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Calling all creative would-be gag writers in the house! We’re starting a new feature today that I’m hoping you’re all going to enjoy: the mental_floss Caption Contest. The idea is pretty simple: Every couple weeks or so, we’ll be featuring a single-panel cartoon by a different artist — something created especially for us. Your job is to come up with a gag! Make us smile, make us laugh, extra-points for those who are able to drop some interesting fact or trivia in the gag.
We’ll narrow down the entries to our favorite three and then let YOU guys pick the winner, who will receive a t-shirt from our store and serious bragging rights.
Today’s cartoon was created by director/animator Liz Blazer and just so happens to feature two _floss bloggers. So go ahead and get crackin’. Put some funny words in Jason’s mouth and win a t-shirt! If you need some inspiration, check out the brilliant gags over at cartoonbank.com. (Oh, and remember, if you want to win, keep it clean, please!)
No, they won’t let us adopt them in Massachusetts, either.
posted by Paul on 10-2-2007 at 8:19 pm
“See, I told you we wouldn’t need shoes for this trip.”
posted by Sara on 10-2-2007 at 8:34 pm
Two by two they went..one male, one female…..
posted by Aimee D on 10-2-2007 at 8:50 pm
Floss_Almighty: It’s like Evan Almighty, but for people with brains.
posted by Rose on 10-2-2007 at 8:51 pm
Noah *knew* he should have waited until after the flood ended to legalize gay marriage.
posted by Dave on 10-2-2007 at 8:53 pm
Why does Noah need 2 men?? We’re not animals… Why not two women?
posted by ashley on 10-2-2007 at 8:53 pm
“That penguin pooted.”
posted by Charles on 10-2-2007 at 9:04 pm
I know Noah said we could tag along if we earned our keep, but why did he ask if we had shovels?
posted by Debi on 10-2-2007 at 9:06 pm
A storm’s coming. Hold me.
posted by Dan on 10-2-2007 at 9:12 pm
NO! NO! NO! i meant the computer game!!!
posted by mad mike on 10-2-2007 at 9:14 pm
Who is in charge of boarding. I said one male and one female. Where the hell is Jerry Falwell when you need him.
or
if the flood had occurred in the 21st century Noah would have needed a pair of bloggers.
or
All aboard the annual gay honeymoon cruise to Massachusetts
posted by Steve on 10-2-2007 at 9:18 pm
NO! NO! NO! I meant play ON-LINE!!!
posted by mad mike on 10-2-2007 at 9:18 pm
this is what happens when the love boat hires a guy named gopher
posted by Steve on 10-2-2007 at 9:21 pm
flip flops and bare feet may not have been the best idea for the back to nature cruise
posted by Steve on 10-2-2007 at 9:23 pm
“bestiality is still illegal at sea? who would’ve thought?”
posted by Korin on 10-2-2007 at 9:42 pm
“Adam and Steve it is!”
posted by Liz on 10-2-2007 at 9:48 pm
hey david, how do you know liz blazer? she went to usc film w/ me.
posted by Ransom on 10-2-2007 at 9:54 pm
“Yeah, so how are WE supposed to propagate OUR species?”
posted by Double D in NYC on 10-2-2007 at 10:16 pm
“Look, I already brought the giant penguins and the miniature giraffes, what more could you possibly want?!”
posted by Jason on 10-2-2007 at 10:27 pm
thanks for coming with me dude, he said it was important to bring a date, but i couldn’t find one. probably not a big deal.
posted by casey on 10-2-2007 at 11:34 pm
When you told me “the world will be wiped out in a deluge and we will be the only survivors, along with two of every kinds of animals and the only way to survive is in this ark”, i didnt think you meant it literally. at least not globally!
posted by Jay Salt on 10-3-2007 at 12:03 am
“Come on, it’s not like we had to pay. Relax, what’s the worst that could happen??”
posted by erfendi on 10-3-2007 at 12:20 am
- UGH! Why do we have to be behind the Penguins?
