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For today’s edition of our Friday Happy Hour series, I’ve set up several stations for you to choose from. Answer only what you wish.
1. I’ve talked before about my desire to open a pet-naming consultancy. Let’s say you’ve been hired by a wealthy family to name their new dog. You will be paid $10,000 for your services, under one condition. The family will introduce the dog to one random person on the street, and whatever name you select must be greeted with some form of this sentiment: “I’ve never heard that name for a dog before!”
What name do you choose?
2. What would you title your autobiography if selling a million copies earned you $5 million (and anything less meant losing a toe)?
3. What non-politician would you like to see run for office?
4. Earlier this week, we re-posted a mental_floss magazine article on Four Terrifying Theories in Astronomy. What other subjects would you be interested in reading terrifying theories about?
5. Last year, we discussed famous (and infamous) fans in a post named Spectacular Stories of Storied Spectators. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen a fellow fan do? Answers can come from any level — youth soccer or high school tennis, Major League Baseball or the Olympics — and pertain to eating habits, crass jeers, or anything else you feel fits the “awful fan” category.
Comments (43)
Comment
I named my male Bernese Mountain Dog, CHAUCER - after Geoffrey Chaucer who wrote the Canterbury Tales. When people hear the name, they seldom know where it came from and I get many questions.
Our female Bernese Mountain Dog is named Jinjur. The name comes from L. Frank Baum’s second Wizard of Oz book, The Land of Oz.
posted by Daniel on 11-2-2007 at 11:28 am
I’d name the dog Veronica.
And the book would be “Buy this Book NOW or I Lose a Toe!” (okay, not entirely original, but it *might* work)
posted by Anita on 11-2-2007 at 11:36 am
It’s not a dog, but I named my cat Purple Howard. …which doesn’t sound so odd, until you realize that it’s an orange, female cat.
I could explain the story of how I arrived at the name “Purple Howard,” but it’s long, embarassing, and probably won’t make much sense anyway.
SOOOO the name I’d choose would be Purple Howard
posted by Kristi on 11-2-2007 at 11:46 am
hmmm….for a dog name…floss_ie?
#2- probably…help me please!
#3-Paris Hilton..why? becuase she looks like she would do something stupid like that…and we would have a good laugh!
#4-with the MRSA scare going around, it would be cool to see some other highly infectious diseases we might catch, or worse yet- biological infections being invented for use of terrorists acts,we might need to be made aware of?
posted by chad on 11-2-2007 at 11:54 am
1. To get that exact response, the dog’s name would have to be better known as another animal’s name. Maybe Shamu or Mufasa?
2. The Meaning of Life
3. I know this is cliche, but Jon Stewart is intelligent and light-hearted. I really think he’d do well.
4. I want to hear terrifying theories on the future of disease.
5. A Yankee fan friend of mine starting a “***HOLE” cheer in his section because some other Yankee fan was sleeping during the game. He was very offended.
posted by Jonathan on 11-2-2007 at 11:59 am
Dog - Duffner
Title of Autobiography - “Free Beer”
Terrifying Theories About - post partum depression
posted by Karen on 11-2-2007 at 12:01 pm
1. Hugh Sukballs… “I’ve never heard that name for a dog before!”
2. Buy this book or die a painful death… one which websites will post as “Awesome” for years and years. And years.
3. What non-politician would you like to see run for office?
Matt Stone with Trey Parker as VP
4. Carpel Tunnel syndrome and recovery time post-surgery
5. Screaming F– You, (the coach’s name), whilst running onto he field at full speed and pummeling him to the floor.
posted by Valerie on 11-2-2007 at 12:30 pm
I wish Oprah Winfrey and/or Whoopy Goldberg would run for office, both are intelligent and have heart.
For the dog I think it should be named Sea Biscuit. I’ve never heard of a dog named Sea Biscuit before :]
posted by Melinda on 11-2-2007 at 12:32 pm
2. “Million Dollars to the Millionth Buyer”
Because I can get by on $4M and giving a random millionth person a million bucks would be a cool thing to be part of the follow-on autobiography I’d write.
posted by Wiley on 11-2-2007 at 12:37 pm
1. I have a cat named Lady Jane Grey who we all think is safe as we have no cat named Mary. My sister suggested the penguin name “Percival Skipper-Steve Esquire VIII.” but for the Dog: Squirrel or Ipod, I think.
2. “Ouch!” Subtitled “The Story of How I Probably Lost a Toe”
3. My Dad. Alternatively Steven Fry, in spite of the fact that I disagree with him on nearly every issue. Never say no to Steven Fry.
4. Terrifying Theories in Mental Health. Terrifying Theories in Economics.
posted by Ashley on 11-2-2007 at 12:52 pm
I think the most original name for a female dog would be Audrey Rugburn.
