An unidentified man in South Washington, Pennsylvania felt someone get into bed with him Wednesday morning. He assumed it was his girlfriend, but when he called her name, a male voice replied, “No it’s not.” The man jumped out of bed and grabbed a baseball bat while calling 911. Police came and arrested 33-year-old Michael Karanja Kamau. There were indications that Kamau had forced his way into the apartment. Kamau told police that he went inside the apartment because he was cold.

Man Wins Millions the Day After Divorce

The divorce case of Kevin Halstead Chorley, Lancashire, England was finalized on Friday. On Saturday, he bought a lottery ticket that paid off more than £2 million! If the divorce had taken any longer, he would be obliged to share half with his wife. However, Chorley and his new partner, along with another person who shared in the ticket, will be able to keep the money. Chorley’s former wife is not bothered by the turn of events.

Ex-wife Helen said: “We are the best of friends. In fact, we get on better now than when we were married.

“It couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke. I wish him all the luck in the world – he deserves it.”

Celebrating a Clean Drug Test Leads to Overdose

Michael Edwin Berg of Plant City, Florida underwent a court-ordered drug screening last September and passed as clean. He wanted to celebrate, so he and friends began the party at Berg’s home, then to a bar where he obtained a bottle of morphine. The party moved to another home, where the 23-year-old Berg took the morphine and they all passed out around 3AM. Around 4:30 PM, friends called paramedics, who found him dead. Berg’s friend, 23-year-old Daniel Aleman, was arrested this week on charges of third-degree murder and delivery of morphine in the case.

Hacker Remotely Disables Over 100 Cars

A car dealership in Austin, Texas installs a device in cars that allows them to disable the vehicle, or make the horn blow, if a customer is overdue on car payments. The system was hacked last month and over 100 drivers found their cars would not start. Some had to disconnect the battery to stop the horn from blowing. Police arrested 20-year-old Omar Ramos-Lopez in connection with the prank. The company had recently terminated Ramos-Lopez’ employment, and investigators say he got into the system using another employee’s account. He was charged with computer intrusion.

Boy Left Behind at His Birthday Party

An unnamed boy in Warren, Michigan celebrated his third birthday Saturday with a party at pizza restaurant Caesarland. Then his parents left separately without him. The manager noticed the child at about 9PM and called police. The boy was placed in foster care. Both parents say they thought the boy was either with the other parent or with his grandmother. They realized he was missing on Sunday, but did not call police. It was Monday before they called the restaurant to ask about the child! Macomb County Prosecutor’s plans to file neglect and abandonment charges.

Surfing Alpaca

Surfing instructor Domingo Pianezzi of Lima, Peru, has has accomplished something no one else on record has done -he taught an alpaca to surf! His alpaca named Pisco wears a life jacket while surfing with Pianezzi, as alpacas are not natural swimmers.

The surfing teacher said: “I’ve surfed with a dog, a parrot, a hamster and a cat, but when I was at a competition in Australia I saw people surfing with kangaroos and koalas.

Pisco is seen on video hanging, er, hooves.

Premature Report of Death -Twice

77-year-old Theresa Fraser of Garden of Eden, Nova Scotia found her pension check had not been deposited in December. With a few phone calls, she found the Canadian government thought she had died when another woman with the same name passed away. Someone didn’t check the social security numbers. Fraser thought the matter was resolved when her check arrived in January. Then last week, Fraser received a letter from Canada Revenue asking for the return of the money they sent in January! The letter was addressed to “the estate of the late Theresa Fraser” with her proper social security number. Fraser again called the revenue office to straighten the matter out, but she is afraid it may happen yet again.

On Tuesday, residents of the Stavropol Region in Southern Russia found their landscape covered with purple-tinged snow! Samples of the snow were taken that ranged from purple to dark brown. After analysis, experts concluded that the purple tinge was due to particles in the atmosphere that drifted up from Africa in a dust cyclone. This is not the first time the country has seen such an oddly-colored snow.

Black-market Enhancements Hospitalize Six Women

Six women in New Jersey were hospitalized for injuries they received during black market plastic surgery procedures to enhance their buttocks. The women wanted silicone injections, but the unlicensed practitioner did not use medical grade silicone. Instead, the women were injected with “a diluted version of nonmedical-grade silicone.”

“The same stuff you use to put caulk around the bathtub,” said Steven M. Marcus, executive and medical director of the New Jersey Poison Information and Education System, who learned about the bizarre procedures through a committee he sits on that monitors outbreaks in the metropolitan area.

