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I stole this short trip down magazine lane from Volume 3, Issue 4’s Scatterbrained section on Bullies. Thought you guys might enjoy.
OUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL BULLIES
Name: Nelson Muntz (from “The Simpsons”)
Sightings: Often seen pointing and laughing at things wherever there are things to be pointed and laughed at. Also, a strong presence on the playground.
Motto: “Ha-ha!”
Greatest Hits: Conscientious about the big picture. “We’ve been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart. Today let’s pound his kidneys.”
“Persuasiveness”: While Nelson does great solo work, he also manages an effective team of delinquents. Definitely, one of the better bullies on the block.
Insight:
Lisa [reading]: “Nuke the whales?” You don’t really believe that, do you?
Nelson: I dunno. Gotta nuke something.
Name: Sensei John Kreese (of “Karate Kid” fame)
Sightings: Can always be spotted bossing around kids at the Cobra Kai Dojo.
Motto: “Strike first. Strike hard. No mercy.”
Greatest Hits: Generally reserved for beating up his own students.
“Persuasiveness”: Sure, he’s intimidating with all that “no mercy” talk. And he can coerce little Johnny into sweeping legs. But he’s hardly a menace if you’ve got Mr. Miyagi on your side. Just stay out of his Dojo.
Insight: Chuck Norris turned down the role of the Sensei because he didn’t want karate instructors to be shown in an unsympathetic light.
Name: Moe (from “Calvin and Hobbes”)
More bullies after the jump…
Sightings: Often caught lurking in the hallway. Perfect gym and recess attendance.
Motto: “Give before it hurts.”
Greatest Hits: Usually to the abdomen.
“Persuasiveness”: Although his train of thought is generally stuck in the boarding station, Moe makes some fairly eloquent arguments with his fists. The fact that he’s a 6 year old who shaves doesn’t hurt.
Insight: Bill Watterson, Calvin’s creator, claims, “I remember school being full of idiots like Moe. I think they spawn on damp locker room floors.”
Name: Tommy “Butch” Bond (“The Little Rascals”)
Sightings: Slinking around anywhere the kids are trying to put on a show, with his sidekick “Woim” tagging along.
Motto: “I usually prove it by lickin’ everybody … but to save time, I’m just gonna lick the toughest one of ya.”
Greatest Hits: Rarely has to resort to fisticuffs. His mean looks say it all.
“Persuasiveness”: For four years, he kept the gang in check, usually picking on Alfalfa. Butch took on the hair-challenged singer in both the boxing ring and in the wrestling ring, and caused many a black eye in the Rascals’ neighborhood.
Insight: Bond went on to play a good guy as Jimmy Olsen in scores of episodes of the “Superman” film serial beginning in 1948, but turned down the role on the TV version with George Reeves.
Got a favorite Fictional Bully that we missed? Write it in the comments below. And be sure to check out this and other back issues, available at the mental_floss store.
I would also add Eddie Haskell of Leave it to Beaver fame. If he were a classmate of mine in high school or a neighbor I would have probably run every time I saw him coming. He could be very intimidating even if he didn’t use physical force!
posted by cyndi on 10-9-2007 at 5:27 pm
Derrick and Onion, from the unmemorable “Curtis” cartoon strip.
posted by Jonathan on 10-9-2007 at 6:41 pm
mr. eff and psycho doughboy from jthm.
disturbed and occasionally seen trying to alternately kill and help johnny in the comic. lol
comic gold i’m tellign you.
posted by Sue on 10-9-2007 at 6:51 pm
How could you possibly leave out Scut Farkus and his little toady Grover Dill from Jean Shepherd’s “A Christmas Story”? He had green teeth I tell you. Green Teeth!
posted by harold on 10-9-2007 at 8:21 pm
As soon as I started reading this list I thought of Moe from C&H. So funny.
posted by Amy on 10-9-2007 at 8:47 pm
Ha, I was going to mention Scott Fargus from A Christmas Story as well. Instead, I guess I’ll mention, uh…the two coffee-house bullies on “Friends,” played by Peter Deluise and Nicky Katt. You know, the ones who stole Chandler’s hat!
posted by Jenny on 10-9-2007 at 9:30 pm
Wally’s friend Lumpy Rutherford from Leave it to Beaver was also a bully. :)
posted by Melinda on 10-9-2007 at 11:15 pm
BIFF TANNEN people!
(From the Back To The Future Movies)
This guy and his counterparts made life miserable for the Mcflys in the past present and the future!
“Knock knock…anyone home!”
that’s a true inter-generation-dimension bully!
posted by Vikram Koppikar on 10-10-2007 at 1:18 am
Team Cinzano in “Breaking Away.” Dave Stoller waits for the team to arrive in Indiana, gets to ride with them , then they stick a pump in his front wheel causing him to crash.
posted by fixedgear on 10-10-2007 at 5:21 am
FYI: Tommy/Butch was the voice of “Owl Jolson”, the little singing owl in the classic cartoon “I Wanta Singa”. (”I wanta singa, about the moona and the june-a and the springa…”)
posted by rich on 10-10-2007 at 7:47 am
What about Dudley Dursley and Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter. Okay, Draco was more just evil than a bully but Dudley was definitly a spoiled rotten bully.
posted by Barry on 10-10-2007 at 9:54 am
Definitely Biff Tannen
Sightings: Anywhere a McFly is found
Motto: “What are ya — chicken?”
Greatest Hits: His innate cowardice and stupidity usually end up making Biff his own worst enemy
“Persuasiveness”: Biff apparently got smarter as he got older, and managed to go back in time and create an altenate future where he made millions betting on sports events with a sports almanac from 2015
Insight: Tom Wilson, the actor who portrayed Tannen in the films, drew on his own experiences as a victim of childhood bullies to make the character more real.
posted by mudi-b on 10-10-2007 at 6:39 pm
My favorites are Melvin Moody from “My Bodyguard” and Buddy Revell from “3 O’Clock High”
posted by jim on 10-11-2007 at 6:39 pm