Van Halen is back! Featuring David Lee Roth and three Van Halens, the band has reunited for a North American tour, and their new record was released just three days ago. So I thought I’d take a look back at the band’s infamous early-1980s tour rider*, the document that specified no brown M&Ms, among many other things.

First a historical note: the “no brown M&Ms” thing was actually a business strategy (this has been discussed on This American Life and confirmed by David Lee Roth). The complexity of the show — with its massive lights, sound system, rigging, and dozens of crew members — required attention to detail, or the show would be in jeopardy…and so might people’s lives: the gear was sufficiently heavy that it could destroy floors that weren’t strong enough, and we’re talking about serious electrical requirements too. By embedding hyper-specific details in their contract, Van Halen and its tour managers created a way to spot-check the attentiveness of the venue. As someone who has worked as a front of house engineer, I can attest that many bands have riders containing specific clauses like this, and they are there for a reason: because the venue signs a contract agreeing to provide x, y, and z services. If “z” is “no brown M&Ms” but “y” is “sufficient electricity to power our lighting system,” it’s crucial that every spot be thoroughly examined. So, with that out of the way, let’s have some fun.

1. Salt & Pepper, on Penalty of $100 Fine

Part of the “Misc.” clause of the “Dinner” section reads: “Salt & Pepper (any caterer not providing adequate condiments, utensils, or ice will be subject to a $100.00 fine.)” Oddly, the rest of the dinner menu doesn’t mention any condiments aside from salt and pepper, so we must assume the boys really liked to shake it up. (Later, under “Supplies,” it is specified that salt and pepper must be provided “in shakers.”)

2. Six (6) Gallons Chocolate Milk

Throughout the contract, meals are specified in great detail. In total, I found six gallons of chocolate milk (not including the many gallons of regular and whole milk necessary for the crew). The contract also requests fruit [sic] loops.

3. Three (3) fifths Jack Daniels Black Label bourbon, Two (2) fifths Stolichnaya vodka, One (1) pint Southern Comfort, Two (2) bottles Blue Nun white wine

“NOTE: These drinks to be served at room temperature.”

4. Two (2) gallons non-carbonated, bottled spring water, One (1) bottle Rose’s Lime Juice, grapefruit juice, apple juice, grape juice, Twelve (12) bottles Perrier, Eight (8) quarts Gatorade (non-carbonated, lime flavor), various soda pop

Presumably to be served as mixers. A note on the “Food Requirements (Band)” section, which mentions all of the above booze and mixers, also says: “When not specified, quantities should be sufficient for four (4) people.” I refer to the previous list including five fifths of vodka and bourbon, a pint of whiskey, and two bottles of wine…sufficient for four (4) people, of course.

5. M&Ms (WARNING: ABSOLUTELY NO BROWN ONES)

The idea here was to get some poor caterer to pick through the M&Ms and remove the brown ones, so the band or producer could glance at the bowl, verify no brown, and feel good — if brown candies were present, all hell would (and did) break loose (read the Snopes article for one first-hand account of what David Lee Roth did when he spotted this problem, among others, at one venue). Note that directly beneath this requirement, in the section labeled “Munchies,” are requirements for Twelve (12) Reese’s peanut butter cups, and Twelve (12) assorted Dannon yogurt (on ice).

6. Ten (10) dozen doughnuts

For breakfast and lunch, the crew required a large quantity of doughnuts. I recall working a gig where doughnuts were referred to as FTUs, or Fat Transfer Units.

7. One (1) large tube KY Jelly

I can really only speculate what this was for. It certainly couldn’t have been related to the requirement for “one (1) day bed” to be provided in the “Band Room.” Nope, it was probably for surgical use, as Wikipedia suggests. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

8. A pleasant temperature

The rider repeatedly discusses temperature, insisting that various rooms and spaces be heated or air-conditioned to “maintain a pleasant temperature.” While this demand isn’t outlandish at all, it’s interesting that it had to be specified three times in order to stick — I’m guessing the band encountered some venues that were of an unpleasant temperature! Oddly, the “Crew Room” was specified to be at only a “comfortable temperature.”

