The Dilemma: You asked your dad to “turn that crap down,” and he asked you to be more specific.

People You Can Impress: NPR listeners. Perhaps also Dad.

The Quick Trick: Listen for a piano. If you hear it as a prominent instrument in the piece, it’s probably by Beethoven.

The Explanation:
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770–1827), generally classified as a Classical composer, wasn’t even born until 20 years after Bach had died. Little Ludwig started young on the piano, and the talented tyke was paraded around town by his overbearing father. Beethoven’s love for the piano heavily influenced his composition in later years, when he experimented with a number of new pianistic effects, such as the pedal and the use of register extremes. Very popular among the aristocracy in Vienna, Beethoven’s works were well appreciated during his lifetime. And although he began to go deaf in 1801, he continued performing and composing until 1817, when his hearing was completely gone.

Bach (1685–1750), usually categorized as a Baroque composer, didn’t enjoy nearly the kind of success that Beethoven did during his lifetime. Bach was known more as an organist than as a composer, and although he landed a prestigious gig in 1723 (music director of Leipzig’s St. Th omas Church), almost none of his compositions were published during his lifetime. But he composed tons of organ music, as well as the occasional violin sonata. While Beethoven’s work was largely secular, the majority of Bach’s compositions were to be played in church (makes sense, since he worked in one). Bach’s use of counterpoint, the sounding of separate lines simultaneously, gave his compositions a layered, robust quality, and by using the full range of keys possible, he revolutionized the organ as a musical instrument. Despite his indisputable brilliance, Bach was largely forgotten for almost 100 years after his death, but in the 19th century his genius began to be recognized by Romantic composers like Felix Mendelssohn, who helped revive Bach’s reputation.

Moonlight Sonatas
Beethoven may have had more worldly success, but Bach had a lot more mojo than Beethoven. Bach had a total of 20 children: seven from his marriage with his cousin, Maria Barbara Bach, and the other 13 with his second wife, Anna Magdalena Walken.
Beethoven, on the other hand, never married. How could a wealthy musician not manage to find a mate? Well, for starters, he wasn’t wealthy—he always had trouble keeping track of his finances. Also, he was really, really dirty. He was often seen walking the streets of Vienna wearing fi lthy rags, muttering to himself. The strange behavior might be attributable, believe it or not, to lead poisoning. Samples from Beethoven’s hair tested in 2004 proved that he probably died of lead poisoning, which can cause brain damage.