1. Earlier this decade, I had an interview with a big PR firm. The first person I met with asked me where I got my news—I think her exact question was, “What newspapers do you subscribe to?” I told her I read the New York Times and New York Post online. This immediately put me on her “no” list. “You can’t trust what you read online,” she told me. I stressed again that I was reading the same articles she was reading in the printed paper, but she wasn’t buying it. “People can fake those web addresses, you know,” she said. “You don’t know what you’re reading.” What’s the most irrational thing you’ve ever encountered in a job interview?

2. A couple years ago, David Israel asked you to share your favorite punny store names. (His entry: “The Merchant of Tennis.”) I think it’s time to ask again: what great/terrible punny store names have you seen or been to?

3. A couple months ago, for several long days, I had the Perfect Strangers theme song stuck in my head. Usually when that happens, if I listen to the offending song in its entirety, it goes away. But not that time. You know how I got it out of my head? I had to sing along. If someone had hidden a camera in my office, they’d have a YouTube sensation on their hands. The weird thing was, I haven’t seen an episode of Perfect Strangers in many years. What’s the strangest song you couldn’t get out of your head?
* * * * *
Last week, after asking you to dream up a new theme restaurant chain, I offered a free mental_floss t-shirt to the most creative budding restaurateur. We have a tie. First, Curt Peinhardt’s “Pros & Cons,” featuring the memorabilia of sports stars who’ve run afoul of the law (with bonus points for his second suggestion—a steakhouse called Belmont Steaks). Second, “S*** My Girlfriend Won’t Eat,” which comes from picky eater Danielle and her boyfriend. Here’s her pitch: “Serving only the most inventive and disgusting dishes made from pure unadulterated necessity – notably the “spaghetti burrito,” or the “peanut butter and jelly on a hot dog.” The decorum would be a scale model of our living room, and guests would be seated awkwardly around the coffee table as my boyfriend shoves colorful combinations of leftovers under their noses.” This was a hard decision; thanks to everyone for playing along! Curt & Danielle, I’ll be in touch about your shirts.
* * * * *
And finally, I need to thank one of our readers for helping me out of a jam last summer. I keep a personal blog where I post pictures of my daughter (and, on occasion, random NBA predictions). In June, it was hacked, which infected the PCs of many relatives. I posted a plea for technical assistance in that week’s Friday Happy Hour, and Jim Hegarty answered the call.

On a Saturday, he took a look, isolated the problem, fixed it, and gave me some tips to make sure it didn’t happen again. He wouldn’t accept payment, so I told him if he ever had something to promote, I’d be happy to mention it here. Jim emailed the other day to say his company had launched something called KlikSpy, which is a pretty cool visual behavior tracking tool for your website. If you’ve got a site of your own and want to see how people are actually using it, give it a look!

Thanks again, Jim!

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. Congratulations! You’ve inherited a large sum of money from a distant relative you didn’t know existed. One catch, though—you must use a portion of your fortune to launch a chain of theme restaurants. (Your relative was a little out there.) What would your restaurant’s theme be? (You can pick a time in history, an obscure hobby, a different professional wrestling commentator, etc.)

(We’ll send a free mental_floss t-shirt to the most creative budding restaurateur.)

2. Based on my (non-scientific) study, 96% of internet discussion revolves around hating things. (You’d be surprised how many YouTube videos there are featuring people blowing up Elmo dolls.) To provide a tiny bit of counterbalance, tell us about something you really like. Or several things. I’ll go first: this old apple farm called Wightman Farms in Morristown, New Jersey, Ivan Maisel’s college football podcast, and Ida Pearle’s customer service. (She designs prints for kids’ rooms; ours arrived with a broken frame, and she has gone well above and way beyond to make it up to us.)

3. Colleges are known for offbeat courses (See: “Goldberg’s Canon: Makin’ Whoopi”), but occasionally I’ll hear stories about a high school teacher who just happened to have an expertise in something you wouldn’t normally teach high school kids, like soap opera history or running a haberdashery. What’s the weirdest class your high school offered?

