Crappy work incentives

Ransom Riggs

I was trying to find the public bathroom at Macy's the other day -- no easy task in any department store; why is that? -- when I ran across the employee lounge, and this sign. It made me feel laugh, and then feel bad for laughing, because if nachos are the best thing about working at Macy's, well, that's just depressing.
(Sorry about the shoddy picture; no matter what they tell you, camera phones still kinda suck.) Anyway, it got me to thinking about lame positive-reinforcement incentive programs I've been an (unwilling) part of at jobs I've held. I was reminded of the pens and chocolate they used to hand out at the Wells Fargo Loan Origination Center -- a cubicle Hell if there ever was one -- neither of which, judging from both the desk drawers and waistlines of my fellow employees, anyone there needed. The incentives always felt like this strange wink-and-nod gesture from the management, as if to say "We know working here is horrible, and if you were anywhere else right now, under any normal non-work circumstances, you wouldn't be at all interested in these nachos. But if you eat them now, we promise you'll feel a little better about working here, at least for a minute or two."

What crappy work incentives have you been offered?