Sometimes false advertising is easy to spot. Statements like “Lose 20 pounds in 5 days” or “Make $1 million a month while sitting at home” seem to choke on their own incredulity, but sometimes marketers employ a little more finesse to bamboozle you. Here are six examples of shamelessly false advertising campaigns that weren’t just implicitly misleading—they were blatant lies.

1. Listerine as a Cure-All

Listerine was the first over-the-counter mouthwash sold in the United States in 1914 and by 1921 it was already falsely marketing its product. Declaring itself a cure-all for common cold ailments like sore throats and coughs, a dandruff preventative, an anti-shave tonic, and a safe way to protect yourself from cuts, bruises, wounds, and stings, Listerine was slapped with numerous false advertisement lawsuits. In 1975, the Federal Trade Commission ordered the company to spend $10 million in corrective advertising, seeing as their product was no more effective in treating colds than gargling warm water. Even then, the mouthwash giant didn’t really learn their lesson. In 2005, the company was slapped with another lawsuit. This time because Listerine claimed it was as “effective as floss” after rigging clinical trials.

2. Lydia Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound (Great for boozy housewives!)

Touted as one of the world’s first successful businesswomen, Lydia Pinkham exploited her reputation as a local medicine woman to propel her herbal remedy into a commercial success, eventually grossing almost $400,000 yearly. The remedy claimed to cure all womanly ailments and weaknesses and sold for $1 a bottle. What was in the herbal remedy? Turns out, it contained less than 1% solid substance from vegetable extracts and almost 20% alcohol. If a woman took the suggested 1 tablespoon every 2-4 hours, she will have consumed 5 ounces of 13.5% or higher alcohol by the end of the day – more than enough for a healthy buzz that made life seem a bit more cheery to boozy housewives. When the Federal Trade Commission tightened its laws on claims made by medicines, Lydia Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound had to swallow the restrictions with a spoonful of sugar.

3. Crystal Clear Amoco Gasoline: Good, Clean Fun

In 1996, the Amoco Oil Company agreed to settle a Federal Trade Commission charge that its “Crystal Clear Amoco Ultimate” advertised unsubstantiated claims. The premium gasoline, because of its clear color, boasted superior engine performance and environmental benefits. The fact is, at the time the country was going through a clear revolution. Pepsi had gone clear (Crystal clear, in fact!). Clearly Canadian was dominating shelves. And Amoco, which had for years made a clear colored fuel, decided to capitalize on the trend. Unfortunately, they had no factual evidence to substantiate their “better for the environment and your engine” claims, and the company was forced to curb their campaign.

4. Dr. Koch’s Cure All

Starting in 1919, Dr. William Frederick Koch bottled and marketed a cancer, infection, and allergy cure-all with the help of his brother Louis. His drug glyoxylide, which he claimed cured “practically all human ills, including . . . tuberculosis” sold for $25 (1948 price) in local drug stores. The FDA had always been suspicious of the doctor, but not until they tested the drug in 1948 and found it contained nothing more than distilled water were their suspicions confirmed. And what proved to be more appalling, they discovered that Dr. Koch had been treating cancer patients by telling them to detox with the aid of enemas and fresh fruit and vegetable juices, taking only the smallest doses of painkillers. Unfortunately, despite all of his patients dying enough evidence was never found to present a viable case against him, and Dr. Koch moved to Rio de Janeiro in the late 1940s.

5. Airborne Gets a Flunking Grade

“It’s the one designed by the school teacher!” Airborne, which entered the market 10 years ago first claimed to prevent colds, then claimed to boost your immune system, and is now claiming a federal lawsuit. In March of this year, Airborne settled a lawsuit in which it agreed to pay over $23 million in fines for false advertising. David Schardt, who spearheaded the lawsuit against Airborne says there is no factual evidence to back the companies claims, likening Airborne to a placebo and advising people fighting colds to simply take a Vitamin C pill.