The six victims underwent surgery and treatment with antibiotics, and are recovering. It is not yet known whether all six cases are related.

Cement Mixer Buries Cars

A cement truck parked near a construction site in Warsaw, Poland unexpectedly exploded, which sent cement flying through the neighborhood. One woman was seriously injured by the explosion. Dozens of cars were covered in cement so badly they are considered a total loss. To add insult to injury, neither the builder’s insurance nor the auto owners’ insurance want to cover such an unusual accident. No word yet on what caused the cement mixer to explode.

Nun Inherits Brothel

A woman identified only as Linda K died in Austria with an estate, but only one heir -a child she relinquished for adoption in Scotland 55 years ago. The daughter was traced to a convent near Glasgow, Scotland where she is now a nun. The unnamed nun was informed of her inheritance, which included a large sum of money and a working brothel! The surprised sister sold the business and donated the money, as well as her cash inheritance, to a charity in India.

Toilet Art Exhibit to Become Real Toilet

British artist Robert Olley painted Westoe Netty, a picture of six men and a boy at a row of urinals. The iconic painting became famous in the 1970s. The original toilet built in 1890 and depicted in the painting was salvaged by Olley’s friends in 1996 to avoid demolition. It was recently set up at Beamish museum in County Durham, England as an exhibit. However, museum patrons took the fixture for more than an exhibit, and used it accordingly. The exhibit was taken down -temporarily. It will be re-installed at the museum in an area that can be plumbed, so it will be both a cultural exhibit and a working urinal.

A Taste of Their Own Medicine

A van belonging to LBS Enforcement, a private company that enforces parking regulations, was out and about ready to put a wheel clamp on cars in violation in Southend-on-Sea, Essex, England. However, the Southend Council found that the vehicle’s owners had not shown proof of taxes paid, so government officials clamped and towed the van! An anonymous resident took pictures of the incident.

“I don’t think they were amused as one of them stuck a finger up.

“I took the pictures because it was so hilarious and I think a lot of people will be very pleased to see them get clamped for a change.”

An employee of LBS Enforcement blamed the matter on a clerical mixup. I’m sure they’ve heard that story before themselves.

German Police Summoned Over Forgotten Vibrator

Police in Bochum, Germany responded to a call from a woman who was concerned over suspicious noises in her apartment. They found the strange sound to be coming from a dresser drawer. With the resident’s permission, an officer opened the drawer, lifted the clothing inside, and found a “very personal, battery-operated object” that had somehow turned on. The woman’s face turned a different color and the police left shortly. No doubt they were in a hurry to go outside and laugh.

An air traffic controller at New York City’s JFK airport brought his two children to work with him on two consecutive days last month and allowed then to speak to pilots over an air traffic control frequency. A audio recording shows how the controller’s young son spoke to an airborne Air Mexico pilot and cleared a Jet Blue pilot for takeoff. The unnamed controller brought his daughter to work the next day and allowed her to speak to air traffic as well. Both the controller and his immediate supervisor are on paid leave as the FAA investigates the incident.

Breast Implant Stops Bullet

Lydia Carranza survived a gunshot wound in her chest during a workplace shooting last year. Dr. Ashkan Ghavami, a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, credits her size D breast implants with stopping the bullet from entering her heart. The medical team that originally treated Carranza is not so sure.

“It’s a ballistics issue,” Kris Carraway, a spokeswoman for Los Robles Hospital & Medical Center in Thousand Oaks, told the Times. “The emergency physician who treated the patient was not aware of the breast implant having any impact or whether or not it saved her life.”

An LAPD firearms instructor told the Times it’s possible the implant interrupted the velocity of the bullet.

Dr. Ghavami has offered Carranza his services at a reduced price for reconstruction of her implants.

Wedding Elephant Destroys Limousines

An elephant hired for a wedding in New Delhi, India had romance on his mind as well. Instead of waiting to do his job, the elephant responded to the scent of a female in heat and trampled over twenty limousines and other vehicles, a sugar cane field, and a shopping mall. The elephant was brought down with a tranquilizer gun six hours later. It is estimated that the elephant caused £200,000 in damage.

Turtle Racing

Imagine a sport where you can finish a drink in the midst of a race of only a few feet! Turtle racing has become a trend in metropolitan bars like Bucky’s Grill and Pub in Indianapolis, where the first turtle race was held last month. Raffle tickets are handed out to patrons, and a drawing determines who get to be an honorary jockey for each of the six turtles. However, the only person to actually handle the turtles is a licensed reptile handler.

