Name-dropping:
Samuel Johnson (pronunciation: Oh. Come on) (1709–1784).
Critic, poet, playwright, biographer, lexicographer, college dropout, and all-around swell guy most famous for standardizing the English language.

When to Drop Your Knowledge:
Knowing a few of Johnson’s quips will go a long way toward making you look sophisticated at any cocktail party. He’ll also be helpful when you find yourself talking to one of those people who begins to mangle the English language after one cosmopolitan. When you start hearing “libary” and “schoolastic,” you can just hand them Sam Johnson’s Dictionary of the English Language and walk away.

The Basics
Samuel Johnson lived the American Dream in Britain—although he never thought much of America. (He once commented, “I am willing to love all mankind, except an American.”) The son of a bookseller, Johnson appeared headed for a life of mediocrity. At 28, he was a failed schoolteacher when he headed to London with nary a penny in his pocket. That is, of course, until he found work writing for magazines. Pretty soon, his wit and keen literary and political criticism were sweeping the nation.

Johnson’s most important work, A Dictionary of the English Language, was published in 1755. Although dictionaries had been compiled before, he was the first to include examples of the defined word from the works of great writers, which helped to establish a canon of English literature. As dictionaries go, Johnson’s makes for a surprisingly fun read (see sidebar) and, being the work of a single man, represents a Herculean accomplishment.

While composing the dictionary, he also wrote a biweekly column for the magazine The Rambler, which is widely considered to be his best prose work. Still, poor Sammy never had much money until 1762, when the government began issuing him an annual pension. Although his dictionary defined pension by saying, “In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country,” Johnson accepted the money. He was never poor again, and spent the remainder of his long life as the toast of British literary society.

Johnson might never have achieved the lasting fame he so deserved had it not been for his young protégé James Boswell, whose brilliant and heartbreaking Life of Johnson ranks as one of the greatest biographies ever written, and ensured that the talented Dr. Johnson would have fans for centuries. No magazine writer before or since ever achieved such notoriety (trust us—we are ourselves a magazine writer, who toils in obscurity behind the Royal We).

The Quotable Johnson
On remarrying:
“[It is] the triumph of hope over experience.”

On its alternative:
“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.”

On writing:
“No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money.”

On sailing:
“Being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned.”

On cucumbers:
“A cucumber should be well sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.”

Although he is often referred to simply as Dr. Johnson, the “Dr.” came from an honorary degree at Oxford conferred upon him later in life. Johnson was really a college dropout: Unable to pay tuition, he left Oxford after one year.

The Language According to Dr. Johnson
Johnson’s dictionary is generally quite serious and straightforward, making his whimsical entries all the more fun. A sampling:

Lexicographer: A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge . . .

Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland appears to support the people.

Tory: One who adheres to the ancient constitution of the state, and the apostolical hierarchy of the Church of England, opposed to a Whig.

Whig: The name of a faction. (Johnson, needless to say, was a Tory.)

Conversation Starters
◆ In defense of Ashton Kutcher: When he was just 25, Johnson married a 46-year-old widow named Elizabeth Porter, who in spite of having a perfectly good name insisted on going by “Tetty.” Very shortly after Tetty died in 1752, Johnson took up with a
woman with an even funnier name, Hill Boothby.

◆ Johnson liked to say that he was born “almost dead.” Bouts with lymphatic tuberculosis and other ailments left his face heavily scarred from childhood. He was also blind in one eye, partially deaf, and suffered throughout his life from a severe facial tic, leading most modern experts to conclude he suffered from Tourette’s syndrome.

◆ Johnson was famous for his insults. Here, for instance, is an early example of the great literary genre the lawyer joke: When asked his opinion of a certain individual, Johnson said, “I do not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but I believe the gentleman is an attorney.”

◆ Johnson had a reputation for being a slow writer, but his satirical novel Rasselas was written in two weeks—he needed to pay for his mom’s funeral.