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By my way of thinking, a lousy lyric isn’t one that I can’t immediately make sense of—I’m happy to use my imagination—but one that violates the simplest, most basic rules of grammar.
Here are two offenders that, when heard on the car radio, make me want to drive straight into oncoming traffic:
Never mind that it sounds like the theme song to The Price is Right, what about the object of the preposition, Jim?
Never mind that Austin Powers mocked it, what about the subjunctive, Joan?
Blender chops up Sting… and some more lousy lyrics after the jump!
Blender mag has a completely different set of parameters for classifying lousy lyrics. They recently released a list called “The 40 Worst Lyricists In Rock,” that both entertains and insults.
So who’s number one—the worst offender—according to Blender? Sting! “Mountainous pomposity, cloying spirituality, ham-handed metaphors: He can do it all,” says the mag. “…Once publications labeled him ’The Thinking Woman’s Sex Symbol,’ a low-watt lightbulb popped on in his head, illuminating the way toward a self-serious future. Sting would go on to rip off Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, St. Augustine’s Confessions … even Shakespeare.”
In case your wondering which songs/lyrics they’re referring to, I submit the following for elucidation:
Ten Summoner’s Tales is the name of one of Sting’s albums and plays on the title of Chaucer’s “The Summoner’s Tale.” While the album left me underwhelmed, I still like the title, which happens to play on Sting’s real name: Gordon Sumner. A+ for word puns!
Again, on the album Ten Summoner’s Tales, there’s a song called “Saint Augustine in Hell” that contains the following rather banal lyric:
If somebody up there likes me/somebody up there cares/Deliver me from evil/save me from these wicked snares/Not into temptation, not to cliffs to fall/On to revelation, and lesson for us all
As for the Shakespeare reference: “Sister Moon” from the album Nothing Like the Sun contains the following semi-clunky lyric:
My mistress eyes are nothing like the sun/My hunger for her explains everything I’ve done
Also on Blender’s list:
2. Rush drummer Neil Peart
3. Creed front man Scott Stapp
4. Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher
5. Dan Fogelberg
But you have to scroll all the way down to number 10 before any sign of The Doors shows up. And although Blender says their worst lyric is from “The Unknown Soldier” (Breakfast where the news is read/Television children fed/Unborn living, living, dead/Bullet strikes the helmet’s head), I still wipe my forehead with relief knowing that other critics agree with me.
How about you loyal Wrap readers? Have a lyric/lyricist that/who really gets your goat? Slap ‘em down in the comments for all to debate.
Comments (33)
Comment
Amen, amen, amen on the Joan Osbourne rip - That has driven me crazy from the first time I heard it. Actually, I became a bit of a fan of Garth Brooks when I heard him correctly use the subjunctive in his song “If Tomorrow Never Comes.” When he sang “… if my time on Earth were through…” I was stunned and relieved!
posted by Debi on 10-19-2007 at 5:01 am
Not that it isn’t simple to rip on Fergie and she is using a metaphor properly, but still . . . “I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket.”
Every time I hear that line I cringe.
posted by Scott on 10-19-2007 at 7:04 am
Sorry I meant using a simile correctly. I always get those mixed up, and as soon as I submitted it I knew I was wrong.
posted by Scott on 10-19-2007 at 7:06 am
I’m always incredibly irritated by Faith Hill’s “This Kiss”…
“It’s the way you love me
It’s a feeling like this
It’s centrifugal motion
It’s perpetual bliss”
I don’t know what physics she learned, but my physics teacher was always very clear about the fact that centrifugal motion was fictitious.
posted by Anon on 10-19-2007 at 7:16 am
if you’re gonna rip on fergie, why not rip on her spelling skills: T to the A to the S to the T-E-Y.
i’m embarassed to admit i know that, but it has been BUGGING ME!!!
posted by mri on 10-19-2007 at 7:47 am
In Jim’s defense most if not all of his lyrics were written as poetry first then put to music later, and in my opinion it is rather hard to place rules on poetry. Hello, anyone here ever seen Dead Poets Society? Maybe we should all tear out the first chapter of our books!
posted by Paul on 10-19-2007 at 7:54 am
Lynyrd Skynyrd - That Smell
Ooooh that smell
Can’t you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
It’s the smell of rotten lyrics all around you. Why is this one ever played anywhere? I feel like I hear it all the time.