ATF Seizes 30 Toy Guns

Brad Martin and his son Ben sell Airsoft BB guns at their store on Cornelius, Oregon. A recent shipment of 30 of the toy guns were intercepted and seized by ATF agents when they entered the country at Tacoma, Washington.

The Martins said they buy their stock from Taiwan because the merchandise is less expensive. But the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives seized a shipment of 30 in October. That shipment is worth around $12,000 and the ATF is promising to destroy the entire shipment.

Special Agent Kelvin Crenshaw said the toys can be easily retro-fitted into dangerous weapons.

Martin disputes that the guns can be converted.

Unlicensed Pilot Flew for 13 Years

Dutch police arrested a 41-year-old man in the cockpit of a Boeing 737 as he was about to take off from Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport with 101 passengers. The unnamed man was employed as a pilot for Corendon Airlines of Turkey, but did not have a valid pilot’s license! He was once licensed to fly small planes, but was never certified to fly commercial airliners. He said he had been flying for airlines for 13 years. Police in Amsterdam were notified of the pilot’s status by Swedish authorities. He was charged with flying without a license and forgery.

Couple Arrested on Wedding Day

22-year-old Marissa Ann Putignano-Keene and 37-year-old Timothy Keene were married in Barnstable, Massachusetts. The wedding took an ugly turn when the couple ran into a former girlfriend of the groom. Literally ran into, as the new Mrs. Keene was driving and tried to run the unnamed woman and her son down in the parking lot of the Barnstable Town Hall. The groom was also in the vehicle. The bride was arrested for assault and battery, and the groom was arrested for disorderly conduct. The newlyweds spent their wedding night in jail. Separate cells, of course.

A security checkpoint at the Newark Airport had to be shut down temporarily Tuesday when a large cat ran underneath a bomb-detecting machine. The 25-pound cat travels in a carrier, but was removed so the carrier could be checked through security. The frightened feline squeezed into a four-inch space under the machine and could not be dislodged. Passengers in line were sent to another security line for 20 minutes, until a hydraulic lift was brought in to pick up the machine so the cat could be retrieved. The cat’s owner and her daughter missed their flight, but were relieved that the cat was alright.

Pole Dancing as an Olympic Event?

Ania Przeplasko of the International Pole Dancing Fitness Association believes that pole dancing will one day be recognized as a legitimate sport. She hopes it will eventually be a part of the Olympics. British pole dancer K.T. Coates is pushing to make pole dancing a “test event” at the 2012 Olympics in London and possibly a regular event in Rio de Janeiro in 2016. Coats has a petition with 4,000 signatures so far. The campaign to put pole dancing on the Olympic schedule has some opponents within the pole fitness community, such as those who believe gymnasts will crowd out dancers, and those who feel Olympic status will destroy the sport’s allure.

Inmate Left in Courthouse as it Closes for Holiday Weekend

57-year-old Calvin Jones of Vallejo, California was in court for a probation violation two weeks ago. A bailiff took Jones to a secured room used for client-attorney meetings on Thursday morning, and then forgot him. That evening, the courthouse shut down operations for a four-day Presidents Day weekend!

Jones was left in the room, without food, water or access to restroom facilities for more than 10 hours, until a janitor at the Tuolumne Street courthouse discovered his plight about 7:25 p.m. and notified the Sheriff’s Office.

“Deputies responded within 30 minutes and got him out of there,” Faulkner told The Reporter, admitting that the situation “could have been very bad” had Jones been left uncared for in the courthouse over the long weekend.

The incident is under investigation.

Convict Digs Out of Prison With a Spoon

An unnamed 35-year-old female inmate broke out of a prison in Breda, the Netherlands. She had been housed on prison grounds in a special building for inmates preparing for release. She had dug a tunnel with a spoon! The tunnel went from the kitchen of the house to a sidewalk outside. Police think she had an accomplice who loosened the sidewalk paving stones outside. The woman had only 22 months left on her murder sentence. She is still at large.

Man Bulldozes House Before Foreclosure

Terry Hoskins of Moscow, Ohio took drastic steps to prevent the bank from foreclosing on his home. He owes $160,000 on his $350,000 home. Hoskins has struggled with RiverHills Bank over his home mortgage for almost ten years. Hoskins said he had an offer of $170,000 for the home, but the bank turned it down. Rather than see his home repossessed, Hoskins used a bulldozer and smashed the house to the ground. The building that houses his carpet business is under an IRS lien, and is set to go on the auction block on March second. Hoskins says he might bulldoze that property as well.

