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When I say all time, I mean the future, too. Let’s take a look.
10. Ken: By Request Only
I can assure you, Ken, we have only one request.
9. Something Special from Jeff
Poor Jeff looks like death warmed over, from his Herman Munster tan to that funeral director suit. I just hope the “something special” he’s got for us doesn’t involve that hook. (Or perhaps that’s his instrument. After all, Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke played a prosthetic arm on his last solo album.)
8. Joyce
This 1983 album is self-titled, but serious Joyce fans know it as “The Red Album.” One choice cut from this LP is “I Get All Excited.”
7. Heino: Liebe Mutter
Keeping the rose theme going, German singer Heino was on his way to plant this rose bush when he stumbled into the photo studio.
6. Orleans: Waking and Dreaming
I’ve had the naked-at-school dream plenty of times. But naked at the photo shoot? Also, notice how the photographer arranged them not according to height, but beardedness.
5. Mike Terry Live At the Pavilion Theater, Glasgow: Volume 2
I can only imagine Mike Terry sounds a lot like he looks: like Elton John crossed with Liberace and fat, Vegas Elvis.
4. Freddie Gage: All My Friends Are Dead
Nicknamed the Underworld Preacher, Gage is a reformed drug addict from Texas. This is an album with a good heart: a sermon aimed at teens which tries to tell them the truth about drug abuse. With an album cover like this, though, I’m betting Gage didn’t sell a lot of copies to anyone, young or old.
3. At Play with the Playmates
Do their wives know about this? Good Lord — these guys look so natural on that bike! But seriously: this 50s vocal trio had a long career, and you can buy this album on Amazon right now.
2. David Ingles: Satan Has Been Paralyzed
(Satan’s not the only one.) Ingles claims his music can heal you, fix your marriage and make you rich.
1. Cody Matherson: Can I Borrow A Feelin’?
Cody had the great honor of having his album title stolen by the writers of The Simpsons: in the episode “A Milhouse Divided,” after Milhouse’s dad loses his marriage and hits rock bottom he records a terrible album called “Can I Borrow A Feeling?” Sounds like Matherson should borrow a lawyer.
If you want more, so much more, check this link out, and this. (Warning: some of these covers are NSFW.)
Previously on mental_floss: 23 Album Covers That Changed Everything.
Good for an early morning belly laugh. Ahh, the 80’s.
posted by TMo on 11-5-2007 at 7:44 am
Can I borrow a bark bag?
posted by Doug Warner on 11-5-2007 at 7:51 am
That was suppossed to be Can I borrow a barf bag.
posted by Doug Warner on 11-5-2007 at 7:52 am
my uncle actually had a couple heino records! we found a pair of those glasses and ran around the house singing with a german accent when we were younger.
posted by cari on 11-5-2007 at 8:09 am
re: #6
The guy in the middle is now a US Congressman, John Hall (D-NY).
posted by mg on 11-5-2007 at 9:17 am
These are priceless! I’m laughing…are you SURE Heino isn’t a female? he looks like a chick…All my Friends Are Dead? Shouldn’t that be the title of, oh I dunno, The Rolling Stones next album??
Remember when Letterman would dig out the old albums and play them? He has a collection similar to this one…
posted by donner on 11-5-2007 at 10:59 am
I think Joyce’s album inspired Dustin Hoffman’s look in Tootsie.
posted by beckie on 11-5-2007 at 11:45 am
I don’t know where you got these, but I previously found them all on a website.
Should you credit a source here?
I think the gender line has been toyed with by alot of these people. Joyce, huh? I’d have guessed Tootsie.
posted by Bassman on 11-5-2007 at 11:50 am
Also, there is a great bass player who has a right hand hook.
