There's a reason his name is one letter away from "Gigli"

Jim Guigli, a retiree from Carmichael (no relation), California, is the winner of this year's Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest, named after the dashing gent pictured at left, who gave us "It was a dark and stormy night:"

Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.

Guigli submitted 59 other entries to the contest; I'm thinking he should string them all together and publish them as the Least Great American Novel. Many more examples of dreadful writing here -- er, here.