Drug User Reports Bad Hash to Police

A man in Eslöv, Sweden went to the local police station to complain about the hashish he had been sold. The unnamed man believed it had been laced with LSD.

The 26-year-old cannabis connoisseur declared to surprised police officers in the provincial Skåne town of Eslöv that he was not satisfied with the quality of his stash and would like to lodge a complaint, local newspaper Skånskan reports.

The man told officers that his ganja had not delivered the desired effect, leaving him feeling decidedly ill-at-ease and in the midst of a nightmare scenario where his girlfriend resembled a dolphin.

The man said in ten years of hash use, he’s never had such a reaction. However, he was reluctant to identify the dealer who provided the drug, so it is unlikely police can do anything about his complaint.

Hero Dog Protects Lost Girl

Three-year-old Victoria Bensch wandered away from her home in Cordes Lakes, Arizona last Thursday. She was missing in the nearby mountains overnight while the temperature dipped down to 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Fifteen hours later, she was spotted in a dry creek bad by a helicopter pilot. Victoria was accompanied by her dog, Blue. Rescuers believe Blue kept the child warm and safe from predators overnight. When they approached the girl, the dog was on alert until Victoria smiled, then he relaxed and let rescuers approach. Blue had no trouble boarding the helicopter with Victoria. The girl was taken to a hospital for frostbite treatment and was found to be healthy.

Ken Bannister, founder of the International Banana Club Museum, is selling out. The price of the museum has dropped from $45,00 to only $15,000! Before you snap up that bargain, be aware that the museum includes only the banana artifacts but no real estate, as the museum has been housed in rented space. Now the exhibit center is pulling out of the rental agreement and Bannister doesn’t want to put the museum’s contents in storage. The Banana Museum is the world’s largest collection devoted to any one fruit, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Bids can be submitted to eBay.

Germany’s Unluckiest Olympian

Is it luck or a curse that causes German speed skater Daniela Anschutz-Thoms to finish in fourth place? Not once, not twice, but fifteen times in the Olympics, the World Championships, and the European Championships. At each competition, medals are awarded to the top three only. It happened again in Vancouver.

Right up until the last lap, Germany’s unluckiest Olympian looked set to break the mold and grab silver in the women’s 3000 metre speed skating race.

But eventually the 35-year-old fell short, losing out on third place by just three hundredths of a second.

No matter how hard poor old Daniela tries, she just can’t escape fourth place.

Anschutz-Thoms will have one more chance at a medal, in the 5,000 meter race next week.

Shoe Thief Targeted Funerals

A 59-year-old man named Park was arrested in Seoul, South Korea for stealing hundreds of pairs of shoes. He would attend funerals and wait for mourners to remove their shoes before entering the building, as is customary. Then he would pick out a expensive pair, put them on, and leave his own cheaper shoes behind. When police raided the warehouse at Park’s second-hand shoe business, they uncovered 1200 pairs of shoes that may have been stolen. Now the shoes are laid out on display, and victims have been asked to come and collect the shoes that were stolen from them.

Czech Doctors Left 12″ Tool in Patient

66-year-old Zdenka Kopeckova underwent surgery in September at a clinic in Ivancice, Czech Republic. She complained of constant pain since the operation. Only in February did doctors realize her surgical team had left a foot-long medical tool that resembles a spatula inside her abdomen! Four clinic employees have been fired over the incident. Clinic supervisors have apologized and offered compensation to Kopeckova, who plans to sue.

Gordon Lightfoot’s Status Upgraded to Not Dead

71-year-old Canadian musician Gordon Lightfoot was at his dentist’s office when he heard the news that he had passed away. The report was broadcast on the Toronto radio station CP24 Thursday. Lightfoot called in a correction.

“I’m fine, everything is good. I don’t know where it comes from. It seems like a bit of a hoax or something,” the 71-year-old singer said. “I was quite surprised to hear [it] myself.

“I haven’t had so much airplay on my music now for weeks.”

The initial report is thought to have been a prank which turned into rumor which made its way to Canwest news websites.

Not Dead Enough for a Funeral

A funeral home in Cali, Colombia was preparing the body of a 45-year-old woman for embalming when she began to move and breathe. She had been declared dead the day before by hospital staff when monitors registered no heartbeat and no blood pressure. The unnamed woman was transferred back to the hospital, where she is in a coma.