6. The Trick Wedding straight from Mickey Blue Eyes

We know this one isn’t a product, but the story was so good we had to include it. In September 1990, a group of drug crime suspects in Corunna, Michigan, received an invitation to a wedding from a well–known drug dealer in the area. Attendees were asked to check their guns at the entrance, apparently a common occurrence at these events. As part of a five-month undercover investigation, the police staged and advertised a wedding on a Friday night, figuring it was easier to make drug suspects come to them than to round them up. The groom was an undercover investigator, the bride a Flint police officer, and the bride’s father (and reputed crime boss) was the police chief. That evening, after the vows, the toasts, and the dancing, the band, called SPOC, or COPS spelled backward, played “Fought the Law,” setting off the cue for the evening’s real agenda. All the police officers were then asked to stand, and those who remained seated were arrested. A dozen suspects were booked and, by Saturday afternoon, 16 were in custody.

Portions of this story were excerpted from Forbidden Knowledge, which is available from our store.

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How well do you know your laws, both national and international? Can you differentiate between what is real and what is simply a product of my imagination?

Take the Quiz: Real Law or Product of My Imagination?

Kristen Steagall is a former mental_floss intern. She currently attends the University of Michigan.

Today marks the 20th anniversary of the Burma’s uprising on August 8th, 1988. Over 3,000 Burmese citizens were killed while peacefully protesting the socialist regime. Yet, not many news organizations seem to be giving it much coverage. Here’s a rundown of the uprising and repercussions that are still being felt there today.

When: August 8th- September 18th 1988

Where it happened: Burma aka Myanmar. At the time of the uprising, Burma was a socialist state.

The Story:

University students in Yangon (formerly Rangoon), the former capital of Burma, staged a peaceful protest in response to the death of Phone Maw who was a student at the Rangoon Technical University. He was shot by a soldier in front of the main building on campus during a demonstration.
At the time of the uprising, Ne Win was General and Head of State of Burma, and the Chairman of the Burma Socialist Programme Party. His policy of rapid nationalization of industries caused Burma to sink even deeper into poverty, a state it maintains today. Just how bad was it? In 1987, Ne Win declared that 80 percent of the money in circulation had no value. In essence, it instantly rendered the savings of thousands of Burmese worthless.

The shooting ignited an already agitated public, and hundreds of thousands of Burmese monks, schoolteachers, hospital staff, and customs officers eventually took to the streets in peaceful protests. The revolutionary spirit proved infectious and soon spread to neighboring cities in the following weeks. According to Win Min, a Burmese exile, “the whole country was marching in the streets.”  That is, until the marches were brutally quelled by the military.
During the August 8th uprising Ne Win told his soldiers “Guns were not to shoot upwards,” meaning he was giving them permission to kill protestors. Monopolizing on the unrest, General Saw Muang staged a coup d’etat, declared martial law, and formed the State Law and Order Restoration Council.

The Death Toll:

During the mass uprising on August 8th a reported 1,000 protesters were shot. Until the military assumed power on September 18th, another 3,000 were estimated to have been shot and another 10,000 fled to the mountains or across the border to China or India. One exile, Ngun Cung Lian, participated in the protests, and even led one in his hometown. To escape persecution he walked for seven days in the jungles of India. Today, he resides in America.
Present Day Situation:

Not much has changed in Burma. There is a new leader but it is still a military junta and they still fail to recognize fair elections. The junta continuously violates human rights. Many exiles and democratic leaders in Burma have hope for the future, however. They say the time is right for the democratization of Burma. First, the poor handling of Cyclone Nargis last May has reignited the Burmese will to fight for democracy. Second, China wants stability in the country, which is quickly becoming more chaotic by the day. And finally, the internet is allowing exiles to communicate with people in Burma in ways never thought possible, helping to facilitate a transition to democracy. The next elections in Burma will be held in 2010, but seeing as the last elections were held in 1990 and not recognized by the military junta, the Burmese still have an uphill battle to fight.