Grammatically correct? Yeah, I guess, but horribly correct as well.
posted by DW on 10-19-2007 at 8:17 am
If you’re going to mention horrible Fergie lyrics, I think this little line from “Fergilicious” takes the cake:
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness
So horrible.
posted by SpaceMonkeyX on 10-19-2007 at 8:42 am
I like Sheryl Crow, and she lost a lot of credibility for me when she teamed up with Kid Rock. This lyric has bothered me since I heard it:
“I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they won’t tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin’ just ain’t right ”
If she’s on the phone, how does she see their half-hearted smiles?????????????
I assume Kid wrote these lyrics, but Sheryl deserves just as much of the blame for singing them.
posted by Bre on 10-19-2007 at 8:45 am
I can’t believe what they said about my favorite rock god. Who else can pen lyrics that rhyme like this:
“Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle’s brighter than the sun”
BTW, the reunion concert was amazing. I wish I could go again but my husband can only handle so much competition.
posted by Bonnie on 10-19-2007 at 9:59 am
Sir Paul McCartney, “Live and Let Die.”
“…if this ever-changing world in which we live in…”
He was SO close to perfect form, but NO, he just had to add another “in.”
It kills me.
I mentioned this to a girl on a first date, and she said, “You’re not one of THOSE people, are you?”
Never go up against a Beatle.
-Southpaw Jones
posted by Southpaw Jones on 10-19-2007 at 10:13 am
Southpaw,
I always heard that line as “if this ever-changing world in which we’re livin’…”
I must confess, I can’t think of any lyrics that grate on me at the moment, but it’s always disappointing to hear radio and TV journalists use the phrase “for you and I.” And don’t even get me started on “nucular.”
posted by Ken on 10-19-2007 at 10:27 am
I understand the rock vibe, and the backbeat can sometimes be filled with raccous shouts to punctuate the main vocals, but ELO will always anger me with:
Do ya do ya want my love (do ya?)
Do ya do ya want my face (I need it)
Really, Jeff? You need your face? How very rock n roll of you to elicit face removal in your song.
posted by Johnny Cat on 10-19-2007 at 10:46 am
Dude,
If you’re going to make fun of bad lyrics (and bad grammar in songs), shouldn’t you double-check your own grammar? I leave the diagnosis up to you:
“In case your wondering which songs/lyrics they’re referring to…”
The GN
posted by Grammar Nazi on 10-19-2007 at 10:56 am
Nobody has mentioned “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette? “10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife” is unfortunate, not ironic. Unless, of course, the intention of the song is to be ironic in that there is no irony…
posted by LAGirl on 10-19-2007 at 11:01 am
these are great guys! keep ‘em coming. i think i’ll compile a list of songs with grammar issues and put them together with soundbites. so i need more examples, please.
and thanks GN for the your/you’re typo catch! i lower my head in shame.
posted by David on 10-19-2007 at 11:06 am
You’re a good sport about the grammar thing. I knew it was just a typo. ;-)
Here’s a song lyric that drives me nuts!
Dumas Walker, by the Kentucky Headhunters
“He takes all his orders down one at a time
Don’t need a pad he’s got a photogenic mind”
Seriously, the camera adds 10 pounds, so I know my mind looks terrible on film — not photogenic at all!
posted by Grammar Nazi on 10-19-2007 at 11:39 am
Okay i suck at grammer, but i can usually tell when its wrong, which is why Sheryl Crows song “the first cut is the deepest” bothered the heck out of me,
“The first cut is the deepest
’cause when it comes to being lucky she’s cursed
when it comes to lovin’ me she’s worst
but when it comes to being loved she’s first”
Should the lyric be worse?? if not is sounds like she’s calling him sausage
posted by Lindsey on 10-19-2007 at 12:18 pm
Sammy Hagar had a couple:
“only time will tell if we stand the test of time”
and one from pre-VH days, I’m probably paraphrasing, but I’m close:
“Cherries, hot from the vine”
posted by jim on 10-19-2007 at 12:32 pm
Not to protect Sheryl Crow but she didn’t write “The First Cut is the Deepest.”
posted by Scott on 10-19-2007 at 1:08 pm
I always hated the line from Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s “And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it. And I said, ‘Well, that’s the one thing we’ve got.’” One thing we’ve got? Grrrr.
posted by AD on 10-19-2007 at 1:41 pm
Yeah, Cat Stevens wrote “The First Cut is the Deepest.”