Stranded Snowboarder Burned Money to Stay Warm

22-year-old Dominik Podolsky of Munich, Germany was trapped 33 feet above the ground on a ski lift in Austria when operators shut it down for the night. He didn’t have his phone with him, and decided not to jump. Instead, he began burning his money to ward off hypothermia. A crew on the ground spotted the fire as Podolsky was burning his last 20-euro note, six hours after he boarded the ski lift. He was taken to the hospital, treated for hypothermia, and released that same night. Podolsky is considering legal action against the ski lift company, but a spokesman said that no one was supposed to use the ski lift to ride down the mountain.

Police in Madison, Wisconsin say a drunken man got into an ambulance in the parking lot of a ski resort and drove off Monday night. Emergency personnel were in the back of the ambulance with a patient at the time! Police stopped the vehicle as the man was driving it around the parking lot. 24-year-old Nicholas Pontillo was arrested on charges of disorderly conduct, driving while intoxicated, and vehicle theft. He also had two outstanding warrants.

Scottish Man Goes Home with Two Left Feet

76-year-old Patrick Morrison of Bathgate, West Lothian, Scotland went to a hospital in Edinburgh to have his right foot amputated. A prosthetic foot was attached before he returned home. When his wife removed the bandages, she was surprised to find he now had two left feet!

Patrick reportedly said: “She just burst out laughing. I phoned the hospital and they cut off the bottom of the limb and replaced the foot.”

The prosthetic expert at Astley Ainslie Hospital that fitted the foot to Morrison has been fired.

Millionaire Gives Away Fortune

Karl Rabeder of Telfs, Austria amassed a fortune of around £3 million after growing up in poverty. But his riches didn’t make him happy. Now he is selling his properties and giving the money to charity. Rabeder is selling his luxury home in the Alps by a raffle, and his other house in Cruis through a real estate agent. The furnishings are being sold as well. The money will go to a microcredit charity he founded that lends small amounts of money to people in El Salvador, Honduras, Bolivia, Peru, Argentina and Chile for development and small businesses.

Turkey Vulture Hitches Ride in Helicopter

Paul Appleton was piloting a helicopter and taking pictures during the Super Bowl in Miami last week when a bird crashed through the windshield. The turkey vulture landed in Appleton’s lap -and stayed there. The pilot decided it would not be safe to push the big bird out, so the buzzard rode for twenty miles sitting in Appleton’s lap. When the helicopter landed, the bird flew out, stumbled around for a while, then flew off for good. The incident was captured on video.

Shackleton’s Whisky Recovered

The New Zealand Antarctic Heritage Trust is restoring the shack used by explorer Ernest Shackleton during his Antarctic expedition of 1907-1909. In 2006 they discovered two cases of whisky, but only recently have they been able to free those crates from the ice. Then they discovered another case of whisky and two crates of brandy! Although the crates and most of the contents must remain with the historical site, a sample of the whisky will be retrieved for the distiller. Richard Paterson, master blender at Whyte & Mackay, says they will analyze the whisky in hopes of recreating the recipe, which had been lost since Shackleton took the brand to Antarctica.

Lame Duck Teaches Disabled Boy to Walk

Becci Lomax of Plymouth, England encountered a baby duckling that was going to be put down because of a lame leg. She took the duck in and nursed it back to health. As Lomax gave the duck, now named Ming-Ming, a dose of physical therapy every day, her 4-year-old son Finlay, who was born with cerebral palsy, watched and learned.

“This is the most amazing thing because in doing physio on the duckling, the same as I do for my son, Finlay took his first three steps after watching me doing the physio with the duckling.

“Finlay uses a frame at home but even that’s increased. He said ‘I walk like the duck Mummy’,” says Becci.

Is this quack medicine? We’ll see when she gets a bill.

How Do You Steal a Washing Machine?

A man in Fort Walton Beach, Florida was seen pushing a washing machine down the street. A sheriff’s deputy pulled up and asked him what he was doing. The man said the washing machine had been discarded, along with two dryers. The owner of the machine had appliances outside, but had posted a sign saying they were not to be moved. Nathan Earl Roberts was arrested on burglary and theft charges. Next time, he will probably make an effort to read the sign.

34-year-old James M. Denoon and 18-year-old Anthony Stout were arrested for theft in Kingsport, Tennessee last Friday night. Police investigated a break-in at the Merita Bread Company and simply followed footprints in the inch-deep snow which led them to the two men hiding under a truck near the bakery. They had about $300 worth of Twinkies, Zingers, cupcakes, and other snacks with them. Denoon and Stout were also charged with auto burglary.