There is also mention of a “Tuning Room” which is used to tune stringed instruments. It has a specific requirement that the room be kept at a temperature identical to that of the stage, plus or minus 5 degrees F. While this may seem persnickety to non-musicians, it’s crucial to proper tuning of instruments — a significant temperature change can cause a guitar or bass to expand or contract, going out of tune in the process.

9. Herring in sour cream

Under the otherwise unremarkable “Deli Tray” section, the band specifies this rather particular item. Herring and rock ‘n roll clearly taste great together. Oh yeah, and it should be provided in quantities sufficient for four (4) people.

10. Five and one half (5 1/2) cases of Coke

The soft drinks specified in the rider are remarkable. Over the course of the day, at least 5.5 cases of Coke are required, but there are also calls for 6.5 cases of 7-Up, 1/2 case Tab diet soda, 1 case Pepsi (heresy!), 1 case Country Time lemonade, “assorted other soft drinks,” and endless requirements for many gallons of orange juice. The crew dinner alone calls for 6 gallons of “various juices, including orange juice.”

11. Beer!!!

The section marked “Food Requirements (Crew)” says “NOTE: No beer to be provided until dinner at 6:00 p.m.” Clearly, someone had learned a lesson. In all, the rider calls for five (5) cases of beer prior to the show, three of those Budweiser and two Heineken. Additionally, the band required four (4) cases Schlitz Malt Liquor (16 ounce cans) just for themselves. (Note that the five cases of beer appear to be mostly for the massive crew; the Schlitz and booze are another matter.)

* = What’s a Rider?

A rider is a portion of a contract in which the performer lays out a series of requirements (like food, stage space, electricity, etc.) necessary in order to perform. Riders are part of the contract the venue signs with the performer, and thus have some legal weight. In practice, many venues (at least the ones where I worked in the ’90s) are somewhat lax on the specifics of most riders, though we did tend to read them and make an effort — if the thing said “deli tray” we’d go buy a deli tray. You can read a bunch of riders from The Smoking Gun to get an idea of what these documents are like.

Further Reading

You can read the good parts of the rider, along with some analysis, at The Smoking Gun. It’s well worth a read, as there are lots of items I left out of this list (Tupelo honey, anyone?). See also the This American Life discussion of the rider and the Snopes page about it.

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The Agricultural Revolution

“Together we will learn how, in a mere fifteen thousand years, humans went from hunting and gathering–[interrupted by younger self offscreen]“

Indus Valley Civilization

“Why am I alive? Also, why don’t I have any eyes?”

Mesopotamia

“You know, you can tell the quality of a historian by the number of his or her globes.” So right. So terribly, terribly right.

More

You can find more, including Hank’s Biology courses, at the Crash Course channel.

Jonathan Coulton is an internet treasure: he makes heartfelt, fun, and often funny music — most of which is available in some legitimately free form online. And he’s a geek like us (he worked in technology for years before quitting to pursue his Modest Rockstar dreams). His latest is Artificial Heart (also available direct from Joco in MP3 format), an album produced by John Flansburgh of They Might Be Giants. He released official videos for many of the songs on the record; I present them in order of awesomeness below.

Still Alive

With Sara Quin (lead vocals) and Dorit Chrysler (theremin). If you’ve played Portal, you might recognize this one.

Today with Your Wife (live)

With harpist Park Stickney, live in studio. Beautifully ambiguous.

Nemeses

With John Roderick (of The Long Winters) performing via iPhone. Dueling beards, y’all.

Sticking it To Myself

With Phil Hernandez, rocking out.

Je Suis Rick Springfield

Superstar.

Good Morning Tucson

Coulton’s home video footage (not shot in Tucson).

Down Today

A master of the uke leans against a sunny wall.

Nobody Loves You Like Me

“I’m all alone, but I’m drinking for two.”

The footage is strangely beautiful, though it takes about two minutes to get really interesting (the whole thing is only five minutes long). We start with cars, and note how robots detect cars and draw boxes around them. Then we start tracking people. Subsequent footage includes the flow of cars (identifying cars versus trucks, finding the direction of traffic), picking out individual humans from crowds, finding facial features, and of course, terminating John Connor helping.