Quick Facts:
• The World Bank discontinued all lending to the country in 1987 and has no plans to reinstate lending policies to the country.
• Many people debate the use of Burma vs. Myanmar. By not recognizing the name given by a military junta, people claim it delegitimizes their claim to political power. Others view the problem as a Catch-22: Great Britain gave Burma its name when it colonized the region.
• Burma is slightly smaller than Texas.
• Nine months after the August 8th uprising, the famous Tiananmen Square Protests took place in Burma’s neighboring country, China.
• The uprising went unknown for many years as the new Junta quickly cut off all means off communication with the outside world and the global eye quickly shifted to the incident in Tiananmen Square.

1. Lightning

Lightning commonly strikes the tallest object, so when a human is standing in an open, flat area holding a metal golf club, he is transformed into a lightning rod. Hence why my golfing in a thunderstorm is particularly dangerous: every year around 90 people are killed by lightning strikes.

2. Carpal Tunnel

Yup, carpal tunnel. No longer just a common cubicle ailment, carpal tunnel can affect golfers who spend a considerable amount of their time playing golf. Starting with a feeling of numbness and a weakening of the hands, carpal tunnel can be deterred by a loosening of one’s grip and regular replacement of grips.

3. Wild Animals

Many times a golf course provides the perfect arena for an impromptu battle of man versus wild. For example, Jim Stewart was attacked by a 10-foot cobra while golfing in Singapore. He killed the cobra with his golf club only to see another snake emerge from its mouth. Other reported incidents have included a one-eyed, 11-foot alligator; crocodiles; hungry bears; a monkey who likes to strangle people; and, of course, dancing gophers.

4. Trains

At Ludkin Links in Fife, Scotland, the 5th green is bordered by a set of train tracks. This situation proved disastrous for Harold Wallace, who was struck by a train while crossing the tracks.

5. Mortar Shells

The greens keeper at Elephant Hills Country Club in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe, has his hands full. Pristine holes can often be riddled with craters caused by mortars shot over the Zambezi River.

6. Dead Bodies

Pelham Bay and Split Rock Golf Course was never featured in The Sopranos, but it should have been. Rumor has it that the course, located in the Bronx, is a popular site for dumping dead bodies. Between 1986 and 1992, police found 40 dead bodies in Pelham Bay Park, where the course is located.

7. Flawed Design

In January of this year, a woman sued the Owl’s Creek Golf Course in Virginia Beach for $1 million after she was hit in the head by an errant ball, resulting in a brief hospitalization. She claims that the layout of the 16th and 17th holes put herself and other golfers at danger due to their close proximity.

8. Surfacing Ball Retrievers

Golf ball diving is quite a lucrative business ($1.50 – $4.00 per ball), causing many to don scuba gear and plunge into golf course lagoons. These divers can be quite startling to golfers, though, when they emerge from dives. Michael Fleming, a golf ball diver in Georgia, once startled a lady who was looking for her ball in a lagoon, causing her to tumble into the water.

9. Modern Warfare

The green zone in Baghdad is now home to a golf course. The Crossed Swords Golf Course is surrounded by 15-foot walls while guns blast and Black Hawk helicopters whirl in the distance. Each golfer is allowed three clubs and must carry around a patch of grass from which to drive his ball into the holes, which are comprised of baked bean cans. Taking cover when mortar shells penetrate the blast wall is highly recommended.

10. Aroused Libidos

Pennsylvania police were recently called in to investigate a private outing at the Cherry Valley Golf Course one afternoon. What they found were lap dance stations between holes and naked women roaming the course. Despite several verbal threats by one of the golf course’s employees, the ribald festivities were shut down.

11. Emergency Landings

Golf courses make for effective landing strips. Just ask Robert Kadera of Lake Villa, Illinois, who recently landed his 1949 Piper Clipper on the Marriott Resort Crane’s Landing Golf Course. Kadera did not radio in a mayday and crash land his Piper Clipper, but rather made use of the golf course because his son was late for his tennis lesson across the street.