Saved from the Ice by a Web Cam

A tourist in St. Peter-Ording, Germany was walking along the North Sea coastline, taking pictures of the ice and snow that covers the beach after a period of sub-zero temperatures. The unnamed German man became disoriented on the ice and could not find his way back, as night began to fall.

“He didn’t know where to go. He stopped because he was afraid,” police spokeswoman Kristen Stielow told SPIEGEL ONLINE. “With the unbroken snow and ice, you can’t tell where the shore ends and the sea begins.”

Meanwhile, an unidentified woman in Westerwald, Germany was watching the scene on a webcam hundreds of kilometers away. She saw the figure of a man with a flashlight and called police, Local authorities went to the beach and were able to guide the man back in with their vehicle headlights. After a safety lecture, the tourist was released.

Dog Likes to Hang Out on Roofs

Hayley is a Golden Retriever who lives in Mankato, Minnesota. Her master is Max DeMars of DeMars Construction. Hayley likes to be with Max and his crew, so much that she will climb a ladder to join them on upper floors and roofs under construction! The 10-year-old dog has followed her master’s construction jobs since she was a pup and has no trouble going up or down a ladder head first. She will even climb to a roof when no one is up there, if a ladder is available. Hayley’s fame has spread since a neighbor called police about a dog on a roof.

Rocket Sled Stunt Backfires

An unnamed 62-year-old man hosted a party in Oakland County, Michigan where one activity was sledding. After “consuming an unknown quantity of alcohol”, the man constructed a rocket by stuffing a muffler pipe with gunpowder, match heads, and gasoline. He got on a sled with the rocket and had another person light the fuse. As he was sliding down a hill, the device exploded and caused second-degree burns to his face and injury to one eye. No one else was hurt. The man was taken to a hospital and may face criminal charges.

Village Terrorized by Pheasant

Residents of Newsham, North Yorkshire, England are frightened of a rogue pheasant that attacks humans and pets. The bird hides in bushes and waits for its “prey”, which could be anyone or anything passing by. It has even been known to chase children exiting a school bus.

Efforts to catch the pheasant have so far failed. One villager said she was scared to go out. “It goes for you with its beak and its claws,” another added.

A postman in Newsham said he was frightened of the bird.

Unknowingly Stabbed in the Back

22-year-old Julia Popova was mugged on her way home from work in Moscow. She struggled with the purse-snatcher and was so shocked by the experience that she didn’t realize he’d left a 6-inch knife sticking in her neck at the top of her back. Her parents rushed her to a hospital, where the blade was removed. Fortunately, there was no damage to Popova’s spine. Warning: the picture accompanying the story may be disturbing.

Cigarette Explosion Knocks Out Man’s Teeth

31-year-old Andi Susanto of Jakarta, Indonesia, received compensation from a tobacco company after a cigarette exploded in his face and knocked out six of his teeth while he was riding his motorcycle. The cigarette company offered an immediate settlement, but is not planning a recall, at least until lab tests conducted by police are final. Susanto accepted the settlement, and said he was planning to give up smoking anyway.

A large painting by Pablo Picasso called “The Actor” hung in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. A woman who was attending an art class on Friday fell into the painting and caused a six-inch tear. The museum did not name the woman, and said that the damage occurred in the lower right corner of the painting. The tear will be repaired in time for a major Picasso retrospective opening at the museum on April 27th.

A Movie Made by Chimpanzees

Betsy Herrelko is working on a PhD in primate behavior. She gave specially-designed video cameras to a group of chimpanzees at the Edinburgh Zoo. The chimps were given lessons in how to use the equipment. The experiment took place over an 18-month period, and selected video clips were used to create a show called “Chimpcam” which was aired Wednesday on the BBC program Natural World.

The apes are unlikely to have actively tried to film any particular subject, or understand that by carrying Chimpcam around, they were making a film.

However, the result, as well as providing new information on how chimps like to see the world, may yet go down in television history.

US Planning to Relax Haggis Ban

Haggis fans in the United States may soon have their favorite dish available directly from Scotland. The US banned the import of certain British meats in 1989 amid fears of BSE, also known as Mad Cow Disease. The Department of Agriculture is now ready to relax those rules. Haggis was banned because it contains “offal ingredients such as sheep lungs.” Haggis manufacturers in Scotland are encouraged by the news, as they will be able to sell the dish for US tourists to take home and ship haggis to Scottish expatriates in America.

