Pocket pets


Today I had the good fortune to audition a woman who owns six Southern flying squirrels, one of which she's promising to bring back into the office as soon as its schedule allows. Sadly, the show we're casting isn't about squirrels, though it should involve a fair amount of squirreling. And even though other details of her life might have been bursting with intrigue, as soon as she dropped the squirrel bit, it was all over: we had to know everything. According to this ingenue, flying squirrels can live in one's pocket most of the day--especially when babies, but often as adults "if they've bonded to you." Amazing! Here's how to make sure that happens:

How do these squirrels become bonded to the point that they make such incredible pets? The trick is to obtain them when they are young (preferably less then 10 weeks old) and carry them with you in your shirt pocket several hours a day for three to four weeks. Your heartbeat, body warmth and body odor cause the unique process to take place.

Please tell me someone out there owns one. If not & you live in LA, let me know--I have a hook-up; a fabulous, recently born Glaucomys volans will only set you back $200. I nominate the Southern flying squirrel as the new celebrity accessory. I wonder which headliners will now attend their appointments at the Chateau Marmont with flying squirrels guarding their hearts...