Let Me Tell You What That's Like

New feature here. We'll see how it goes.

I love my sister but she's the worst. When I was nine, I fell out of our treehouse and broke my collarbone. Angry at the attention I was getting, she jumped from the same treehouse and broke both legs (she still walks with a limp). I'm getting married next month. She's bound to pull something and I want to warn people. What's a good analogy for our relationship?

"“ Kate
(City Withheld), Texas

I tried and failed to get a former colleague a job with my new company. He was passed over for a less experienced guy with "more potential." People raved about this guy like he was the iPhone. But after months of lackluster work, he was caught trying to steal a scanner. After a tearful admission to HR, he was escorted out by the rent-a-cops that patrol our office park. A more humiliating fate I cannot imagine. I feel so vindicated. What parallels this clown's fall from grace?

"“ Theresa
Atlanta, Georgia

"Darko is really one of a kind. He runs the floor, handles the ball, shoots an NBA three and plays with his back to the basket. So you can slot him at the 3, 4 or 5. Okay, a few other guys can do that, too, but what sets Darko apart is his toughness in the post "¦ Fact is, Darko plays in attack mode at both ends of the floor. The more you push, the more he pushes back."

Darko did not push back hard enough. In parts of three depressing seasons with the Pistons, he never averaged more than 1.8 points or 6.9 minutes a game. Now he's with the Orlando Magic (and improving, I must admit). And in his defense, he was never accused of stealing company property.

Does a third-party candidate actually have a chance to win in 2008?

"“ Ralph
Essex Fells, New Jersey

Hmmm. I think you misunderstood the concept. Asking me this question is like asking spelling bee contestants whether or not they'd make good pirates. An interesting query, yes. But altogether inappropriate for the venue.

Hope you enjoyed the pilot episode. If you'd like to have something Analogized, email us here.