- You should see who’s behind us
posted by Miss Nae on 10-3-2007 at 1:35 am
Yes, this is the lineup for Dr. Dolittle’s stag party
posted by Lester on 10-3-2007 at 1:56 am
“Two Jews?! I said two KANGAROOS!”
posted by bowtie on 10-3-2007 at 4:28 am
“…..Well all I’m saying is I dont see any rain”
posted by Josh on 10-3-2007 at 4:50 am
Look - it’s not even cloudy and we’ll be back by 2. It’s only a three-hour tour, for goodness’ sake!
posted by Rachel on 10-3-2007 at 6:45 am
Beartraps in the playground for blind children!?
Man, why didn’t I think of that?
posted by Jeremiah on 10-3-2007 at 6:47 am
You didn’t tell me when we won that free 40-day cruise we’d have to share a cabin with two penguins.
posted by John B on 10-3-2007 at 6:53 am
I don’t think going barefoot in here was the best idea…
posted by Bryn on 10-3-2007 at 7:02 am
“When Noah said he needed gender checkers I thought it was a new Mental Floss Board Game”!
posted by JaneM on 10-3-2007 at 7:25 am
“Hmph. There’d better be a wireless connection on that thing or I’m not going.”
posted by Kathy W. on 10-3-2007 at 7:51 am
“we’ll make mad cash as zoo keepers on the Titanic!”
posted by mri on 10-3-2007 at 7:58 am
Well, I was going to tell the joke about a chimp, a deer tick and a cocker spaniel going into a bar, but this one is better.
posted by Steve on 10-3-2007 at 8:05 am
“See,I told you this was all couples! And you wanted to go alone.”
posted by Marta on 10-3-2007 at 8:34 am
The animals will be fine but I’m having my doubts about this whole “re-populating man-kind thing” now.
posted by Sheldon Siegel on 10-3-2007 at 8:46 am
“I’m not to sure about these new interns.”
posted by Terry on 10-3-2007 at 9:12 am
Hey dude, this cruise may smell, but with two of every animal, at least we won’t go hungry.
posted by Phil on 10-3-2007 at 9:16 am
Blame it on the rain, yeah yeah.
posted by Patti on 10-3-2007 at 9:57 am
Dude, I’m pretty sure he meant pairs that can procreate!
posted by Tonya on 10-3-2007 at 9:59 am
Guy on the left: “Dude, Kevin Costner told me this Ark would take us to Waterworld”
Guy on the right: “But I thought we were going to Minnesota to find Moonlight Graham”
posted by rob kubiak on 10-3-2007 at 10:00 am
Ok, who wants to be the wife?
posted by sheila on 10-3-2007 at 10:09 am
Man I’m glad we could answer that weird guy’s 3 questions and cross this bridge.
posted by Charles on 10-3-2007 at 10:28 am
Ok, I believe in time machines and the ark… but I still don’t see a unicorn.
posted by Vorpal on 10-3-2007 at 10:51 am
Or
Ok, I believe in time machines, the ark, and penguins… but I still don’t see a unicorn.
or
Ok, I believe in time machines and the ark but I still don’t see a penquin.
posted by Vorpal on 10-3-2007 at 11:01 am
So, I told one giraffe he’s a bit short. It’s not like they fight.
posted by Vorpal on 10-3-2007 at 11:06 am
Something had gone very awry in the new Carnival Cruise line marketing promotion…
or
“one of these things is not like the others…one of these things is just not the same…”
or
“And THIS is why you never put your business card in the “free cruise giveaway” bowl at the Chinese buffet…”
posted by Ed Hands on 10-3-2007 at 11:36 am
There’ll be room for the hummer, right?
posted by Vorpal on 10-3-2007 at 11:44 am
“Well maybe next time Noah should pronounce genuses a little more clearly. That way he won’t be stuck on a boat with two geniuses. Enunciation, that’s all we’re asking for.”
posted by Scott on 10-3-2007 at 12:15 pm
darn i hate getting behind noah and his gang at starbucks
posted by janet on 10-3-2007 at 12:32 pm
…shotgun!?
posted by TMo on 10-3-2007 at 12:46 pm
“Now when the flood’s over we can all sing showtunes!”
posted by Phil on 10-3-2007 at 12:50 pm
Wow, the new hummer is roomy.
or
I opted for the new hummer with the large tank and animalytic converter.
posted by Vorpal on 10-3-2007 at 1:45 pm
Terrific. A 40-day cruise with “Dr. Doolittle” and his menagerie. Damned mental_floss discount tickets…
posted by digdug on 10-3-2007 at 1:46 pm
… and this is when we paid to see that penguin do a colonoscopy… I really wish we would have seen Zumanity instead.
