Cubicle War is Hell

Chris Higgins

Online deal-finding site dealnews has been running a Cubicle Warfare feature, mixing pointers to cheap office warfare devices (like $2 Potato Guns) with a hilarious blow-by-blow narrative. Here's a bit from the second installment, published yesterday fresh from the battlefield:

The necktied hordes from Personnel spill from the elevators. You call for the front line to unleash a barrage of smoke from their Zero Fog Blasters ($18 at The dense circles of smoke and fog obscure the attacking co-worker's vision. You can smell the sweet cherry scent of the smoke — yes, the fog is scented like cherries — and smile, knowing that Personnel is accustomed to your floor smelling more like sweat, old electronics, and JOLT Cola. This additional layer of confusion will give you an all-too-precious split-second pause in their advances. Smitty, your second-in-command, lobs a Sonic Grenade ($13 at into the oncoming attackers. The noise deafens the advancing combatants. Unfortunately, the screeching device has also deafened your own people. Cubicle war is hell.

Read more: Cubicle Warfare and Cubicle Warfare II: This Time, It's Personnel.