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In the human world as in the animal kingdom, it seems to hold true: forbidden fruit is sweeter. Among humans, it’s a psychology known as the “wedding ring effect” which, though it hasn’t exactly undergone rigorous scientific testing, holds that unavailable dudes attract more attention from ladies. (The opposite isn’t necessarily true: guys don’t seem to care what’s on a woman’s finger when sizing up their prey.)
In the animal world, this kind of behavior is known as “mate-choice copying,” and it’s observable in several species of fish and birds — and especially in guppies. Also known as guppy syndrome, it often finds females ignoring the most objectively desirable mates (ie, the largest, most colorful male guppies) for males that have already been coupled with by other females, even if they’re smaller and duller in color than other, unattached males. Since it’s hard to really get into the psychology of a guppy, we have to project a human interpretation on what we see: the females assume there’s something special — if subtly so — about males who’ve already been chosen as mates.
So the question is, is the wedding ring effect a human-level analogue to the mate-choice copying we can observe in the animal kingdom? Is it possible to extrapolate this behavior to ourselves? Has anyone experienced the guppy effect/wedding ring effect firsthand?
Story via DamnInteresting.
Photo by Dr Anne Houde.
Comments (26)
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It’s true, sadly. All the years I sported my wedding band, it was a daily battle of fending off the women I met, and even when I told them I’m married, they’d say “So? I won’t tell if you won’t.”
When the wifey finally said yes to a divorce, I (thinking I must be the studliest stud ever) couldn’t wait for the tidal wave of sex to ensue. It never, er, came though. And I came close to testing the guppy theory by buying a ring to lure the women back. Until George Costanza tried it himself, that is.
posted by Guppy Guy on 11-6-2007 at 10:26 am
Oh heck yes! When I know that a guy is already attached, I automatically assume there are qualities about him which make him a “good mate” so to say. Even if a more attractive guy is standing next to the attached guy, I will most likely go for the attached guy (in my head at least), because c’mon, there’s got to be something wrong with the more attractive guy.
posted by Lindsay D on 11-6-2007 at 10:27 am
This is 100% true. I only get girls when I already have one.
posted by TMo on 11-6-2007 at 10:39 am
i would have to say this is disappointingly true in my experiences as well. when i have a boyfriend, the guys flock more than they usually would. interestinly enough, a male friend (obviously not a classy guy) who came onto me when i was in a relationship now completely ignores me now that i am single.
posted by ingrid on 11-6-2007 at 10:58 am
the other (even more potent) magnet seems to be kids. i used to ride the train with my 1 year old son in a sling. i had a couple aggressive come-ons thrown my way. my wife tells me that the combined power of my son and me rendered a lot of women powerless to resist.
posted by dan on 11-6-2007 at 10:59 am
As you well know, I’ve been keeping guppies on and off for twenty years. As far as I can tell there’s plenty of sex going on across the board — it’s hard to observe any mate selection in a mixed tank, so I guess a laboratory setting is needed.
Yep, guppies, they love three things: food, sex, and food.
posted by Higgins on 11-6-2007 at 10:59 am
I did the Costanza thing and wore a ring a few times although I am unmarried. It’s sad enough I tried it and even sadder that it didn’t work. Ha!
posted by HealyCoopter on 11-6-2007 at 10:59 am
I just like to cheat on my rat bastard husband because he does it to me. In fact, Healycopter and I should hook-up right in front of him.
posted by StephOknee on 11-6-2007 at 11:20 am
I’m not sure it’s the same as animals. I think it could be related to women feeling more confident about getting intimate with a married man because they are unavailable for a commitment. With a married guy, you don’t have to ever worry about the unpleasant parts of a relationship. You’re not going to have to worry if he’s gonna take the garbage out or pay the light bill or if you’re going to have to cook or give up going out with the girls. You just get no strings attached sex. There is also a perception of less risk of ruining your repution,too. If you’re sneaking around with a married guy, he’s going to avoid anyone knowing about it at all costs. If you’re sleeping with a single guy, he’s more likely to brag about his conquest. Yes, you’re more likely to get branded a “home wrecker” which is worse than being branded as “easy”, but women don’t think they’ll be caught, so the risk seems lower. Also, I think there may be an element of competitiveness to it. Some women have a natural desire to be better than other women. If you can attract another woman’s man, you’ve secretly bested her at something. You’ve proven, if only to yourself, that you’re not only a desirable and attractive female, but a more desirable one, one that’s so irrestistable the man would risk his relationship to be with you. Yep. Warped. But I wouldn’t count that out.
posted by Melissa on 11-6-2007 at 11:42 am
I am a scumbag for cheating on my wife. There is a special place in hell for those of us who cheat. I will see you all there. There is no bigger breaking of trust than to cheat on someone.
posted by Binglebore on 11-6-2007 at 11:52 am
i actually have the opposite reaction. when i was single if a guy was seriously flirting with me and he was attached, i became immediately turned off. i have always subscribed to the old saying, “if he is willing to cheat on her, he will be willing to cheat on you.”
i have no respect for cheaters. if the relationship isn’t working get out if it, or if the magic is gone from your sex life, work on it instead of giving up. cheaters are either cowards for not breaking it off with someone they don’t love, or they are sociopaths. and staying together for the children is just stupid. my uncle did that and now his kids are really screwed up from witnessing a cold loveless marriage and the inevetible meltdown that finally ended it.
i think the guppy effect is about self confidence too. women feel like they need to compete with each other, so what better way to feel superior to another woman than to lure her mate away? it’s just a quick fix for her insecurity. men who do it are likely just looking for meaningless sex. this girl is already attached to someone else, so they feel like they can have sex without emotional involvement. neither one of these types of people sound very appealing to me.
posted by lindsay m on 11-6-2007 at 12:01 pm
Self-confidence also applies to the men too. When single, myself and several of my friends, experience what can best be described as mild social retardation. If single and actively trying to strike up conversation or flirt, the attempt is at best awkward. But while in a relationship, men are more confident and since- provided the man in question is an honorable one- there is no prospect of trying to get the girl home with you, there is no pressure and so the man is free to be witty, charming, funny, etc.