12. Belligerent Ex-Policemen

Recently in Orange County, ex-policeman Raymond K. Yi flashed his badge, cocked his gun, and shouted, “Get the [expletive] out of my way, old man. I could kill you,” to Gustavo Resendiz, a fellow golfer at the course. The violent episode occurred after Yi repeatedly broke golf etiquette. Resendiz threw Yi’s ball into a nearby creek in retaliation, and Resendiz pulled his gun.

10 Famous Vegetarians

1. Leo Tolstoy: The famous Russian writer wrote several essays on the benefits of vegetarianism. You can read one here.
2. Voltaire
3. Adolf Hitler: Hitler practiced a vegetarianism created by Richard Wagner, which equated the future of Germany’s success with abstaining from meat.
4. Albert Einstein
5. Clint Eastwood: As a long-time animal rights activist, Eastwood has also been very outspoken against hunting and killing animals for sport.
6. Leonardo Da Vinci: Da Vinci used to buy caged birds from vendors at the market in order to set them free.
7. The Beatles
8. Dr. Dre
9. Buddha
10. Pythagoras: As well as giving us the Pythagorean theorem, Pythagoras gave us the Pythagoras diet, which laid the foundation for modern vegetarianism.

In the 1930s, the United States faced one of its greatest natural disasters. The farmers in the High Plains had turned over too much soil too fast, leaving over 100 million acres stripped of its native Buffalo Grass and barren of crop. Combine this with one of the driest summers on record and you have what came to be known as the Dirty Thirties.

1. “Alfalfa Bill” Murray, a governor from Oklahoma (one of the hardest hit states), ran for President in 1932 under the platform “Bread, Butter, Bacon, Beans.” During a time when most people were eating various forms of wheat three times a day, bacon and beans were powerful words. Not powerful enough, however to beat FDR for the Democratic nomination.

2. During a particularly bad storm on May 9, 1934, over three tons of dust for every American alive traveled across the country covering Chicago, New York and Atlanta. The storm spanned 1,800 miles and weighed 350 million tons.

3. At one point, 4,000 out of 5,500 families in six counties of the Oklahoma Panhandle were receiving government aid. When FDR came into office he also implemented a program in which the government bought these farmers’ starving livestock in order to butcher those still edible to feed the homeless in the Hoovervilles. The $12 earned for every cattle sold was soon the only source of income for many.

4. Russian thistle, or tumbleweed, grew rampantly during this period—one of the few plants that could survive the harsh conditions. People became so desperate that they started to brine the tumbleweed, rendering it edible. Supposedly high in Chlorophyll and iron, a county in Oklahoma declared a “Russian Thistle Week” where people were encouraged to harvest the weeds.

5. When a storm blew in, people were never safe. Dust particles snuck through cracks in their walls and windows, clogging their ears, noses, and mouths. The buildup of this dust in the lungs caused dust pneumonia, which is a lot like the Silicosis. Silicosis, the oldest occupational respiratory disease, was now affecting every person, young or old, in the High Plains.

6. This was the era of Bonnie and Clyde’s famous bank robberies, and many farmers admired the duo for their sense of justice. Many people figured that the banks that had robbed them of their savings during the bank crisis deserved to get a taste of their own medicine.

7. The 1930s were the first decade where the birth rate fell below twenty children for every 1,000 women. Never before had there been so few children living in the United States.

8. The worst storm of the Dust Bowl occurred on April 14, 1935—Black Sunday. Carrying dust up to 200 miles off the Atlantic coast, the storm blackened cities and traveled at over 100 miles per hour. Animals and insects fled south and a woman believing the storm marked the beginning of Armageddon, killed her child to spare her the horror. And while Hugh Hammond Bennett was delivering a speech to Congress about soil preservation, dust rained down on Washington D.C. and blackened out the sun. Congress passed his legislation.

9. A single storm generated enough static electricity to short radios and cars and caused blue flames to erupt from barbed wire fences. It was so strong it even knocked full grown men off their feet if they accidentally touched or shook hands. People would drag chains in order to offset the static electricity. On Black Tuesday, enough static electricity was produced to power New York City.

