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We’re still in the era of prankdom, when people can win $100 if they go along with a stranger’s protracted back story and subsequent request for help (thank you, “Boiling Points”). It seems that ever since hitchhiking became taboo (but there’s hitchwiki!), we redirected our thirst for those encounters into a devoted voyeurism that finds relief in reality television, especially that of the “reveal”-oriented variety.
Every time I see a show that hinges on the horrified reaction of a reveal, I experience a moment of complete chagrin (at my industry) and complete empathy (for the talent). But it’s hard to turn away from shows that examine our willingness to comply with strangers in apparent need. “Boiling Points,” sure, but I’ve also seen the nightly news send reporters out to demonstrate how we’re more likely to lend assistance to attractive strangers (all of this still aftermath of Stanley Milgram and his 1974 study, “The Perils of Obedience,” proposing that attractive people were more likely to attract help and less likely to become victims).
So: what’s the most you’ve ever complied with a stranger, and have you ever been burned or perhaps even assisted by the encounter?
Comments (18)
Comment
I have always helped people of all kinds. But I do admit that I am more likely to help a women than a man. Mostly it just depends on the situation. I wouldn’t help a women if my “spider senses” said there might be something else going on than just a damsel in distress (like a setup) no matter how hot she was.
posted by John Dough on 8-30-2007 at 10:08 pm
I admit I’m surprised at how infrequently I’m asked for help. Usually it’s just when I’m near computers, where some women assume I’m a programmer, or at the market (I look like I know what I’m doing around food because I do).
I don’t consciously try to give better help to attractive people. A while back I helped an attractive woman with a word doc, and she came over to thank me after I sat down at a nearby terminal. She leaned towards me in the process and pretty much shoved the goods in my face, so I guess that made us even.
posted by Jack on 8-30-2007 at 10:22 pm
I’ve given pathetic/desperate-seeming people who a few cents to a couple for bucks for “fare” or “food” in Philadelphia stations. Then I usually see them pulling the same sob story on someone else, so maybe they were actually scamming hundreds of dollars from SEPTA riders, $2 at a time. I never give them enough so that it hurts me too much financially, either way. I figure either I did some good or I helped some conniving entrepreneur make a living.
posted by Elsa on 8-30-2007 at 10:50 pm
When I was a skinny teenager, my apple shaped mother got a flat tire during rush hour on a busy suburban road. She called me to come help, when I arrived 45 minutes after the flat, no one had stopped. Knowing I could either get someone to stop quickly or change it myself if no one stopped, I got her into the car and out of sight. I proceeded to lean into the trunk (while wearing a knee length skirt) and before I could even get the jack out, a guy stopped and proceeded to change the tire for “me”.
posted by Carol on 8-31-2007 at 3:28 am
I can’t walk home without being asked for change or directions. I always give directions and sometimes change. The change depends on my mood at the moment and whether or not I’ve seen the particular person asking coming out of a liquor store.
Generally, though, I’m very helpful. I’ve helped people up who have slipped on the ice, stopped to help people change tires, given jumps, and pushed countless stuck cars.
Once, at about eight p.m. this guy came to the door of my duplex asking for money giving me an elaborate story about children, a broken down car, and a girlfriend at work. On its face, it was a story that couldn’t be believed. I didn’t have any money so I took the guy in my car to the nearest ATM machind and gave him twenty bucks.
As they say, a fool and his money are soon parted, but I guess I’ve read too much Walt Whitman. I can’t ignore some requests.
I stick to a general rule though, I never give for the same story twice. I want to know some effort has gone into the grift.
posted by Adam on 8-31-2007 at 7:04 am
I help when I can regardless of race, color, or gender. I don’t care if I am ‘taken’ but I usually make it hard. 2 examples: A homeless dude in Vegas was asking for money for food. Right, in Vegas. Instead of giving him cash I took him to McDonalds and had dinner with him. Recently a lady stopped me at a gas station. She was an older woman, I listened to her tale which involved me giving her gas money. Instead of doing that I had her pull up to the pump and I pumped the gas. I give rides, make calls for folks, and generally try to be a good samaratin (sp?). I think people should be treated as HUMAN and they should be treated the way you would like to be.
posted by Vince on 8-31-2007 at 8:38 am
Right on Vince, I’m the same way. I’ve also done the same with gas at a gas station.
Beside treating others the way you would like to be treated, you also feel better for having done something decent. Kindness has a way of spreading, and its these small acts that can make big changes.
I’ve also been mugged once because I was willing to give a guy some cash (he wanted all of it, as it turned out), but that doesn’t change me. I still empathise with people I meet and if they need help and I can assist I do.
posted by Scott on 8-31-2007 at 9:18 am
I have two stories where I gave guys money that I knew was based on false stories. One the story was so good, and the guy knew so much info of what would get me to give, that I gave it to him for his phenomenal presentation and skill in reading me. The guy looked like a bum, but was such a great talker, that it didn’t matter. The other guy also knew what would get me to give but wasn’t nearly as good.
Another instance, was a guying asking for money for food. He was a good talker, but unfortunately he was wearing very stylish clothes and a hat. Such that I wouldn’t give him money because he was better dressed than me. But it appeared a lot of other people game him money.
posted by Stew on 8-31-2007 at 10:29 am
Once a man came up to me and asked for a dollar so he could ride the bus home. He seemed genuine, perhaps drunk, and not homeless. I gave him the dollar.