posted by Downchez on 10-3-2007 at 1:59 pm
“Where are the unicorns you promised would be here?!”
posted by Andy on 10-3-2007 at 3:21 pm
Woops. I didn’t realize Vorpal had beaten me to the unicorns. I’m almost disturbed that I’m not the only one.
posted by Andy on 10-3-2007 at 3:22 pm
I’m starting to think that this may not be worth it after all…
posted by Sophie on 10-3-2007 at 3:38 pm
“Ok, I’m thinking that maybe these jeans make my butt look big.”
posted by heather on 10-3-2007 at 6:02 pm
Ah dude! I agreed to go on this cruise cause you said there would be chicks on board!
There are man. Check out those two chicks in front…
Those are penguins man…
posted by China on 10-3-2007 at 6:50 pm
“Great, we’re the only two who don’t match.”
posted by Eugene on 10-4-2007 at 3:11 am
Dude, that’s the last time I let YOU book a vacation.
posted by Gideon on 10-4-2007 at 3:43 am
“We can’t get on the boat? What do you MEAN you don’t want our kind to survive?”
posted by Doreen B on 10-4-2007 at 5:44 am
“First things first: we’re shaving his beard” (Queer Eye for the Biblical Guy)
posted by JillB on 10-4-2007 at 5:49 am
I’ve heard of animal husbandry, but this is ridiculous.
posted by Jim M on 10-4-2007 at 6:35 am
this is not what was advertised in the brochure when we booked our cruise to the mountains of ararat.
posted by dennis on 10-4-2007 at 6:44 am
Well, Maynerd, I don’t think it’s going to rain enough to float this boat load.
posted by tony mueller on 10-4-2007 at 7:49 am
I told you we should have dressed alike
posted by soul billy on 10-4-2007 at 8:33 am
… two penguins, two metrosexual cavemen…
posted by brenda on 10-4-2007 at 8:51 am
Why do I always have to be the girl?!
posted by Caro on 10-4-2007 at 8:55 am
MAYBE WE CAN BE CHIPMONKS AND SING!
posted by HELEN VALENTI on 10-4-2007 at 9:04 am
“I don’t think this ‘two of every animal’ thing is going to work if we’re all male.”
posted by Leah on 10-4-2007 at 9:07 am
let’s see….2 pigs….check!
2 giraffes….check!
2 penguins…..check!
2….what the hell are you?
posted by Leslie on 10-4-2007 at 9:37 am
“I can’t wait to see the FABULOUS ice carvings those penguins put out for the midinght buffet. I hear they really have a gift.”
posted by Candice on 10-4-2007 at 10:37 am
I think this is a better version of my previous joke.
“I thought it said all geniuses welcome.”
“That says genuses!”
posted by scott on 10-4-2007 at 10:44 am
I’ll take the penguin, you always liked the pigs.
posted by Ron on 10-4-2007 at 12:09 pm
“I told you it was pairs of different genders.”
posted by Stephanie on 10-4-2007 at 1:08 pm
When I asked should I book Hawaii for vacation you said “No Ozark”
posted by Jase on 10-4-2007 at 1:19 pm
When I said to prepare for a flood of e-mails for the caption contest, this wasn’t quite what I meant.
posted by Ishmael on 10-4-2007 at 2:21 pm
See….I told you. Fourty days and fourty nights and I’m still not blind…..
posted by Johnny on 10-4-2007 at 2:54 pm
A cubit is thi-i-is big!
posted by Mary Jo on 10-4-2007 at 2:55 pm
I will not be seen on this cruise… animal prints are so last year!
posted by Narre on 10-4-2007 at 4:21 pm
“You said you wanted a new scene with some crazy party animals!”
or
“I read the Bible and I am not liking where this is going…”
or
“Look, the couple in front of us are wearing tuxedos. You never let me wear nice things out anymore!”
or
“I can’t take you anywhere without you offending someone! I just hope the penguins forget this when we dock on land.”
posted by Cas on 10-4-2007 at 4:47 pm
What did you think the elephant at the bar meant when he asked “Do you mind if I push your stool in?”