10. Woody Guthrie (the singer of “This Land”) even wrote a song about the Dust bowl. Surrounded by people claiming Black Sunday to be the end of world, Guthrie penned his famous song “So Long, It’s Been Good to Know Ya.” You can listen to it here.

11. While two-thirds of farmers of the Dust Bowl stayed, those that did leave had minimal prospects of finding jobs. Many had no money, no gas for their ragged Ford Model T and no place to go. Arizona didn’t want them and California placed signs at their borders that read “Okies Not Welcome.”

12. The Plow that Broke the Plain is an excellent documentary by Pare Lorentz. Filmed during the Dirty Thirties, it illustrated the causes and effects of the agricultural policies (or lack thereof) that led to the Dust Bowl. It is also the only film in American history to be commercially produced by the government during a peacetime period. In 1999, the Library of Congress preserved the film because of its cultural, historical, and aesthetic importance.

Note: I recently read an excellent book on the period called The Worst Hard Time by Timothy Egan. If you are interested in the Dust Bowl I highly recommend it. And for all you young adult Flossers, Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse gives an excellent depiction of this period.
* * * * *

I bring this up because I found my neighbor passed out in my front yard this morning. After giving him some water and sending him home, I could only imagine the hangover that would follow. Obviously, the best way to cure that is to avoid excess consumption of alcohol, but as Oscar Wilde once put it, “I can resist everything except temptation.” So, I have compiled a list of some of the best remedies for a hangover. Some are international, others you can find online, and some are just plain disgusting. Drink up, my friends!

10 Hangover Cures

1. Menudo: A spicy Mexican soup often times made from tripe (cow stomach), Menudo (not to be confused with Menudo, which may make your hangover worse) is supposed to cure even your deadliest hangovers. It is said to stimulate the senses, rejuvenate the insides, and clear the head. Most alcohol scholars, however, claim that the combination of spices in the soup simply distract your mind and body from the hangover.

2. Prickly Pear: If you’re hungover in the desert and can’t find water, the extract from the prickly pear cactus might just do the trick. It won’t curb the headache but it will alleviate nausea, dry mouth and loss of appetite. Extracting the goods yourself may be difficult, but prickly pear can be found in many dietary supplements.

3. Pickle Juice: Could this Eastern European and Russian staple by the perfect hangover cure? Swilling the juice will replenish the electrolytes your body lost the night before and also wake you up a bit. Professional athletes drank it before Gatorade was invented and rumor has it that Tom Brady will be marketing a sports drink next year that has a pickle juice-based beverage.

4. Go for a jog: Get moving! Doing a little exercise can help flush out toxins, get you to drink more fluids, and distract you from the pounding headache you probably have. Motivation can often be hard to come by the morning after a night of heavy drinking so many suggest finding a workout buddy the night before.

5. Hair of the Dog: Also known as drinking more, the expression is a shortened form of the colloquial English phrase “hair of the dog that bit you.” Many people claim a shot in the morning keeps a hangover at bay – I think it just puts off the inevitable. If this sounds like your cup of tea(quila), however, Thomas Abercrombie suggests putting two Alka-Seltzers in a shot of tequila to really nip it in the bud.

6. Quaff: According to soyouwanna.com, the perfect hangover cure is theirs – a drink called Quaff. They claim that after it cures your hangover “it might just clear out your nasal passages, shrink your hemorrhoids, and leap out of your body and write your History term paper.” The cure includes taking two aspirin, 200mg cysteine, 600mg Vitamin C, and 1 tablet of vitamin B complex and then washing it all down with a milkshake consisting of a banana, V-8, strawberries, honey, OJ, milk, salt, and nutmeg.

7. Hypnosis: A hangover cure can now be downloaded to your desktop! Hypnosisdownloads.com has a 20-minute hypnosis session that will ease your headache and repair the damage done to your body. The session includes the soothing sound of angels and “a mountain stream splashing refreshingly through your mind” that is guaranteed to work.