One note on terminology: the term “robot” here isn’t 100% accurate, as not all of this footage was actually seen by robots. But at least it was all viewed by computers of some sort — and I, for one, welcome our new computer-vision overlords.

For more information, consult Pierce’s commentary, which includes the note:

This film was shot the month Monsanto opened the House of the Future. Look, there’s no line for the House, with only a few people wandering out its exit.

Having never been to Disneyland in the 1950s or 1960s, I’m not personally familiar with Monsanto’s House of the Future. But it sounds kind of intense and was apparently built out of…wait for it…polyester.

(Via Waxy.)

You can also download the film from Archive.org, which includes the catalogue note:

Ever wonder how Matt Groening of ‘The Simpsons’ got his quirky sense of humor? Probably from his filmmaker dad, Homer Groening, who passed away in 1996. Although known for his documentaries, Homer Groening directed and narrated this film, ostensibly about color, but filled with an ongoing series of bikini-clad bathing beauties. The film is perhaps best viewed as a graphic artifact that will interest media historians seeking additional insight into the elements that influenced the cartoonist.

There’s also an incomplete list of other films by Homer, including the swimsuit-themed “Tag” from 1966, described: “A training film for salesgirls in swimwear departments. Uses underwater swimming scenes to explain that information about swimsuits is given on the tags.” Ahem.

You can read a bit more about the Groening family,

Trivia note: Matt Groening also has a son named Homer, but he apparently goes by “Will.” Also, Matt’s mother is named Margaret and his sisters are Lisa, Maggie, and Patty. I have found no record of a “Bart” in Matt’s immediate family, so we’ll have to assume that Matt is Bart.

Setting the Record Straight

Last Monday I ran a story on how Apple’s “1984″ Super Bowl ad was almost canceled. If you haven’t read the article, take a look; it concerns one of the most famous Super Bowl commercials of all time.

Among other things, I mentioned that Apple’s “1984″ ad actually ran once before it “premiered” on 1984′s Super Bowl — it ran late at night in December 1983. But I got my facts wrong on the specific date and time of that first airing: I was two weeks off. I was working from two published sources which both had the date wrong. Amazingly, Tom Frank, the man who ran the ad in December 1983, wrote in to set the record straight. He commented:

I was the operator who aired it, and it was the last possible break before midnight on Saturday Dec. 31st 1983. I was under explicit orders to make sure it aired and aired correctly. It was the 60 sec version. After airing, the 2″ videotape was expressed back to the agency.

I emailed Frank to request an interview, and here you have it: the never-before-published story of the first time Apple’s “1984″ Super Bowl ad aired…weeks before the Super Bowl. Frank also aired Apple’s (very poorly received) “Lemmings” ad the year after, on a similar schedule to qualify for advertising awards.

Discussed: what TV work was like in the 1970s and 1980s; why and how the ads made their way to Frank’s Idaho TV station (KMVT); and how the internet is a great place to propagate incorrect information.

About the Station

Chris Higgins: Tell me about the station, and what your job was around 1983-1985. … And how that job has changed over the years.

Tom Frank: I was hired as a “director-operator” out of college. In those days, you pulled a board shift AND directed AND produced spots. It was run more like a radio station but it was my break into the business.

In the late 70′s, I was transitioning out of directing and into full time commercial production but still pulled some sign-off shifts after I directed our late news at 10pm. During this time period. I was single and volunteered for the holiday shifts to give the married people time with their families. That is why I was working that “fateful” night.

Now everyone specializes. We run four stations out of here instead of one. Instead of running our programming delayed on film, 2″ tape, (both delivered via Greyhound Bus–no UPS or FedEx in those days) or using an off-air signal microwaved in from a Utah TV station (longest microwave link in the U.S. at one time), everything is delivered via satellite (I can see 12 dishes outside of my window). Master control is basically automated. In the old days, everything was triggered and run by hand. Film, tape, slide chains. We took pride in running and switching tight breaks with little or no black between commercial elements. Now everyone specializes in one function or another. We did it all. Wrote copy, voiced, produced, directed, ran camera, ran audio, a little engineering, everything.

