Name-dropping:
King Arthur (pronunciation: you know) (fifth or sixth century, assuming he was real). A guy who may have lived during the sixth century in what is now Britain, or possibly never lived anywhere at any time. Regardless, his is the name that spawned a thousand fantasy novels.

When to Drop Your Knowledge:
King Arthur can rescue you, with his trademark gallantry, from many a boring conversation. Whether you’re chatting with a fan of Keira Knightly, creative anachronism, Monty Python, or young adult fantasy novels, knowledge of Arthurian legend is a must.

The Basics
If King Arthur existed, he was probably a Brit living in the late fifth and early sixth century CE who fought the Saxons. But aside from a few vague references to Arthur in first millennium stories, it’s difficult to pin all that down. In truth, the historicity of Arthur doesn’t matter all that much. His significance lies in the stories about him that were passed down to us, and that tale begins with Geoffrey of Monmouth.

In 1133, Geoffrey (who, like Geoffrey the Toys R Us giraffe, has no last name) published Historia Regum Britannie, a bestseller (or the 12th century version of a bestseller, anyway) that tells the story of Arthur. Through his tale, the gallant king, with the help of some gallant knights and some distressed damsels, became the romantic hero for all England.

Here’s how it would go: Arthur gathers his knights (see sidebar) at the world-famous Round Table at Camelot (which would sometimes feature the wizard Merlin). They would set off on a series of crazy quests—most famously a search for the Holy Grail. After a series of hurdles, they achieve their goal.

And that, more or less, is the plot of most every happy-ending novel ever written. Those were not, however, the only endings. Many of the stories concluded with Arthur’s death in the battle of Camlann, fought against his son, Mordred, or with an affair between Arthur’s knight Lancelot and Queen Guinevere resulting in the downfall of Camelot. Those two endings represent the two prominent types of not-happy-ending stories—death and the loss of power. Such is the significance of Arthurian legend. Although stories of Arthur and Camelot were certainly not the first to use these plotting techniques, they were among the most influential and widely read.

Arthur and the residents of Camelot have proven to be a durable set of characters–they’ve been used everywhere from Tennyson’s Idylls of the King to Twain’s A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court to the Saturday morning cartoon Gargoyles. That’s a résumé King Arthur can live with–assuming, of course, he ever lived.

Other Round Tableans
Lancelot.
The greatest knight of the Round Table, and Guinevere’s lover.

Percival.
The star of the quest for the Holy Grail, and the knight of the Round Table with the nerdiest name.

Galahad.
The purest knight of the Round Table, he was taken up to heaven after finding the Grail.

Merlin.
The Round Table’s crazy wizard, who is the inspiration for most every fictional wizard since.

Guinevere.
The Round Table was for Boys Only, but Guinevere— as queen consort and Lancelot’s lover—casts a constant shadow on the boys’ goings-on.

Despite its portrayal in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, those searching for the Holy Grail weren’t looking for a bejeweled wineglass. They were after an ordinary-looking (if very old) shallow bowl, not unlike a kitten’s water bowl, used by Christ at the Last Supper. (The word grail comes from the old Latin gradalis, meaning “a flat dish.”)

EXCALIBURS
Arthur’s sword Excalibur, which he famously pulled from a stone, is probably the most famous sword in all of history. But don’t discount these:

THE MAN: Julius Ceasar
THE SWORD: Yellow Death (Crocea Mors)
SO CALLED BECAUSE: nobody who got struck by it lived to tell the tale.

THE MEN: Ancient English Kings
THE SWORD: Curtana
SO CALLED BECAUSE: of Irony, perhaps. Though “curtana” means the cutter, the Curtana itself was always blunt, emblematic of mercy.

THE MAN: Charlemagne
THE SWORD: Joyeuse
SO CALLED BECAUSE: Apparently, using it made Charlemagne “merry,” which explains his fondness for beheadings.

Conversation Starters
◆ The film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which is unquestionably the greatest film ever to emerge from the Arthurian legends, features at one point a picture of “God.” “God” is actually 19th-century cricket player W. G. Grace, who was the Babe Ruth of cricket (Grace’s career lasted 36 years). He also looked—there’s no denying it—a lot like modern depictions of God, complete with the full, thick beard.

◆ A large percentage of the budget from Holy Grail, incidentally, came from donations given by members of rock bands Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.

◆ In 1522, British king Henry VIII (he of the many wives, some of whom were beheaded) ordered that his replica of Arthur’s famous Round Table be painted with a likeness of King Arthur. Unfortunately, no actual image of Arthur was available, but this didn’t dissuade the king. Never a modest chap, Henry decided that the image of Arthur in the painting should be modeled after, you guessed it, Henry VIII.

◆ Some sources assert that King Arthur, while he was really great and everything, might have had a slight problem with incest (which, in his defense, was pretty rampant back then). They claim that Mordred was the child of Arthur and his half-sister Morgause.