Not to mention that while in a relationship a man is probably wearing an outfit entirely picked out by his significant other, looking more presentable than he otherwise would.
posted by Paul Ramone on 11-6-2007 at 12:12 pm
These comments are depressing. Hey, maybe I should start wearing my wedding ring again! As a widow, I’m entitled. But if the Guppy Effect really works that way, a guy would lose interest as soon as he found out I’m really available.
posted by Miss Cellania on 11-6-2007 at 12:19 pm
It always seemed like I got more attention when I got married, but I think it is more about my perception than anything. Now that I am married I know I am not looking for a date / mate. Completely changed my relationships with women, so naturally I am now more relaxed around them than I was before and vice versa.
posted by Witty Nickname on 11-6-2007 at 12:45 pm
I dunno, the closest I ever got to the guppy effect is having a crush on a guy who went after every other girl around him but me (ouch.) I like to call it The Roadrunner Effect, I probably wouldn’t have known what to do with him if he showed any interest in me.
Who’d want to get involved with some wishy-washy person who only wants what they can’t have, anyway? Now there’s a fun relationship.
posted by Andie on 11-6-2007 at 1:14 pm
I agree with Mr Ramone, above. I think that a lot of what is attractive about the spoken-for men is that they are more at ease. Again, if honorable, they dno’t have the pressure that you are when you WANT someone to think well of you or find you attractive. FURTHER, if there is someone that you would not normally be charming to because you want to avoid them liking you, or being led on, you are not worried about that either, because how could you be leading them on, how could they POSSIBLY get mixed signals if you are wearing a ring? Unfortunately, the mixed signals are still there, or even if they are, it doesn’t keep the other party from getting caught in the guppy trend.
Further, I agree …I’m not super into kids right now, but a man who is seen being a good dad is DEFINITELY an attractive thing.
posted by Kristen on 11-6-2007 at 2:48 pm
I have not experienced this. If anything, *fewer* guys will talk to me because of the ring–why bother, if I’m already spoken for? As for me being attracted to a guy because he’s wearing a ring, not really. The presence of a ring is not what engenders an attraction. It’s physical features and ability to carry on a conversation that do that.
posted by Erin on 11-6-2007 at 2:51 pm
Since being married, I’ve noticed the weirdest thing: I can talk to, joke with, and tease guy friends without even thinking about it. My marriage is great, my wedding rings are sparkly and beautiful, and for the first time in my life, I don’t stutter and blush when talking to available males! I forget that guys who don’t know my husband might see my friendliness as flirtatious, so I have to name drop “my husband” or flash my diamond a few times. The freedom is wonderful, and probably my confidence and friendliness make me much more attractive than the stumbling, sweating wreck I was before. I wonder if this works for guys as well?
posted by Andrea on 11-6-2007 at 3:11 pm
I think it’s true. I feel as though I get more “looks” from women when I’m with someone – but that could just be my perception. I also find it easier to talk to women when I’m in a relationship – there’s a lot less pressure.
posted by Doug on 11-6-2007 at 4:54 pm
I have experienced the “wedding ring effect”. One glance at my husband’s wedding band around his ring finger makes me melt. He is very desirable to me!
posted by Michelle on 11-7-2007 at 11:53 am
as a horribly shy single guy, i find it easier to talk to married women. there’s no pressure to please them or attract them. i can be myself and relax. i almost got into trouble a few years ago this way, however. we found ourselves attracted to each other and called/cooled things off before anything happened.
posted by josh on 11-7-2007 at 2:08 pm
I have been married for nearly 4 years and only started wearing my ring regularly. When some girl friends of a friend found out I was married, they all of the sudden talk to me now like we are long lost buddies. What used to be a hey, how are you are now full blown conversations. I think it’s hilarious. It’s fun too because we can hang and have a good time and there are no expectations.
posted by jeff on 11-7-2007 at 10:16 pm
One thing that would not likely be a factor for guppies but likely plays a role for some men – my husband included – is that the married ones tend to be a little more, shall we say “put together.” Before I was an organizing force in my husband’s life he often left the house with stubble, stains on his shirt, mismatched socks, and unmatching shoes, etc. Now that I’m around, his life is a little more efficient and to an outsider, he looks quite a bit better (even his mother says he has never looked better).
posted by mia on 11-16-2007 at 4:28 pm
Being a scientist I have done the experiment and stuck my hand into the aquarium both with and without a ring on it. It didn’t change the reaction of the female guppies at all. Similarly, when I took a male guppy who had mated before to a bar no more women were interested in him that in a virgin male guppy. So I conclude that there is no empirical evidence to support the theory.
posted by Dr KnumbKnuts on 11-16-2007 at 9:37 pm
yeah, it’s real. so real that i named my band after this “effect.”
in short, we invite all the women we know to our shows. this seems to attract even more women who want to know what all the fuss is about. and this attracts more men.
its a great buisness model.
http://www.guppyeffect.info
joe
posted by Joe on 12-4-2007 at 2:22 pm
I’ve experienced this first hand – which is one of the reasons why many would rather be with a taken person aside from the fact that it rids them of having to commit IMO.
posted by Eiffela on 6-15-2009 at 11:45 am