The title of my autobiography would be Buy My $5 Book, Bitch!
posted by Johnny Cat on 11-2-2007 at 12:52 pm
I’ve always thought it would be fun to give a dog (or cat) a really ordinary human name, like Gary or Lisa.
posted by Karen on 11-2-2007 at 1:05 pm
1 Dog- Benefactor
2- My Life in Invisible Ink (revealing pen and activity book included)
3- It would have been Mr. Rogers =-(
4. What if the bees really do disappear? (I have nightmares about this)
5. I am an awful sports fan. I sit there at a game and talk to my friends or ask people what the rules are.
posted by christina on 11-2-2007 at 1:23 pm
1. I’d name the dog “Kitten”
5. I was at a White Sox/Red Sox game in Chicago and there was a family of 4 sitting in front of us with the kids wearing cute jerseys and a bunch of Red Sox fans behind us screaming obscenities at the field (3 tiers away!).At one point one of the Massholes yells “Booooo! You suck, Konerko!” at our beloved 1st baseman. The little girl in front of us had clearly had enough. She turned around, adjusted her pink Konerko jersey and said “No. YOU suck. Boo on you!” She got a standing ovation from everyone within earshot and all the cotton candy and Cracker Jacks she could eat.
posted by JHop on 11-2-2007 at 1:24 pm
I ALWAYS give my cats ‘human’ names…AND they are only start with the letters ABC or D…it started as a coincidence that I’ve turned into a purpose…These are cats from past and present: Abigail, Amelie, Austin, Bagheera (inherited him, we didn’t name that one), Bennie, Bella, Bette (Davis) Clarice, Clementine, Chloe, Darcy, Dexter…I liked the name “Dexter” the best…
posted by donner on 11-2-2007 at 1:26 pm
Name the dog “Celery”
posted by claire on 11-2-2007 at 1:31 pm
dog name: Doug
president: gordon ramsey (even though he’s not a US citizen)
posted by richel on 11-2-2007 at 1:31 pm
Haha I love Claire’s name : Celery, haha Awesome.
I would name the dog either vulva or testes, for fun. - really though, the name feline would be fun.
I currently own a female boxer named Kaylee Frye (taken from the tv series Firefly) - But I really what a white male boxer and I’m going to name him Frankenstein !
My cat’s name is Scooby Doo
As far as the autobiography - I think something to do with sex or alcohol would be a good idea, especially if you call it “Lots of Sex & Alcohol for Free with Hot Chicks”
that would sell at least a mil. copies.
non - politician : Sarah Silverman - then our country would be similar to my imagination or Bobby Flay because he doesn’t take sh*t from anyone.
Terrifying Theories : Math theories, math is scary sometimes.
I’ve had to write on someone’s ass who was wearing a thong.
sweet sweet memories.
posted by Janet on 11-2-2007 at 1:48 pm
1. As I’m a firm believer in spaying and neutering a pet, I would name their neutered dog, Bobbed Barker.
4.Terrifying Theories in Mass Conformity
5. Worst thing I ever saw a fan do has to be when I witnessed a man run down the steps at a baseball game knocking several people out of the way including a child just to catch a foul all.
posted by A. Walsleben on 11-2-2007 at 1:50 pm
1. Azrael (Gargamel’s cat in The Smurf’s).
2. Harry Potter VIII
3. Lewis Black
4. Something to do with pandemics waiting to emerge from the jungle.
5. I was umping a 10 year old girls’ softball game when a fluke play happened resulting in one team getting an inside the park homerun to win the game. The losing coach started screaming obscenities at me and making threatening gestures. I just stood there with my facemask and shinguards on and my arms crossed with a slight smirk on my face. This threw him into a further rage so I threw him out of the already over game. He subsequently got kicked out of the league.
posted by Dusty on 11-2-2007 at 2:02 pm
Name the dog fish
Name the book Sex with fish
Have Jerry Seinfeld for prez
Most terrifying theories in flesh eating bacteria
In the nosebleed seats at Yankee Stadium I had 2 guys flick me with penut shells howling, hey, chica for all 9 innings.
posted by QT 314159265 on 11-2-2007 at 2:10 pm
1. Going from a previous poster’s idea, I’d say name the dog ‘Cat.’
2. The book could be named “There’s a 100 Dollar Bill Taped to Page 250.” Obviously, the book would need to be shrinkwrapped.
posted by Katherine on 11-2-2007 at 2:20 pm
I’d name someone’s dog 3.14159 and call him ‘pi’ for short. It’d be perfect if it was a dachshund or a golden. My favorite dog name to date is “Pixel” owned by a computer programmer.
posted by Mary on 11-2-2007 at 2:22 pm
Name the dog Garfield
posted by DW on 11-2-2007 at 3:07 pm
My cat is named Taupe, due to his color, people tell me they never met a cat named Taupe. I would name the dog Taupe.
My autobiography would take it’s name from a Jimmy Buffet song. The book would be “Strange Situations, Wild Occupations, Living My Life Like A Song”.
I have worked for a circus, a zoo, and was a gardener at The Alamo. I also had a strange childhood.