And about the other Sheryl Crow thing…not to be all OCD up in here or anything, but she’s not saying she’s on the phone. She’s saying she tried calling him. And she’s saying that all her friends have been looking at her with sympathy. She’s not saying it’s all happening at the same time. It’s a song, so she can’t spell everything out for you. Wouldn’t be a good song if it said,
“I called you when you were supposed to be at the hotel, but you never answered. Everyone probably knows what’s going on; they’re all looking at me funny. This probably means you’re dating someone new, but since I have no proof, and no one’s talking, I’m stuck wondering.”
Just doesn’t sound the same.
posted by jena on 10-19-2007 at 1:49 pm
McCartney should always get a free pass. Plus, sometimes you just need that extra syllable to make it work.
posted by DW on 10-19-2007 at 2:08 pm
Not really a grammar problem. The following line is in Johnny Rivers’ “Mountain of Love:”
“Inside a church, there’s an altar filled with flowers
Wedding bells are ringing and they should’ve been ours.”
Now, this may not appear to be a problem, however, he pronounces “ours” like “hours” to rhyme with flowers. Way to force it Johnny. Like DW said, sometimes you need that extra syllable, but everytime I hear this song I get irritated.
posted by Andrew on 10-19-2007 at 3:39 pm
What about some of those rap songs where they just make up words. Like “crunk” or “bling” to name a couple of the better known examples.
posted by Henry on 10-19-2007 at 5:40 pm
I’ve got one!
Chaka Khan’s “Tell Me Something Good”
“Got no Time Is What You’re Known to Say
I’ll Make You Wish There Was 48 Hours to Each Day”
posted by Candace on 10-19-2007 at 10:21 pm
I laughed when I heard about the Blender “worst lyricist list”. It was not long after I posted a joke about Sting on a lyrics thread, about how I had to look up his Greek mythology reference (Scylla and Charybdis). But I like Sting, and I liked the “The Police.”
and I just now had to look up “Scylla & Charibdis” again, for the spelling.
posted by Tdave on 10-20-2007 at 12:48 am
System of a Down–
“The Most Loneliest Day of my Life”
I CRINGE every time I hear this song.
posted by Jessica on 10-20-2007 at 8:08 am
I can not believe no one has mentioned Duran Duran!
While I suppose it is not a grammar problem (see poetry comment from previous post), something just isn’t right.
“Shake up the picture the lizard mixture
With your dance on the eventide”
(New Moon on Monday)
or
“Dark in the city, night is a wire
Steam in the subway, earth is a fire”
(Hungry Like the Wolf)
Even worse is that despite the lyrics I still love to listen to them.
posted by Kimberly on 10-20-2007 at 2:42 pm
I am a huge David Bowie fan, but one lyric in Changes has always driven me nuts.
“Strange fascinations fascinate me.”
Really? Fascinations fascinate you? They don’t bore you?
It’s even more irritating because I had made up better lyrics when I couldn’t understand his. Mine were: “Strange fascinations assailing me.” I’m never one to question the genius of Bowie, but…
posted by napoleansolo on 10-20-2007 at 4:34 pm
I do hastily appologize!!
Simon LeBon WAS on Blender’s list (it was long and I was getting tired of reading it all so I skipped 30-21).
Though they do not mention the New Moon on Monday lyric.
No one had mentioned them here in the comments (OK now I know why…).
posted by Kimberly on 10-20-2007 at 6:05 pm
Someone HAS to have mentioned them already, but I nominate LFO “Summer Girls” as the song that should have never happened:
“…New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick.
And I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch…”
posted by Dave Taylor on 10-21-2007 at 11:10 pm
I prefer ot think McCartney was singing “world in which we’re livin’”.
posted by Scott on 11-15-2007 at 10:45 am