Ladies, slip on your legwarmers, shoulder pads and fingerless gloves. Men, dig out your pastel t-shirts to throw on under your blazers and your acid-washed jeans. Gel your hair into a mullet. Go on, we’ll wait here. In fact, while you’re changing, we’ll go ahead and put our Appetite for Destruction tape in our ghetto blaster. OK, now that you’re situated comfortably in the 80s, you’re in the mindset to remember some of the biggest fads of the decade.

Take the quiz: Totally Rad 80s Fads

This week’s lunchtime quizzes will be celebrating the 1980s. We kicked things off a little early with Brett Savage’s Nickelodeon quiz. Stay tuned for lots more, from Bob Ross to Back to the Future.

Good morning, everybody — or is it good night? I’m finally back from my sojourn to the land of kiwis and bungee jumping, where, being on the “other side” of the international date line, it’s frequently tomorrow. (It was a little surreal leaving Auckland at 10pm and flying for 12 hours only to arrive in Los Angeles at 3pm, but that’s just the crazy modern world we live in, I suppose.) Needless to say, I’ve got tons of kiwi-flavored floss to share with y’all this week, but right now I wanted to meditate on that thing which is most occupying my brain space: jet lag.

I thought I’d be OK. Going over was easier: we left at 10pm, popped an Ambien each (no sleep-driving/eating/sex occurred on the plane, I’m happy to report), and when we woke up the plane was landing, and it was 5am — two days later. No matter; it felt at least psuedo-natural to us. After one freaking long day, during which we were lucky to have an Auckland-based friend to keep us entertained and awake (thanks, Doug), we hit the sack and were more or less adapted.

Coming back has been a different story. I feel like my brain is swimming in a thicker-than-usual soup, and strange things, like doing my laundry, have taken on a heavy, new, almost spiritual importance. It’s a bit like being under hypnosis and realizing it: you feel the urge to tell strangers about where you’ve been, and if asked the right way, you’re in danger of confessing to almost anything. Jet lag is like truth serum that way; perhaps part of it has to do with the nature of traveling itself — even when I’m with a group, I find myself striking up conversations with other travelers and with locals whenever possible, out of a need to engage more deeply with the places I go. So it’s hard to suddenly come back to America and normality where I’m not supposed to have deep conversations with my neighbors or say hi to everyone I see on the street!

Anyway, hopefully I’ll be myself tomorrow; in the mean time, we’d love to hear about some of our well-traveled readers’ experiences — good or bad — with jet lag!

What do you have when your vehicle has two wheels side-by-side? A rickshaw. A segway. And now, a motorcycle!

The Uno was unveiled at the 2008 National Motorcycle Show in Toronto earlier this month. A motorcycle with one wheel? No, it just looks that way. The Uno has two wheels. Side by side. Close together. It runs on electricity and is controlled by body language. The only controls are an on-off switch. To go forward, you lean forward. Lean further to go faster. Lean back to go backwards. The Uno has two gyros, one to control forward (and backward) motion, the other for turning.

The Uno was invented by 18-year-old Ben J. Poss Gulak. Motorcycle Mojo has the story of how the Canadian engineering prodigy built the Uno. He had been impressed by the pollution in China, which led him to come up with a workable electric motorcycle. Gulak’s ideas inspired everyone from a software salesman to a top motorcycle mechanic to help him out. The model showcased at the Motorcycle Show is his third prototype.

The electric motor and the ease of operation make this a fascinating development. But there are some questions. How easy is it to brake? How much training does it take to learn to control a moving motorcycle by shifting your body weight? And will straddling two wheels leave you walking bowlegged and sore, like a day of horseback riding?

1. Jean Sibelius (1865-1957) is arguably the greatest Finnish composer there has ever been, and perhaps one of the best examples of late Romanticism you can find.

2. He started picking out melodies on the family piano at age 5, but it wasn’t until he took up the violin at age 15 that he began to be consumed by music. His sister and brother were both musically inclined too, and the three of them would play trios together that Jean wrote. (Jean on violin, his sister on piano and brother on cello).

