Recent controversial statements by "Motor City Madman" Ted Nugent have not only made him a person of interest to the U.S. Secret Service—they, along with his entire history in the media, make him sound like an identical twin to Eric Cartman, South Park's most notorious resident (though we believe Cartman's ideal woman is a few years older).

Can you tell the verbatim Cartman dialogue from the Nuge's lyrics, writings, and public pronouncements?