Ever since arriving in LA, I’ve been receiving invites to Cuddle Parties, gatherings I can’t help but regard with suspicion, despite the “cuddlemonials.” I came close to going a few times, but my co-conspirators always dissolved at the last minute.
Earlier this year, a UK study led by primatologist Filippo Aureli found that spider monkeys in rival gangs were observed hugging each other to ease tensions, but also perhaps to size-up physical vulnerabilities in their opponents. Another study recently performed by Dr. Kathleen Light at UNC Chapel Hill showed increased levels of oxytocin, a pituitary hormone produced only in mammals, after “warm contact” situations–but only if each partner considered the other “supportive.” So…I’m not sure I’d necessarily be able to lower my blood pressure at a Cuddle Party, but I am insanely curious and would love to prove to myself that it’s not some Studio 54 backroom or in any other way illicit. You can browse their list of rules here (my favorite was “Rule # 2 – You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever”). Are there Cuddle Partiers among us, or, alternately, people against the allegedly healing benefits of touching?
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I’ve never been to a “cuddle party” however I do get a weekly fix of affection every Sunday at church. Old, young, male, female, doesn’t matter. When the hug is meant from genuine affection its better than any drug. It always amazes me that when life has me down, things are going wrong, and nothing feels like it will ever be right again, there is always that one person who can put their arms around me, give a little squeeze and make the day one of the best ever.
posted by Patrick B on 10-19-2007 at 7:58 pm
I am a non-hugger; even just watching people hug or hold hands gives me the willies. My mother tells me that even as a baby I was more then happy to be left alone. It’s only been in the past few years (I’m in my mid-twenties) that I have begun to allow myself to be hugged by others, including my close family. The one exception is my current sig other, but we keep to our own sides of the couch–way less touchy-feelie than the average couple.
When someone gets close enough that they look like they’ll hug me, I get an overwhelming urge to run and a queasy stomach. Being around ‘aggressively touchy’ people has put me into panic attacks in the past.
Cuddle parties sound like one of my circles of hell….
posted by frumpiefx on 10-20-2007 at 9:59 am
are you serious? what tortured mind came up with these?
I’ve never liked being touched, there are very few people who I allow to hug me and they don’t get much response.
I have to agree with the person above me “Cuddle parties sound like one of my circles of hell….”
posted by Korin on 10-20-2007 at 7:31 pm
Cuddle Parties sound like a really awesome idea! I’m a high school student, enrolled in a “focus program” for film with several other students. We’re with each other all day as opposed to only one period and it has really brought us together.
We’re constantly hugging and supporting each other. It’s easily the most amazing connection I’ve ever had.
I would encourage anyone to open up and let in a little bit more affection into thir life. It’s made mine a lot more endurable.
I do understand if touching makes you uncomfortable, though. There are other ways to open up, I guess. I’m just a particularly physical person, I suppose.
posted by Cassie on 10-20-2007 at 10:11 pm
I don’t mind hugging or being hugged. But I’ve had my share of awkward embraces. I was once working at an ad agency that took on some pro bono work, redesigning a homeless shelter’s website (not because the homeless were Googling shelters; the shelter was going after grants.)
I went with my art director and account supervisor to tour the facilities. The place was amazing, as was the managing director, whose life revolved around helping these needy residents.
After about a half-hour, his cell phone rang. It was a hospital — his sister had been killed. This was the most horrifying news I’d ever witnessed anyone receive. This giant of a man was understandably reduced to tears, clutching the wall for support. Knowing words would sound superficial, I offered a hug.
This did not alleviate the sadness or awkward tension.
I’d classify my hug as accepted but unwelcome. It evolved into a hug/half-handshake that probably looked like we’d bumped into each other, and couldn’t work out how to move forward. We soon parted company, neither better for the embrace.
I need to reassess my hug strategy.
posted by Jason on 10-21-2007 at 10:05 am
i have to agree with the not-cool-with touching crowd. i still don’t like to be hugged by many people. it depends how comfortable i am with your hug and what i believe your intentions to be.
i’ve had guys try to hug me just so they could cop a feel.
that’s what i would be worried about at a party like this. but i know a few people who would love that sort of thing. i bet they’d try to find a way to turn it into an orgy though! lol
posted by Sue on 10-21-2007 at 1:06 pm
I’m absolutely anti-hugging. I have a mental list of less than a half a dozen people that are approved to hug me. I don’t liked to be touched by anybody, strangers, friends, family, anybody except that couple of people. It totally grosses me out.Physically makes me nauseous. My close friends that know this about me get a huge kick out of watching for my revulsion when someone touches me. No way would I EVER go to a cuddle party.
posted by Melissa on 10-22-2007 at 1:36 pm
OK, I´m not up for a cuddle party (hugs from complete strangers would make me more than little uncomfortable) but no hugs from families? It is a little worrisome that some contact can make a person physically ill. Are you talking outright PDA or will a short hug with a pat on the back do it too?
Anyway… have you guys checked out the pictures? THESE ARE RANDOM PEOPLE SPOONING!!!
posted by GTT on 10-22-2007 at 2:44 pm
Unwelcome hugs/cuddles/touches are annoying, but nothing drives me up the wall like the people who suggest I’m some sort of head-case because I am uncomfortable being hugged by casual acquaintances and strangers. The worst are the bozos who speculate aloud that the reason I don’t like being hugged and touched is because I must have been molested as a child. Has anyone else ever gotten that one? Nothing encourages someone to hug you like calling their parents pedophiles . . .
posted by just_say_no_to_lutefisk on 10-22-2007 at 7:03 pm
I think I saw a segment of ‘Penn & Teller: Bull$h!t’ on this. It actually looks like something worth trying once… although I might spend more time laughing at the silliness of it all than relaxing and feeling the love.
posted by Trena on 10-25-2007 at 11:01 am