3. At first he studied law in Helsinki, but music won out and he changed schools (i can just imagine his mom’s reaction: “you did what??!”) and by the time he graduated, he’d already started writing one of his first big hits: Kullervo, which was based on Elias Lönnrot’s, Kalevala—sort of the Finnish Beowulf.

4. If the name Sibelius is new to you, get your feet wet with his stupendous Violin Concerto. Because he studied violin, he knew the limitations and the capabilities of the instrument better than most composers. Of all his works, he really wears his Romantic heart on his sleeve in this one. What follows are two brief excerpts from the 2nd movement of the piece, played here by one of my favorite violinists, Gidon Kremer.

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Gin, Television, and Social Surplus. Free time led to the rise of the sitcom, and the death of the sitcom will lead to a cognitive surplus we can put to better use.
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Humanity is extracting and polluting freshwater faster than it can be replenished. Read how three regions are coping with shrinking aquifers.
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For the Brain, Cash Is Good, Status Is Better. Which may explain why some people run their finances into the ground to keep up appearances.
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The Top 5 Laziest Inventions. When lifting a finger is just too. Much. Work.
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This guy built a bike to drive his seven children around! Since they didn’t want to pedal, he added solar power. Nice.
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From Earth to Orbit in 2 Minutes. A mind-boggling real-time video of a shuttle launch, from atop the vehicle.
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The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship. A list you can share with someone you love.
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This puppy dog thinks he’s going to outsmart a playground slide. But it’s the giggles that will do you in!
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Idiot vs. Moron: What’s the Difference? These terms were once classifications with defined limits, before they were co-opted by insult throwers.

This article was written by Sam Kean and originally appeared in the ‘Future of Sex’ issue of mental_floss magazine (March-April 2008).

If humans can train (or genetically engineer) themselves to harness pheromones, sexual attraction in the future may depend more on how someone smells than how someone looks—or whether they’re a man or a woman.

In the late 19th century, one of Sigmund Freud’s nuttier friends, Dr. Wilhelm Fliess, classified the nose as the body’s most potent sex organ. According to his nasal reflux neurosis theory, “genital spots” inside the nose could excite the male libido and kick-start ovulation in women. His colleagues, however, scoffed at the idea, and Fliess died in obscurity.

But history may judge Fliess more favorably. While sex researchers have abandoned the more lurid aspects of nasal reflux theory, they agree that the nose’s sensory detectors can affect—if not flatly determine—human sexuality. There’s now reason to think that, as the nose goes, so goes sex.

Scent and Sexuality

Millions of years ago, humans and other primates could detect lots of pheromones, and we still have vestiges of such detectors in our DNA. The airborne chemicals helped people choose mates by enabling them to “smell” the genetic material of others. But after we evolved to have color vision, we were able to pick up on emotional changes, such as blushing. Our ability to perceive attraction via pheromones died out; there was simply no point in having two ways to do the same thing.

Most colorblind land animals, however, still map the world through scent. What their noses “see” around them are pheromones, and those pheromones determine their behavior. For example, when female wild hamsters are in heat, they secrete a sticky, pheromone-infused fluid that sends randy males scurrying long distances to get to them. But in the 1980s, researchers at Florida State University decided to see what would happen if they surgically removed the pheromone-detecting organs of virgin male hamsters and released them into a cage full of willing females. Without their pheromone-sniffers, the poor guys had no idea what to do.
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From the Revolution up to the turn of the 20th century, America preferred that its presidential candidates be seen and not heard. The presidency was regarded as so solemn an office that it was considered indecent and prideful to aspire to. Instead, candidates were to approach nomination as if it were something that just happened to them—”Oh golly. Well, if the People say I must, I guess I have to!”

While the candidates had their hands full cultivating the self-effacing persona of an honest leader, their handlers, political allies, and fans did all the dirty work: Printing fliers, holding public Q & A sessions, and generally campaigning on the candidate’s behalf. They even handled press write-ups, this being an era when newspapers were often owned and run by political partisans who made no claims about fair and balanced reportage.
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The results have been tallied from our 8th caption contest and we have our winner! Er, I should say winnerS, plural, as it was a little too close to call. So we decided to name the following three captions in a three-way tie:

C: Captain Black lost his eye, Simmons lost his shoes, but James and Mr. Edwards got the brunt of the stolen treasure’s curse.