Man Superglues Phone to his Ear

It was an accident. Gye Gardner of the Northern Territory of Australia keeps his phone headset in his ear all day. Recently the truck driver hit his head against the boom of his truck and broke the earpiece. Gardner repaired it with superglue. Then his boss called him. Without thinking, Gardener put the piece in his ear to answer the call and drove about five minutes before he realized what he had done. The glue had dried, and the headset was firmly glued to his ear. Gardner considered using his knife to remove the phone, but for safety reasons, used a spoon. Some skin still came off along with the earpiece.

Dog Rescued 18 Miles from Land

A dog that came to be known as Baltic floated for 70 miles on a raft of ice before he was rescued by the crew of a Polish research vessel. He first became trapped in the Vistula river near the town of Torun, Poland on Friday. He was later seen 40 miles away in Grudziadz, where a rescue attempt was thwarted due to ice. Another 22 miles downriver, another rescue attempt failed. After that, he was thought to be dead. Baltic was finally hauled aboard the science vessel Baltica 18 miles out in the Baltic Sea on Monday. The crew first thought they spied a seal, but were surprised to see legs. Captain Jan Jachim says if no one claims the dog, Baltic will become the ship’s mascot.

Fired Over a Slice of Cheese

An employee of McDonalds in the Netherlands was fired last year for adding a slice of cheese to a hamburger. A co-worker had purchased a hamburger, then asked for cheese. The woman added the cheese without re-ringing the order and charging him the higher price for a cheeseburger. The company fired the unnamed woman in the town of Lemmer for breaking the rule against giving free food to family, friends, or co-workers. Last week, a Leeuwarden district court awarded the woman thousands of euros, saying her dismissal was too severe, and that a written warning would have been more appropriate.

Animal Menagerie Seized

Barbara Hoffman and Fred Lulling of Jefferson, Texas were arrested on charges of animal cruelty when the Marion County’s Sheriff’s Office seized over 50 animals from their home. Taken from the home were six tigers, one cougar, two panthers, one leopard, six goats, a sugar glider, six doves, three guinea pigs, parrots, pigeons, a wallaby, turtles, tarantulas, a coatimundi, iguanas, four boa constrictors, mice, one raccoon, one monkey, chickens, geese, one turkey, miniature horses and ponies, and dozens of dogs and cats. The animals had been kept in cages in several trailers on the property.

A police detective in Detroit was posing as a prostitute in a sting operation Wednesday. While she was talking to a man on the street, another man pulled up in a vehicle and flashed a badge. He followed the undercover detective, yelling to her that he was a cop. She replied that she was a cop, too, and he sped off. A nearby team of police officers from the Wayne County Sheriff’s department stopped the car and found a Detroit Police Department badge, police clothing, and a gun. The unnamed man was arrested on charges of impersonating a police officer.

Ski Resort Closed Due to Snow

CairnGorm Mountain ski resort in the highlands of Scotland was having the best winter skiing season ever, until this past week when the resort had to close because of snow! Operations manager Colin Matthew said 15-foot snow drifts blocked the roads.

“We had to contract in huge 17-tonne caterpillar earth-movers,” Mr Matthew added.

“We have got a single-track road up to our car park and we have to get snow-blowers in to widen the roads and make it two-way traffic before we get the public up.”

Driver Shoots His Way Out Of Submerged Car

An unnamed 28-year-old man was driving over a bridge in Roseville, California when his phone activated and startled him. He drove his station wagon into Pleasant Grove Creek, where it sank six to eight feet under water. He escaped by using his handgun to shoot out a window and swim to the surface. The man flagged down a passing car. An emergency crew treated him for cuts and scratches.

Couple Separated by Weather Finally Reunited

John and Kay Ure live in a former lighthouse keeper’s cottage at the edge of a cliff on the coast of northern Scotland. On December 19th, Kay Ure left to go buy a Christmas turkey in Inverness. Before she could return, a snowstorm blocked the road and she had to stay in the village of Durness, eleven miles from home. Days turned into weeks, and John Ure spent Christmas, New Years Day, and his birthday alone for the first time in 35 years. He was down to emergency rations when finally, on January 18th, Ure was able to negotiate the unpaved road that had been covered with ice, then cross the water by boat to retrieve his wife. He said reuniting with his wife was like a “second honeymoon”.