posted by Johnny on 10-4-2007 at 6:08 pm
You said you wanted a wildlife cruise.
posted by Mimi on 10-4-2007 at 6:29 pm
It’s Adam and Eve AND Adam and Steve!
posted by Emily M. on 10-4-2007 at 7:22 pm
so this is the prize trip we get for winning the cartoon caption contest? hmmphfff!!!
posted by mad mike on 10-4-2007 at 7:49 pm
Noah? Noah? Has anyone seen Noah?
posted by Lee Messer on 10-4-2007 at 8:23 pm
Which one of these doesn’t belong here?
posted by Katherine on 10-4-2007 at 10:41 pm
“So the old guy said if I just take the animals he give us 50 bucks….hey where’d he go?!”
posted by Rachel* on 10-5-2007 at 5:28 am
“Is this the line to see “Das Boot?”
posted by John on 10-5-2007 at 6:04 am
I.D.?! I’m a PIG, dammit! Do you even see any pockets?!
posted by Drew on 10-5-2007 at 6:35 am
Okay…..I’m leaving it up to you to remember where we parked.
posted by Johnny on 10-5-2007 at 6:50 am
As soon as Michael Vic get here with the dogs we can leave.
posted by J. Williams on 10-5-2007 at 6:57 am
Two arks were built that day. Noah used his ark for straight animals. Jonah used his ark for gay animals and consequently had a much lower success rate than Noah.
posted by mor on 10-5-2007 at 7:18 am
I don’t even know why I came. I don’t know anybody. These are all your friends. Man those giraffes are short!
posted by Cathy on 10-5-2007 at 7:36 am
“I hope THIS time they don’t allow any snakes onboard . . . Well, maybe just yours.”
posted by Eric on 10-5-2007 at 8:29 am
Only at boarding did Jason realize that he had booked the wrong same-sex cruise. Now, his only concern was that he and Marty had better accommodations than the dung beetles.
posted by Eric on 10-5-2007 at 8:45 am
“I told you we should have made reservations.”
posted by Ken on 10-5-2007 at 8:48 am
Dude you owe me a new pair of jeans for getting us on the clean list.
posted by Cameron on 10-5-2007 at 9:05 am
I said MOLES not Mo’s!
posted by NANA on 10-5-2007 at 9:12 am
The reservation agent assured me that the weather should be clearing up any minute now…besides, it’s just a three hour tour, right?
posted by jbd on 10-5-2007 at 9:16 am
Cirque de Sol le is really getting carried away with thier adaptation of “Charlotte’s Web”…I mean two Wilburs? Come on!
posted by Bbear on 10-5-2007 at 10:32 am
I told you we’d be underdressed
posted by jen on 10-5-2007 at 10:53 am
Jeans and flipflops on a 40 day cruise…is this how we want to perpetuate the gene pool?
posted by John on 10-5-2007 at 10:56 am
Relax! You can’t tell which one’s male and which one’s female for any of them either!
posted by Nicole on 10-5-2007 at 10:57 am
There goes my giraffe skin boots, girlfriend. 3 snaps!
posted by Stu on 10-5-2007 at 11:16 am
“as soon as the penguins get onboard start sending up the lion food!”
posted by chris on 10-5-2007 at 11:43 am
The pigs are wearing white after labor day and the penguins are way over dressed and don’t even get me started on that cheesy print. I am so outta here!!
posted by Tony on 10-5-2007 at 11:56 am
Next Stop New Earth ! Now known as Al Gore’s Menagerie !
posted by Halston Howard on 10-5-2007 at 12:32 pm
Be quick about it ! Rosie O donnell’s food is getting cold !
posted by Halston Howard on 10-5-2007 at 12:34 pm
Hey, we have a civil union, it’s the same as being married…
-or-
Being cooped up with a bunch of animals… could be fun, same thing happened in college.
posted by allyson on 10-5-2007 at 12:51 pm
So…who’s gonna clean up after us?
posted by karissa on 10-5-2007 at 1:22 pm
Well God did say he wanted two of everything.
posted by Herman Sanders on 10-5-2007 at 2:14 pm
Clarence Thomas AND Anita Hill on the same boat?!? What were you thinking?!?!?!?
posted by Terry on 10-5-2007 at 2:17 pm
See, I told you flying Southwest was a bad idea….