Higgins: Why did they pick your station to air these commercials?

Frank: Probably because of our remote location and small nighttime audience. Remember, they were trying to qualify for the next awards season. They really didn’t want anyone to see it and comment on it. The Super Bowl was to be the official “premiere.” We are also 70 miles south of the ski resort at Sun Valley Idaho. We covered that area via two translators [TV rebroadcast stations -CH] and cable. It is the part time home of many in the entertainment and advertising business. I’ve always wondered if someone was checking that night to make sure that the spot ran.

About the Ads

Higgins: Do you remember having any reaction to the commercials (“1984″ and “Lemmings”) at the time? Did you think they were a big deal?

Frank: The “1984″ commercial was the better spot in my opinion. Yes, I knew it was something special. Special because of the production values (I have a B.S. in Film and Television), and special because of the instructions I had received about making sure the spot aired correctly and before midnight.

Danger in Master Control

Higgins: What was it like getting these and running them — you mentioned 2″ tapes; what kind of VTR/broadcast gear were you running at the time? (Part of my question here is pure nerd interest….)

Frank: There were three ways to air a spot. On 2″ videotape that was sometimes referred to as “quad” because of the four recording heads that scanned the tape, 16mm film, or a slide/cart spot. In a slide/cart spot, you loaded the required 35mm slides in an RCA slide chain (hopefully right side up), then rolled an audio cart with the spot’s audio. You then “pulsed” through or changed the slides at spots noted on the written copy that you were reading as the cart rolled.

Equipment wise, we had two RCA-TR61 Quads, an RCA-3 Quad low band deck, three 35mm carousels, two RCA-TP66 film projectors with optical and mag stripe audio and TK-27 cameras, an RCA-TK-610 camera on a film chain with a Bell & Howell 16mm projector. In the studio, we had two Ampex BCP-230 color camera and a B&W Visual Zoom for art cards. Note, NO Character Generator. “Graphics” were plastic letters and a black surface. In the late 70′s we bought a simple CG and SONY came out with 3/4″. Our world changed overnight!

The stories are numerous. Master control could be a dangerous place. I came on duty one Sunday afternoon and we were airing a one hour reel of Lawrence Welk on a 2″ deck that was loaded and started by a previous operator. After the show’s airing, I hit the rewind button. Now when those quads went into rewind, the speed up to several hundred revolutions. The aluminum reels were up to a foot and a half or larger in diameter and when fully loaded with tape, they weighed A LOT! The locks that held the tape on the drive motor had not been engaged. At some point after maximum velocity had been reached, the reel of tape came flying off at a high rate of speed, hit the floor, and headed towards me sitting at the master control position at a mach like speed. If it had hit me I would have been in a world of hurt. I jumped up on my chair to avoid the impending videotape reel of doom.

On Setting the Record Straight

Higgins: Has anyone ever asked you about this topic before?

Frank: No one has contacted the station before that I am aware of. Few here know the story, other than folks in my immediate circle. Some ex-employees that were here at the time comment on it from time to time when they see the wrong info online and email me. It’s unusual in this business anymore, for anyone to stay at a TV station for as long as me. I am into my 35th year. I am an anomaly.

Higgins: Do you have any idea why people cite the incorrect December 15th/1am date and time?

Frank: I heard just recently that it may have started from a media buyer. That’s the funny thing about the internet, things get repeated over and over very quickly without regard to the quality of info. We are overwhelmed with information, so no one really checks anymore. They “trust” what they read as the truth. If those “truths” are not challenged from time to time by people who know otherwise, then they become fact. I wonder how many things that people assume as the truth, are in reality false.

Higgins: Did you air other material like this?

Frank: Other than the “Lemmings” spot, nothing stands out. Idaho is a test market for many grocery products, so we would get a few spots that no one else got.

Higgins: How’d you seeing our story — do you read Mental Floss?

Frank: There was another story online quoting a book about Apple that mentioned the wrong info. So I just typed in the wrong info and your site came up along with many others. So no, I am not a regular reader.

Higgins: Did you ever end up using a Mac?