8. B12: A deficiency of B12 is thought to be one of the causes of a hangover. It can be found in vitamins, meat, eggs, dairy products, or vegetables fortified with B12 (for all you vegans and vegetarians out there like me).

9. A Grand Slam: It seems like everyone has a food item they love when they are hungover. I have friends who swear by a Coca-Cola and a French baguette and others by cold pizza, but the majority of my friends adore Denny’s. The 1,000 calories worth of pancakes, eggs, sausage, bacon, and butter that comes with a Grand Slam seems to hit the spot. And it’s certainly an improvement over the fried canaries that the ancient Romans used to eat to cure their drink-induced ailments.

10. RU-21: Developed in Russia for the purpose of keeping KGB agents sober while their contacts got drunk and divulged state secrets, RU-21 actually ended up being the perfect hangover cure. It entered the US market in 1999 as Cold War relations warmed and has been a staple of the all-night party scene ever since. This is best taken before or while drinking to prevent the morning hangover.

And a bonus for you Quick 10 readers, today—a few more quick bits about hangovers:
• Kingsley Amis once commented that the opening scene of Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis was the best literary description of a hangover he had ever read. Read it here.
• The word hangover first entered our vernacular in 1904.
• The scientific name is Veisalgia.
• British economists speculate that hangovers are costing the British economy £2.8 billion ($3.5 billion) a year!

* * * * *

But some towns add a little spice, and yes, sometimes even a little (or big?) testicle. These are the quirkiest food festivals in America. So rev up your road trip engines, loosen your belt buckles, tuck a (paper) napkin in your collar and dig in!

1. Gizzard Festival: June 6-8, Potterville, MI
Let’s kick things off with the Potterville Gizzard Festival, which is going on right now. Complete with all the traditional regalia of a fine food festival—a car show, a mud derby, some fireworks and a parade—there is also the annual gizzard eating contest at Joe’s Potterville Inn. Not for the faint of stomach, contestants have to eat two pounds of gizzards as quickly as they can. Winners get bragging rights for the year, plus $100 in cold, hard cash. Whoever said one couldn’t make a living eating chicken gizzards?

And what exactly is a chicken gizzard? A gizzard is a secondary stomach that can be found in both birds and reptiles. It aids in digestion by grinding food with ingested stones before returning the food to the primary stomach. Mmmm! Supposedly, it’s a little like chewy chicken liver and, when lightly seasoned with a little salt and pepper, can be quite nice. If you live near Potterville and you’re equal parts hungry and brave, grab a gizzard hat and head out there this weekend.

2. RC and MoonPie Festival: June 21, Bell Buckle, TN
You really can’t get more Southern than a cold RC Cola and a freshly unwrapped MoonPie. Add a little BBQ into the mix and you have the Bell Buckle RC and MoonPie Festival. When a population of just over 400 swells to 15,000 for one weekend of the year you know it’s gotta be good. And is it ever—they bake the world’s largest MoonPie! Each year, the newly elected MoonPie King and Queen select a group of Knights for their round table. These Knights aid in the ceremonial cutting and distributing of free pieces of the world’s largest MoonPie.

But the real draw of this festival is the “Synchronized Wading” extravaganza. Described as “dry humor on a wet stage,” the Down Home Divas (led by First Lady Carla Webb) will perform “A Midsummer’s Nightmare” this year. It will star Miss Moon Pie and feature special appearances by the Googoo cluster and a Coke. A cheeky twist on Shakespeare performed in a kiddie pool? Count me in! [Image courtesy of pulltight.]

3. Bologna: July 25-27, Yale, MI
Yale bologna is said to be some of the best in the world. A bit courser and more strongly seasoned than your typical Oscar Mayer slice, this bologna has been rumored to help people live to be 120 years old. (We couldn’t find any 120-year-old bologna enthusiasts to confirm this.) Every year, in a single weekend, over a thousand pounds of bologna are served either fried in sandwiches, stuck between a bun as a hot dog or placed around a stick in ring form.