I don’t know what Jeff did/does, but he wants you to see that hook. Is there such a thing as pity purchase?
posted by Bassman on 11-5-2007 at 11:52 am
Like Bassman, I’ve seen all these and more on someone’s Flickr site who is the owner of this collection. Perhaps they should be credited. Oh, and Heino is actually quite entertaining, sort of a New Wave-ish Leonard Cohen - look him up on YouTube.
posted by Jill on 11-5-2007 at 12:09 pm
There’s a big list of 100 worst album covers floating around out there, but it’s been replicated/modified/added to by a bunch of people, and it’s pretty tough to tell who put it together first. I’ll add a link to one of the ‘100 album covers’ posts at the bottom.
posted by Ransom on 11-5-2007 at 1:04 pm
Every day we’d pass by Cody Matherson’s house, and he’d be out on his lawn. He’d always ask us for cigarettes or weed. Then one day, I guess he was already stoned, so he asked if he could borrow a feelin’…the rest is musical history.
posted by Johnny Cat on 11-5-2007 at 1:58 pm
I have a collection of terrible album covers in my photobucket, it has a lot of these in there. Joyce is my favorite, she looks so desperate and awkward.
posted by Meredith on 11-5-2007 at 2:39 pm
Mike Terry looks like a horrible Meatloaf/Bedazzler calamity.
posted by Seth on 11-5-2007 at 3:02 pm
LOL! You couldn’t have *made up* funnier ones.
I think “Joyce” made me laugh the most because my mom had those glasses and that perm.
posted by The City Chicken on 11-5-2007 at 3:32 pm
I guess you never heard of “Yes”…
posted by cb on 11-5-2007 at 4:05 pm
What makes you think the Simpsons writers ripped off Cody Matherson and not vice versa? Especially since that Cody album is clearly a badly photoshopped picture and not a scanned album cover?
posted by Tim on 11-5-2007 at 4:56 pm
Cody Matherson has one eye on the future and the other eye is keeping an eye on the eye on the future.
posted by Kelly P on 11-5-2007 at 5:18 pm
Cody Matherson looks like my dad when he was twenty something. And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that shirt in some old family pictures…
posted by Nathan on 11-5-2007 at 5:24 pm
Now that I think of it, the Matherson pic reminds me of a scene from Mystery Science Theater 3000, when they were reviewing “Boggy Creek 2: The Legend Continues” and this half naked Arkansas boy gets out of a jeep and runs up to this house and one of the robots says: “Can I borrow a cup of shirt?”
posted by Kelly P on 11-5-2007 at 5:43 pm
JOBRIATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No list of anything BAD related to recorded music is truly complete if it omits
JOBRIATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Obbop on 11-5-2007 at 5:48 pm
i don’t if i’m more frightened or amused.
what were these people THINKING?
who the hell offered them a record deal? i bet these peple were fired. lol
posted by Sue on 11-5-2007 at 8:47 pm
Cmon
Prince Black Album
Came after Spinal Tap none blacker. Has to be worst
posted by worldinflux on 11-5-2007 at 10:26 pm
Those are pretty bad and your commentary was wonderfully funny. Where did you track these down from?
posted by Jen Montgomery on 11-5-2007 at 10:35 pm
I won’t admit this without an explanation. I have the Orleans album. It was in a stack of LP’s a woman friend gave me.
Maybe Jeff’s pallor is because the picture faded or was poorly printed in the first place. What’s the deal with Jeff’s left sleeve? Is he missing his left arm too?
My mom STILL has a perm like Joyce’s.
posted by Tdave on 11-6-2007 at 2:16 am
Great list. Although I should point out the guys on the Orleans cover are wearing pants (strategically not appearing in the picture).
posted by TheBlackCat on 11-6-2007 at 2:36 pm
I used to be a homeless rodeo clown but now I am a world class magician !
posted by FPM on 11-6-2007 at 4:48 pm
By the look on his face, I’d say what Matherson meant to say was ‘Can I Cop a Feel?’
Ughhh….
posted by tona b. on 11-6-2007 at 8:58 pm
I suspect the “something special” from Jeff is another hook. Look carefully and it appears the poor dude has no hands; the other sleeve of his jacket looks pretty empty to me.
posted by Alli on 11-7-2007 at 5:54 am
If you were to revisit this list, please consider the Gert Jonnys. You’ll be glad you did:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gert_Jonnys
posted by Jason on 11-9-2007 at 12:57 pm
titles of works are not protected under copyright laws.
posted by omie on 11-10-2007 at 10:27 am
hahahahaha! Great! But the vampire with the hook should be number 1.
posted by Adrian on 11-13-2007 at 11:12 pm