Frank: Nope. Always a PC user, and now Android. Part of this issue is that everything built by man breaks. At one time, the closest place to have Mac stuff worked on was in Boise which is 110 miles away. The price point was an issue too. There is still no local place to take a Mac to that I am aware of. Our editing is all done on PCs with NewTek SpeedEdit software. All desktops are PC. We do have one company iPad that we are playing with and several employees have Macs and iPads.

Author’s Note on the Internet and Facts

I really appreciate Frank writing in to set the record straight. While I do source (typically double-source) the material I write, it’s very easy for an incorrect fact to appear in lots of places and suddenly seem like the truth. I’ll be very glad if this article appears as a citation for future references of when the ad first ran. Here you go, future writers: Apple’s “1984″ ad was first broadcast by Tom Frank on KMVT in Twin Falls, Idaho, on December 31, 1983, during the last commercial break before midnight. Apple’s “Lemmings” ad was broadcast on the same schedule the following year.

About Tom Frank

Tom Frank is a 35 year veteran of small market broadcasting and of all of the diversity, challenges, and rewards that can be found there. At an early moment in his career, he deciding that chasing the dollar was far less important than the quality of life in a small market and in a small town. Tom is married to Sherry, a CPA whom he fittingly met on a commercial shoot. They have one son who just returned from his 4th tour of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan as a member of the U.S. Army.

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If you’re in New York, you can experience the Lumarca for yourself at Eyebeam — for two more days, anyway! You can also learn more and even build your own. Pro tip: try fullscreen mode, and watch this in HD.

I came across a band (well, two guys) and I think you should listen to them; they’re sort of a mixture of Simon & Garfunkel, the Jayhawks, and Gillian Welch — in other words, somewhere in the modern folk/Americana genre, or “two dudes and two acoustic guitars.” I saw them open for Over the Rhine in November (where, to be frank, they outshone the headliner), then again on their own tour a few weeks back; these boys are on a seemingly endless tour (they’re averaging something like a show every 2-3 days for the last year), and they also give away all their music for free online (I recommend “Prologue” to start). If you like acoustic guitars, harmonies, and snappy outfits, you’ll love The Milk Carton Kids.

“Michigan”

Live at WAMU. Give it ninety seconds and you’ll know whether this is your thing. Note that this is one of their rare performances while not wearing full suits; I guess radio is like that. You might also be interested in this interpretive dance class performing to the song.

Complete Show – Grand Rapids

From December 9, 2011, here’s a short set — from about two weeks after I first saw them. Features some typical understated jokes.

“I Still Want a Little More”

From the “Prologue” recording sessions. Bonus points if you get the reference on Kenneth’s shirt.

“Permanent”

From soundcheck at Zoey’s in Ventura.

“Ghost Town” (Cover, Cary Brothers)

Inclues a bit of introductory material about the virtues of crashing in a New York apartment. Song begins around 2:50.

More

Check out their Tumblr (mostly tour photos) and their website, where you can, no joke, download all their music for free (or you can buy it if you really want). The guys are Kenneth Pattengale and Joey Ryan. Check ‘em out if (um, when) they come to your town — come for the songs, stay for the jokes.

Today is Philip Glass’s 75th birthday, so I thought I’d close out January’s lecture series by sharing a brief (three-minute) selection from “Mad Rush,” as performed by Glass in Two Moon July. In the end, perhaps the most moving lecture is one without words.

Topics: social change through nonviolence; repetition.

For: everyone.

Further Listening

Check out Solo Piano for a much longer version of the piece. You may also enjoy this performance from 2008 in which Glass introduces and explains the piece, then plays a medium-length version. The audio isn’t perfect, but you get the idea. If that’s not enough Glass for you, try the Koyaanisqatsi soundtrack, or check out Philip Glass’s Music on Sesame Street.

Transcript

Sheet music is available.

Closing Remarks & Suggest a Lecture

Although this is the end of my first January lecture run, I’ve got more in the works — in a few weeks we’ll see what Lectures for a New Year turns into. If you missed a lecture in this first series, check out the roundups of week 1, week 2, week 3, and week 4. If you’ve got a favorite lecture, share it in the comments and I’ll have a look. Thank you for watching this month, and stay tuned!