posted by Amber on 10-5-2007 at 2:19 pm
Um, watch your step…
posted by LMBorgmeyer on 10-5-2007 at 2:26 pm
Adopt kids on arrival? I don’t think so.
posted by Corrie on 10-5-2007 at 3:03 pm
And God said to Noah “Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who”
posted by FISHLEGBOOTS on 10-5-2007 at 9:54 pm
Hey, when Noah asked for two asses to come aboard, do you think maybe he meant the two-legged kind instead of us?
posted by Sally on 10-5-2007 at 10:27 pm
italian looking guy- see? i TOLD you there was a killer party here! look at all these sexy beasts!
guy in glasses- just what kind of stuff are you LOOKING at online!? …*thinks* and here i thought there might be some laying going on tonight, but it looks like that will only be the penguins… *anguish anguish*
lol
posted by Sue on 10-5-2007 at 10:52 pm
“I told you we should’ve packed toilet paper. Single-ply papyrus scrolls? What are we, animals?”
posted by Jane on 10-6-2007 at 1:05 am
“But the inside cabin rates were so great…”
posted by Mike on 10-6-2007 at 10:54 am
Hey, you can have clean-up duty this time, I mean lets look at it, the elephants and rhinos aren’t here yet. Oh yea, you might want to get a pair of boots! And they said it was always sunny in Philadelphia!
posted by John Brown on 10-6-2007 at 11:38 am
No seriously officer, I’ve only had 1 beer!
posted by John Brown on 10-6-2007 at 11:40 am
A lesser-known story in the Bible involves the animals on Noah’s Ark becoming pirates and forcing several mutinous animals to walk the plank.
posted by Sillstaw on 10-6-2007 at 12:30 pm
And we’re supposed to propogate the species HOW, exactly?
posted by Amanda on 10-6-2007 at 1:17 pm
Kosher pigs my foot. I’m not going.
posted by jamie on 10-6-2007 at 3:16 pm
“And God said unto Noah, . . . Make thee an ark of gopher wood… the length of the ark [shall be] three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits. A window shalt thou make to the ark… Oh yea, and no bloggers.
posted by Jim Yerman on 10-7-2007 at 7:03 am
and noah said unto God, ” i shall have one male, one female of every genus in the world aboard the ark…”
posted by amAnda on 10-7-2007 at 10:13 am
“Dibs on the top bunk! And keep your feet away from my face, dude!”
posted by Dana Armstrong on 10-7-2007 at 11:03 am
“Some people will do anything for a crummy tee shirt…”
posted by PattyRae on 10-7-2007 at 11:17 am
“David says he knows how to get dozens of ‘knowledge junkies’ to send in stupid cartoon captions that will really embarrass them when they think about them the next day.”
posted by Redddy on 10-7-2007 at 3:15 pm
Dude, you know we’re gonna tagged with the “random” security check.
posted by Gonzo on 10-7-2007 at 3:47 pm
Two pigs - Check!
Two giraffes - Check!
Two penguins - Check!
Two pigs - Hold it! We,ve already got the pigs.
posted by Andrew on 10-8-2007 at 3:11 pm
No, you said this was a viewing of “Dirty Jobs”, not a PETA protest….
posted by Angie_N on 10-8-2007 at 5:53 pm
You’re sure He said it was going to rain today?
‘Bro, you lied to me AGAIN about the Burning Man theme!
posted by thomas on 10-9-2007 at 2:46 am
If we had a small child with us, we could have preboarded!
or
If you would have taken the wheelchair like I told you, we could have gotten on before pigs!
or
I don’t understand how being a pig qualifies for preboarding! If that’s the case, you should have been the first in line!
posted by Cassie on 10-10-2007 at 3:14 pm
You dumbass, I think that was bring a mate not a date!
posted by Cris B on 10-10-2007 at 5:39 pm
An linolieum ark? This changes EVERYTHING!
posted by Tom Budzyna on 10-11-2007 at 1:53 pm
Iranian imports.
posted by Heather on 10-11-2007 at 4:26 pm
Heads! I win!! You’re name’s Mary!!!
posted by Vinnie on 10-13-2007 at 8:26 am
“When I signed up, I didn’t know HE would be coming, too!”
posted by Becca on 11-22-2008 at 10:06 pm