4. I’ve mentioned before that one of my dream freelance jobs is running a pet-naming consultantcy. No progress on that front to date. So even though we’ve probably covered this topic before, what’s the strangest pet name you’ve ever heard?

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. A few years ago, we replaced our old radiators with baseboards. The guy we hired to do the work was a friend of a friend, and he was very nice and chatty. He told me all about his son—a wide receiver for Texas A&M. The details were impressive and crazy specific: “Last week he set the school record for receiving yards by a sophomore.” “He’s a bit undersized, but with the success of guys like Wes Welker”—then with the Dolphins and not very well known—”he might have a better chance of getting drafted in a couple years.” “He’s on the track team, too—Big 12 champion sprinter as a freshman!” He was such a proud dad.

Of course, he made the whole thing up. I Googled the man’s son—not because I didn’t believe him, but because I absolutely believed him, and I wanted to root for his kid, too. There was nobody by that name on the Texas A&M football team. Or at Texas A&M. Perplexed by the lie, I kept searching and found out the kid was an athlete. On his high school track team. Junior Varsity. Couldn’t find anyone else comparing him to Wes Welker, though.

People lie about stuff all the time. “I didn’t get your email!” “I’m not cheating on you with your brother!” “I did not eat your sandwich!” You can (probably) understand those. But what’s the most bizarre, completely unnecessary lie you’ve ever been told?

2. Did your college or high school have any non-traditional graduation requirements, either official or unofficial? I’ve heard stories about mandatory swimming classes, required because years ago the dean’s son drowned.^{[citation needed]}

I graduated from Duke, where unofficial requirements included driving backwards around the traffic circle, wandering around the semi-secret underground tunnels, and several I probably can’t discuss on a relatively family-friendly website. How about you?

3. I’ve got the Yankee parade on right now. It’s entertaining to watch the local TV reporter fail to interview almost every prominent player. (”Derek! Derek! Derek Jeter! Over here! Oh well. Class act!” / “Mariano! Hey! How are you, bud! Woo! What a guy!”)

I’m not much of a parade guy, on TV or otherwise. Perhaps this is because my hometown was parade crazy. Little League parades, Cub Scouts parades, Winter Wonderland parades, We-Promise-Not-To-Use-Drugs parades. Is every town like that? What’s the oddest parade you’ve attended or marched in?

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. “Would you like any M&M’s with that?”

I was buying cough medicine and an SD card. It was only natural the Walgreens cashier would ask.

More and more, retailers are trying to squeeze a few more dollars out of you at the register. Some of these efforts make sense. Batteries, for example. But others are a stretch. At a newsstand in the Port Authority Bus Terminal on Wednesday, I was asked if I needed a bottle of water to go with my gum. A big ad at the counter shows off the bottle, with the words “It’s Resealable!” doing their best to convince me. What’s the weirdest item you’ve been marketed during checkout?

2. Growing up, we lived near a guy who was really nice, but a bit too into the neighborhood kids for our parents’ comfort. (Two unrelated tangents: The first time we met him, the first words out of his mouth were, “Please don’t tell me who won the Red Sox-Blue Jays game. I taped it.” He also liked to dunk a mini-basketball in our 8-foot hoop when he didn’t think anyone was home.) On Halloween, he would invite the kids he recognized into his kitchen, where he was keeping the good candy—a full size Snickers bar and an ice-cold Coke. For the next few months, he would reference his generosity every time we interacted. We were all a little relieved when he moved.

That little anecdote doesn’t lead nicely into any particular question, so I’ll ask this one: What’s the strangest thing you ever received while trick-or-treating?

3. What’s something you’d really like to be good at, but know you’ll never put in the necessary time/effort? I am not very musical, but I’d love to play the harmonica. Seems like that would be a useful talent. Hearing people say, “Wow, I didn’t know you could play the harmonica!” would never get old.

That’s all for today. Happy Halloween!

