it and hire a crane truck to come near your fence and swing the boom into your yard and lift it out for you. I did this with a hot tub a couple of times.
posted by Vince on 7-25-2007 at 11:24 pm
You could buy a metal pet bowl from the store.
Use a chisel and a mallet to make the hole large enough for the bowl to fit in.
set the bowl inside and fill with clean water.
instant outdoor earthy water bowl.
This way you could dump out the icky water and fill it with fresh for the pup!
I love the rock, I think it is beautiful.
posted by Janet on 7-26-2007 at 8:36 am
Well, explosives are an option, with little to no debris throw a la steam pipe failures. There is an explosive charge available which works as an RPG laden rope, sending high velocity copper jets through whatever you’d like. You’d probably have to either drill some holes to increase the number of fracture points first or use a lot of the stuff. The only problem is that you’d have to wait until I go out to the Yuma Proving Grounds where I know they have it in stock, and also wait until I get out of prison for stealing it, in addition to hoping that it remains with my personal belongings that I’ll pick up on my return to public life.
Or… Use it as the base of your next landscaping project to build a koi pond with a fountain. It will go well in the dog park. This will definitely help you build equity as landscaping almost always returns 100% or more of your investment. Unless you make it look really gay.
posted by Officer Bud Hall on 7-26-2007 at 10:35 am
There is no rock there. It exists only in your reality. If you truly believe the rock is not there it will be gone
posted by showard on 7-28-2007 at 7:38 pm
there is a very simple and non dangerous way of removing this rock. it is called wedge and feather. you drill holes 5/8″ wide and and about 5 inches deep. you drill the holes about every 4 inches and place 2 feathers and 1 wedge in every hole. then you hammer the wedges in slowly from thinnest part of the rock to thickest repeating this process from side to side untill the rock splits in half. you must wait a few seconds between hammering the wedges to listen for cracking sounds. this is the commercial method of cutting slabs of granite and I personally have seen it work on rocks over 5 feet thick. I recommend that you rent a large hammer drill for 60 dollars at home depot with a 5/8″ drill bit and search around for some 3/4″ wedge and feather kits. they usually come in a set with 1 wedge and 2 feathers and are about 10 dollars a set. I found my sets at a tool rental shop. if you live in a rocky area they will probably be easy to find. this process is suprisingly fast once you get the hang of it. you must dig out the sides of the rock or it will make your crack useless.
posted by Richard on 7-30-2007 at 12:31 am
Mr. English,
I think its safe to say that you have options. I also think its safe to say I didn’t have several days to read all the posts (you still seem to draw a crowd you little Casanova). My suggestion would be to get a quart of liquid crystal ethynol and mix it with tepid still water. Let it sit overnight as the ethynol can be a little testy if it doesn’t rest. Chemicals, little premadonnas, anyway, you dig a 6″ moat around your rock. Don’t ask how I know this, but I do. There is only one thing that can make this rock not exist in your world. The previous suggestion was merely to keep your interest. you guys have to move. Problem solved. New yard, no rock (make sure you look for rocks before new purchase of “un”said house. OR you could call me up, I’ll come over with a few cases of beer and we’ll drink until we can’t see. No vision, no rock. No problem.
Cheers.
JA
posted by Joe Allen on 8-21-2007 at 4:36 pm
move rock and put dirt there.
posted by jesse on 11-15-2007 at 3:39 am
Ok here is what you do instead of renting anything go to some neighborhoods teen boys kids and offer them fireworks,a gun, drugs, porn or even a prostitute to get the rock out of the ground. When your a teen boy you would give almost anything for those items. As the concept of a part time job is still out of there heads and 100 dollars is a the equivalent to 100,000 in our adult money. Especially offering them illegal items is a sure win. So rather then wasting man hours or allot of money in tools give some brats some picks and shovels. After laying down the guide lines about doing the whole job perfectly for their “reward”. Don’t worry about rats as long as there teenage boys no one will snitch to avoid being shunned and called a fag for the rest of their days.
Pros- cheap quick and efficient
Showing youth the value of hard work
Cons- Corrupting young boys.
-Possible getting caught and having awkward moment every time your see your neighbor
-getting arrested but what is jail time c’mon thats only a cool life story
posted by Shane on 12-11-2007 at 8:18 pm