I would like to have seen Kurt Vonnegut run for office. He would have been sarcastic and would not take shitte from anyone, amd wouldn’t care what he said.
posted by gus on 11-2-2007 at 3:27 pm
the dog’s name would be Molar (you know, it’s near a canine…)
the book would be called “My Life Hiding In a Tunnel Under the White House”
non-politician: John Cusack
posted by Jennifer on 11-2-2007 at 3:33 pm
1. we named the dog White Cheese (I have no idea how that happened)
posted by melanie tarrant on 11-2-2007 at 3:38 pm
dog: we had a Scottie who’s full name was “Duffy Cadwallader McGurk,” and people thought we were nuts. we also had his sister “Tammy, Tattle-tale of Tipperary.”
pres.: Henry Rollins (how scary would that be?)
theory: terrifying theoretical presidents (see above)
posted by mri on 11-2-2007 at 3:52 pm
1. I had a dog named “nachos,” no one had ever heard of that
2. An Instruction Manual for Being Happy
3. Paul Newman
4. theories about human cloning or something to that effect
5. I went to the rodeo. That’s it.
posted by E-dawg on 11-2-2007 at 3:53 pm
I would like to one day own a brown dachshund and name him “meatloaf”.
posted by tycho on 11-2-2007 at 4:14 pm
1-I have a girl dog named Wyatt (blame it on my husband) and a girl cat named Gunter (again…the husband) so I would probably come up with something off-gender like Sally for a boy dog and Peter for a girl dog.
posted by CB on 11-2-2007 at 4:17 pm
Always wanted to name a dog “Sh..head” so I could stand outside and call for him at the top of my lungs. I did have a cat named Pixel. Early 90’s before people knew what it was. Came from “The Cat Who Walks Through Walls” by Robert Heinlein.
My book would be entitled “A Foot with Four Toes”: Book 1, “Started with Five”
Jean Luc Picard should run for prez. I know he is a fictional character but so are some of the campaigns real canidiates are running.
How about a story on the different theories on the death of the earth. You know, comet, super volcano, space germ and so on.
posted by Owen on 11-2-2007 at 5:05 pm
1. Didgeridoo (would be AWESOME for an Australian shephard, cattle dog or terrier)
2. Here’s to Praying for the Regenerative Powers of Claire Bennett and Kensei
3. Annette Benning…she absolutely ROCKS! And having Warren Beatty as your husband doesn’t hurt.
4. Oceanography…..just think of all the stuff down there *shudder*
posted by Matt on 11-2-2007 at 5:06 pm
1.) You’re asking for a dog name? Do we get residuals if the name takes? Try “Residual” - the dog.
2.) I wouldn’t make that contract. As my mother always said, “Never bet more that you can afford to loose.” That’s going to be the title of my memoir, by the way.
3.) Killer swarming animals.
4.) I heard tell of a guy at a Grateful Dead concert in the mid 70s who was really high. Apparently he lost his clothing and decided it you we good to engage in some auto erotic frolic in the middle of the general admission crowd on the field. Later he asked how the show was. (Could apocryphal, but if true, he wins.)
posted by mungley on 11-2-2007 at 5:59 pm
Dog = God
Book = $100 enclosed (comes from publisher’s marketing budget not my cut.)
Non-politician = Victoria Beckham
New Theory= Terrifying Theories of Chess
Fan = Took my hanging chad
posted by Going Like Sixty on 11-2-2007 at 6:25 pm
1. I’d name the dog Sigourney.
2. “Harry Potter and the Missing Toe”
posted by gretchen on 11-2-2007 at 7:09 pm
1. A. Walsleben already won.
2. Don’t Toes Me, Bro!
3. Colbert– oh, wait.
4. Dante’s The Nine Circles of Curling
5. Parents screaming at their own Little League kids.
posted by TikiPundit on 11-2-2007 at 9:21 pm
#31: my daughter’s confirmation name was peter.
and my cat’s name is sir winston groan, earl of rivendell. she goes by winnie for short.
posted by richel on 11-2-2007 at 9:29 pm
I have a cat named Pickles (from a childhood book named “Pickles the Firecat”. I wanna name my next cat Waffles of Pancakes. I suppose a dog could have it but it’s gotta have an s at the end cause it’s cuter.
posted by lauren on 11-2-2007 at 9:47 pm
Dog: Scabies. Among other things, it would make for great cocktail party banter. “So, how long have you had Scabies?”
Run for Office: David Wells. Are any of the Sex Pistols still alive?
Terrifying Theories: Topology.
posted by kehrsam on 11-3-2007 at 6:00 am
1. I would name the dog “Sexy Dance Party”
2. My book would be titled “American Carabiniri”
3. I would have liked to see the late Frank Zappa run for president.
4. I’d like to hear “Four terrible theories about what is in Chinese food”
5. The worst fans I saw were at a Baltimore Ravens football game. They were sitting in the top-most part of the stadium. Rather than utilizing the restrooms, they were urinating in their beer cups and dumping them over the side of the stadium to the sidewalk below…hopefully nobody was walking there.
posted by Stick on 11-3-2007 at 6:30 am
1. Slow Cooker
2. “How to Make an Easy $5 Million”
3. Steve Martin
4. Terrifying Modern Diseases
5. WWF match - fan pissing on another fan he’d knocked in the mouth
posted by Karan on 11-3-2007 at 3:22 pm
autobiograhy - The Caste System Of Modern Society; A View From The Bottom.
I’d lose all my toes. Toes are overrated anyhow.
posted by Tdave on 11-5-2007 at 5:15 am