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. The other day my daughter and I were playing in the grass near a junior varsity girls’ soccer game. While I chased her around the field, I kept hearing one very loud voice berating the players. “What are you doing? Get your head in the game! This is HIGH SCHOOL SOCCER, ladies! This is embarrassing!” Sounded like a pretty intense coach, but he turned out to be a really crazy parent, ranting and raving behind the net. (I know this because he got on the coaches, too. All class.) I’m not sure how another mom or dad (or a stroke) hasn’t taken him down. What’s the craziest parental fan behavior you’ve witnessed? Sports, band, theater, or any other extra-curricular where the parents come watch.

2. A few weeks ago, we discussed our most memorable field trips. But what about the times the entertainment was brought to us in school? What were some of your best or worst school assemblies?

3. It’s great to have Bud Shaw of The Cleveland Plain-Dealer writing a monthly column for us (here’s his archive). He’s gathered an extraordinary collection of anecdotes in 30+ years as a reporter and columnist. We’d love to add a few more veteran journalists to the rotation. Any local favorites you think we should approach?

4. This week’s Superlatives of the ’00s question: what company that launched this decade has had the biggest impact on your life? (Can be a store, restaurant, corporation, small business, or any other entity that exchanges goods or services for money.)

Have a great weekend!

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. Let’s pretend you were granted the power to go back and alter your childhood in one important respect—the ability to add or reduce your number of siblings. Would you give yourself more brothers or sisters? Fewer?

2. We haven’t posted a “Best _____ of the Decade” question in a while. What invention this decade has had the greatest impact on your life?

3. Back in middle school, I had a teacher who really wanted to be Mr. Keating from Dead Poets Society. But his attempts to liven up the curriculum usually made everyone uncomfortable. “What’s the hardest part about being a doctor?” he’d ask during a discussion on Mark Twain. After an interminable silence and a few very wrong sympathy guesses, he’d toss about an answer: “The hardest part about being a doctor is how long you have to stand up during surgery.” Then we’d return to Tom Sawyer. He asked these kinds of questions every class.

What’s a bizarre/lovable quirk of one of your old teachers?

4. (I need to channel my inner Andy Rooney for this one.)

Don’t you hate the pound sign? No, wait, that’s not what I want to talk about.

This is: Two times on Tuesday, I witnessed something I’m really hoping doesn’t catch on—people who pulled over to talk on their cell phones. Let me clarify, I’m not talking about people who pull off the road to take or make a call. That’s great. But in Tuesday’s cases, on roads without shoulders, the drivers simply stopped what they were doing (driving) to answer their phones. (At first I thought they must be stranded. But in both cases, ten minutes later they were gone.) Whatever the penalty is for using a cellphone behind the wheel should be doubled for this unspeakable act of self-obsession. Your turn to play Andy. What’s something that’s bugging you?

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. Growing up in North Jersey, we had our share of memorable field trips—The Land of Make Believe, Turtle Back Zoo, Waterloo Village, Hershey Park, and various museums in New York—but my clearest memory is about a trip that wasn’t taken. After the bombing of Pan-Am Flight 103, our scheduled field trip to Newark Airport was canceled. When a classmate asked our teacher what one thing had to do with the other, she said, “You might get kidnapped by terrorists.” It’s a wonder any of us ever flew again. What was your best, worst or most memorable field trip?

2. In honor of my anniversary, what were you doing (roughly) five years ago today? Ten years ago? Fifteen?

3. Earlier this year, I posted a round-up of unbelievable high school mascots. We might follow that up with a list of schools named after controversial people (or people you wouldn’t expect to have a school named in their honor). Would any schools in your area qualify?

4. Today’s last question comes from reader Missa Haas. She wanted me to ask readers to list their favorite scary books as we head towards Halloween. Her initial suggestion: Justin Evans’ A Good and Happy Child. What say you?

[Image courtesy of buelow. See transcripts of previous Friday Happy Hours]

3. Looks like the Olympics aren’t coming to Chicago any time soon. Let’s pretend you’ve been appointed International Events Coordinator for the place you’re living now. What event or festival would be perfect for your town or city? (If one doesn’t exist, invent it.)

