Tuesday Turnip

David K. Israel

It's time for another whimsical Tuesday Turnip search wherein I type a random phrase and we see what kind of interesting factoids "turn-up."

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  • [Talking to Amazon.com] "Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core."
  • [The College of William and Mary Commencement Address 2004] "We declared war on terror—it's not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui."
  • "The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in number one."
  • [Interview in Wired Magazine] "The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom."
  • "President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth."
  • [On Oprah After the Show] "I'm 145 pounds of asthma."
  • "I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."
  • "Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces."
  • "McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done."
  • "Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."
  • "In South Carolina , Senator John Edwards won handily, fulfilling his promise to win every state he was born in."
  • "Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway."
  • [From The Daily Show the night before the 2004 U.S. Presidential election] On a personal note, I'm a comedian who makes fun of what I believe to be the absurdities of our government. Tomorrow when you go to the polls, make my life difficult. Make the next four years really hard, so that every morning all we can do is come in and go, 'Madonna is doing some Kaballah thing, you wanna do that?' I'd like that. I'm tired."

Have a favorite quote I left off? Slap "˜em down in the comments for all to appreciate...