Comments on: The “Tact Filter”

By: Molly

Molly — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:15:16 +0000

Wow, this makes me feel much better. I’m definitely one to apply a thick layer of tact to everything I say, and I am often miffed when certain types of people speak to me bluntly. I have developed the ability to apply tact to their words after the fact, but I am generally annoyed that the other person didn’t make any effort to apply tact to their own speech, as I did with mine.
However, this makes me feel much better, because now I know, the people who do this don’t mean anything by it, it’s just how they communicate. Interesting.

However I know some very non-nerdy people who have no tact, and are in fact quite callous, just because they don’t care about offending anyone. Guess that’s a whole other class.

By: Valerie

Valerie — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 08:42:41 +0000

Definitly nerd, big time… If only I could use the Asperger’s syndrome excuse (I mean excuse not suffering from it of course). One thing tackless to say in the room and I’ll find it.

But what makes me a Nerd… I don’t care.

By: Jenks

Jenks — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 02:21:23 +0000

Great post but I believe it only really scratches the surface of the spectrum. I don’t really think that the far right could be considered normal. I myself would like to believe I live and free range between the two, but I think there’s something beyond normal. There’s a whole group of people who are both tactless in both thought and speech- I’d like to call them San Diegans.

By: Alana

Alana — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 02:08:28 +0000

You should try looking at the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)…the middle two of the four letters are communication styles. It’s more of a full personality style and communication type than anything to do with tact (although there are some that are purposely not tactful).

By: Pointy-Hatted Geek

Pointy-Hatted Geek — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 00:07:54 +0000

I think I probably lean more towards the “nerd” side, if only because I’m so sarcastic that every time I try to be tactful, people think I’m just being sarcastic again. Besides, who has time for saying anything but what you mean?

By: Sara

Sara — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 23:54:53 +0000

I’m naturally tactless, but I’ve learned to fake it to get by in business. I was raised in a family of “nerds” by this definition. Strangers are usually shocked by the things we say to each other but we don’t mind it at all because we know what we mean.

By: Miss Cellania

Miss Cellania — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 22:20:44 +0000

I go for extreme tact. I have in-laws. I also have little children who must learn this art.

By: El Tigre

El Tigre — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 22:19:46 +0000

I tend to exist neatly between both of these worlds. My father is an ubergeeky computer scientist who I’ve long suspected as a mild Asperger’s case. My older brother is a successful timeshare salesman. I grew up, in other words, with people at either end of the sociability spectrum. As a result, I tend to use a great deal of what your shrink would call “style flexing”: that is, I tend to alter my speech patterns to fit the style of my audience more than vice versa. While some people would say this means I’m a bit of a sheep, I see it more as taking the path of least resistance. I’ve had a lot of jobs in my day, occupying many diverse levels of the social strata, and I’ve rarely had trouble communicating effectively with anyone. It’s not something I think about consciously, simply an ingrained desire to be understood and to coexist harmoniously with others. While both the “normal” and “nerdy” styles have their advantages, there is usually little advantage to be gained from a situation where everyone else thinks you’re obnoxious or maladjusted.

By: danwil

danwil — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 21:14:31 +0000

I’m not surprised by the article because I actually noticed this phenomenon of geek-to-geek and normal-to-normal conversations being different a long time ago. I AM a teacher (college), and while I am pretty plain-spoken, I know how to be diplomatic. The point made by Chris in comment #6 is well-taken. I often wonder if my Uebergeek husband has a mild case of Asperger’s (his sister has it for real). He’s the nicest person in the world, but he genuinely doesn’t grasp that certain topics shouldn’t be discussed with non-family members, or that it is inappropriate to talk about certain things in particular social situations. For example, he once wanted me to add a note to a sympathy card that we were sending to friends whose child was stillborn and tell them that we wanted to invite them to dinner sometime.

On the other hand, I know plenty of much more socially adept true geeks and geeky types, too.

By: mri

mri — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 20:43:45 +0000

oooh, i’m a BIG nerd. although, i CAN be tactful, i find it more entertaining to address “normals” as if they were “nerds” and watch them squirm.