The Bologna Queen crown is quite prestigious in Yale. Contestants must declare their intention to run up to six weeks in advance and be willing to raise tens of thousands of dollars for charity. The lucky lady who captures this highly respected title receives a crown of ringed bologna and a King for her arm. And of course, there is the outhouse race where people build a crude loo on wheels to push around town as fast as they can. The only requirements? The inclusion of a Sears catalog and somebody riding inside—hopefully not because of one too many bologna sticks.

4. Testicle Festival: July 30-Aug 3, Rock Creek Lodge, MT
Sorry kiddies, this one is not for you. Also known as the “Testy Festy” or the “Breasticle Festival,” this four-day drunken jamboree is filled with wet t-shirt contests, pig wrestling, stripping, mooning, bull riding, and fried bull testicle consumption. Called “Rocky Mountain Oysters,” bull testicles are considered delicious by a select group of fine diners. In a showcase of masculine virility, there is even a bull testicle eating contest. Matt Powers took the title last year after consuming over 40 bull testicles in four minutes. Mentioned in Playboy as one of the top things to do in the summer (as long as you’re down with nudity and motorcycles), you should follow their advice and “come out and have a ball!”

5. Humongous Fungus: August 7-10, Crystal Falls, MI
In honor of the world’s largest—and possibly oldest—living organism, the Amirillaria Bulbosa (aka “honey mushroom,” which spans 38 acres under an Iron County forest and may be as old as 10,000 years), the good people of Crystal Falls, Michigan, throw a festival every year. People travel from all over the world to get a glimpse of this humongous fungus, but can be bitterly disappointed upon realization that it is almost completely underground. But their disappointment does not last long. At the festival there are fungus shirts, fungus burgers, fungus fudge, and fungus mushroom hats to assuage their grief.

And did I mention the HUMONGOUS sausage and mushroom pizza they cook every year? Placed over a roasting pit in a humongous pizza-roasting pan by a humongous lumber truck crane, this pizza measures over 100 square feet! [Image courtesy of Kim Olson.] Other events include a mushroom cook-off, a strong man competition and a humongous picnic. Plus David Letterman once mentioned the famed Humungous Fungus on one of his top ten lists.

6. Roadkill Festival: Sept 27, Marlinton, WV
This is where it starts to get good. With taglines like “You kill it we grill it; featuring some of the highway’s finest” and “Eating food is more fun when you know it was hit on the run,” Marlinton, West Virginia, knows how to bring a little humor into a good food festival. Featuring any animal often—but in this case, not actually—roadkill, contestants cook up recipes using possum, beaver, raccoon, snake, deer or armadillo. Care to try some “Deer Smear Quesadillas” or “Bumper Bruised Barbequed Bear”? This is the place!

7. Turkey Testicle Festival: October 11, Byron, IL
It must be the rhyming, because I cannot think of any other reason why there are so many testicle festivals. This one, however, is a little more PG. Still only for the 21-and-over crowd (is it necessary to be plastered when consuming fried testicles?), the Turkey Testicle Festival consists of more savory activities like Karaoke, a performance by the Testilett dancers, and a fundraiser for charity that brought in over $25,000 last year.

Every year, over 275 lbs. of turkey testicles are consumed at Byron’s Union Street Station. Now in its 30th year, this festival is facing an uphill battle to continue the tradition. Last year, an underage drinker got past security, and passed out in the bathroom, prompting a police investigation. Now the fate of this storied festival is up in the air. How storied? Well, there’s a song dedicated to it.

Honorable Mentions

• The Dam Festival in Eaton Rapids, Michigan. Just think of the possibilities… “Where are you off to?” “I’m going to that Dam Festival.”
• The Hopps of Fun Beer Festival in Mackinaw City, Michigan. I just really liked the title.
• The Pasty Festival in Calumet, Michigan. It’s not that kind of pasty…but there is a poetry slam!
• The Menudo Festival in San Fernando, California. Menudo is tripe, or cow’s stomach. It’s thought to cure a hangover, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a hangover worth menudo.

* * * * *
Shhh…super secret special for blog readers.