4. My wife, daughter and I are heading to an apple farm tomorrow, where we’ll load up on apples and cider and homemade cinnamon donuts. We’ve been going to this place for years, and it really doesn’t feel like fall until we do. What’s something you do every autumn?

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]

1. I’ve been having some bizarre dreams of late. Michael Jackson, alive and well and dancing, explaining to me why he’d never want to own an expansion NFL franchise. An elderly woman, small and pushy, trying to cut me in line at the supermarket. My dog, loud and whiny, deciding she needs to go for a walk at 3:44am (wait, that last one was real).

But for years, not being able to find my shoes has been a common theme in my dreams. Sometimes I’m at work, barefoot. Other times, my lack of proper footwear keeps me on the sidelines during an important sporting event—in these dreams, I’m occasionally involved in high-stakes high school football reunion games or pick-up basketball scrimmages with celebrities and historical figures. Those guys are brutal if you don’t bring your shoes.

These dreams aren’t exactly the stuff of blockbusters, and until three seconds ago, I’d never done any research on what they might mean (if you don’t consider Googling “dream interpretation shoes” and clicking on one link research, the streak continues). Here’s what I found: “If your forget your shoes, then it suggests that you are leaving restraints behind you. You are refusing to conform to some idea or attitude.”

I’m not buying it. I think I’m just craving a shoe tree. Do you have any weird recurring dreams?

2. A reader suggested this next question in a comment, but I can’t remember what post she was commenting on, and I’m not entirely sure I have the right reader. Let’s give it a whirl anyway: what movie that everyone else seemed to love did you really not care for? (I believe this was posed by Michigan Mom.)

3. Anyone doing anything fun this weekend? My wife and I will be making our first pilgrimage to the new Yankee Stadium on Sunday to see the Yanks-Red Sox game, courtesy of my new brother-in-law Keith. Yanks-Sox tickets are absolutely the coolest groomsman gift you can get…

4. …but then again, maybe you can top it. What’s the best (or worst) groomsman or bridesmaid gift you’ve received?

[Dream bubble image courtesy of Diakon-Swan-Network.org. Monument Park image courtesy of PVSBond.]

1. What was the first movie you saw in a theater? (For me, it was the 1985 classic Follow That Bird.)

2. I love reading our local school district’s course catalog. I always find five classes I’d love to take and a dozen others to make snarky comments about. There’s always something crazy geared at helicopter parents (”Visualizing Success for Your Little Leaguer”) and a way-out-of-date computer class (”Mastering DOS”).

The only class I’ve actually taken was ballroom dancing, in the months leading up to my wedding. Anyone taken any memorable night school courses you’d recommend (or not recommend)? If you happen to have your local school’s catalog, what’s the strangest class being offered this semester?

3. One of the winners of our Admit Vice, Win Book contest was Amanda, who admitted her propensity to snoop:

“When people leave their e-mail up on the computer, I always look through it. I’ve even been regularly checking the e-mail of an ex-boyfriend from years ago who gave me his password. Leave me alone in your house? I will, without a doubt, snoop through your desk drawers, look into your bedroom (including under the bed, where the good stuff is), and see what you’ve tucked away at the back of the pantry.”

Now we all know Amanda is not alone. What’s the most shocking thing you’ve found while snooping? (Snooping stories not limited to closets and medicine cabinets. Think email, Googling, NSA files, etc.)

4. “I took this photo while studying in New Zealand my junior year” is not a sentence I can say. First, I didn’t take this photo at all (these guys did). And second, I never studied abroad. So for today’s installment of our Friday series, let me live vicariously through everyone who has. The topic is study abroad. Where did you go? What did you study? What’s your best memory? If you could do it again, would you go somewhere different?

5. What’s the crappiest car you’ve ever owned? Was it a clunker from the start, or did you simply drive it into the ground?

[See all the previous Friday Happy Hour transcripts.]