I: A good captain always goes down with his sheep.

J: No matter how grave the situation, we still have ewephamisms.Thanks to all who entered and all our finalists.

Guys, we’ll drop you a line about that t-shirts asap.

Next week, the Daily Lunchtime Quizzes will be celebrating the 1980s. Here’s a sneak preview.

Nickelodeon programming taught me a lot about myself during my formative years. I learned that I could draw a simple picture relatively well as long as the drawing process took place under the masterful tutelage of Bill Cosby. I learned that I could sit upside-down on my friend Matt Hall’s couch for about twenty minutes in order to make the one scene where the image is inverted in You Can’t Do That On Television appear normal. I learned that my neighbors could end up on TV—as long as it was Nickelodeon. And I knew that if any rival family on the block wanted to resolve a dispute with a “physical challenge” we’d…well, we’d probably establish a lifetime shun on the spot, but at least we would know what they were talking about.

Half the fun of Nickelodeon was tuning in to find out what those kooky producers could dream up next. How often did you tune in? Take our quiz and show us what you know.

It’s time Wheaties started thinking outside the box. At least about the outside of their box. And that’s why we’re asking for America’s support. We’ve posted Ethan’s Trex’s piece below, and we’re using the comments section as a petition. Once we’ve collected 10,000 signatures, we’re going to send the whole thing to General Mills. And if they send it back, we’ll switch our morning allegiance to Count Chocula.

10 Sports Heroes You Won’t Find on a Wheaties Box

By Ethan Trex

1. Sumo Wrestling: Akebono Taro

The only slim thing about sumo wrestling is the chance of becoming a yokozuna, or grand champion. Throughout the centuries, only 69 men have done it. Before Hawaii’s Chad Rowan stomped into the ring, no foreigner had ever held the honor. Of course, improbable things can happen when you stand 6’8” and weigh more than 500 lbs.—gigantic even by sumo standards. After abandoning a college basketball scholarship due to arguments with his coaches, Rowan threw himself into sumo.

In 1988, he went to Japan with only a single set of clothes and a limited knowledge of Japanese. But Rowan wasn’t there to chitchat. Within a year, the quick study had learned how to use his towering height to make devastating thrusts at opponents’ throats. That March, he made his professional debut as Akebono—“dawn” in Japanese—an ironic moniker for a man who could block out the sun.

As Rowan’s victories piled up and his Japanese improved, he won more and more fans. His jovial demeanor didn’t hurt, either. In January 1993, Akebono was promoted to yokozuna—a title he held until retirement. By the time he was ready to hang up his belt in 2001, he’d racked up 566 wins and 11 division championships.

2. Elephant Polo: Kimberly Zenz

When Kimberly Zenz, an experienced horse polo player, discovered elephant polo on the Internet, she knew she’d found her destiny. Intrigued by the prospect of simultaneously riding an elephant and wielding an oversize mallet, Zenz posted an ad on Craigslist looking for teammates in Washington, D.C. Amazingly, people responded.

Zenz’s four-person team, the Capital Pachyderms, didn’t have real elephants with which to practice. Luckily, that didn’t matter much. Four elephants—along with four experienced elephant drivers—are provided to each team before a tournament. Knowing that her squad could concentrate more on whacking the ball than handling the elephants (you leave that to the drivers), Kimberly and crew trained on top of old swing sets to approximate the pachyderms’ height.

As one might expect, there wasn’t quite enough jungle in their jungle gyms. The team’s training efforts were no substitute for experience, and the Capital Pachyderms finished second to last in Thailand’s 2006 King’s Cup Elephant Polo Championship. Undeterred, Zenz and her team kept practicing. In 2007, they placed second in a competition in Sri Lanka and fifth in the World Elephant Polo Championships in Nepal. Both victories have earned them bragging rights as “America’s No. 1 elephant polo team.”

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