A year later, he pulled the same thing, and that time I said, “You’re full of sh**. I gave you a dollar for the bus a year ago you drunk.” Embarrassed, he walked away silently.
It was the beginning of me coming into my own…
posted by ac on 8-31-2007 at 10:34 am
It seems that folks will go out of their way to help a pregnant woman. Both times I’ve ever had flat tires, a man has stopped to help within 5-10 minutes of me pulling over to the side of the road. I’m perfectly capable of changing a tire, but it’s a little trickier when you’re 7 months pregnant. I offered both times to give the men a couple of bucks for their time, but neither of them took me up on it.
My best story though was when I was shoveling my driveway, also pregnant. The snowplow came around and pushed the snow back into the driveway (of course). The driver must’ve gotten a look at me because he came around the block again and drove onto my driveway to remove the snow. I was so touched that I cried.
I try to help people when I can, but I’m more likely to help women than men. I keep thinking about Ted Bundy…
posted by Julie on 8-31-2007 at 11:35 am
My first instinct is to help someone, but living in the neighborhood I live in I know I’ve been suckered more than I’ve been helpful and I’ve learned that it’s never more apparent to me than when I’m telling someone about the crazy guy who I gave my money to for talking such a good talk; that’s how I justified not having the guts to say NO when I knew I was getting conned. I’m tired of rewarding someone for ripping me off. Especially by 12 year olds with poor photocopies of candy fundraiser forms (old signatures included) trying to get their baseball team enough money to do whatever.
We can all tell when someone is being genuine to us, it’s like a survival instinct, and when someones being dishonest to you and you can sense it and you give anyway its because guilt makes you give. Guilty because if you don’t give you’re a racist or something. And that’s not right.
posted by Josh on 8-31-2007 at 2:13 pm
I help when I can.
I usually don’t give money when I’m panhandled though, instead I use fast food or coffee shop gift certificates.
I work in a hospital and I’m frequently asked for help or directions and I always give it. If the patient or visitor seems a little unsure or confused after I’ve given directions, if I can spare the time I will walk them to their destination, or at least part way.
Once while I was waiting for a bus I saw a guy fall off his bike. After making sure he was ok, he still seemed really upset. Turned out he was living in the group home down the street and he’d been waiting all day to go get the coffee that he’d spilled when he fell. I gave him the money for another coffee and he seemed thrilled and rushed back to the convienience store - people like that make it worth while.
posted by zale on 8-31-2007 at 2:58 pm
I was once approached by a couple outside a local discount store. They asked if I could give them a ride across town, as the bus did not come that far out on Sunday evenings. I think I said yes just because I couldn’t think of a good excuse to tell them. That’s my problem - I always feel I need an excuse. Looking back, I was insane - we’ve all heard those horror stories about hitchhikers. Luckily they were on the up and up and very grateful. They even warned me that I really shouldn’t pick up strangers.
Then again, I was working at a mental health facility at the time, and spent quite a bit of time driving mental health patients around town, so I was always alert and ready for surprises when I drove.
posted by Jill on 8-31-2007 at 5:30 pm
I was once approached by a couple outside a local discount store. They asked if I could give them a ride across town, as the bus did not come that far out on Sunday evenings. I think I said yes just because I couldn’t think of a good excuse to tell them. That’s my problem - I always feel I need an excuse. Looking back, I was insane - we’ve all heard those horror stories about hitchhikers. Luckily they were on the up and up and very grateful. They even warned me that I really shouldn’t pick up strangers.
Then again, I was working at a mental health facility at the time, and spent quite a bit of time driving mental health patients around town, so I was always alert and ready for surprises when I drove.
posted by Jill on 8-31-2007 at 5:30 pm
I have helped lots of people over the years. Once I was approached by a woman at McDonalds. She asked me for money to feed her starving children. I offered to buy them each a Happy Meal, and she cussed me out big time.
posted by Barbara on 8-31-2007 at 9:06 pm
My mom had a flat tire. A guy stopped and changed the tire. He was almost done when a cop came along and gave him a ticket for illegal stopping. He was so mad he drove off, but all mom had to do was tighten the nuts and get the car off the jack.
posted by Tdave on 9-1-2007 at 1:30 am
Illegal stopping–how upsetting! That is just wrong. Lovely how a rigid infrastructure can attempt to trump humanism.
posted by Becky on 9-2-2007 at 3:52 pm
this is a different story than anyone else posted, but i feel the need to include it because it just happened to me this morning
i stopped at the store on the way to work this morning to pick something up for my office. when i got in the short line (i wasn’t running late or annoyed at all) the older couple in front of me turned around & the man said “are you in a hurry to get back to your office? you can go ahead of me!” he was so polite & genuine that felt bad cutting in front of him, but he promised that they were in no hurry at all & would probably be chatting with the cashier & insisted that i go ahead of them.. they were so cute & thoughtful & kind that i just wanted to hug them! i didn’t even ask for help, nor did i really *need* it, but they were thoughtful enough to value my time.. i’m going to try to Pay It Forward today :)
posted by sd on 9-4-2007 at 2:10 pm