Weekend Word Wrap: misheard words

Many of you might recall last year's post on mondegreens [misheard song lyrics]. Here's how it started:
Long before I ever knew what a mondegreen was, I used to think the lyrics of David Bowie's "Suffragette City" went like this:
Hey man, oh leave me alone, you know
Hey man, oh Henry, get off the phone, I gotta
Hey man, I gotta straighten my face
This malaprop chick's just put my spine out of place
Of course, now I know the original malaprop chick is actually a "mellow-thighed chick," and my head hangs low in shame.
Today's Word Wrap tackles a similar phenomenon, misheard words.
For example, when I was kid, many of us thought we were pledging allegiance to widgets stands. Some years ago, I recall reading a piece by Bill Safire in the Times saying many people grew up thinking they were pledging allegiance to a guy called Richard Stands, whoever he was. Recently I had a student who wrote a novel and kept calling a wife-beater a white-beater and another student who wrote about a lawyer ready to assist anyone facing false allocations, which really made me smile.
So I ask you, loyal Word Rappers, what embarrassing misheard words do you have to share with us?