Kitten Rescued by Champion Climber

A kitten was stuck on a concrete ledge high above the ground in Spokane, Washington. 60-year-old Kay Leclaire passed by jogging and heard the cat cry for help. So she decided to climb up and get him. The trapped kitten lucked out, since Leclaire is a champion climber who has scaled Mount Everest and holds a record as the oldest woman to climb the highest peaks on all seven continents. The kitten was adopted almost immediately after his rescue.

Windpipe Transplanted Twice in Same Patient

Linda De Croock was injured in a traffic accident 25 years ago that left her with a crushed windpipe. Since then, her throat has been held open by metal stents until a new procedure in organ transplant gave her a new trachea. Dr. Pierre Delaere and his team at the University Hospital in Leuven, Belgium transplanted a windpipe from a cadaver into De Croock’s forearm to acclimate the patient to the new organ. Her tissue grew over the cartilage of the windpipe. They moved the trachea to her throat after several months. This technique meant that De Croock did not have to take anti-rejection drugs, which many organ recipients need for the rest of their lives.

Laurel and Hardy Face Drug Charges

Police in Kingston, Pennsylvania arrested Laurel and Hardy after they delivered 50 bags of cocaine to a home. Hardy was also found to have ten bags of marijuana in his possession. 31-year-old Carlos Laurel and 39-year-old Andre “Sug” Hardy were held at the Luzerne County Jail on several felony drug charges. Hardy is also charged with parole violation and Laurel with probation violation.

Around twenty weight-loss program participants were gathered for a weigh-in when the floor collapsed at the Weight Watchers clinic in Växjö, Sweden. No one was injured, so they took the scales and moved to a corridor to continue checking to see how much weight each had lost. The cause of the floor’s collapse is under investigation.

Chimpanzee Investor Outperforms Russian Bankers

A Russian circus chimpanzee named Lusha picked stocks that tripled in value over a year’s time. Lusha was presented with cubes representing 30 different stock options and selected eight to invest money in by picking the cubes. Her chosen portfolio outperformed 94% of Russian investment funds.

‘She bought successfully and her portfolio grew almost three times. She did better than almost the whole of the rest of the market,’ said editor of Russian Finance magazine Oleg Anisimov.

He questioned why so-called financial whizz-kids are still receiving hefty perks for their expertise .

‘Everyone is shocked. What are they getting their bonuses for? Maybe it’s worth sending them all to the circus.’

Balkan Hippo on the Loose

A female hippopotamus named Nikica swam out of her enclosure at a private zoo in Plavnica, Montenegro when flood waters rose over the fence. The two-ton hippo has remained close to the zoo, but cannot be rounded up until the flood recedes. Officials with the nation’s natural disasters commission called for the hippo to be shot before she can endanger human lives, but zoo owner Dragan Pejovic says Nikica is not dangerous. Nikica had stayed close to the zoo, where she is being fed bread and hay outside the zoo’s restaurant.

Traffic Reporter Crashes

If anyone should know how slick the roads are, it’s a local traffic reporter. Bob Herzog, who reports on traffic for WKRC in Cincinnati, slid on the ice and drove his car against a house around noon last Thursday. Herzog was not injured, and the house sustained only minor damage. The TV station immediately responded to capture video, which became the most popular local story of the day.

Cat Called for Jury Duty

Sal Esposito of East Boston has been summoned for jury duty. He just might be excused for being a cat, but so far he is expected to serve. Sal’s owners Guy and Anna Esposito think his name may have been pulled from census records, where he was listed as a pet. They asked that Sal be disqualified from service, but the jury commissioner denied Sal’s excuse. It the matter is not straightened out, the cat will have to show up at Suffolk Superior Court on March 23 for his tour of duty.

Woman Keeps Pet Snowball For 33 Years

Prena Thomas of Lakeland, Florida has an unusual “pet” she keeps in her freezer -a snowball! She made the snowball in 1977 and has kept it frozen safe in a bread bag ever since. Thomas occasionally takes it out to show to friends.

Thomas said that over the decades, she has never had a power outage that would destroy the cold hunk she says is precious to her.

“It’s just like a little pet,” she said.

Industrial Grinder Frees Man

An unnamed man in Southampton, England went to the local hospital to get his penis removed from a metal pipe. Medical personnel were unable to get the pipe off, as the man’s penis had swollen, so they gave him an anesthetic and called Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service. Firefighters carefully cut the pipe with a 4.5 inch industrial metal grinder. Hospital staff and the patient all held their breath during the delicate procedure, but the patient was freed without additional injury. The man was left bruised and swollen, but otherwise all right.